Are We There Yet?

Are We There Yet?
This is the sign that is over the front door of Aileen's and my house, our home, going OUT. Meaning that when someone leaves our house they are going into the ACTUAL Mental Ward.

I've always felt that way. When it is considered how much ugliness and killing and hatred there is in the world today, it actually makes perfect sense that this sign is over the door going out of the house.

Because that's where the real mental ward is.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Dream a Little Dream

7:27 AM, EST:

There is a lot that can happen when you meditate.  Of course one of the obvious things is that you end up with one form of illumination or another.  Sometimes it depends on the concept that you are focusing on when you are meditating.  Other times it depends on in hell.  Your energy is actually interacting with the energy that is not only surrounding you.  But that is in your general proximity.  But while I was meditating recently this morning.  There was a lot going on.  Just one heck of a lot going on.  And I learned a great deal.  Most of what I learned is fairly impossible to put into words.  Because it's so abstract that it's hard to articulate.  And yet, even though what I learned or the illumination that took place was so abstract there was an increase in awareness regarding a number of the aspects of my own life.

Now I suppose I could talk about all the different things I have read regarding dreams from the various scientific resources I have studied over the years and over the last recent years.  Because there have been a number of reports done about dreaming and the cause of dreaming.  There have been reports written about dreaming regarding the biological processes and the psychological elements that are involved in dreaming.  There have been other reports talking about how the righteous and the subconscious actually change roles when you sleep.  And even when you go into different forms of meditation.

But talking about those different scientific or psychological or physiological reports doesn't really seem pertinent.  It just seems sufficient to say that there was a tremendous amount of illumination that took place.  And that I woke up with a lot of contemplation going on.  That doesn't surprise me.  All my life people who were older than I am.  And of course older people who we might consider senior citizens.  As I was growing up, they would always tell me that when they stop learning.  They probably are not alive.  I always believed them when they said that although I had never experienced what they were saying.  And then in what seems to be a rather short period of time, here I am a senior citizen experiencing exactly what I heard older people telling me as I was growing up.  That you are always learning.  You are learning from almost every single thing that happens.  And when you stop learning you are probably no longer alive.

So with my energy re-centered.  I am probably going to do my petitions a little later today.  And I will try to write some articles.  Though I don't know how many I will be able to do.  These holidays.  Meaning the Hanukkah and Christmas holiday along with all the other religious holidays to take place at this time.  In addition to New Year's then along with my birthday.  These holidays have always had rather significant emotion all linkages throughout almost every aspect of my life.  Because I have actually celebrated these holidays in different parts of the country a number of times.

So over the years I have learned that during these holidays emotionally and probably psychologically I just ended up being a little more vulnerable to some of those feelings where I might remember other times or where I might be slightly more emotional.  And even that has been discussed in a number of scientific reports regarding the changes in the season and why humans will in fact behave psychologically different at different times of the calendar year based on the seasons and how the seasons change.

But again, I don't think it matters.  Because the bottom line is that during these holiday seasons and I don't know about anyone else.  During these times I just him up bit more emotional or at least I have the potential to be so.  And when my darling Aileen was alive we did a number of things at this time of year because it was the holidays.  But said she has died doing those things.  Just doesn't seem to be anywhere near as important as it used to be.

And like I said last night I generally feel like I am a third wheel.  Whenever I go anywhere because the only thing I talk about normally is my darling Aileen.  And I can't help that.  She not only was but she still is a huge part of my life.  And I don't want another woman coming into my life to take Aileen's place.  I don't want anyone or anything ever taking her place.  If someone wanted to come into my life to share my life my position would be exactly like the single parent.  Love me, love my children.  Except I would be saying, love me, love my wife.  Now I know that sounds strange.  But it's not.  Because the explanation of that phrase is simply that is some lady wants to share my life all I would want her to do besides of course loving me for myself, would be for her to love and to respect my darling Aileen as much as I do, but in whatever way she feels is appropriate or that she wants to.

Because if someone wants to share my life and yet has no respect for the brilliant lady that Aileen was and in my heart and my soul still is.  Then I don't really see any way possible for me to be able to love someone else.  If they can't love that portion of my life that brought me to where I am.

So in that I am fairly well convinced that I will be pretty much alone for the rest of my life.  Knowing how so many people are extremely self-centered and don't really think very much about anyone else the chances of my meeting someone who could actually love Aileen is much as I do or to respect her as much as I do, and whatever way they might feel is appropriate, or that they might want to.  The number of ladies like that are probably just about as rare as anything could be.  So I have my mind fairly well made up that I will pretty much die alone.  And I don't really have much problem with that.

Loving Aileen the way I do and as much as I do.  Even know who she is no longer physically here in the world.  I have to say is enough for me.  I've known a lot of people in my life.  And I've met a lot of people who lived on practically nothing.  Who had practically nothing.  A lot of people where most would look at their lives and possibly feel sorry for them or possibly feel how lucky they themselves are that they don't have to live the way that these people do.  And yet when you stop and talk to some of these people and you actually listen to them.  What you learn is remarkable.  Because in many if not most cases, these people are some of the most grounded and happy people you could ever imagine meeting.  They live on virtually nothing.  They don't have hardly anything.  And yet the level of peace of mind that they have the openness of their heart or hearts and their souls is just absolutely incredible.  And what you learn is really, truly amazing.

I know the information and the images that I have while I was recently meditating were incredibly vivid with a tremendous amount of information almost bombarding me.  So much so that as I said, I'm left in a state of contemplation.  Because I need to reflect on everything that I was experiencing before I can really articulate what I learned or what I experienced.  But as with everything else.  I'm sure it will come out.

I have made a number of plans for the new year.  And I'm not going to talk about those until they have actually been executed or established.  But there are a lot of plans that I am making things I know I can achieve.  And I will.  One way or the other.

But today with the weather being the way it is I do have a lot to do around the house.  And because of how this morning has proceeded I probably will do some work on my petitions and perhaps one or two articles.  But that will take place a little later today.  Because this morning I have other things that need to be done.

I probably know some of you who are reading my Journal I probably know a lot of you.  And whether you know it or not.  I am so very grateful to all of you who read my Journal.  I am very honored that my Journal is good enough for you to feel like it is worth reading.  That means a lot.  And I know I don't say that all the time.  And that's probably normal with all the other things I'm trying to do every day.  But I don't want to ever forget to tell you how honored I am that so many of you feel my Journal is worth reading.  That really means a lot.

But like I said, I now have things to do.  So I am going to get to it.  And then of course….

I'll write later.

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