Are We There Yet?

Are We There Yet?
This is the sign that is over the front door of Aileen's and my house, our home, going OUT. Meaning that when someone leaves our house they are going into the ACTUAL Mental Ward.

I've always felt that way. When it is considered how much ugliness and killing and hatred there is in the world today, it actually makes perfect sense that this sign is over the door going out of the house.

Because that's where the real mental ward is.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Daily Life - Regarding Facebook, And Other Social Services

7:56 AM, EST:

I know that everybody or at least almost every single human being on the entire planet is a member of Facebook.  But I have always believed that just because everyone in the entire world wants to jump off of a huge cliff.  That does not mean that it is necessarily a good idea.  I don't Like the Way, Facebook operates.  I don't like the way they use user data.  And I have to say that Google + is not really that much better.  But at the very least, Google + is part of the software architecture of my android phone.  But for anyone who knows anything about me, they know very clearly that I don't really do a lot of interaction with social services.  Part of the reason for that is because I have trouble using my hands around the keyboard.  And it's just too much trouble.  The other reason of course is because I don't really know anyone locally that I need to keep tabs on.  And everyone who knows me knows that if they want to know what's going on in my life.  All they have to do is read my Journal.

My Journal is simple.  That's what I like.  Things that are simple.  Facebook is not simple.  The editor on Facebook hardly ever works well with any aspect of my Dragon NaturallySpeaking, speech program.  The editor just never really works or formats correctly.  Regardless, what text editor.  I might use.  That and because Facebook uses user data and what I consider an unscrupulous manner.  These are some of the reasons I just don't really want to be part of Facebook.

It's unfortunate that I am making this decision.  I realize that.  Because no matter where I go on the Internet.  I'm basically being pushed by almost every website I go to to interact with Facebook.  And I don't like that.  I don't like websites trying to push me to use the service.  But I don't want to use.  Especially when using that service is difficult for me because of arthritic disability.  In a way it's kind of insulting.  Because the websites the claim to be concerned with human rights basically don't care about my human rights due to my arthritic disability.  Because they keep trying to push me to use Facebook when I have explained repeatedly using Facebook is extremely difficult because of my speech program.  You can't do anything on Facebook without having to repeatedly click your mouse.  And I can't do that.

My hands have rather severe knots on them between the index finger and the fountain which makes using the index finger rather painful or at least if not painful somewhat difficult while trying to use the mouse.  And because Facebook is taking the attitude that they basically don't give a damn about anyone who is disabled because they are making sure that everything you have to do on Facebook requires multiple mouse clicks.  I find that attitude also insulting.  Because it's not just me who is disabled.  There are a lot of people in this country and around the world who are disabled and who have trouble using Facebook because of all of the mouse clicks that are required by the Facebook software.

It's okay.  Because I understand that it's really not the human rights advocates who are my contemporaries or my peers who are behind in this kind of insulting behavior where the matter where I go on the Internet I'm being pushed to interact with Facebook when doing so is practically impossible for me.  And I understand that while software companies make a big loud noise about how they care for the disabled their actions show very clearly that they don't.  Because I have to do a lot of gymnastics to get I all of these pop-ups and all of these inserts that keep coming to the surface.  Whenever I try to sign a petition where a particular human rights website or some other human rights or animal rights website will invariably try to push me to using Facebook.  When doing so is virtually impossible.  It's just not going to happen.

I really wish the Internet would grow up and stop tailoring the Internet to simply people who have no disabilities.  They are insulting all of us who do have disabilities.  They are not taking us into consideration.  And Facebook doesn't give a damn about people who are disabled because their entire software package is designed for many multiple mouse clicks.  And most of those who are disabled have trouble using the mouse in one way or another.  And Facebook's refusal to address this issue shows very clearly that they don't give a damn about us disabled because they are much more interested in getting their money and gaining prominence than they are and servicing their customers or their users.

It also shows very clearly that Facebook is just like a lot of other software companies in this country, and a lot of other companies in general, whereby they look at humanity, not as something to live with but it's something to make money off of.

It's probably not going to get any better.  That's just the long and the short of the matter.  Because Facebook is not going to change.  Their customer base is made up primarily of nondisabled people or people who are partially disabled and yet you're able to use the mouse will no problem.  But with that kind of attitude.  Facebook is basically turning their back on the rest of us who are disabled.  Because they are not making their software easier to use.  They are not using user data in what I consider an ethical manner.  And most of the websites I go to go out of their way to push me to using Facebook when I have repeatedly explained and as my profile on Google +.  And here on blogger clearly explains.  I have a rather serious amount or severe amount of difficulty using my hands, especially around the keyboard and the mouse.

And so with websites knowing that it's not just me that they are ignoring they are in fact ignoring and potentially insulting thousands if not millions of people not only in the United States but around the world by forcing us to go to Facebook when for a lot of us who are disabled doing so is not only impossible but it is impractical as well.

So while Facebook is now the new Bible of the Internet and that anyone who has any worth whatsoever is on Facebook.  While that may be true.  I have no problem being looked upon by the Internet and most of the world Internet and computing community as being nothing but a worthless piece of garbage.  Because if that's how the Internet community wants to look at me being disabled then they are looking at other people throughout this world who are disabled with the same attitude and point of view.  And if that's the way the Internet wants to treat the disabled that it makes me wonder how the Internet can have anything to do with human rights.  Because of the Internet is really concerned with human rights they would stop pushing us who are disabled to use Facebook when I have explained and others have done the same thing as well.  That using Facebook is not only impossible but it is extremely impractical due to various types of disabilities that we have.

If the Internet wants to demonstrate its concern for us who are disabled.  The best way they can do that, is by tailoring their websites so that we are not constantly pushed in the direction of using Facebook when those of us who are disabled and have trouble using our hands in one way or another will never use Facebook.  Facebook doesn't care about those people who are disabled.  Because they they did they would not make the website or their software package in such a way whereby multiple mouse clicks are in fact required almost every second and no matter what you do on Facebook.  The locations of their software links do not coincide hardly in any way with anything that Dragon NaturallySpeaking can find compatible.  So that is even yet another way that Facebook basically doesn't give a damn about the disabled.  The matter what they say.  And if Facebook wants to behave in that kind of an elitist manner than they are doing a very good job of doing exactly that.

I am not a social person.  I am social in the real world.  I don't have time to be going back and forth with all sorts of nonsensical notes about trivial aspects of my life on a social service.  I am alone running this house and I'm disabled doing so.  And the only way I can use my computer most of the time is by using my speech program.  So between running this house and trying to keep up with the petitions that come across my desk and at the same time making sure I can go shopping when I need to.  My time is generally pretty much full.  And I don't have the extra time to spend hours and hours reading.  Personal messages on a service like Facebook and then responding to those messages.  Because of I did that I would not get anything in this house or in my life done.

So while the world calls belonging to Facebook the normal unpatriotic thing to do I guess that makes me nothing but a piece of crap.  And I have no problem with that.  Because I am not here in this world to measure up to the corporate sponsors or to the corporate executives of Facebook.  I am here in this world to measure up to me and my sense of ethics and to whatever creator that we may call by so many different names.  I'm not here to measure up to some corporate entity or some social service.  So if I am looked upon as being nothing but a stupid bastard because I won't take part in Facebook I guess that's just exactly how I will have to be looked at no matter what.  Thank God that some of the people who actually know me do respect me enough to know that I am doing my best.  I am doing my best to maintain this house and to keep up with these petitions and I have to do so using my voice.  I can't use my hands hardly at all, especially around the mouse and keyboard.  I am able to use my hands for some things but no matter when I use my hands mostly during the winter.  Every movement is painful and for anyone who has arthritis.  They know exactly what I mean.

So I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by what I'm saying.  But this whole matter regarding Facebook has become a real point of contention for me.  I don't like being pushed.  I don't like for companies to try to push me around to do something that I don't want to do and that I know it's not good for me to do.  And using Facebook has never been a good idea for me.  It has never worked.  I have never gotten anything from Facebook.  And the only reason I was even on Facebook when my darling Aileen was dying is because she did enjoy Facebook.  She enjoyed the games.  She enjoyed the interaction she enjoyed writing back and forth all sorts of notes usually that were very trivial about her life and about everyone else's life and that's how she spent a lot of her time while listening to music.  I'm not that type of person.  I am a writer.  I am a human rights writer.  And after she died I have to do that on my own, plus manage this house.  And I don't get any help.  And I don't want any help because I don't need any help.  I'm quite capable of taking care of myself.  But taking care of myself means that I don't like being pushed around by companies.  Just because everyone else.  Maybe doing something.  Just because everyone wants to jump off a cliff doesn't mean it is a good idea.  So just because everyone belongs to Facebook that doesn't mean it's a good idea.  And I am happy with whatever judgment God may lay upon me for mine not being a member of Facebook.  And if God chooses to burn me alive were burn my home to the ground or at me rot in hell because I'm not a member of Facebook and I guess I will just have to live with that.  But I don't think that's going to happen.  Because I don't think Facebook is religiously connected to God.  Is a company.  It is a social service.  And there are a lot of people in this world who have nothing to do with Facebook.

And that doesn't mean I hate the people who run Facebook because I don't.  But I am a disabled person I'm not writing this Journal article on my behalf alone.  I'm writing it for everyone who is disabled who has to deal with the social services that have so much mouse interaction that most of the people who are disabled either cannot use those services or those services are so hard to use that there really isn't very much enjoyment.

Maybe I'm just getting too old.  Maybe I'm finally just getting too old for the Internet.  And I don't have a problem with that either.  For anyone who knows me after losing my darling Aileen.  I don't have much incentive for wanting to live.  There are a lot of nights when I go to sleep them.  I hope I don't wake up.  Not because I don't love this world, because I do.  But I'm tired.  I'm tired of being a Jew in a nation of 78% Christians and being subjected to all of the racism and bigotry.  I have been subjected to my entire life.  I'm tired of getting up in the morning with the first thought on my mind being, she's still dead.  Because I never get away from that thought.  Every morning I wake up.  It is the first thought I have because that's my reality.

And when I go shopping I can't get in a car because my hips are basically fused to the bottom of my spine.  So I can't get into a car because getting in and out of the car is extremely difficult because my waist basically doesn't move.  This is one of the reasons I can't really get onto a bus.  Because I have a very hard time sitting down and getting back up.  Once I'm up, I'm generally okay.  But sitting down and getting up is very difficult.

And I'm not trying to whine and moan and complain about how things are hard on me.  Because nothing I have an nothing I have ever experienced can ever come close to the level of suffering that millions and millions of amazing and wonderful children and brilliant men and women are dealing with every single second.  Throughout this entire world.  But this is my Journal.  And I'm very frustrated.  Because every time I'm trying to work through these petitions and I go to a website.  I am being pushed to interact with Facebook.  I have terminated my account with Facebook over a year and a half ago.  And I've done so for the very reasons I've explained above.  And if the Internet really wants to show us who are disabled some kind or some degree of kindness they will start modifying their websites and modifying the Internet however slightly to accommodate some of us who are disabled.  Because actions speak louder than words.

I'm sorry to sound off this way.  But I'm losing my patience because I get almost 5 or 600 pieces of e-mail every single day.  And almost every one of them is pushing me in the direction of Facebook when I have no interest in using that service.  It's too difficult.  And I don't like the way that Facebook uses user data.

And like I said if that makes me just some stupid bastard or someone who should be hated no problem.  God knows my heart and God knows my soul.  And so does my darling Aileen.  And God in Aileen no that I am not talking out of anger that I am not talking out of hatred that I'm talking out of frustration.  That's all.

Schedule:

I am currently still working through the petitions.  But Cleveland has had a lot of snow today.  And my neighbors on one side of me are extremely disabled more so than I am.  So this morning I have to shovel the walk.  And because of how my neighbors suffer.  I generally shovel their walk as well.  Plus I have household chores that I have to do today.  I should be able to finish the petitions within about another 45 min. or 30 min.  I do have three or four pieces of e-mails with really good news stories and I am catching up on doing those news stories.  But at the same time it is of course the month for Christmas and my birthday.  So not only am I having somewhat of a difficult time because it's winter with my arthritis.  But I'm also really not very emotionally up right now.  Although I always put on a good face.  When I'm out walking to and from the store.

And I may not go out in about an hour to shovel the walk.  Because there is more snow expected later today.  So I may end up waiting until tomorrow morning to do that.  And then on Monday I have to go out again in the snow to do some shopping.  Which is no big deal because I'm used to the cold.  And if you dress warm.  There really isn't a problem.  But when I go out shopping.  It is not a 10 min. trip.  When I go out shopping.  It generally takes two or three hours.  Because I can't walk fast.  Because of my hips.

So while everyone wants to think that everyone is really moving at a really fast pace that's not always true.  I have to move rather slowly to get things done and that in itself is also frustrating because I would like to get things done at a faster pace.  But that's not possible.  And during this time of year, I have had a number of nightmares almost every night.  And I'm sure that it has something to do.  Or at least some of it has to do with losing Aileen.  Plus, it being the holidays.

My Bilbo is 13 years old.  Which means he's basically 90 years old.  And he's having bladder issues where he is losing his water periodically either in the living room or in the kitchen.  Because he doesn't always make it to the litter box.  So I'm having to mop the floor three and four times a day to keep the house clean and tidy and smelling fresh.  So I have to do that in addition to everything else.  I'm having to do.  And I can't really maintain Bilbo want my own because again my hands have arthritis and it's difficult for me to hold him or to maintain him.  And I don't get any help and I don't have the money to take care of it through a veterinarian.

There's a whole lot about my life that I don't talk about that is extremely difficult and I don't talk about it.  Most of the time because I don't think it's fair to other people who are suffering with various types of disabilities and extremely difficult hardships many of whom will not live through the end of today.  So I generally don't talk about a lot of the things that I have to go through because I don't think it's fair to others to do so.  But I'm doing it now.  Or at least some of it now so that you who are the readers will understand that I get up every single morning at around 3:30 AM and I generally don't stop working or doing everything I can to get everything done until almost 7:30 PM or 8 PM every single night.  Seven days a week.  I work every single day.

And I do so because I believed in human rights and I believe in keeping my promises to my darling Aileen.  And I believe that all of you who are my readers.  I don't know any of you but I take the fact that you find my Journal worthy to read as a very high honor and I am extremely grateful for your taking the time to read my Journal.  It means a lot to me.  So I figure if you are going to take the time to read my Journal that I should take the time to do the best I can to maintain this Journal in every way they can be considered to be the best possible way with all things considered.

Right now I'm actually extremely tired and my sugar is a little off.  Which is somewhat normal because I have hypoglycemia.  And hypoglycemia is not something I can take any medication for.  And yet the effects of hypoglycemia are almost died.  Chemical to diabetes because they are basically the same type of illness only opposite of each other.

So at this point I'm probably going to check to see how many more petitions an e-mail I have to sign.  And then I may just take a nap for about 90 min. to re-center my energy.  But I will probably have perhaps a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and perhaps a little milk before I do so.  I'm doing the best I can.  And I don't even want to try to go in the direction of how much hatred my own family has for me, or what a disappointment I've been that way.  I have been to Aileen's brother and sister.  I know that I'm probably a disappointment to most people.  I know that most people either find it very easy to laugh at me or call me stupid.  I know that.  I have to ignore that aspect of my life in order to keep going.  Just like when I wake up in the morning after having the first thought being that she is still dead.  I have to then somehow try to find something to laugh about.  So I start making jokes.  I made lots of dry humor, jokes.  I make jokes about death I make jokes about life.  I make jokes about anything I can think of in order to try and keep a sense of humor.  Because of I don't have a sense of humor.  Not only will I get depressed from reading all of these horrible things that are happening to people and other animals throughout the world.  But I will get extremely depressed because my wife is dead.

And I can't let that happen.  There are too many people in this world wonderful and amazing children throughout this world and brilliant men and women who are suffering so badly that as I said many of them will not live through the end of today.  So I can't allow depression or bad feelings to overtake.  I have to do everything I can to keep going.  And I have the strength and I have the will and I know I can do it.  So I will get it done.  It might take me longer, but I will get it done.

I have promised all of you who are my readers just like I have promised my darling Aileen that I will not let you down I will not stop working on this Journal I will keep being a voice, however insignificant or small in this world speaking out for human rights.  And that's why I say a voice.  Because I am not the voice I never want to be the anything.  I'm just one voice out of millions and that's all I'm trying to be.

My sugar is getting off and that means, of course, but I'm having all those wonderful symptomatic conditions that take place when you were going into low blood sugar, so I'm going to eat something and then I'm going to have to rest.  I'm sorry.  I'm doing the best I can.  I will try to get back to the e-mail and petitions later today but I am sort of feeling a little bit lousy.  But that's temporary.  I can fix that.  All I have to do is have a little protein.  And once I do that things will come back and focus.

I'm sorry for sounding off.  I don't mean to be overreactive or to whine and complain and I'm sorry if I've done so.  And I hope those of you who understand me will please forgive me.  I'm just doing the best I can.  I can't do any better than that.  I just can't there's just too many limitations and that doesn't bother me.  I generally laugh at limitations because I figure ways to keep going.  Because that's what I promised I would do not only to you but to my darling Aileen and to God.  And since I made those promises.  And since those promises are so important I will get it done.  It might take me longer, but I will get it done.

Now I really have to rest.  This gets to be really frustrated.  But that's okay.  I don't mind how be fine in about 90 min.

Thank you very much for listening.

I'll write later.

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