Are We There Yet?

Are We There Yet?
This is the sign that is over the front door of Aileen's and my house, our home, going OUT. Meaning that when someone leaves our house they are going into the ACTUAL Mental Ward.

I've always felt that way. When it is considered how much ugliness and killing and hatred there is in the world today, it actually makes perfect sense that this sign is over the door going out of the house.

Because that's where the real mental ward is.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Step By Step

I'm not going to make any apologies. Meaning, I'm not going to say I am sorry for taking the positions I have with Arizona and Texas, regarding the right wing Christian extremists. I am never going to apologize.  When I was going to school in Tucson, Arizona, from 1966 through 1971 the people of Tucson were some of the kindest people I had ever known, at that time in my life. And I made certain friendships, in the Native American community, in and around Tucson, from different tribes, who, to this day, are not only still alive. But who still communicate with me. At the same time., the friends I have, in the Native American community, not only in Tucson, but around the rest of America, and I, have agreed, that for a number of reasons, we will keep our associations quiet, and not so visible.

Over the years, Arizona changed. One the one hand, the influx of people from other parts of the US, has made Tucson, somewhat of a hot spot for retirement. And then, there is the fascination that many have with “new age” spiritual belief systems that have drawn people to places like Sedona. But the problem is, that the percentage of people in Arizona, who actually understand the Native American community, and the actual land of Arizona, are relatively a small percentage. That's because there are a lot of mixed dynamics going on in Arizona.

On the one hand, you have the old time settler families who came to Arizona as settlers, and fought against the “Indians”, as they say, to keep their land. Of course the other side of the issue is that the settlers basically stole the land “from” the Native Americans.

So that's one of the dynamics.


Then there is the group of people who are money motivated who want to make money from, and on, Arizona. So, they build retirement communities for people to move to in order to draw more business for the state. And of course you have the flaming racists who hate anyone who is not white and Christian. And these are just a few of the dynamics that exist in Arizona.

Now, if you go and find some of the old settler families who still live in Arizona, meaning the ones who are not tainted with the lust for money. And the ones who are not out of control racists. You'll find, when you talk to some of those families, a kind of, under the surface, understanding about how some, in Arizona, in their rush for money, have, and still are, doing things, as a result of their desire for more money, that are causing a lot of problems for the state, and for just about anyone else. Like building homes on top of The Saddle Ridge in Tucson.

In the Native American community, there has been a long outcry about the white man taking sacred sites ands then building on those sites in order to make money for personal pleasure. When, in reality, those sites not only contain graves of past generations of Native Americans. But in some cases, those sites contain artifacts of Native American rituals where the earlier tribes made peace with the spirits, and with themselves and each other.

So, in the current context of how Arizona has changed, and the way that the state has become so conflicted, with so much racism being shown and even supported. That the friends I have in the country, in the Native American community and I have agreed that Arizona, at least as it is now, is probably one of the last places I should ever want to go to. And part of that is because there is an ongoing struggle in the state of Arizona right now between the Native American communities and the state, and various elements in the state over scared sites. So any of the goodness that existed in Arizona from the 1960's has basically become overshadowed by the ongoing struggle by the right wing Christian extremists who hate everyone and everything, and who are desperate to kill and murder as many Americans as necessary in order to either start a civil war where they can take over America and make America a Christian nation, which is not “free”.

When I was going to school in Tucson, in the 1960's there was this pervading feeling by many of the whites coming to, and visiting Arizona that Arizona held a lot of value. Had some hidden treasures. And the pervading feeling was that the whites were more concerned about what they could get “from” the land, rather than how they could live “with” the land. That feeling, or philosophy is still very much alive today. Which is one of the sad things that happened to Sedona, Arizona. Where the new age people who first came there, eventually fell into seeking how much they could get from living where they were, rather than on how much they could give back or help, as a result of living where they were. As a result, places like the “Great Navajo Reservation” which stretches from northern Arizona through New Mexico, and into Colorado, has become quite unfriendly to white people. I mean, you can only steal so much from someone, or beat on them, before they either cower and bow before you. Or they simply become so fed up, that they end up hating you. Which is what one of the factions of the Native American communities around the country have embraced. Which is why, in many cases, whites are just not very welcome on any of the reservations, except under certain circumstances.

Now the dynamics of the tribes, in the US are far more complicated than most people realize. And I haven't been part of any of that for over  45 years. But to this day I still wear a ring made for me by one of my friends, a Hopi Indian, who was, while he lived, one of my closest friends.

Chicos ring

I've only taken this ring off of my finger once. And that was to take this picture. To this day, it is on my right hand where I first put it in 1972, the last time I saw my friend. And I swore to him that until the spirits brought us together again, that it would never leave my hand. And it has not. And there is a special way that my friend wanted me to wear this ring.  He said that the red coral should always be worn closest to my wrist, or my body, with the turquoise on the outside because he said that, “blood always goes before sand”. Meaning that the red coral represents the blood between us, and the turquoise represents the spiritual energy we shared as friends and brothers.

And, as I have said, I have standing invitations, though not publicly known, to go and live the rest of my life in three different places in the US, all around, or near, or on various Native American reservations. And my friends totally understand how I probably will never be able to leave this house, since Aileen died for it. So they quietly support me, in my efforts to be a rather disorganized and possibly ineffective voice, for the greater good. The greater good for all of us as people in North America. And not just for the white Christians, meaning the extremists of the Christian movement, who have so much hatred for America and Americans that they scream and yell about how the US is supposed to be a Christian nation. When in fact, the United States was never to be a Christian nation. Because the United States was supposed to be a “free” nation.

So that's what I do.

Texas is a different story. My experience with, and my knowledge of Texas, and Texas history, is no where near as extensive, or complete as most if not the majority of people living in, or around Texas. But from what I have learned in my life, and having lived in Texas for 5 years, with my uncle Bud Hicks, being a very prominent Quarter horse breeder in Fort Worth, Texas, what I have written about Texas, regarding the racism and the anti-American hatred, is basically true. Of course there are those factions in Texas that want Texas to be more than a hotbed for anti-American hatred and racism. Like the brilliant women's movement in Texas that is fighting, to this day, against the racists like Governor Rick Perry, and the other right wing Christian extremists who have so much hatred for America that they have come to believe, as deranged as it is, that Jesus actually wants them, as Christians, to kill and murder in his name. Which is one of the reasons, that Texas has, over the years, become so overly violent, that, to this day, Texas is basically not very safe for non-Christians, or non-whites.

As to how Texas will go, over the next years is anybody's guess. The level of hatred by the right wing extremist Christians in the US is so ugly and huge that in Missouri, a state known for it's tolerance, we recently had the white Christian extremists, at the state fair, demonstrating their hatred for the government of the United States, on the basis of their racism.

And these right wing Christian extremists are so hateful and ugly that they are desperate to create another civil war in the US, if only to provide themselves with a vehicle whereby they can then perhaps have a chance to take over the US and then force all of us to submit to their will,, and to declare that America is not, and will not, be free. But will be a nation of Christians, where all non-Christians are either killed outright, or put into prison, or kicked out of the country, or turned into indentured servants of white Christian families.

But from all that I have learned in my life, not only from the Native Americans, but from every other part of my life experiences. I have found that fighting ugly hate groups like the right wing extremists is pretty much a futile endeavor. At least until such time, as when the right wing extremists become so out of control and angry that they actually begin to declare war on the rest of humanity. Whereby humanity will do to and with the right wing Christian extremists, just what the world did to Hitler during World War II.

Because, when you have hate groups like the right wing Christian extremists, the only way to stop such hatred is by giving them, enough rope, so to speak, whereby, as a result, they end up hanging themselves as a result of their own ugliness and hatred.

And just as ugly and as horrible as the right wing Christian extremists in the US are. That same ugliness can be found throughout the entire world. In every nation on earth, there are right wing extremists who have so much hatred in themselves, for anything that is different than what they want to be, or are. That these hate groups are working hard, in every nation on earth, to destabilize their countries, and destroy any kind of freedom in those nations.

The bottom line is that, as a result of all the right wing hate groups in the world, our world has become so ugly and filled with greed and violence and hatred that we, the people in my generation, all over the world, are not giving our children a world that they can “build on”. But a world that they will have to fix.

And to my way of thinking. With all that I have come through in my life, and all that I have seen, and the brilliant young people who I have known and know now, is truly one of the most unfair things that we, my generation can do to our children. Is to give them a world filled with hate and a world destroyed by greed and selfishness and racism. If this is the best that we can do, then we have failed our children. We have failed ourselves.

But I am just a pretty much forgotten and not much cared about soul in this world. My own family pretty much hating me because my birth mother was out of wedlock when she bore me. My fellow Jews, for the most part, hating me because I am a Sephardic Jew. So any effectiveness that I might have, is pretty much diminished by all the hatred that so many have for me. That so many have for me, as a result of their lack of understanding about who and what I am, and that, above all, I have never hated a single human being. Not once. That my passion is so great only against the “choices” that we make. And not against that which God, or the spirits have created.

Of all the people in the world, my darling Aileen, was one of the few who saw me for what I am, and what I was and shall be. But she died. And now, alone, I stumble through my days. Going often on faith alone. Faith, that I made a promise when I died in 1968. A promise, of the many, that I have kept and shall keep to my dying days.

I have, for the last 50 years, lived by the principle, that only when I come last will I ever come first. And so, I live by that mantra. I live by that rule.

Where will it all end?

I've talked about the human toll. What we humans have done to ourselves. But the environmental conditions in the world, are, at the very least, becoming a lot more challenging than they have been in the past. Meaning that, according to most scientists, within the next 50 to 60 years, life on earth will be a great deal more dangerous and difficult than it has been in the past. Our environment is failing, albeit slowly. But it is still failing. And while the arguments rage on, the effectiveness our efforts to preserve our world for our children becomes diminished. Diminished to the point where, if we as a global society, do not take more affirmative actions to protect and preserve our world. The world we will give to our children will not be much of a world that they will be able to do anything with, other than to use their time trying to fix what we have done to ourselves and to this world.

I suppose, in the scheme of things, that I could have tried to be more famous, or to make a name for myself. But that was never my priority. I was so affected by the deaths of “The Sacred Nine” in 1968, that the last thing I wanted to do with my life was make money. I was much more concerned with trying to do what I could to help other people than to make money. In this one regard, my father was very much like me, and I was and am very much like my father. Always wanting to do what I can to help others.

My father, of course, had ties to the criminal underworld that lessened his effectiveness in a number of ways. While increasing it in other ways. I, on the other hand, had a lot of opportunity to trade on my father's prominence, and/or to make gains for myself. But because of all that had happened to me in my life, and all that I was, not only did those opportunities seem very attractive to me. But whenever I tried to make any gains along those lines, there were always Christian extremist s who found it easy and sometimes fun, to do all they could to destroy me, and any effort that I might make.

And so, then I had this major nervous breakdown in 1989 as a result of dealing with constant physical and emotional pain since 1968. And when that happened, a lot of the abuse, emotionally, and some physical, that I had endured from my adoptive mother, and the years of physical abuse that I suffered from other kids my age as I was going through life, finally took it's toll.

So now, I'm looked on as being about as crazy and as worthless as just some crazy person. When in reality, much of my life, has traveled somewhat the same path as people like John the Baptist and Joan of Arc.

So, I'm not going to apologize for my going after the right wing extremist Christians. And I'm not going to apologize for going after Arizona or Texas. I take the positions I do with the hope that by doing so, I will, at the very least, stir discussions whereby some change might be possible.

It's not the best way to do it. It's not going to make me popular or make me lots of money. But at the very least I will, by doing what I am doing, maintain consistency to my life and to the promise I made to my creator when I lay dead for 5 minutes in 1968, on September 2, at 12:02 am.

And so I just keep going. Sometimes fast. Sometimes slow. But ever onward….