Are We There Yet?

Are We There Yet?
This is the sign that is over the front door of Aileen's and my house, our home, going OUT. Meaning that when someone leaves our house they are going into the ACTUAL Mental Ward.

I've always felt that way. When it is considered how much ugliness and killing and hatred there is in the world today, it actually makes perfect sense that this sign is over the door going out of the house.

Because that's where the real mental ward is.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Small Steps Forward

what is rather interesting is that I really didn't have any breathing problems tonight.  That's rather unusual.  Now all there is only a couple of possibilities why that might have happened.  The first being that the weather is actually different.  So, perhaps the year was not kicking on as much.  But another possibility, which comes to my mind is one that maybe isn't quite as visible.  And maybe I'm reaching.  But knowing my nervous system I'm not really sure that I am.  I've been wearing the new knee brace.  Since I got it this afternoon and knowing how screwed up.  The nerves are in my autonomic nervous system.  And my central nervous system, but mostly my autonomic.  It is possible that by keeping some degree of pressure on my sciatic nerve at this might actually be reducing a certain amount of inflammation.  In other nerves.  And that's some of those nerves that might be realizing reduced inflammation or any kind of problems could be the nerves of my nasal cavity.  But I think that would be more of a reach really because I think probably was really the reason why not having any breathing problems really is because I actually changed.  The micron filter so that it's a fresh filter, which means it's more effective at keeping out the particulate matter from the house, which normally causes my breathing problems.

Because historically here in the house my breathing problems repairmen as a result of the forced air heating, in addition to the fact that a lot of times.  Aileen and I just never used the micron filters, because either we didn't find them readily available or we just didn't get them.  But in actuality, that would make more sense.

Then, what I did was I used that your wax removal solution once again on my left ear.  And it was remarkably a good bit more effective, because I can actually hear a good deal better out of my left ear that I have been able to for a while.  So that's a very good thing.

It's all about one step at a time.  That's rather incredible now I have to do is get my glasses repaired.  And hopefully get the transportation assistance I need, which should take place at the end of the month.  And then who knows.  Of course now that I have this knee brace I can get upstairs to take a shower more easily.  And I'm definitely doing that tomorrow.

It sounds so trite to simply say that as you get older, things just break down each year.  But in reality that's pretty much very true for most people.  And then in addition to that.  I took out this wrist brace that Aileen had bought for me in a number of years ago.  Which actually can be used on either hand.  And it's really rather incredible, because it actually does work.  Meaning it's a lot easier to use my mouse.  Because it actually has a built in rest.  That fits right in the proper position of my hand.  So that it reduces the stress on my joints as I'm using the mouse.

I can almost feel her smiling.  She used to sometimes tell me that not only was I my own worst enemy.  But that she was amazed how I could be so detailed oriented about some things while blowing other things off.  Meaning certain aspects of my own health.  And my response was always the I didn't think that the things that she might bring up were all that important.  But of course she was right.  She was always right.   And I have to say that she still is.  Because as strange as it may sound.  I feel her everywhere throughout the house.  Maybe that's not so strange.  In any event, it's remarkable how comfortable is really is.  Meaning this wrist brace.  And that's a good thing because then I can have a little more functionality.

It is amazing.  As far as my left ear.  Because that ear wax removal solution really seems to have cleared out my left ear just a little more.

See, when I was growing up after the operation to Dr. Herndon really didn't tell me very much, at least about what to expect as I get older.  But then he didn't expect me actually to live beyond age 45.  He didn't think I would live beyond their very much longer.  So after the last time I saw him.  The doctors I saw after that either didn't have much idea of the nature of how extensive the surgery was over the details of the surgery.  And the records just were not available.  So a lot of the times doctors were simply making diagnoses and/or projections based on their analysis of my body at any given time.  So the medical history, became rather spotty.  And as a result, I had to learn a lot of how to deal with different conditions on my own, because I actually knew more of what was done to me than the doctors would be seeing at any given time.

I mean the baseline diagnosis or prognosis was always fairly consistent.  That if I lay flat for any great length of time meaning more than several minutes.  I would either have breathing problems or I would end up choking and the possibility of suffocation was or would be present.  And if I fell down, backward, that the potential of snapping the fusion or a portion of my lower spine was always basically a certainty.  But other than that.  Most of the doctors really have no idea as to what else actually might come about.  And I guess the same could be said with anyone, whether they had a spinal fusion or not.  I mean, in all reality.  It just seems in my situation to the potential for more complicated things to take place was always just a slightly the greater because of the nature of everything that took place.

But it is rather incredible.  I've slept on and off tonight for a while and I have not had a really any significant breathing problems.  So really, the micron filters are doing amazingly well, which is highly possible or even probable.  Or, the weather is changed so dramatically that the barometric pressure is just not really affecting my nasal cavity as it otherwise might.  Or, if I take a really long reach.  Maybe there is a connection between the damage to my sciatic nerve and other nervous in my spinal column.  That might actually have an effect on my nasal cavity.  But as I said that's probably a rather distant reach.

See, a lot of my energetic bombastic aspect of my writing is not only do of course to my human rights advocacy.  But I'm sure has to do with the fact that I'm always in constant pain, which is of course definitely not comfortable.  And being in constant pain definitely does affect your moods.  Because of the doesn't.  You're either dead or, you've got nerves of steel.  And I know I don't have nerves of steel.  But it is remarkable how the pain has been so dramatically reduced in my left leg.  I'm almost able to walk somewhat normally.  Which blows my mind.  Because I'm left wondering what the hell I did with the other knee brace.  I'm thinking I may have given it away to someone who is living here.  Because they had a knee injury.  And I'm thinking that if I did that I would have to classify that is probably one of my dumber decisions.

I do know that wearing the knee brace is making it incredibly much easier for me to sleep more comfortably than I have in perhaps over a couple of years.  Because of course I can't lie down flat or I don't because of all the other junk going on with my left lung.  So that has always put a certain amount of pressure.  In one way or another on the bottom of my hips, which then of course puts a certain amount of pressure on the midsection of my legs.  Which of course includes my knees.  And that of course, like I said, makes me believe that giving that the price away if I recall things correctly is probably one of the extremely dumber mistakes were choices.  I may have made.

And then of course over the last 90 days, I have begun to have issues with flatulence.  And that just is so embarrassing.  It makes me almost not want to go anywhere.  Aileen used to have moments of flatulence.  I remember one time, a number of years ago.  I had gotten up early and was in the kitchen.  And this was when our bedroom was right off of the kitchen on the first floor.  And this was before, we had our current cats.  When we still had Merlin and a second Cat, who we called, zero.  And zero was eating and the food dish was right by the door leading into the room where Aileen was sleeping in bed.  And she had a moment of rather pronounced flatulence.  Which is normal when you are sleeping.  I'm trying to say this delicately.  But the sound was loud enough that it actually slightly shook the door.  And when that happened, zero jumped straight up in the air.  And without even touching the ground.  He literally in midair shot right out of the room.

So I'm in the kitchen trying to make coffee.  Watching this and I literally broke up and hysterics, but I couldn't laugh out loud, because I didn't want to wake Aileen up.  Then hours later when she got up for the day I told her about the incident.  And she was literally like me.  In hysterics.  So she became real motherly to zero when he finally came out of hiding.  With my own flatulence I believe it's probably the cream in my coffee.  Because that has been known to cause that kind of thing.  But it's definitely not the most attractive thing I could think of happening as part of my normal routine.  Whenever either one of us would break wind Aileen would always say the same thing.  She would say, speak softly, those lips that never tell a lie.  At which point we would go to break up laughing.  Because she would always say that exact same thing.  Whenever either one of us would break wind.  That is Aileen.

For the first time in a number of weeks.  I actually feel like I'm finally getting a grip.  Not only of myself but also these physical issues, where I have felt like I was holding a target at the police shooting range.  I mean, when I think back to the last two or three weeks.  The pain in my left leg was really significant and very strange.  It is mostly, the pain wasn't like turning me into a screaming Mimi.  I just got your dated.  And maybe a little frustrated, because it just wouldn't go away.  It's which makes it such a huge relief that it's barely there anymore.  I mean, while the pain was basically flaring.  Nothing I did was comfortable.  Using one microphone or another was not comfortable matter how I was sitting was not comfortable.  The matter how I was lying on my chaise lounge was not comfortable.  Walking was intolerable trying to get up and down the stairs was disgusting.  It was about as much fun as being dragged down the road by a beating locomotive or car.  And now it's just relaxed.  What a relief.

I'll write later.

Thank you very much for listening.