Are We There Yet?

Are We There Yet?
This is the sign that is over the front door of Aileen's and my house, our home, going OUT. Meaning that when someone leaves our house they are going into the ACTUAL Mental Ward.

I've always felt that way. When it is considered how much ugliness and killing and hatred there is in the world today, it actually makes perfect sense that this sign is over the door going out of the house.

Because that's where the real mental ward is.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Baby Steps

Well this morning I'm actually feeling a little bit better.  Of course part of mine are feeling really good is my sciatic nerve issue in my left leg.  And the other part is that the swelling is just now starting to go down in my right ear.  So my inclination is to just go slowly.

I will try to do a few petitions.  But last night was rather strenuous.  I was able to sleep about two hours at a time.  That is actually a lot more than one I first had my sciatic nerve in my left leg explode.  Because when it first happened 30 years ago, I could barely sleep for more than 40 minutes.  And actually what the orthopedic doctors and I did was to work out the messes of using a leg brace and also meditation.  Because what we found was when I was under any kind of emotional stress that would cause the sciatic nerve to become more reactive in my leg.

So of course yesterday having done that rather interesting walk.  My muscles were still sort of reacting and recovering.  So it's understandable that I probably would not sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time.  For a point of reference.  Normally when I sleep in the evening.  I am really only able to sleep for about three hours at most.  It's part of that has to do with my breathing.  Because this was my left lung basically only being about 25% functional.  After a couple of hours.  I just usually have a little bit of problems breathing.  Which really is no big deal, at least normally.

It's but last night of course I had all that smog that I have taken in.  So what you said, I have this really very strenuous choking event.

Me to it this morning, I feel pretty good.  The one part of my body I just took the most beating from that walk was my left ankle.  It's and my left calf.  Those two areas still seem to be rather stressed out.  And I'm not really able to bend my left knee very well right now but that also is somewhat normal.  When the sciatic nerve first blew out 30 years ago.  Good heavens.  It took almost 6 months before I could hardly even bend my ankle let alone my knee meaning my left knee and left ankle.

And the pain was just beyond anything I ever thought possible.  The other thing also, is what I have learned over the years.  And I really don't know if this applies to anyone else.  But this is what happens with me.  If I have that in the brace on my left knee or if I have my left knee wrapped with an Ace bandage.  For too long.  What might suddenly happen is that I will suddenly get a little dizzy and disoriented and nauseous.

The first time this happened of course was about 30 years ago when the sciatic nerve blew out.  And the doctor explained to me that part of the reason for that was because the static nerve.  Even though it is pinched inside my left hip actually of course is linked right into the spinal column and to the Central and autonomic nervous systems.  So, he simply said that when that happens.  Just take the Ace bandage off, or the leg brace off and that within about 30 to 40 minutes.  The conditions of my dizziness and me being nauseous would go away.  And of course he was right.

But last night with my having to apply the Ace bandage and then take it off and then reapply the bandage and go back and forth that way.  This morning, I'm just a little bit more low energy.  Again, which is no big deal.  Everything is slowly coming back into focus.

And as I said I'm going to try and do a few petitions, but I'm also going to simply try and paste myself.  Because I just really don't have the top drawer energy that I would like.  Which is okay.  It's not a big deal.

I've checked the weather.  And here in Cleveland, the weather was going to be getting much better as week progresses.  And today it's really not that bad.  There's just a little snow in the area where the little increased moisture.  So it's not really a big deal.

But I probably am not going to do any petitions until later this afternoon because this morning I just want to try and get a little bit more rest.  As I said, my left calf and my left ankle are still fairly much reactive meaning.  There's a good bit of pain.  Nothing I can't handle.  It just is a little uncomfortable.

But according to what I have seen in the delivery specifications for my leg brace.  It should be arriving on Thursday and that will be great.  Because then all I have to do is slip the leg brace on in order to relieve any of the sciatic nerve reaction.

And as I said the swelling in my left ear is going away.  And it really was exactly like I said.  That swelling was being caused by that other pair of glasses that actually had pinched that portion of my right ear where the right ear meets my head.  And as a result it actually was causing a kind of secondary reaction where a portion of my outer ear was swelling.  Furthermore, as I said, I went back and researched my Journal notes from when Aileen and I bought those pair of glasses on Medicaid.  And they were of course very cheap glasses and they really didn't work very well and they were terribly uncomfortable.  So we basically stopped using them.  But during the time when we first were wearing them I was the one who have the reaction.  And the reaction was exactly what happened now.  Where a portion of my outer ear ended up swelling.

And with all the details on trying to keep track of it just simply was one of the details that got away from me.  I am still having some breathing problems this morning from the smog yesterday.  But again, it's not going to take more than a couple of days to finally clean out my system.  That's why I'm just going to try and take it slow for couple of days.

Again, I'm not really concerned whether anyone thinks what I did was stupid or not.  I don't really care.  I had to know.  I had to know for my own personal satisfaction, whether I could actually do that are not.  And as I said last night.  Now I know that even though I might be able to do that.  It's difficult not a good idea because my body has changed and I have gotten older.  And it's just not smart.  But I would never have known that had I not tried.

So.  I am satisfied.  I am satisfied with everything.  And I really am proud of myself for at least making the attempt.

What's really interesting is I can actually feel the dirt from that smog in my system.  We take our error for granted a lot of times.  We talk about smog and air pollution.  And of course there are activist groups that fight against pollution.  But I sort of wonder how many of us actually are aware of the smog in our systems.  And I'm sure that there are probably a huge number of people with breathing problems who are acutely aware of smog in their breathing systems.

But I tend to think that's not the majority.  And maybe I'm wrong.  But I know that I can feel that junk slowly getting out of me.

Generally, having broken sleep, like I do most nights really doesn't affect me that much.  But last night did.  Again, which is no big deal.  I just need to go a little more slowly.  That's all.

So I will write a little bit later.  But right now I'm just going to lean back and watch a little TV, and perhaps go to sleep.  Getting older.  What an interesting experience.  In so many ways in my mind I feel like I'm still 30 years old.  And then there is my body.  Which very strongly in so many very interesting ways.  Reminds me that I'm not 30 years old.  But in fact 62 years old.  Now there is a wake-up call waiting to happen.

And my breathing is slowly returning to normal.  And my voice is slowly coming back.  Right now, it's still extremely deep and uncharacteristically raspy.  So what.  At least I got through.  I did it.  I said I was going to do it and I did what I said.  Of all the things regarding yesterday that probably is the most important.  That I did what I said that I would do.

So no one anyone who actually is reading my Journal who really likes me to be concerned.  Please don't.  I'm fine.  Just a little beat up.  This but my feeling is always been that anyone can knock me down but I will always get back up.  I always to.  At least until that last time when God knocks me down for that final time.  But that hasn't happened yet.  I'm just a little energy.

I send everyone good energy and high hopes for happiness and all good things always

Thank you very much for listening.