Are We There Yet?

Are We There Yet?
This is the sign that is over the front door of Aileen's and my house, our home, going OUT. Meaning that when someone leaves our house they are going into the ACTUAL Mental Ward.

I've always felt that way. When it is considered how much ugliness and killing and hatred there is in the world today, it actually makes perfect sense that this sign is over the door going out of the house.

Because that's where the real mental ward is.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

The Metaphysics of Discontent

Windows 7:

I have upgraded my Prio priority saver program.  And this of course is helping me to have my system run more effectively.  Which of course means that Dragon NaturallySpeaking is also going to work better as well.

Dragon NaturallySpeaking .

Along with some of the other changes I have made in my den, I have also repositioned the microphone, meaning my standup desktop microphone, for Dragon NaturallySpeaking .  As a result, the microphone is realizing or delivering much greater accuracy in my dictations.  And that brings me to another point.  As I've said before, if your voice is changeable in any way.  The preferable method for being able to update your user profile to make Dragon NaturallySpeaking more accurate, is not to use the auto tuning feature.

(For support and source documentation, and further reading, please see my "See Also:" section below.)

The best way to improve the accuracy for Dragon NaturallySpeaking, if your voice is in fact more changeable, is to simply retrain your profile.  Because if you do that, that Dragon NaturallySpeaking will work a lot better.  Because your voice is changing all the time or changing as a result of environmental conditions or some other factor.  And so consequently, when you retrain that profile you are actually updating all of the information the Dragon NaturallySpeaking needs to do any dictation.  But doing so in such a way so that all of the sound files for Dragon NaturallySpeaking are updated with regard to the changes in your voice.

And, this is something that actually is not done as effectively with auto tuning, when your voice is in fact changeable in any way.  That's the key.

Android Phones :

As I said, I am upgrading to the new free upgraded version of my android phone.  I will be using the LG Nitro HD.  And from what I'm told it is going to have a great deal more functionality then the current android phone that I am using.  This of course will mean that I can do more posting from my android phone to my Journal here.  Additionally, it also means that I will have an easier time with the phone.  Because it has a slightly bigger screen.  But in addition, it has a much better camera.  So consequently that's one of the things I'm going to be doing it soon as the phone is up and running.  I'm going to take a picture of my new den.  And that's because I have gone back to using the chaise lounge to basically operate from.  Meaning I'm sleeping and working from the chaise lounge.

I think the only way I can explain this is that with some of the increased activity and doing around the house that having the chaise lounge is actually a lot more comfortable.  Because it gives me a chance to keep my feet up off the ground when I'm actually not having to work around the house or go somewhere.

(For support and source documentation, and further reading, please see my "See Also:" section below.)

But because I have made changes to my den.  And because a lot of you who are curious as to my life.  Because we are friends or you like my Journal.  I will be taking a new picture of my den.  As soon as the new phone is up and running.

Mouse and Keyboard:

The other benefit from the rearranging my microphone is that I actually am not having to use the mouse or keyboard anywhere near as much because I'm able to rely on my Dragon NaturallySpeaking program more for getting things done on my computer.  Additionally, because the chaise lounge is so much closer to the microphone the microphone is of course picking me up a lot easier.

And this means of course that I will be doing a lot more posting.  My brain has finally have the time necessary to be able to process a lot of what was going on in my life.  The positions and the posts that I have done are absolutely and totally pertinent in every way.  And they actually do represent a lot of my feelings regarding what I have been writing about.  Specifically regarding the financial issues in the United States and around the world.

(For support and source documentation, and further reading, please see my "See Also:" section below.)


And when I say, " most of my feelings."  I am really specifically talking about how when I'm writing thoughts and my Journal.  I may not actually be aware of all of the feelings I'm having at any one given moment in time when I'm composing my thoughts.

That being said, as I have previously explained.  I have tried just about every single argument that I could possibly come up with, over the last several years, to convince humanity that it is a better idea for humanity not to move in the direction of open hatred and violence.  Just like I have been trying to convince humanity for the last several decades that the Kondratieff wave has a great deal more validity than anyone really wants to admit.  And that in reality we as human beings are in fact going through various aspects of the Kondratieff wave right now, as result of attitudinal changes that have taken place.  That's what I have always maintained was the real stumbling block for any kind of economic resolution.

And that same principle or aspect of humanity, applies to the violence and the open hatred that we are showing one another.  If we as a society cannot start treating the least of us better than we have.  Or better than we are.  We have no real chance for any kind of meaningful survival.  And if that's not bad enough.  The changes taking place, environmentally, throughout the entire world, are, at the very least, less than favorable.  And this is a given.  Regardless of any of the nonsensical rhetoric that any weatherman on TV might try to present or support.

(For support and source documentation, and further reading, please see my "See Also:" section below.)

As I have repeatedly said, the most important question that comes to my mind when I think of whatever possible changes, environmentally speaking, that may in fact be taking place in the world.  The one question that comes to mind simply is.  Do we as a population want to be so selfish and have so much disregard that we are not thinking, in any way, or taking any action, to make things potentially easier for our children and future generations?  Are we so selfish and so self involved and so full of hatred and violence that when given the chance to actually try to improve things in the world to make things better for our children.  We are in fact using not to do that.  Or we are in fact arguing about it rather than taking any action.

That's why one of the things I've been thinking about over the last month, has been how to energetically, or metaphysically, encourage humanity to make better choices.  And the most significant way that I can do that, as I said, has to do with metaphysics.

Human Rights :

Consequently, that is why I am moving in the direction of interacting with the full spectrum of metaphysically oriented, and/or defined, energy.  And to do so basically, using the, metaphysically speaking, utilizing, and engaging with," the law of return".  Now, the law of return, is more of a metaphysical oriented explanation of how certain metaphysical particles in the universe actually interact.

And given the level of conflict and the level of negative energy going on in the world at this time.  It just does not make a lot of sense to try and lessen the degree of negative energy.  When there is so much being generated and promoted and supported almost every minute.  Under those circumstances, it becomes more logical, and/or appropriate, to allow the full weight of the negative energy to return.  Meaning to return to the center.  Meaning in that case, or in this case, anyone on the planet he was engaged in any kind of negative activity.  Or the planet itself being engaged in negative activity or energetic forms of expression.

(For support and source documentation, and further reading, please see my "See Also:" section below.)

And so instead of using focused concentration or focused attention.  Which is, of course, meditation.  For the purposes of attempting to lessen the amount of negative energy in the world.  It becomes more logical to simply allow that negative energy to return to the world.  Because then, or at least it is more probable, that when that happens, humanity will of course not be enjoying the negative energy.  They are getting back as a result of humanity's own negative behavior.

And that of course, given the foregoing, then means that humanity has a potential for asking better questions.  Because humanity will be faced with a lot of the negative affects of their own negative behavior.

It's always easy to act out badly toward someone else or against someone else or against ourselves.  That is a choice everyone of us has every single second.  We can act out badly against ourselves or anyone or any group.  It goes on all the time.  The fact is, that when people look at the mentally ill.  They believe that there is some type of dysfunction going on.  When in reality that's not the case.

Mental Illness :

People believe mental illness is in fact some kind of dysfunction.  But it's not.  What actually happens when someone becomes mentally ill, is that, conceptually, psychologically, spiritually, socially, emotionally, and even spiritually.  The person becomes.  Or a person becomes, so sensitive to what is going on in their particular world.  Meaning the aspect of life that they lived in and interact with.  That the sensitivity begins to become so uncomfortable.  That as a result, the person then begins to behave in defense of ways.  Defense of ways.  With regard to how they relate to themselves and to other people.  This is really the reality of what mental illness is really all about.

It doesn't matter whether you are talking about a child abuse survivor or a domestic abuse survivor or someone who has gone through tremendous trauma and is suffering with PTSD .  Because a result is exactly the same.  When someone who is looked upon as being mentally ill becomes so sensitive to what is going on in their lives, regardless of where whatever is happening is coming from.  The mentally ill person or the person who is looked upon as being mentally ill become so sensitive to what is happening that they began to have a tremendous amount of pain and difficulty relating to or interacting with what used to be part of their normal life.

(For support and source documentation, and further reading, please see my "See Also:" section below.)

In reality, at the moment someone actually goes into the condition of being mentally ill.  That moment is often called or referred to as, a psychic break, or psychological break.  And that of course, refers to the other customary idiomatic phrase which is, a nervous breakdown.

But the reality is, that when someone has what might be considered a nervous breakdown.  They are really in fact simply redefining their entire personality based on this tremendous increase in sensitivity to the point where interacting with and relating to most of what was part of their normal life.  Not only becomes problematic but extremely painful.  So painful in fact, that depending on how much pain the individual is actually realizing.  This then of course produces the various forms of what have been described as mental illness.

These conditions that take place have nothing to do with the individual's intelligence.  They have everything to do with the individuals internal stamina, regarding dealing with aspects of their own life.  Whereby those aspects have become so painful that as a result a kind of cognitive, and/or conceptual, and/or psychological, break actually takes place.

And so consequently the general population becomes somewhat insulted that people that they are looking at as being dysfunctional are actually more intelligent than they are.  But the reality is, that is basically the case in most of the instances of mental illness.  People who are mentally ill are often times or at least the mass majority of them are, a great deal more intelligent than the average population or the general population.  And as a result of the general population being somewhat indignant with regard to the fact that the mentally ill are actually smarter than they are.  The general population finds it extremely convenient and psychologically beneficial for them to miss treat the mentally ill and to consider all of us as if we were basically stupid or hard of hearing.  Which is why when someone finds that someone is mentally ill they begin talking very slowly and very loudly.  Because they really do believe we are either hard of hearing or we are basically just stupid.  When in reality that's not the case.

(For support and source documentation, and further reading, please see my "See Also:" section below.)

Human Rights :

So in the case of human rights here on Earth.  In the current day and age.  As I said, it's very easy for anyone in our world any one of us to act out badly or negatively toward ourselves or anyone else.  That is the easy choice to make.  When you are in fact feeling frustrated or put down or beaten down on by others.  The knee-jerk reaction is to act out badly against them.  It is probably something that is very primal with regard to the human condition.  But because it is primal does not mean that it cannot be modified or changed in a positive manner.

As I've said many times, there were a number of years, actually.  When I had in the back of my mind different plans that I would put into play in order to get back at all of those people who beat the living crap out of me.  Most of my life.  None of the plans ever involved any form of violence or anything like that.  Because I never wanted to be like anyone the people who missed treated me in my life.  I never found anything attractive about them.  Meaning about their behavior.  So my plans were always in terms of my living well and doing really well, and by doing that I would actually be showing up all these people who treated me like crap.

That unfortunately never really happened.  And that of course made me somewhat frustrated in my life.  Because the matter what I did all these people that wanted to treat me like absolute garbage always got the upper hand.  I was always been looked on as either being strange or unacceptable in one way or another.

So I had to make the very choice I'm talking about right now.  I had to make the choice as to whether or not I was going to act out negatively toward myself or anyone else.  Or in fact whether or not I would take the high ground.  Meaning, the positive choice.  And because the choice even existed.  I became very interested in learning as much as I could about how information was processed in the brain.  Whereby as a result these choices would even exist and that led me on years and years of studying and research.

(For support and source documentation, and further reading, please see my "See Also:" section below.)

In the end, I simply got used to the fact that most people would look at me and consider me stupid or just unacceptable in one way or another.  I got used to the fact that the matter what I would do in this world that most people would misunderstand me and find it extremely convenient or advantageous in one way or another to abuse me.

So it's not like I ever gave up.  I just became quite reconciled to the reality of my life.  That because I am a half breed Jew, and have lived as a transgendered woman for most of my life.  The matter what I do in this world.  I will always be looked upon as either a piece of crap or unacceptable in one way or another.  It's just the way things are.  That's why I have to have so many different security systems installed in my home.  Just to protect myself.  Because the level of hatred for me being a half breed Jew and the level of hatred for me living as a transgendered woman is so.  Extremely strong in this world, but there are groups and people who would have no problem whatsoever killing me on sight.  Because of their hatred.

And so consequently, like I said.  Every one of us is confronted with choices.  Every single second.  Whether to act out negatively against ourselves or someone else.  Regardless of whatever reason we might give ourselves.  And because most of the world is now so consumed with negative energy and doesn't really understand the nature of these two choices.  Because if the world did understand the nature of these two choices.  Then the world would in fact be making one of the two choices more actively than the world currently is.  Because the world is not really making the active choice to be hateful and violent and dedicate most of its money and time and energy in the pursuit of mass murder and killing each other.  This horrible ugly dynamic in the world is not being done really so much as a result of an active choice inasmuch as it is being done as a result of the fact that we are basically lazy and are refusing to do the extra work involved in making better choices.

(For support and source documentation, and further reading, please see my "See Also:" section below.)

When someone acts out in violence against any group the first thing that is a given, is that the person is in so much incredible pain either emotionally or psychologically or spiritually back choices that normally look inappropriate, no longer look inappropriate.  Because the person is in so much pain in one of so many different ways that they are no longer thinking in terms of what is appropriate, pursuant to their outward actions inasmuch as they are thinking in terms of what will resolve or relieve the pain they are having to deal with.  And as a result, a second choice presents itself.  But it is a choice that most people don't really see.  It is the choice of moving in the positive or the negative direction.

It's important to understand that in every single form of mental illness the basic reason for the mental illness to become part of someone's life.  Whether that mental illness as physical characteristics or physical aspects of itself.  That may appear as coming from somewhere else.  The reality is that every single mental illness known to humankind is a direct result of the individual becoming so sensitive physically or emotionally or psychologically or intellectually or socially or culturally or in almost every conceivable way.  That this tremendous increase of sensitivity makes their life.  So uncomfortable.  Either physically or emotionally or psychologically or intellectually or spiritually or culturally.  That as a result, depending on which aspect of discomfort we're talking about.  The person then begins to take on tremendously disassociated behavioral characteristics.

So for example, someone who has Tourette's syndrome, is an individual, whereby the body, the physical working processes of the body, in conjunction with other processes inside the individual.  These processes have in fact become dysfunctional or are in fact behaving in a different manner than what might be considered part of the normal population.  And that the psychological aspects of Tourette's syndrome are actually a secondary condition.  Because the primary characteristics of Tourette's syndrome are the physical manifestations of their behavior.  And in fact, the physical manifestations are exactly identifiable and relevant to the same type of disruption that every disabled person or mentally ill person goes through when they are living environment, or their life, becomes intolerable in one way or another.  If someone falls down and breaks their arms.  Their physical world has in fact become intolerable to the point, whereby an event took place.  And the result of that event was a broken arm.

(For support and source documentation, and further reading, please see my "See Also:" section below.)

Just like when someone has a massive nervous breakdown and goes into schizophrenic catatonia, they are in fact reacting to a change in their environment or their life whereby something in their life for their environment has become so painful that it has actually broken down.  Various communication or informational lines within their own brain and personality to the point where they are literally frozen like statues sometimes for years.

So looking at all of the things that happened to us physically and in every other way.  Along these lines tends to be more along the lines of the problematic logical view or it.  Meaning looking at every aspect of why something is taking place.  Instead of what simply is the most obvious or visible.  It is almost a kind of metaphysical point of view.  So when you look at the dysfunction that is going on in our world today with so many people making really horrible ugly negative choices.  Where these choices are actually doing harm to themselves or others.  You are looking at individuals who are in such a huge amount of pain in one form or another and pain that they just don't have the ability to articulate that the choices they are seeing.  Conceptually are no longer based on any of the previous elements of their life.  Because those choices are now based on the elements of their life, which are in fact being manipulated or altered as a result of the pain they are going through and this pain is either emotional or spiritual, psychological, it can be a number of different types.  Because there are types of behavior that are socially dysfunctional and culturally dysfunctional and medically dysfunctional and physically dysfunctional and dysfunctional in almost every other way.

So that's the first thing that I see when I look at any act of violence or any negative form of behavior.  In any way the matter where it is happening.  Because that is in fact how we humans react to areas of stress or extreme discomfort or dysfunctionality within our own lives.

(For support and source documentation, and further reading, please see my "See Also:" section below.)

So given the foregoing, it then becomes much more logical to allow humanity to experience some of the ramifications of their singular, and/or collective, negative behavior.  Because only by experiencing the negative affects of their own behavior will they begin to understand that there are other choices.  And that these other choices very well may in fact preclude them from having to go through the negative experience.  They may in fact be having as a result of realizing any of the effects of their own negative behavior.

The way to stop our children from acting out in hatred and violence is for us adults to stop teaching our children hatred and violence.  But as long as we adults continue to teach our children hatred or violence in any way or of any kind, then our children are going to continue magnifying that violence and that hatred.  And as they find the world that they are living in becoming more intolerable depending on what may in fact be taking place in their life the level of pain of one form or another begins to magnify as well.  And as that happens of course the conceptualization or the cognitive choices.  They are in fact being presented with our being altered by the pain they are dealing with.  And that pain again can be physical or emotional or psychological or spiritual or cultural or social or even professional it can be pain that encompasses every aspect of their life.  Whether it is the physical part of their body and a physical change that takes place or a change in any other aspect of their life.

And the way to fix that problem is a bit more complicated.  Because it means that all of us here on Earth as adults are going to have to take a different view of our children.  It means we are going to have to figure out a way to put aside all of our hatred that our violence and the figure out a way to stop spending most of our money on the industrial militarized complex, whereby we are using most of our money to destroy life rather than using most of our money to save lives.

And that's a huge change.  Because you have one country to the next.  Each one thinking they are better than the other.  You have one religion to the next.  Each thinking they are better than the other.  You have neighbors who become so competitive that they want to kill each other.  You have children being taught at home to go to school and beat the living crap out of anyone they don't like.  And then as a result you have children like me and millions and millions of others who have been bullied all their lives and their lives and that basically being broken in one way or another.  When all of this is extremely preventable.  Preventable.  Meaning that if we as adults would take the high ground and instead of teaching our children hatred and racism and bigotry and prejudice and violence and anything ugly we would actually start teaching our children how to get along and how to like themselves how to like others how to not to rush to judgment.  Just because someone is different but that's not what were doing.

(For support and source documentation, and further reading, please see my "See Also:" section below.)

And how do I know that this is true?  Because I'm talking about my own life.  I'm talking about what I went through in the 62 years I have lived in this world.  I'm talking about having been abused and beaten most of my life.  I'm most of the people I ever encountered or hated at the very least.  And as I said, when someone becomes dysfunctional with a certain degree of pain the knee-jerk reaction is that they want to act out against those that have caused them pain.  And that is why mental health medical support is so extremely critical.  Because the key to being able to help someone who is mentally ill or who is disabled in one way or another as a result of whatever physical or emotional or any other thing.  They are experiencing.  The best way to help them is to simply show them the other choice.  That's all.  In psychiatry and psychology.  This is called, improving their coping skills.

But the reality is whether we are talking about physical rehabilitation as a result of a broken arm or losing a leg or whether we are talking about PTSD or to Tourette's  syndrome or autism or anything else.  We are talking about conditions within someone's life.  Whereby as a result of some element going on in that life they become dysfunctional in one way or another.  And again, with someone who loses their way they are in fact physically reacting to an element in their life that is become so stressful or so negative that the result is they lost their way.  And that's very easy to understand.  When you are looking at a soldier who is protecting their comrades and all of loss and they may be under fire.  And someone actually maybe shoots them from behind and they end up losing their late.  So the first question would be how is that like mental illness.  And my reaction is that it is exactly like mental illness.

Because, their environment or their life became so stressful and negative physically.  In the physical world.  That the result of the stress and the negative energy and the dysfunctionality that they were experiencing in the physical world.  The elements in the physical world collided in such a way so that the reaction was, they lost their late.  Meaning someone else had to make a choice to act out in violence in such a way so that their action of violence.  Then changed the life of the person they were directing the violence at to the point where the first person, taking the action of violence, made that choice to behave negatively rather than positively.  And as a result of that negative energy.  They then in fact manipulated their physical life in such a way so that they would actually shoot the gun and as a result of shooting that gun the bullet then penetrated the length of the soldier.  The soldier then realized physical dysfunction within their life to such an extent, where as a result, the leg had to be taken off.

So it's all choices.

And because humanity is so overcome with negative behavior and all of this negative stuff going on.  It makes no sense to try and lessen the amount of negative energy coming back to the planet.  Because the only way the humanity is going to finally see.  These other choices.  These have all this negative energy back to the planet and back to everyone generating the negative energy so that they can actually see the results of their own negativity.  Because only when they do that.  Will they ever really understand the ramifications of their own negative behavior.  And that's something that has to happen.  Humanity has to get really sick to the point of being almost consumed by their own violence before humanity will ever stop the violence.

(For support and source documentation, and further reading, please see my "See Also:" section below.)

No argument is going to work.  And that's something else about the mentally ill.  Doctors think that just by giving someone who is mentally ill a pill that the pill will fix everything.  When in fact it fixes nothing.  The deal may be actually balancing the chemicals in the brain or the body.  But the bill is not resolving the conflict of arguments going on inside the person.  That takes talking.  That takes interaction.  That takes patience.  That takes love.  That takes understanding and kindness.

Over the years I've been on almost every single kind of medication for various mental illnesses.  And I mean almost every single kind of medication that exists.  None of them worked.  Not one.  What worked was talking.  What worked was talking it out asking questions learning better mechanisms to cope.  But the world doesn't really care about the mentally ill.  Because the world is much more interested in spending lots and lots of money on the industrial militarize complex.  So that all of the weapons makers and all of the millionaires can have more money.  It's much more fun to make money than it is to help someone who is mentally ill and do so lost in the dark hallway within themselves that most of the time.  They are praying that they die because the pain is that bad.  And yet the world sees nothing.  The world doesn't really pay attention.  There are millions of people in this world going through so many different terrible circumstances within themselves that are so painful that in the United States alone every 15 min., another mentally ill person becomes so desperate and so terrified within themselves that the only thought that they can think of that makes any sense is for them to take their own life.

Which is why I fall the TV stations in Cleveland, Ohio.  Because for the last 15 years I have been urging them to put up telephone numbers for suicide hotlines so that people who are mentally ill in the Cleveland area could have a split second of possibly making a better choice and to this very day, unless things have changed as a result of these recent gun violence situations to this very day.  None of the TV stations in Cleveland, oh I'll will put up any telephone number whatsoever to save the life of someone who is mentally ill by displaying a suicide hotline.  And the reason that the TV stations give is nothing but Bullshit.  Because the reason is that they would rather be at a suicide to photograph it taking place.  So that they can get those ratings.  They are more interested in photographing the crime rather than preventing it.

(For support and source documentation, and further reading, please see my "See Also:" section below.)

So as long as humanity wants to take that kind of backseat or lackadaisical attitude regarding the mentally ill.  I would suggest that the general population not have any real high hopes of ever getting rid of a lot of the violence.  We have right wing extremists in every country teaching their children to be as hateful and is racist and as ugly as possible and as violent as possible.  We have the governments in most countries looking at the mentally ill like we are stupid or hard of hearing or that we are not even worth medical care at all.  We have everyone in the general population yelling and screaming at us and how much they hate us and how we are nothing but crap and pieces of garbage and then the general population wonders why we walk around with damaged hearts and damaged personalities.  And that's because the human population doesn't realize that words and thoughts can hurt as hard as a fist.

As I've said before, because of the abuse I have suffered in my life.  My home is now tremendously protected.  In one of the front windows of my home.  There are two bullet holes were someone tried to murder my wife and murder me because I am a half breed Jew and have lived and was living and am living as a transgendered woman.  We have had our home attacked several times because of my being mentally ill.  So now my home has one-way glass on every window.  All the windows are double pane.  There are now security cameras throughout the entire property.  There are two security camera surveillance systems.  All of the security cameras are operating on their own power source.  They watch every aspect of the property.  Those cameras are monitored by two of my friends in two different states outside of Ohio.  And in addition to that I then have a full security system in the house that I pay for.

(For support and source documentation, and further reading, please see my "See Also:" section below.)

And I hardly ever go out.  I hardly ever go out in the front of my home.  If I want to go out I go into the backyard where no one can see me because my entire backyard is hidden behind a 7 1/2 foot high wooden fence.  And I've gone to this extent because I finally got tired of the world beating up on me and treating me like crap and telling me I was nothing but a piece of garbage.  I got tired of the world laughing at me because I'm mentally ill or because I live as a woman.  Because I am a half breed Jew or because my mother died giving birth to me.  I got tired of the world being so cruel and hateful that I just wanted to be left alone.

And then what happened?  It took me 40 years to find my darling Aileen.  It took me 40 years to find just one single woman other than my grandmother and my aunt Helen who did love me for what I felt I was and what I wanted to be.  And then after 18 wonderful years.  Right actually finally was being given somewhat of a rest, what happened?

I had to watch my darling Aileen dying horribly in front of me for eight months of liver cancer.  And how did my own hospital, the hospital the tried to save my darling Aileen's life, how did they respond when I needed help from them?  They said I was not allowed to see my own psychiatrist for more than 15 min., once every three months.  And that for those 15 min.  The hospital was going to charge me $150.  So in other words, my own hospital that I was seeing for any kind of mental health help basically told me to go to hell.  And that's exactly the prevailing attitude in the United States and around the world.  Nobody wants to do anything about us.  Nobody wants to stop us from killing ourselves.  Nobody wants to have anything in their lives associated with us at all.  Nobody wants to give is any kind of medical help.  But when one of us gets in trouble.  Where we are so desperate for some kind of relief from the pain that we are suffering what happens?  Something that happens.  Something that could have been prevented.  If the medical community and most of the normal world would put up and shut up and stop doing lip service to us and actually give us the mental illness help that we need them a lot of us would not be acting out in so very many negative ways.

(For support and source documentation, and further reading, please see my "See Also:" section below.)

Those of us who are mentally ill already know that the world doesn't give a damn if we kill ourselves.  That the world would actually like to be there.  So that they could watch.  Because the world doesn't really care.  We die.  They just enjoy seeing it happen because the world loves watching us kill ourselves.  That's why they turn on the news at night so they can watch all of these ugly things.  Because that's what the news is anymore news doesn't talk about really good stuff anymore the news talks about all the women that are being beaten and the children that are being murdered and the mentally ill who are being left alone or the homeless.  So that's why people watch the news because they really like seeing these people suffer.  It just makes their day.  Which is why the TV stations in Cleveland Ohio will never put up a suicide hotline number.  Not when they can make money from being there to photograph it as it is happening.  Because that's the attitude in Cleveland, screw the mentally ill let's just take our camera and watch them kill themselves because that's entertainment.  And that's why the medical community in Cleveland Ohio basically hates the mentally ill and will do nothing to help any of us.  That's why any of us who need any kind of mental health help have to do it on our own because the government hates us the Catholics hate us the Christians hate us the Jews, hate us the Muslims hate us the entire world hates us because were mentally ill.  And I've been so since I was four years old.  Which is why at least once a week.  I pray to God that I die before I wake up.  Because I'm really that tired of being hated and abused simply because I'm different.

See, I already made my choice many years ago.  I already made the choice that under no circumstances would I ever in any way act out violently toward anyone.  I might lose my temper, which is part of my mental illness.  But I have never raised my hands in anger against a living human being.  I've never struck anyone in my entire life.  Because I made that choice within myself many years ago.  So when it comes to my own mental illness.  My first choice is that I would rather just die.  Because I don't enjoy living in this world.  Because there really isn't much freedom for me.  There's hardly any appreciation.  And I don't get any kind of social or emotional support whatsoever.  I get nothing.  Because I'm a dirty Jew and I'm a stupid transgendered woman and I'm mentally ill.  So nobody really gives a damn about how intelligent I am.  Because all they are seeing is all this stuff that they are creating for themselves to give them an excuse to hate me.  Which they have done really well for 62 years.

(For support and source documentation, and further reading, please see my "See Also:" section below.)

But this Journal article is not about me.  I've already gotten used to the fact that I'm going to die alone.  I'm going to die hated by most of the people in this world.  And that the only energy anywhere that will love me really love me like my darling Aileen loves me and loves me now will be God.

And I have no problem with that.

It's like most of the world really does not understand me at all.  Watching my darling Aileen die changed every single thing inside of me.  I've always said.  And it's true.  You can watch someone you love is much as I love my darling Aileen dying of liver cancer and come away from that with anything but unbelievable love for everything in the world.

So this Journal article is not about me.  I don't need anything.  I will get the mental health help that I need.  I'm in the process of doing that now.  And I will continue living my life pretty much in fear of my life and living alone is much as possible basically as a prisoner in my own home because of the hatred that so many in this world have for me for being mentally ill or a halfbreed Jew or living as a transgendered woman.

I have no problem going to God.  I will never trust the hospital that I am leaving to go to the new hospital.  I will never trust any of those people ever again.  Because of how they treated me.  How they have denied me any kind of medical help for my mental illness.  How they have basically treated me like I was nothing but garbage.  He doesn't mean that I won't forgive them.  Because I already do forgive them for being so cruel and hateful.  But it doesn't mean I have to be around them.  And so I won't.  I will die alone in this home.  And that's okay.  As far as I'm concerned I came into this world and unwanted bastard.  Because my mother was out of wedlock.  And I will die exactly the way I came into this world.  And unwanted bastard.

(For support and source documentation, and further reading, please see my "See Also:" section below.)

That's why this Journal article is not about me.  It's about the millions and millions if not billions of brilliant men, women and children who are being treated horribly by the general population simply because it's easier for the general population to hate us who are mentally ill than it is for the general population to take any time to try and understand us.  And if there is any good.  I can do in this world.  Then let me do that.  Good thing.  Now.  Let me do something good for this world by sharing what I have learned from being mentally ill.  Since I was four years old.  Let me share what I have learned from being born a midget.  Let me share what I have learned from dying for 5 min. after my operation where I actually stood in front of the Almighty.  Let me share everything I can, because I don't have anything else I can give.  I don't have anything else I can do.  And the world will never stop hating me.  Anyhow.  So since the world wants to hate me.  Let me take the high ground and ignore their hatred and try to give something back to the world.  Not because I want them to think better of me.  But because I know that by trying to give something back to the world.  I'm actually gaining the potential of being able to save someone else's life very well may be living in extreme pain and agony.  The way I have had to live most of my life.

That's why I'm doing this Journal article today.

(For support and source documentation, and further reading, please see my "See Also:" section below.)


As I said, I will put up a new picture of my den.  And what is remarkable is that since I put the chaise lounge back into the den.  I actually have slept better than I have slept in months.  I believe what actually happened was that when Aileen died during that first year I stayed in this chaise lounge because it was so familiar and was helping me to work through my grief.  Then during the second year.  Because I was going through so many really horrible emotions about watching my darling Aileen die.  When that was going on.  It was almost like I needed a kind of separation from my chaise lounge.  So I then brought the chair into the den to use for, sleeping and just basically living.

In any event, that's really another story.  My plans for today are to do some housework and finish fixing up the den.  Now that I have moved my chaise lounge back into the den.

I will write later.

Thank you very much for listening.

(For support and source documentation, and further reading, please see my "See Also:" section below.)

See Also:

The mind is like a book. Opened and much is learned. Closed and nothing is learned. (N. Maschke – 1994)

"THEY CAME FIRST for the Communists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.

THEN THEY CAME for the Jews,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.

THEN THEY CAME for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.

THEN THEY CAME for the Catholics,
and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant.

and by that time no one was left to speak up."

Pastor Martin Niemöller

      Child Poverty Statistics:

    • 25,000 children die each day from poverty
    • 1041 children die every hour due to poverty
    • 17 children die every minute from poverty
    • 750,000 children die every month from poverty
    • 9,000,000 children die every year from poverty

    Child mortality Statistics:

    • 9.2 million children die every year
    • 780,000 children die every month
    • 26,000 children die every day
    • 18 children die every minute

An estimated 9.2 million children under the age of five will die this year – nearly 26,000 per day or 18 every minute. This is greater than the annual number of deaths from 1. AIDS (2 million), malaria (900,000), and tuberculosis (1.5 million) combined. 2. Neonatal disorders, pneumonia and diarrhea are the major causes of under-five mortality.

Globally, 80 percent of all child deaths are due to only a handful of causes: neonatal causes, pneumonia, diarrhea, and malaria. 3. Pneumonia or sepsis, pre-term delivery, and asphyxia at birth are the leading causes of neonatal deaths. Malnutrition is responsible for over a third of child deaths.


And, according to recent United States statistics, there are approximately 43,000 suicides that take place, in the United States every single year. That would be one suicide taking place, by children as young as 12, or possibly younger, up to our oldest citizens. Approximately every 15 minutes.

Not one single penny that the pro-life movement spends on their so-called pro-life movement goes toward saving any of these “living” children’s lives. Not one single cent. Which means that not one single cent of the so-called pro-life movement is being used to save any of the amazing children and absolutely fantastic women, and men, who are being killed, or suffering horribly, every single minute. so naturally, it becomes impossible to conclude that the pro-life movement is pro-life at all, if they will not even save the lives of living children and men and women. But will always only be concerned with, and define life as the “fetus” only. And THAT’S NOT how their own God Jesus Christ defines life, in their own Bible.

Which means that the pro-life movement is not pro-life at all. Because their money is “not” going to save any living life on this planet. Their money is only going toward forcing women to bear children against their will. And that’s not how their own God, Jesus Christ defines pro-life.

If The Almighty will not allow the smallest sparrow to fall from the sky, why, should we, the creations of that same Almighty, do any less?

incidents that take place every year, are committed by approximately 78% of the population, meaning people who claim to be Christians. (US Religious Demographic Statistics ). And that is something that the Christian conservatives , and those who are Catholics, never seem to want to discuss, and in many, if not most, cases, will lie about. Unless they are forced to do so, and/or tell the truth, in a court of law.

And again, their own God, Jesus Christ says in their own Bible, not to judge anyone, and not to hurt anything that God makes. That’s anything. So, these statistics are really meant to illustrate about being responsible for one’s own choices and actions. That would be, in their own Bible, free-will choices and free-will actions.

For the record, I do not now, nor have I ever hated any human being on earth. I do not hate, regarding my spirituality, and spiritual beliefs, anything that God did make. Meaning that I do not hate the “humanity” that exists within any human being. However, God did not make the personal choices that humans make, regarding how they behave, and/or present themselves, to the world. So if a human being chooses, of their own free will to demonstrate their behavior with racism, bigotry, prejudice, and hatred for other humans, on the basis of their own free will choice as to how they define their spirituality within themselves, that is their own choice. So I do not hate any human being for being that which God did make. I hate only the choices and the manner in which humans have decided to demonstrate their behavior to one another. I do not hate religion. However, I will never give my support to “any” religion, that has ever caused harm to, or killed, a single human being, in any way, as a result of the religion demonstrating, or manifesting it’s presence in the world. If any religion has ever harmed or killed a single human being, I respect the right of all humans to believe what they want in life. I, personally, will under no circumstances give my support for any religion, or theological belief, that has ever harmed or killed even a single human being. This is what I have dedicated my life to as a spiritualist and a pacifist here on earth. So any attempt by anyone to portray me as hating anyone is a lie. Because that is not so. The foregoing clearly shows that I have no hatred for humankind or for any religion.



    My Pro-Life Statement

For the record, I am pro-life . I do not support violence against, or the killing of any human being under any circumstances! And the only way that I ever deviate from that stand is that I do not believe that God has ever given any human the right to dictate to any woman how she is to arbitrate her life with the Almighty, and/or God . Therefore, I believe that all women deserve the right to choose for themselves the fate of their own bodies, pursuant to their relationship with the Almighty, and/or God . My position regarding this statement is more fully explained in my article entitled: Second Gear.



My Dell XPS 410 Computer Configuration:

  • Rating: 3.5 Windows Experience Index
  • Processor: Intel(R) Core(TM)2 CPU 6600 @ 2.40 GHz
  • Installed Memory (RAM) 4.00 GB (3.00 GB usable
  • System Type: 32-bit Operating System

Computer Further Reading:

  1. Windows Live Writer
  2. Hulu
  3. Netflix
  4. FastStone editor
  5. Logitech
  6. Windows 8
  7. Windows 7
  8. Windows Vista
  9. Windows XP
  10. IE 8
  11. IE 9
  12. IE 10
  13. Firefox
  14. Opera
  15. Google Chrome
  16. Safari
  17. Thunderbird
  18. Incredimail
  19. FeedReader
  20. FeedDemon
  21. Pidgin
  22. Yahoo Messenger
  23. Windows Live Messenger
  24. ICQ
  25. Active Desktop Calendar
  26. Trillian
  27. ITunes
  28. QuickTime
  29. CCleaner
  30. WiseCleaner
  31. AOL Messenger
  32. GoogleTalk
  33. Roboform
  34. Avast AntiVirus
  35. AVG
  36. MS Office
  37. MS Outlook
  38. Microsoft Security Essentials
  39. WiseCleaner
  40. Advanced System Care Professional
  41. RSS Bandit
  42. Atomic Alarm Clock
  43. Digsby
  44. FeedDemon
  45. MailStore
  46. JustCloud
  47. winamp
  48. Screamer Radio
  49. Radio Tuna
  50. Meebo
  51. KeyScrambler
  52. Facebook
  53. Blogger
  54. Jango Radio
  55. Picasa
  56. WOT
  57. Zemanta
  58. Prio-Priority Saver
  59. ISpy Free Surveillance Camera Software
  60. VLC Media Player
  61. PC World
  62. My Computer System
  63. Directory of Free Web Hosting sites
  64. Directory of Free blog services
  65. File A Better Business Bureau Complaint


    The mind is like a book. Opened and much is learned. Closed and nothing is learned. (N. Maschke – 1994)

Lawsuits and Civil Rights Violations In Ohio:

General Further Reading:


    The mind is like a book. Opened and much is learned. Closed and nothing is learned. (N. Maschke – 1994)

Personal Further Reading:

My Significant Journal Entries:

  1. My Biographical Profile
  2. Public Declaration
  3. My Complete Medical Record Of My Caregiving For Aileen
  4. Finding Neverland
  5. How Do I love thee. The First Anniversary Of Aileen's Rosebush
  6. My Philosophy of Life
  7. Second Gear, My discussion of my Pro-Life, and Pro-Choice Position
  8. The Time I was hired to photograph and met President-elect Ronald Reagan
  9. My 250 Million Variable Characteristic Hieroglyphic Language
  10. My Global Warming Research
  11. Quantum Mechanics And Newtonian Metaphysics, Originally Dictated On Friday March 19, 2010 (two days before Aileen collapsed and was told she only had 2 months left to live
  12. Pressurized Moments
  13. Religion 101
  14. I Am An Iconoclastic Human Rights Advocate
  15. The Dark Lord
  16. Sand On The Floor
  17. A Human Comedy
  18. The Tortoise And The Hare
  19. Fear: One of Life's Great Motivators
  20. Give Me That Old Time Religion
  21. The Real Explanation of What’s Going On With Japan
  22. The Shadow People
  23. The Music Of The Spheres
  24. The Maschke Dynamic
  25. At Last
  26. Midnight Madness
  27. A Speck Of Dust On A Dirty Beach
  28. Choices of The Heart
  29. Oh There You Are
  30. Finding The Path
  31. Death Be Not Proud
  32. John Denver-The Box
  33. Relevancy
  34. The Environment Of My Mind
  35. The Dented Soul
  36. Talking To The Ghosts In My Heart
  37. A Rumpled And Misunderstood Life
  38. The Metaphysics of Hatred
  39. System Update: The Metaphysics Of Computing
  40. The Letter
  41. Human Rights
  42. Human Rights-An Analysis Part I
  43. Human Rights-An Analysis Part II
  44. Appearances Are Deceiving
  45. Unfinished Business
  46. The Velvet Hammer
  47. Reality Always Wins
  48. Midnight With The Iron Maiden
  49. The Difference Between Love And Hate
  50. System Update: Comprehensive
  51. Rummaging Through An Old Drawer
  52. Tidying Up
  53. Climbing The Mountain
  54. Clear Vision
  55. Dancing In The Backyard With My Weed Wacker
  56. Exercises In Multi-Directional Thinking
  57. Having Dinner At The Gates Of Hell
  58. Assured Distance
  59. The Dignity Of The Human Soul
  60. The Remarkable Thing
  61. Two … Three … One …
  62. Following The Footprints In The Sand
  63. Second Sight
  64. In The Midst Of Darkness A Single Spark Of Light Guides My Way
  65. Battling Demons In The Darkness
  66. Israel Hits Hamas Government Buildings
  67. Shadow Boxing
  68. Looking At Future's Past
  69. Circles Of Synchronicity
  70. Well That Was A Bad Idea

The mind is like a book. Opened and much is learned. Closed and nothing is learned. (N. Maschke – 1994)


Technorati Tags: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,