Are We There Yet?

Are We There Yet?
This is the sign that is over the front door of Aileen's and my house, our home, going OUT. Meaning that when someone leaves our house they are going into the ACTUAL Mental Ward.

I've always felt that way. When it is considered how much ugliness and killing and hatred there is in the world today, it actually makes perfect sense that this sign is over the door going out of the house.

Because that's where the real mental ward is.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Another Promise


I don't know how difficult it might be for some people who are reading my Journal to understand the emotions that I've been going through these last several months, regarding the possibility that in September 2006 MetroHealth medical Center could have actually saved I darling Aileen's life.  In reality, Aileen actually showed signs of liver damage all the way back in 1993 when I first met her.  But at that time.  Aileen was pretty much telling everyone that the problems with her legs were as a result of the gardening accident.  However, as time went on I began to realize that was not true.

So there were a number of arguments where I was literally begging my darling Aileen to please let me take her to the hospital to at least have them make an assessment.  But because Aileen really did care very much for doctors.  She continued to refuse.  And when she finally relented in September 2006.  She was furious that the doctor said Through their nine hours and done all those tests and basically told her nothing.  And what was even more remarkable is that Aileen's lower legs and her feet were showing significant signs of liver damage at the time she was seen in September 2006.

Which means that in 2006 the liver damage was in fact present.  And that, it was obvious that the liver damage was coming from some kind of major infection.  MetroHealth never did any testing as to ascertain where that damage was coming from or why it was there.  And yet from her medical records.  It is clear that even though the doctors on her cancer gene were denying that it would've made any difference if they would treat the cancer back in September 2006.  The reality is that it would've made a huge amount of difference.  Because Aileen would still be alive.

And while she was dying, we even talked a good bit about this a number of times.  The best thing to do at that point was for me to agree with the cancer team so that Aileen would not become overburdened emotionally or mentally with any negative thoughts regarding how MetroHealth may have actually missed her cancer.  Because at that point it would not have made any difference.  But I did promise her that I would in fact investigate the matter fully and at the very least make MetroHealth and others aware of what she and I both considered was a colossal and life-threatening mistake.

During the first year after she died it was obviously impossible for me to get anywhere close to her medical records because I was completely overcome with grief.  And the same was of course very much true.  During most of the second year after her death.  But in late August, which was coming up to the anniversary of the second year of her death.  I began to look at that particular promise I had made to my darling Aileen.  Which means I was beginning to look at those records from her medical history that specifically applied to and were pertinent to the September 2006 medical visit that she had.

And as I did this it became obvious that MetroHealth medical Center as a result of medical negligence failed to recognize an obvious life-threatening condition that was being presented as a result of various sores on her lower legs and her feet.

At that point I began to struggle horribly emotionally trying to come to terms with the whether or not to even report this matter to MetroHealth medical Center and other medical organizations.  On the one hand I felt that if I did make a report of this matter.  That what would probably happen is that I would end up causing myself problems with regard to the fact that if I made a report.  I probably would end up being denied any medical care by the Cleveland medical community.

On the other hand, I firmly believe that if I did not at least do an investigation into this matter and if I did not at least report the matter that not only would I not be keeping my promise to my darling Aileen.  But that I might not be doing the good thing for other people who might in fact be going through what Aileen had to suffer with.  So it really came down to my sense of responsibility for other people who might be dealing with similar circumstances to what my darling Aileen suffered.  And this would of course be regardless of whether or not the medical community in Cleveland became so mean-spirited and hateful that they would actually turn their back on me simply because I began to raise an issue of possible medical negligence whereby the medical negligence ended up with someone dying.

The medical community generally does not like to be criticized and what anyone does criticize the medical community the medical community hires lots of expensive lawyers and they will even alter documents in order to make sure that the only thing that happens in court is that the person who is making any kind of claim ends up looking stupid and basically doesn't get anything.  Because the medical community doesn't really give a damn about patients is much as it gives a damn more about getting money from people and turning people into medical consumers.

These two forms of behavior by the medical community are obvious.  Because all anyone has to do is look at the actual actions of the medical community to see very clearly that the medical community doesn't really give a damn about the mentally ill.  Just like they don't give a damn about most of the patients.  They claim to be concerned about.  Because the way that the medical community has behaved over the last 30 years very clearly shows that the medical community doesn't really care about saving lives unless it is advantageous in one way or another for them to do so.  Meaning that the medical community in United States will never care about taking care of any patient unless it is advantageous for them to care about that person or to offer them medical assistance.

Obviously in the United States.  Because of how transparent in so many ways the medical community is more times than not, or in the vast majority of cases it is absolutely and most certainly advantageous for the medical community to take care of individuals.  But whenever given the chance to medical community sees an opportunity that is not completely advantageous for them to demonstrate any kind of concern for a patient they will have no problem turning their back on that individual again unless it is advantageous for them not to do so.

So in September 2006 there was really no incentive for MetroHealth medical care to really give a damn about Aileen.  Just like there was no incentive for MetroHealth medical Center to give her the care she deserved or the care she needed.  Meaning the medical care.  Because if there had been an incentive MetroHealth medical Center would have done the proper testing and actually taking their time with Aileen, whereby they would have seen very clearly that her lower legs and feet were in severe distress as a result of a cancer infection.  And had they even noticed that which they did not they would have been immediately do the testing and they would've seen that in September 2006 MetroHealth medical Center would've seen that Aileen's liver infection was in its early stages.  And they would have been had the opportunity as a result of their observation to address that condition which means they would have been able to treat her liver infection at an earlier stage, whereby the treatment would've had more effectiveness and thereby would have had a much better chance of either reducing the cancer or slowing the cancer down.  And to the point, whereby Aileen would've had a significant opportunity or chance or potentiality of living longer.

And because all those things were not done.  And because Aileen and I talked about it.  It then became important for me to fulfill that promise which was to investigate this matter completely.  And then to make a report to the proper organizations.  But come into that decision was one of the hardest decisions I've had to make in recent memory.  It was actually agonizing for me emotionally.  Because of all the extremely obvious reasons.

But I have done that.  I have reported this matter to the proper authorities for the state of Ohio and the matter is in fact being investigated.  And again the investigation really isn't on the account of Aileen.  Because she's dead.  And nothing will bring her back.  That is the reality.  Nothing will bring her back.  But if I don't speak out on the behalf of other people who may in fact be suffering as a result of this kind of negligence then again I'm not doing the good thing.  I'm not being a responsible friend to my fellow Americans or my fellow world citizens.  Because what happened to Aileen.  Not only could happen to anyone else.  But is in fact happening all the time.  Because the level of medical mistakes in the United States is rather significant.  Which means there is a certain degree of medical negligence that goes on in the United States all the time.

At the same time any individual in the United States who dares to speak out against the medical community for any kind of negligence or disregard that the medical community may have or may display runs the risk of having the entire medical community tell the individual did that medical community will never treat them medically ever again.  Because that is how spiteful and how hateful a lot of the medical community really is.  Because the medical community really doesn't care about saving life is much as they care more about money and always doing what will give them the best possible image.  Because the medical community is much more concerned with appearances and getting as much money as they can and turning American citizens and people around the world into medical consumers then they are with really protecting the health of the people in the world or the United States.  And we know that's true simply by the very behavior.  Meaning the publicly displayed behavior of the medical community.  We know that what I'm saying is true.  Because of how the medical community publicly and physically behaving and how they act.  Because Bullshit walks and money talks.  Actions always speak louder than words.

So consequently is the actions of the medical community itself to show very clearly that they really don't care about the medical mistakes they made and they don't care about a lot of the other things they do wrong.  Because if they actually did care.  Then in reality there would be listed.  So many different medical mistakes every year in the United States alone taking place as a result of the behavior by the medical community.

And that in itself makes it even more important that I go through it and report this matter to the proper organizations which is exactly what I have done.  Because it's not about me in my darling Aileen.  It's about all of us being victimized by the medical community which is so expedient that they have become somewhat neglectful of their primary duty, which is to provide good health care for the people that they are administering health care to.  But the reality is just like what happened to my darling Aileen.  The medical community become so expedient that the result of their expediency is that they and that killing a certain degree of disregard for the patient whereby in the case of my darling Aileen their disregard ended up with my darling Aileen dying because MetroHealth medical Center did not pay attention they did not take a look at her legs, which were extremely visible.  They did not use the knowledge they were trained to use.  Because if they had they would have immediately recognized the condition of her legs being representative of liver infection.  In which case they would've done the testing and they would've seen the tea had cancer and she would be living longer.

And like I said if MetroHealth medical Center or any other aspect of the American medical community or the world medical the can do this to my darling Aileen than they do the very same thing to anyone else in this world that the primary reason why Aileen and I agreed that I would at one point or another investigate this entire matter to make the full report not so much on behalf of what has happened my darling Aileen and myself, but on behalf of our fellow world citizens in American citizens who are being victimized the exact same way.  But the medical community because of the medical community's expediency and tendency toward medical negligence as a result of the medical community.  Being much more concerned with the money they are getting while at the same time turning American citizens and the general public is not the world into medical consumers rather than to actually provide medical and public health care that people need, unless, as I said, it is advantageous for the medical community to do so.

Not the remarkable thing is that once I have done this, I feel a huge burden taken off of my shoulders.  It's like this one single element of how my darling Aileen was dying was in the background constantly providing a tremendous amount of emotional conflict underneath the surface inside myself.  Because I always knew inside myself that they really could have saved her life.  But they simply chose not to do so.  For whatever reason is simply chose not forth their best effort to save my darling Aileen's life.  And again, for whatever reason exactly what happened.  Because they had the opportunity.  He had the physical signs of the liver infection MetroHealth refused to look at those signs means they refuse to take any action.  And as a result, my wife died.

And that is what I don't want to see happen.  Even though I know it does and will.  And yet that's exactly why I do need to talk about this and make this report.  Which I have done because I do know there are other families and individuals who are going through tremendous and you as a result of losing a loved one.  And that in some of these cases individual is just like me and knows that something was not taking care of that something was overlooked that something was not done and that the sink should have been done with these things were not done because the medical community with more interested in how much money they could get from us and turning us into medical consumers then the medical community was with providing adequate and deserved healthcare that our loved ones who died deserved and needed.

And that.  That is probably one of the toughest for.  I have had to carry inside myself with these last two years.  Of course, since my darling Aileen died.  But I also had to carry that burden for almost 18 years.  Because I knew 18 years ago that there was something seriously wrong with my darling Aileen.  But as I said just not allow me under any circumstances take her to the hospital at least not until September 2006.  And of course there are all those other questions as to whether I should have been stronger and demanded she go to the hospital.  But if I go down that road out into with nothing but hatred for everything I am because the obvious answer is that I probably should have been stronger but I couldn't.  I love my darling Aileen and I love her so much that there was no way I ever wanted to force her to do anything.  I love her so much I love her with every ounce of all that I am even though I knew was best for her to go to the hospital in my heart I knew that the greater good would always the his advice to the right by her side the matter what.  She decided so that she was always knows she was not alone.

So that's what I did.  And to say that it was painful it is a huge understatement.  Visit literally tore my heart out to watch her suffer the way she did.  But finally being able to talk about it.  And actually make the report.  Which I was not able to do with the first use the first two years after death.  This really does taking huge burden off of me.

So the reports have been filed.  I have finally done the work.  And I have finally caught up on all of my e-mail and personal chores.  The only other thing I need to do used to generate the documentation for final payment of the mortgage which I will do next week.  But I have my printer online.  And I have all the other necessary arrangements having been made to my system.  So that everything is the copacetic.

Say that I am emotionally exhausted from all of this would be a tremendous understatement.  In any event, at this writing, the Ohio Department of mental health has gotten involved.  And they are going to ensure that my records are transferred to my new HMO hospital without any undue encumbrances.  And as I've said all of the reports necessary have been filed regarding this entire incident.

The next hard thing I have to do as I said is to write this final mortgage payment letter which has to go out next week and.  Once that's done, I can then hopefully get on with my life.  Because I will finally have achieved a certain amount of closure.

This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life other than to take care of my darling Aileen.  While she was dying.  In any event, it's finally coming to a close.  Finally.

It's going to take me some time probably about a week or so and again, maybe not.  As a writer.  There really has never been any kind of governor on my creative abilities.  Meaning that I never know if I'm suddenly going to lose inspiration.  Because it just happens.  I know right now.  I just feel like I need a break.  I still have calls to make next week to substantiate my care at the new HMO facility and also to make sure that the records are being transferred.  Plus, at the same time doing the last mortgage payment letter.  Plus, next Saturday I will be going shopping and paying the bills.  So it's going to be a really busy first part of February.

I haven't even fix myself up for the last 10 days.  Because I've been so much in turmoil about this entire situation regarding September 2006.  It just has really consumed so much of my emotional energy.  I wish I could have taken care of the sooner but I just wasn't able to do so.  I just didn't have the emotional stamina.

But it's done.  I don't know why I'm not sobbing.  My heart feels so broken.  She could have survived.  I'm not angry.  I'm just incredibly hurt.

Anyhow, I will undoubtedly be doing some news posting.  But I do just need to step back for a while.  So today I plan on resting and relaxing letting my mind not have to press so hard.  Then tomorrow perhaps a shower.  We'll see.

Thank you very much for listening..

(For support and source documentation, and further reading, please see my "See Also:" section below.)

See Also:

The mind is like a book. Opened and much is learned. Closed and nothing is learned. (N. Maschke – 1994)

"THEY CAME FIRST for the Communists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.

THEN THEY CAME for the Jews,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.

THEN THEY CAME for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.

THEN THEY CAME for the Catholics,
and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant.

and by that time no one was left to speak up."

Pastor Martin Niemöller

      Child Poverty Statistics:

    • 25,000 children die each day from poverty
    • 1041 children die every hour due to poverty
    • 17 children die every minute from poverty
    • 750,000 children die every month from poverty
    • 9,000,000 children die every year from poverty

    Child mortality Statistics:

    • 9.2 million children die every year
    • 780,000 children die every month
    • 26,000 children die every day
    • 18 children die every minute

An estimated 9.2 million children under the age of five will die this year – nearly 26,000 per day or 18 every minute. This is greater than the annual number of deaths from 1. AIDS (2 million), malaria (900,000), and tuberculosis (1.5 million) combined. 2. Neonatal disorders, pneumonia and diarrhea are the major causes of under-five mortality.

Globally, 80 percent of all child deaths are due to only a handful of causes: neonatal causes, pneumonia, diarrhea, and malaria. 3. Pneumonia or sepsis, pre-term delivery, and asphyxia at birth are the leading causes of neonatal deaths. Malnutrition is responsible for over a third of child deaths.


And, according to recent United States statistics, there are approximately 43,000 suicides that take place, in the United States every single year. That would be one suicide taking place, by children as young as 12, or possibly younger, up to our oldest citizens. Approximately every 15 minutes.

Not one single penny that the pro-life movement spends on their so-called pro-life movement goes toward saving any of these “living” children’s lives. Not one single cent. Which means that not one single cent of the so-called pro-life movement is being used to save any of the amazing children and absolutely fantastic women, and men, who are being killed, or suffering horribly, every single minute. so naturally, it becomes impossible to conclude that the pro-life movement is pro-life at all, if they will not even save the lives of living children and men and women. But will always only be concerned with, and define life as the “fetus” only. And THAT’S NOT how their own God Jesus Christ defines life, in their own Bible.

Which means that the pro-life movement is not pro-life at all. Because their money is “not” going to save any living life on this planet. Their money is only going toward forcing women to bear children against their will. And that’s not how their own God, Jesus Christ defines pro-life.

If The Almighty will not allow the smallest sparrow to fall from the sky, why, should we, the creations of that same Almighty, do any less?

incidents that take place every year, are committed by approximately 78% of the population, meaning people who claim to be Christians. (US Religious Demographic Statistics ). And that is something that the Christian conservatives , and those who are Catholics, never seem to want to discuss, and in many, if not most, cases, will lie about. Unless they are forced to do so, and/or tell the truth, in a court of law.

And again, their own God, Jesus Christ says in their own Bible, not to judge anyone, and not to hurt anything that God makes. That’s anything. So, these statistics are really meant to illustrate about being responsible for one’s own choices and actions. That would be, in their own Bible, free-will choices and free-will actions.

For the record, I do not now, nor have I ever hated any human being on earth. I do not hate, regarding my spirituality, and spiritual beliefs, anything that God did make. Meaning that I do not hate the “humanity” that exists within any human being. However, God did not make the personal choices that humans make, regarding how they behave, and/or present themselves, to the world. So if a human being chooses, of their own free will to demonstrate their behavior with racism, bigotry, prejudice, and hatred for other humans, on the basis of their own free will choice as to how they define their spirituality within themselves, that is their own choice. So I do not hate any human being for being that which God did make. I hate only the choices and the manner in which humans have decided to demonstrate their behavior to one another. I do not hate religion. However, I will never give my support to “any” religion, that has ever caused harm to, or killed, a single human being, in any way, as a result of the religion demonstrating, or manifesting it’s presence in the world. If any religion has ever harmed or killed a single human being, I respect the right of all humans to believe what they want in life. I, personally, will under no circumstances give my support for any religion, or theological belief, that has ever harmed or killed even a single human being. This is what I have dedicated my life to as a spiritualist and a pacifist here on earth. So any attempt by anyone to portray me as hating anyone is a lie. Because that is not so. The foregoing clearly shows that I have no hatred for humankind or for any religion.



    My Pro-Life Statement

For the record, I am pro-life . I do not support violence against, or the killing of any human being under any circumstances! And the only way that I ever deviate from that stand is that I do not believe that God has ever given any human the right to dictate to any woman how she is to arbitrate her life with the Almighty, and/or God . Therefore, I believe that all women deserve the right to choose for themselves the fate of their own bodies, pursuant to their relationship with the Almighty, and/or God . My position regarding this statement is more fully explained in my article entitled: Second Gear.


    The mind is like a book. Opened and much is learned. Closed and nothing is learned. (N. Maschke – 1994)

Medical Further Reading:


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