Are We There Yet?

Are We There Yet?
This is the sign that is over the front door of Aileen's and my house, our home, going OUT. Meaning that when someone leaves our house they are going into the ACTUAL Mental Ward.

I've always felt that way. When it is considered how much ugliness and killing and hatred there is in the world today, it actually makes perfect sense that this sign is over the door going out of the house.

Because that's where the real mental ward is.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Three Days...

Oh  Leen, my darling, there you are...!

aileen at malachi house 111710

This was my darling Leen. Aileen. Just 3 days before she died from liver cancer in 2010 at Malachi House in Cleveland.

It's funny. This was taken at about 9am. And it was at 10:30am that morning. Just 90 minutes later. She slurred just one word. That's all it took. When she did. My eyes and the nurse in the room met each other. Her sister and brother were there. Neither of them noticed the slur. But the nurse and I did. We knew. We knew that my darling Leen would be going into the last coma. The one that this time she would not come out of.

To say that my heart breaks every single day is far from being adequate. Because by the end of the day. My darling Leen. My other heartbeat. My true love... Well, she began her final walk... that walk down the hallway... home...

Aileen at malachi house with the red comforter

I was her rail. I had to be. I was her rail. And I ran my soul under hers. It was my duty. It was my supreme honor. The honor that God gave me.

To this very day, every time I kiss her ashes every morning, when I say to her, ".. Aye my dear. And good morning! So how's my darling Leen today? Forever my love. always forever....". I can always feel her kissing me back.

I actually do have an extra heartbeat. And when my darling Leen asked me about it one time a number of years ago. All I said was. "My my daring. It's you. It's that other heartbeat that God gave me to always keep you in my heart no matter what..." And she would laugh and then, of course worry. I never did. Because I know that this other heartbeat IS my darling Leen. It is that part of her God gave to me. And what an honor! To have God give you a part of your beloved to keep inside of you always...

It's okay sweetie. Always my love... my hand to yours. No matter what. No matter where. When you reach out your hand, whether on this side of the veil or the other. You will always find mine my love. Always.

Safe Journey my darling Leen. Safe journey....