Are We There Yet?

Are We There Yet?
This is the sign that is over the front door of Aileen's and my house, our home, going OUT. Meaning that when someone leaves our house they are going into the ACTUAL Mental Ward.

I've always felt that way. When it is considered how much ugliness and killing and hatred there is in the world today, it actually makes perfect sense that this sign is over the door going out of the house.

Because that's where the real mental ward is.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Air Quality

For the Cleveland, Akron, Lorain, Ohio area:

6:21 PM, EDT:
particle pollution: 30
ozone: 16
temperature: 48°
humidity: 91%.
Air pressure: 30.04, rising.
UV index: moderate, 3.
Wind: West, Southwest

So mysteriously, the particle pollution is come back down to 30.  Which is in the green range.  But as we have seen today.  That doesn't really matter that much.  For some reason.  And it's regardless of the wind and humidity.  The pollution levels in Cleveland fluctuate.  Which seems to indicate that the pollution levels are more as a reaction of electromagnetic field variations and interaction than they are with any meteorological elements or aspects to various weather conditions.  At least that's how it looks so far.

I will of course continue monitoring the pollution levels.  Meaning the particle pollution levels in the Cleveland area and should they change during the evening.  I will definitely document it.

I'll write later.

Smartphone App Launched to Catch Animal Abusers : The Humane Society of the United States

 

Smartphone App Launched to Catch Animal Abusers : The Humane Society of the United States

 

What a brilliant idea.  I mean really.  All of us need to become involved in protecting each other and protecting this planet and protecting the other animals in this world.  We are all custodians of this world.  Simply because right wing religious and right wing political extremists, namely the religiously right wing conservative Christian extremists and the Republican Party and the tea party, basically don't give a damn about this environment on earth, and they don't care about anyone except for themselves because they think everything is only about them.  And no one else.  Just because that is the case doesn't mean that the rest of us in this world.  The mass majority of humans in the world who don't like.  And who do not support that kind of extremely selfish and stupid and extremely mean-spirited and sadistically cruel behavior have to go along with that kind of thinking.  Because we don't

If the Republican Party and the tea party doesn't give a damn about being custodians of this planet and if their supporters the right wing Christian conservative extremist don't give a damn about being custodians of this world.  Because they are too consumed with being selfish and stupid and self-centered and such spoiled brats that all they are going to care about is just themselves thinking that the entire world revolves around them.  That doesn't mean that the rest of us.  The mass majority of humans in this world have to go along with that kind of ugly behavior.

So that's why this application is a great application.  Because there are a lot of really stupid people in this world.  They are not stupid.  Because they were born that way they are stupid.  Because they made themselves that way.  Either by drug abuse or addiction to prescription medications or alcoholism or because they live their lives on the basis of antiquated magical and religiously dogmatic thinking.  Whereby they are so backward and so self-centered and so stupid that they are refusing under any circumstances to believe in anything they don't already know.  And they don't want to learn anything that isn't in their particular version of the Christian Bible.  Because nothing else means anything.  Nothing else is true, except that.  Because that's all they well, or believe in the entire world revolves around them, and they don't care if they kill animals and they don't care if they kill women and they don't care if they murder and kill children.  Because all they care about is themselves.

And believe it or not.  I see that exact kind of behavior.  In my neighborhood every day.  And a lot of them are not right wing religiously extremist Chris a conservatives and they are not right wing religiously extremist Republicans.  A lot of them are just extremely lazy people who have given into becoming alcoholic and drug addicted to the point where they have ruined their lives.  I see them is young as 20 years old.  And even younger in their teens literally destroying their lives because they are so lazy and they have never been given the mentoring that they really need.  So they grow up being alcoholic, drug addicted lazy refusing to really learn anything or want to learn anything and abusing almost everything they come in contact with.  There's a lot of that kind of really stupid behavior in this neighborhood.  And I feel badly for them.  Because they are destroying their lives.  Just because they are so completely blindsided and so narrowminded that they refuse to try to stretch beyond the boundaries they have put on themselves.

That's why this application is brilliant.  Because these religiously right wing Christian conservative extremists and the Republican Party and the tea party and all the actors in all the movie stars and all the artists, and all the other people who are supporting them are so selfish and so mean-spirited that they will never do anything for anyone unless they get something in return.  Because they are very selfish, self-centered people.  They don't care about anyone else.  Because the entire world revolves around them.  They don't care about anyone because it's all about me me me me me.  That's exactly how they think and if they go ahead and they start hurting animals and their hurt anyone else don't care.  And that's where all of us.  The rest of us in this world who don't like this kind of right-wing stupid extremist asinine behavior can actually band together as the family of humankind to do battle against these ugly and extremely stupid people who are not ugly.  Because they were born that way and they are not stupid.  Because they were born that way they are stupid and ugly because they made themselves that way.  They did by their own choice.  So just as they have a choice.  So do we.

And that's why this application is great.  Because we are destroying the animals in this world.  We are destroying each other and we are destroying the planet.  And it's up to all of us.  The rest of us in this world to fight against this tidal wave being created by this minority in this world.  These right wing religious and political extremists who are so selfish and self-centered and so stupid that they just won't ever change.  They don't care.  Because all they care about is getting their own way.  So it's up to the rest of us to fight that kind of ugly stupid backward type of thinking.  And this is one application they can help you to do just exactly that.

And again, ladies and gentlemen, this is not about people.  This is about behavior.  God made people, or the creator made people, or that energy made people, or Jesus or Allah, or Mohammed or Buddha, or Moses whatever you want to call it or the goddess or the gods.  It doesn't matter that energy that made humans made people.  It made everything in this world.  But people made their own behavior and they make their own behavior.  Every single day.  By the choices they make.  And this is a choice that we can make the fight back against that kind of stupid asinine and backward kind of behavior.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be.

The mind is like a book.  Opened and much is learned.  Closed and nothing is learned.  (Nicole Maschke, 1994)

Air Quality

 

For the Cleveland, Akron, Lorain, Ohio area:

2:25 PM, EDT:
particle pollution: 41
ozone: 15
temperature: 50°
humidity: 84%
air pressure: 29.99, steady.
UV index: loan 1
wind: North, Northeast.

So here we are just not more than a little over 30 minutes later and the air quality or the particle pollution level is now just about six points below being in the moderately unhealthy range.  Join very clearly that the Cleveland area does have a pollution issue.  Because that's awfully close to being moderately unhealthy.  It is still in the green range, but it has gone up significantly in just 30 minutes.

I will continue making reports during the day as these levels continue to fluctuate.

Nevada Ranchers Suffer From Self-Deluded Drought Denial | American Wild Horse Preservation Campaign

 

Nevada Ranchers Suffer From Self-Deluded Drought Denial | American Wild Horse Preservation Campaign

 

Like I've told you before, ladies and gentlemen.  For the last 46 years I have been doing everything I could to warn people about the various issues facing us, environmentally with regard to whatever potential climate change or global warming process may in fact be taking place.  And for almost all of those 46 years I have been laughed at and called stupid.  And yet here we are seeing a lot of what I have been talking about, along with millions and millions of others.  And what they have said, actually.  Now taking place.  And it's like I've said before.  Humanity is basically on these train tracks and there is a train speeding right for humanity, but humanity as much more concerned with being deluded and ignoring the dangers of what is facing them so that they can spend more money fighting each other and building bombs in making money rather than securing the survival of humankind.

So here we have all of these nice very solid Republicans who are claiming that there is no drought, when in reality there is.  Which means they would prefer to be stupid about the environment in which they personally are living.  They live off the land.  They are involved in the land and with the land by the very process of life that they are experiencing.  And that is what they are doing as this article shows.  And yet they are going to do so being as stupid as they possibly can be.  Because they enjoy being stupid.  And you could tell them anything.  And you can show them the dangers of what they are not paying attention to, and they will look at you and laugh, and they believed that you they will beat you in the face, they will laugh at you and call you stupid because they would rather be stupid than to take any action whatsoever to protect themselves.  And that's what's remarkable is that they are choosing of their own free will to be stupid.  Because that's how they are acting they are acting extremely stupid.  They are acting so stupid that they are not even paying attention to the danger or the dangers that they are in fact experiencing because they enjoy being stupid.

And as I said, it's not about people.  Because God did not make them stupid.  They made themselves that way.

Interior secretary pushes for Congress to act | American Wild Horse Preservation Campaign

 

Interior secretary pushes for Congress to act | American Wild Horse Preservation Campaign

 

Just more proof, ladies and gentlemen.  About how the Republicans are they sickly either own choices, liars.  They talk about how they are going to bring dignity back to America.  I find it very interesting.  They talk about bringing dignity back to America.  And yet, here is a governor, stating categorically that the Republicans are refusing to take action on stalled initiatives pursuant to the environment.  Meaning that the Republican-controlled House, meaning the Republicans in the House of Representatives, are refusing to take any action on these stalled environmental regulations.  Meaning that the Republicans are not by their own choosing taking any action to move on these environmental regulations.  Meaning that when the Republican Party says they want to bring dignity back to America.  They mean that they are not going to do anything on the environment.  That they are going to basically tell the American people, screw you screw your country, screw your public lands screw your welfare screw anything you want.  Because it's all about us.  We are Republicans.  We don't care about you.  We only care about what we want.  So the hell with you.  We don't care if you go hungry.  We don't care if you lose your public lands.  We don't care about your pollution.  We don't care about your public health.  We don't care about your families.  We don't care about your children.  Because we define would dignity is you don't define would dignity as we tell you would dignity is because we are Republicans and everything is about us.  We don't care what you want.  Everything is about us.  We only care about what we want.  We don't care what you want.  Because everything is about us.  It's all about us me me me.  We don't care about you.  You need to understand that American people.  Because we are talking about bringing back the dignity of America.  And that doesn't mean that we are good at take care of you.  Because we don't care about you.  We care about what we need to find dignity as not what you define dignity as because everything is about us.  It's always about us.  You have to understand that you are not American people.  You are simply our servants, you will do what we tell you.  Because everything is about us.

And isn't it interesting that so many people in this country who claim to be good Republicans are basically taking the attitude that they don't give a damn about public lands.  That means all these really wonderful TV actors on TV and in the movies don't give a damn about the safety of the American people.  They want you to watch their movies but they don't care if you get sick.  They don't care about your welfare.  They don't care about your health.  They don't care about your public lands.  Because they are Republicans, and they are giving their money to support the Republican Party.  Because they don't care about anyone except themselves.  Which means they are extremely selfish people.  Because if they were not selfish people.  Then what would happen is they would not be sitting there supporting the Republican Party for not taking any action whatsoever regarding the safety of the American people.  Because if that were not true, then this governor would not be writing this article.  He would not be demanding that the Republican Party stop acting like a bunch of spoiled, selfish brats and start acting like patriotic Americans.

It's all about information, ladies and gentlemen, a war of information.  The Republican Party spends billions and billions of dollars lying to the American people.  Every single day.  This is just another example of how they are lying to the American public and how they are lying to actors and movie stars and musical artists to get their money because they don't care.  The Republican Party doesn't care about anyone except themselves.

And what's really interesting, ladies and gentlemen, is that growing up hearing Cleveland in a very rather influential Republican household.  I know most of the Republican families in this city the really wealthy ones.  And I can tell you they have never changed.  In 53 years of my life of knowing them.  They are still as selfish and as self-centered and as spoiled and is absolutely self-involved now as they were when I was growing up.  They are not very nice people.  They don't do anything for anyone unless they get something in return.  Because they don't believe in charity, unless they get their name in the paper or unless they get some money for doing anything.  Because they are not charitable people.  They are mean-spirited.  They are selfish, and they consider everything to be about them.  They don't care about anyone else, and they have not changed.  Like I said in 53 years of my life.  Their behavior is exactly the same.

And it's not about people, ladies and gentlemen, because I love everyone.  It's about behavior.  And there's no excuse for the Republicans lying to the American people the way they are they have made themselves into the most ugly and filthy liars that this country has ever seen.  And they are trying to perpetrate propaganda against the American people.  And here is proof of the propaganda they are trying to push on this country, how they are lying to the American public about being patriots when they are doing a damn thing that cleanup.  This environment or protect the American people.

Air Quality

For the Cleveland, Akron, Lorain, Ohio area:

1:06 PM, EDT:
particle pollution: 6
ozone: 14
temperature: 51°.
Humidity: 82%
air pressure: 29.98 rising.
UV index: loan 2
wind: West.

Okay.  So now suddenly in a couple of hours.  The pollution level just dropped practically to nothing.  Which of course means that it is in the green man is safe to breathe.  So I will continue making reports as long as I believe it is important to do so.  And because it does fluctuate the way it does I will be checking the air pressure here in another hour or two.

I'll write later.

More reasons why you should turn off the TV and take your kids outside : TreeHugger

 

More reasons why you should turn off the TV and take your kids outside : TreeHugger

 

I totally agree with this sentiment.  The one issue I might take is of course, with pollution and how it can actually affect us because the air is becoming dirtier.  And under those circumstances.  If you are in an area that is affected by pollution, then you want to think carefully about protecting yourself.  Definitely going outdoors is a great idea.  Because even though there is pollution out there.  There's a lot of other things that you get from being out of doors.

Safety Alerts for Human Medical Products > Saba Shark Cartilage Complex, 60 Capsule Bottles: Recall - Possible Salmonella Contamination

 

Safety Alerts for Human Medical Products > Saba Shark Cartilage Complex, 60 Capsule Bottles: Recall - Possible Salmonella Contamination

Air Quality

For the Cleveland, Akron, Lorain, Ohio area:

10:51 AM, EDT:
particle pollution: 59
ozone: 16
temperature: 50°
humidity: 95%
air pressure: 29.95, rising.
UV index: load 2
wind: West, Northwest.

So again we are seeing that the pollution level is still rather above or in the lower midrange of the yellow meaning that it is moderately unhealthy.  And that it is as advised that those who have lung disease, heart disease, diabetes, older adults and young children cut back on or reschedule outdoor activities.  And refrain from doing anything outdoors that requires heavy exertion.

And of course, if you are wearing a breathing mask.  Then you don't need to worry because you won't be breathing in any of the pollution.

And as I've said, I will be continuing to do multiple reports during the day as long as pollution levels are in the yellow or above.

I'll write later.

We must have a suicide hot line like 111 enforced!! Too many people are dying needlessly!! - The Petition Site

 

We must have a suicide hot line like 111 enforced!! Too many people are dying needlessly!! - The Petition Site

 

Look I'm sure all of you know that I am definitely all over this petition.  I mean, I talk about it all the time.  Every 15 minutes in the United States alone.  That's the number, ladies and gentlemen.  Every 15 minutes.  So no matter what you are doing.  Every 15 minutes.  Another child as young as four years old up to an adult who is in their senior years ends up becoming so terrified within themselves.  So confused and disoriented to the point where their judgments are no longer clear.  So that the best decision they can make is to take their own life.  And what's left after that happens is just some of the worst wreckage in the world.

I could write for 1 million years.  Well, maybe not 1 million years.  But I could just write for so long and I just don't believe people are actually going to get the message.  Some do but many don't.  And the sad thing is that every time we lose one of these amazing souls.  We lose another good Dr. or another, good lawyer or another, good carpenter or musician or Dr. or nurse or teacher or Carpenter or plumber or electrician or a good mother or father or sister or brother or son or daughter or a good friend.  We lose so much because they are gone, when in reality, if they could've had just one single phone number they could call where there would be someone on the other end that they could just hold onto.  Something firm.  Like a rock in the water.

I can't tell you what to do and I don't even want to try.  But I will say this.  I am totally behind this petition.

And if you are reading this Journal entry.  And you are having those dark thoughts where you are confused.  I'm talking right to you right now.  I'm asking you that no matter how confused you might be are, how dark you may feel the hallway you are in might look like.  Please all you have to do is reach out your hand.  I am urging you to look at the top left-hand corner of this Journal page.  And you will see hyperlinks which will take you to a phone number that you can call.  It's that easy.  You don't have to give up.  Please don't.  Use those links.  If you are feeling like you are in darkness.  Please use those links.  They will take you directly to a phone number you can call wherever you are in this country and you will be able to hear someone on the other end of the fall will be that rock.  They will have a light.  And your hallway will not be as dark as you think it is.  Please if you are in that darkness, please click those links.  I'm asking you.  Because whether you know it or not.  There are many many people in this world who love you, even though they may not even know you they love you and you have value, you are not diminished.  Don't let yourself fall into that.  Please if you are in trouble, and the waves are getting high or the hallway is getting dark.  Please click those links.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be.

The mind is like a book.  Opened and much is learned.  Closed and nothing is learned (Nicole Maschke, 1994)

Air Quality

For the Cleveland, Akron, Lorain, Ohio area:

9:46 AM, EDT:
particle pollution: 59
ozone: 18
temperature: 51°
humidity: 90%
air pressure: 29.93, rising.
UV index: load 1
wind: North Northeast.

So we are still in the yellow at 59 for a particle pollution, which means that the air quality is moderately unhealthy and that those who have lung disease, heart disease, diabetes, older adults, young children, should cut back on or reschedule outdoor activities.  And refrain from doing anything outdoors that requires heavy exertion.

And of course, if you are wearing a breathing mask.  Then of course you do not have to worry about the pollution because you won't be breathing any of it in.

And as I've always said as long as the levels are in the yellow range or above.  I will be doing multiple reports on air quality during the day.

I'll write later.

Air Quality

8:16 AM, EDT:

For the Cleveland, Akron, Lorain, Ohio area:

Particle pollution: 59
ozone: 15
temperature: 51°.
Humidity: 90%
air pressure: 29.91, rising.
UV index: load 1.
Wind: North, Northwest.

Okay so here we are.  And it's not really cold, but it's not really warm and the pollution in Cleveland is just pretty much getting out of control again.  So that's not a good thing.  Because with the levels where they are that means that the pollution level is in the yellow range or moderately unhealthy.  Which means that it is advised that those people who have lung disease, heart disease, diabetes, older adults and young children cut back on or reschedule outdoor activities.  And refrain from doing anything outdoors that requires heavy exertion.

And of course, the workaround to that is if you are wearing a breathing mask because if you are that you will not be breathing in any of the pollution.  And then you don't have to worry about the pollution.

And as I said, I will continue making multiple reports during the day as long as the levels are in the yellow range or above.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be.

The mind is like a book.  Opened and much is learned.  Closed and nothing is learned.  (Nicole Maschke, 1994)

Consistency

To begin with.  I'm not doing my exercises today, but just for today and that's basically because my chemistry not just my sugar but my chemistry got a little bit off because I was having rather severe migraines during the night.  And that is only partially as a result of my head injury when I got hit in the head with the full wood ax in 1970.  The other reason I have these migraines is again.  Because of the same kind of issue I have with my inner ear, which is not a big deal.  But the migraines were there.  I guess there were years in the past one.  The severity of these kinds of migraines were painful but not so much anymore.  They just sort of wear me out a little.  Meaning they take a little bit of my energy.  So that's why I'm having the hot Searle today.  That's why is not going to shave today.  That's why I'm not going to be exercises today, but yesterday.  And that's why during today I'm going to have repeated bowl of hot cereal and glasses of pomegranate and cranberry juice.  I will still have my coffee.  But I'm going to augment that with hot cereal and pomegranate cranberry juice.  And in the hot cereal always have a little milk and a teaspoon of sugar.

So after I do that today I will feel a lot better by tomorrow.  Because also is a really remarkable thing.  It's not only good for your cholesterol.  But it is in can read up as far as balancing not only your electrolytes.  But all of your chemistry.  It's very, very good.  And of course the pomegranate cranberry juice is verb for not only your immune system will your electrolytes and also it is a tremendous.  Where.  So it's going to be a kind of day of rubbing the system like cleaning it out.

Now the other thing that is important for me to mention is that there is not one single person in Cleveland who has known me all my life who would want me to be any different than the way I am right now.  If they say, that's not true.  They are lying.  They may not enjoy the way I am right now, but they definitely want me to be exactly the way I am right now and the reason is because in 1968.  In June of that year.  I only had five or six months left to live there was an absolute fact there was no discussion there was no room for variation at the outside.  I had six months to live.  And there was nothing that could be done.  Except to rebuild my entire spine basically focusing mostly on the thoracic section

And the operation was so dangerous.  Like I said that three counties around Cleveland from three counties around Cleveland.  People came to give blood to save my life.  That is completely documented.  So the reality is that over the last 46 years.  All these other people have changed and I have not.  That is the real story.  People have changed.  I didn't.  And the reason I didn't is because I went through what I went through.  So in reality, some of what I went through traumatized me to such an extent that certain sections of my personality became frozen in time.  The other thing that happened was that what I went through altered my perception of myself in the world in so many different ways.  Many that are barely visible.  As a result is that as life Going on.  I did not change.  I stayed solid I stayed consistent and I did exactly what I needed to do.  Because what I needed to do every single day was survive is when I got out of the hospital.  Nothing was ever certain anymore.

So as life went on.  People changed.  People got older, their priorities changed their viewpoints changed their values changed mine did not.  And the reason minded not is because the conditions of my life did not change when I got out of the hospital.  That's the reality.  People's lives did in fact change mine did not.  The conditions I have to live with today are exactly the same as they were in 1968.  With of course, taking into consideration but not limited to, the fact that I now have a hernia and I have rheumatoid arthritis.  But other than those two factors, the conditions of my body right now are exactly the same as they were in 1968, of course, taking into consideration my advanced age.  But the conditions of my life are exactly the same.

Is not one single person in Cleveland.  Meaning Cleveland, Ohio, who has known me all my life who does not want me to be exactly the way am right now.  They expect me to be exactly how I am right now.  They may not admit it, but it is true.  Because they knew in 1968.  That the only way I was going to survive was to have the kind of drive to survive.  That was far beyond anything they themselves would ever possess.  So over the years.  Some people got jealous of me.  Some people got envious of me.  Some people got angry.  Some people got mean, it doesn't matter.  Because whether they admit it or not they expect me to be exactly the way I am right now.  And they know that what I'm doing is exactly the right thing for me to do.  Again, whether they admit it or not.

Because life was that serious.  And it still is.  At least for me.  So all my life I've done exactly what I'm doing right now.  I'm taking care of my body.  Because I know as much about my body as any Dr. and I've had to do that.  Because my life depends on it every single second.  If it's not the hypoglycemia.  It's the ulcerated colitis and if it's not the ulcerated colitis if this slight imbalance that I have in my inner ear as a result of their minor almost immeasurable thyroid malfunction.  In addition to the fact that I had neuralgia that my face has actually survived impetigo that I was hit in the head with a fool wood ax.

So every day.  I have a whole number of things I have to measure and be aware of every single second.  Whether I like it or not, that's my reality.  And so all my life.  The past 46 years.  Well, everyone else who knew me or most of the people who knew me were going through their lives and doing anything they wanted to do in order for me to do anything I might want to do.  I would have to be far more aware of and cognizant of every single process going on inside of my body and I would have to be able to measure any variation at any given second.  Because that's the way hypoglycemia is that's the way all the other variables in my physical body are.  And if I'm not aware of those changes are those fluctuations that things happen.

So of anyone says they don't like the way I am or they don't like me.  They are probably lying.  Because in 1968.  They liked me enough to come to the hospital and give blood so that I would survive.  And I have never forgotten what they have done and I have never taken it for granted.  Which is why I have never taken my body for granted.  Which is why I have never done anything to my body that I knew would actually put my body in harm.

Which is also why I spent the last 46 years doing everything I possibly could to be a friend to almost anyone who was in need.  And it didn't matter who they were or where they were.  It didn't matter about anything.  Because all those wonderful people who gave blood so that I would survive.  None of them came to see me in the hospital.  None of them saw what I was having to watch while I was 17 years old.  None of them had to go through what I had to go through when I was 17 watching children die all around me.  Every month.  Where I could do nothing in any way to ease their suffering or to even save their life.

So if I was to have changed in 46 years that would have been my way of saying that I didn't care about with the people did for me in 1968 when they gave that blood to save my life.  So I have not changed.  I'm exactly the way I was when I was 17 years old, except of course for certain aspects of maturity that obviously take place as someone gets older and becomes a senior citizen in addition to various things I've learned over the years.  My personality is pretty much just exactly the same as it was when I was 17.  I'm a bit more calm.  I am a bit more measured.  But I'm a same basic person.  Because the conditions of my life have not really changed that much.  And so as a result, I have not been allowed to change.  That's the reality.  Most people get a chance to be able to reinvent themselves several times in their life.  I don't get that chance.  I've done a number of different things I've done just about everything in the world, with the exception of perhaps two or three dozen types of different things.  But I've done a hell a lot.  But even so, I've done all those different things.  My basic personality has never changed.  And every single person who is known me all my life, whether they like the way I am right now, or not they will never be able to deny that they are very glad that I am exactly the way I have right now.  And they may never admit that to anyone, but they are glad.  Because they know inside themselves that if I would have changed.  I would be dead by now.

That's the reality.

So it morning is like this when I'm getting a certain number of signals around my body.  I pay attention.  White one.  I just had that bowl of hot cereal.  Meaning, oatmeal my sugar levels really were not that very far off.  And yet my chemistry was off.  So that when I took the first few spoonfuls of oatmeal I could literally feel the chemistry in my body beginning to balance.  It was just fantastic.  And it's very difficult for me to describe the feeling.  Because it's really not like any kind of feeling I can describe.  You just know that your timing is off, you know your chemistry is often.  And you know what you need is something with a certain amount of nutrients so that when those go into your body, your body will soak up those nutrients like a dry sponge.  And that's exactly what happened.  Because in my world and in my reality.  I have to know when to go a little faster and when to go slower.  Because it's not about straining a muscle.  It's about life or death.  And if I don't pay attention to my body really bad things can happen.

So today I'm not going to shave and I'm not going to do my exercises I'm going to have pomegranate juice along with my having coffee and I'm going to basically take it easy and do the petitions do my email and I will be meditating and resting as I need to.  And then tomorrow I will feel 1000% better.  Because it generally only takes about 24 hours for my chemistry to really come back.  And the migraines less might were severe which is why this morning I'm still a little bit nauseous.  That's how severe the migraines were last night.  Which is not a big deal.  I mean, when I was younger and it's true.  When I was younger and I had migraines is badly back in the 1970s I would end up in a fetal position on the floor.  That's true.  That's how painful these migraines that I have really are.  And I don't know why at age 63.  I'm not doing what I did when I was 30 where I would be in a fetal position on the floor as a result of these migraines.  But I'm not.  Maybe it's just because I'm getting used to that kind of comfort.  But it sure the hell kicked the hell out of my chemistry.  Which is why I will cope morning just a few minutes before I started this Journal entry.  And I knew today was going to be a day.  I wanted to put stuff back.  That's exactly what I'm going to do.

Another reason I went back to FeedDemon is because in the middle of the night around 2:30 AM I began to wonder again about sequencing.  In IE 11.  The newsreader is good.  If you are using your hands.  If you're not then the amount of verbal programming calls.  You have to make using the newsreader inside IE 11 are marginally more than the programming calls.  You have to use in a newsreader.  Meaning a standalone newsreader.  And why is that important?  It's important because of another fact that most people don't know about me.  Not unless they hear me talk.  In order to talk normally I have to take extra breaths.  It's true.  When I first get out of the hospital in 1968.  I used to have to gasp for air between sentences as I would be talking.  Partially because of the lower 25% of my left lung being collapsed.  Even though my pulmonary function is incredibly high.  I would have to take extra breaths to talk.  And initially that produced a really severe stutter.  Although prior to the operation.  I already had a certain amount of a stutter in my voice.  But after the operation.  I definitely had a stutter.  And it was my Latin teacher, Mr. Everitt at southern Arizona school who taught me how to get over stuttering.  Additionally, he taught me how to talk in such a way so that I would be able to disguise the fact that I was having to take extra breaths to be able to talk.

So that when I have to do 25% or 30% more programming calls in order to do the same thing.  I can do with less programming calls, such as reviewing the news.  And signing petitions.  The decreased amount in having to gasp for air as I'm making those programming calls has a beneficial effect on my body chemistry.  Because when you are constantly gasping for air that has a tendency to disrupt, however, slightly or more, your body chemistry.  And I really wasn't very aware of that.  Initially until later in the afternoon last night.  And then I even became somewhat marginally aware of it until I allowed my brain to process what I had gone through during the day where I then while I was sleeping realized that it was the increased number of programming calls that was upsetting my chemistry.  Which is why this morning I'm doing exactly what I'm doing.

Which is why I went back to demon.  Because I actually tested seven different newsreaders during the evening, starting at around 2:30 AM and FeedDemon was the one that had the highest degree of consistency and synchronicity to DNS 12.  While at the same time decreasing approximately 25% the amount of programming calls I would have to make while reviewing the news.  And signing petitions.

So now I have had my vitamins.  I've taken some aspirin.  I've had a bowl of hot cereal and judging from the way that my chemistry works.  I would say that within about 90 minutes.  I'm going to be feeling probably 1000% better.  I'm already feeling about 40% better.  And that's a good thing.  My head is finally starting to recover from an evening of migraines that were like well it's sort of like you're standing out on a street corner in the middle of 45 different people with baseball bats in the air repeatedly hitting you about the head.  That's about the kind of migraine.  I had.  It's not the kind that knocks me out or knocks me over.  But it certainly is the kind that gets my attention.

And unless you have had migraines.  We you actually get nauseous, you probably won't really know what I'm talking about.  Because those kinds of migraines.  Well those are the kind of migraines that not only are difficult to deal with, but they certainly make you pay attention to just about everything going on inside of you.  Because they affect almost everything that is going on inside of you.

So today I'm going to be doing things that will balance my chemistry.  Bring the levels a little bit higher and exercises definitely not part of the agenda.  At least not for today, tomorrow, yes.  Today no.

And as I said I'm about 40% better right now.  And that's a very good thing.  When I was younger in my 30s.  Like I said I would be agonizing in a fetal position on the floor.  Now, when I go through it.  I just sort of life.  I mean, I don't laugh hysterically.  I mean, I generally just sort of chuckle.  And I say inside myself, okay, God, no problem.  You pick up that hammer and I will stand here and you go ahead and you knock me down the block.  Go add take your best shot.  I will always get up and tell you tell me not to.

So the other thing that's going on, of course, is that I am having a rather significant amount of gastric reaction which is coming from my colitis.  And coming all the way of the lower intestines into my lower stomach.  So now that I have had that bowl of hot cereal I'm going to have half a glass of water with a teaspoon of baking soda.  And that will fix everything.  Because that's something else.  It's really remarkable about baking soda.  It's not just good for all the usual purposes like putting it in the refrigerator to take out some of the bad smells or using it in the litter box.  1 teaspoon of baking soda in a normal 8 ounce glass of water or normal 8 ounce cup of water.  All you have to do is drink about half that water in that cup and within about 10 minutes.  It's amazing.  It is just almost like magic.

So everything will move forward.  I'm feeling like I said about 40% better.  And with a couple of hours.  I will feel about 75% better.  And by tonight I will probably be feeling about 90% better.  And then tomorrow I will be back on top of things.  And everything will move forward.  Just like it's going to today.  Because that's exactly what I have always done.  It's exactly how I have always had to do things.  And that's exactly what every single person in Cleveland.  Every single person who knew me in 1968 would expect me to do and wants me to do, whether they admit it or not.  Because they did not give that blood to me in order for me to fail.  They did not give that blood to me in order for me to take lightly my life, or to be Cavalier with my life.  They gave me that blood to survive.  The best I could at surviving to do the best I could at being me.  Not to be some great personality in the world or famous or make lots of money they gave me that blood to survive that is why they did that.  And that is what I have done to the best of my ability every single second that time to now.  To do anything less would be to dishonor what they did for me.  And I will never do that.  Others might.  But I will not.  As I've said before, I don't even know who they were I don't even know their names but if they think I'm not grateful for what they did than they probably aren't paying attention.  Because I'm extremely grateful for what they did.

And over the last 48 hours, I've refined a lot of the positioning of things in my den in order to make things as easy as possible on my body movements.  Because that's part of what I have to pay attention to.  Because of the way my bones are in my hands the way the bones are in my collar bones the way the bones are in my hips the way the bones are around my fusion near the top of my spine.  I have to be aware of every single movement.  Which is why all around me things hang on hooks.  Were all I have to do is just reach out my arm either direction.  And I can grab anything I need.  And why everything where I am sitting in this chair is within arms reach so that I don't hardly have to move at all.  Because that's the reality.  Movement for me is almost a scientific process.  It has to be.  One wrong move and I can have a really bad day.

And I can't afford having bad days because I'm the only one here doing all this junk in this house and I laugh when I say that because it's not junk okay.  It's not.  I love this house.  I love my home.  I am proud of my home.  I am proud of my darling, Aileen.  I love her with all my heart but it is a lot of work and the only way any of the work in this house, or on this property gets done is I have to do it.  Because there's nobody else here who is going to do it.  Like I said, nobody comes by offering any kind of assistance.  Nobody comes over just to visit when people come over to see me.  They generally come to see me because they need something, or they want something.  Nobody comes over to just say hello.  Nobody comes over to give me a hug my life is like that.  So if anything needs to be done in this house.  I have to do it.  I have tried repeatedly to negotiate with my four cats.  I've even put things like placing a broom on the floor to see if they would actually pick up the broom and sweep the house.  But first they don't.  I've told them that I would give them a free trip around the world.  That I would buy them a ticket and they could get on a plane and go all around the world and see the world.  If they would just help out here in the house.  But they never do, of course.  So those kinds conversations just never go anywhere.  Because when I do things like I put a broom on the floor.  And I say to Bilbo, okay, now it's your turn.  Why don't you sweep up?  And he looks at me, shakes his head and walks away.  Of course.  So the only way anything gets done is I have to do it.  Which is okay.  It's not unlike millions and billions of other lives in this world.  There are many many people, if not the majority of people in our world where the only way things get done in their own lives as they have to do the work.  Perhaps that's true of all of us.

So that's my plan.  It is now 7:50 AM.  So in 10 minutes I will give Aileen her morning kiss.  Where I will tell her how much I love her and I love her forever.  And that I'm still here.  And then we together are still going forward and we will get it done.  And that no matter what I will always be right here.

You don't even want to know how much I love you don't even want to know how easy it is for me to cry having lost her and yet I didn't lose her at all.  It's just she's no longer physical.  There are days when I just can't stop crying.  And I'm not talking about that mental condition where you cry uncontrollably.  That's not what I'm talking about it all, there are days when the sadness is just so great and my admiration for her is so huge and my love her so gigantic that the only thing that happens is that I am shaken to my knees where I thank God with all my heart that I had the opportunity and the absolutely supreme honor of being allowed to love her the way I do.

And I will bet you anything that there are people who gave blood to me in 1968, who as they know about me.  Now are convinced within themselves that the reason they gave blood to me in 1968 is so that I would be doing exactly what I'm doing right now, not only for myself but for my darling, Aileen.  And for all I know her family might of been one of the families who came to University hospitals in 1968.  To give blood so that I could live.

That would not be unlike God.  That would be exactly like God.  To do something exactly like that.  To have someone come to my rescue in 1968.  And then to constantly put one of the members of that family in the same proximity wherever I would be throughout my life.  And yet never let either of us meet until just the right time that would be very much like God.

So I am a bit teary today.  And that's okay.  As far as I'm concerned.  I've always believed that crying was the way that the human body and God washes your soul.  I've always believed that.  And I've said that all my life to everyone who I've ever known was crying because I have always believed that.  So if I end up crying today, that's fine with me.  I am honored to cry for my darling, Aileen.  I am proud to do so.

So now I'm feeling probably about 45% better.  Maybe 50% better.

So now what I'm going to do is go ahead and have that baking soda and make another cup of coffee and start my production leg for the day.  But of course before I do that.  I will walk over to Aileen's ashes and I will press my lips and I will kiss her.  I will close my eyes and I will review her and I will tell her yes, my darling, it's another day and I am still here and we are still going forward, we will initiate together.  I love you forever.  My darling

Part of me wants to say I'm sorry for being so choked up like I am right now.  And I can't help it.  I love her that much more than anything I've ever loved in my entire life and I don't want my daughter thinking I don't love you.  Because I do.  I love my darling, Leah as what she has always been the single moment in my life where I had the honor to be part of a true miracle.  Aileen.  She is something different.  My daughter, Leah is a miracle.  My darling, Aileen?  She is my other heartbeat she is that which completes me.  And she does not have to be physically in the world to do so for her energy is inside of me.  It is all through this house and we shall always be together to whatever magical process.  This left in the world.  I love her that much.

So I press on.  Sometimes fast.  Sometimes slow.  But, ever onward.  No matter what.  Ever onward.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be.

The mind is like a book.  Opened and much is learned.  Closed and nothing is learned.  (Nicole Maschke, 1994)

Time Log: Tuesday, October 21, 2014

02:30,began testing news readers

04:00, finished testing news readers and settled on Needleman.

04:25, relogging and restarting to set up master controller and start up sequence.

04:30, changed aspect ratio back to using the GUI rather than the display, in order to accelerate and facilitate program display efficiency.

04:49, started time log for today, restarting system to set up synchronicity with master controller, and Windows 7 session.  Removed newsfeeds from IE 11 due to having FeedDemon handling the newsfeeds.

05:06, system restarted.  System is faster and quieter.  Have had breakfast and taken my vitamins.  Now going to meditate for two hours.  Then will do my exercises, and begin production leg for the day.

07:03, had a bowl of hot cereal to balance my chemistry.

08:03, having a teaspoon of baking soda with water.  Giving my darling, Aileen her morning kiss.  And starting the production leg for the day.

08:24, performing automatic tuning on DNS 12 to optimize the speech profile.

09:34, finished auto tuning of my speech profile.  Now beginning email and petitions production leg.

10:42, having a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and a cup of cranberry pomegranate juice to adjust chemistry and sugar levels.

11:18, having a cup of milk and meditating for 90 minutes.

13:08, continuing the email and petitions.

13:57, putting click back in to the command for HTML links to facilitate easier functionality in IE 11

13:58, closing user profile to make the change.

14:01, DNS, refusing to close, restarting now.

14:06, logging on.

14:08, window session starting.

14:10, programs loading normally.

14:21, continuing with daily production leg.

15:07, taking a break to visit with a friend.  Will continue production leg later.

18:15, friend left and now getting ready to close the evening for the night.

18:23, vacuumed the house and am having a glass of cranberry pomegranate juice.

19:10, mopped the kitchen floor and had been a butter and jelly sandwich and then went to sleep for a while.  Actually meditated.  And then went to sleep.

22:05, woke up having rather vivid and stressful nightmares.  Doing a Journal entry regarding them.

Monday, October 20, 2014

System Update/Daily Life: Comprehensive

In a perfect world or perhaps in another world.  I would be able to use my hands more than I can.  And I would be able to use them around the mouse and the keyboard.  Which is just not happening.  But if I could then not only maintaining my Journal.  But improving my Journal would be a lot easier.  But this is not a perfect world.  And I'm not 30 years old anymore.  I'm 63 and that's not really that young it's not that old.  Relatively speaking, but it's not young.  So it's not a perfect world.  And I have to do the best that I can with what I have, to work with.  Which basically means that I have to be somewhat used to being somewhat limited.

Android phones:

Now I've been testing various applications on my android phone for voice time paying and speech recognition and a host of other things.  So far what I have found is that the Dragon NaturallySpeaking (DNS) assistant for android phones is the best assistant that I have come across.  It has the greatest degree of accuracy.  Meaning that it launches pretty much all the applications without any problem whatsoever.  And on my android phone.  Everything is done as much is possible without me using my hands or using my hands as little as I possibly can.  For example, when I need to talk on the phone.  I don't really use my hands to hold generally what I am doing is either using the speakerphone or I'm using a set of earbuds.  Furthermore, the phone is situated at least for now directly to my left on that shelf in my den where I have pretty much everything else including the keyboard and right next to me.  I have like my coffee and so everything is within arms reach so that I don't have to use my hands for a much so that I can use my hands for what is really important like doing housework, cleaning up after Bilbo doing laundry doing maintenance around the house and around the property.  Because the real issue is that since I've been typing quite honestly since I was 12 years old at over 100 words per minute my hands just are not doing really well with the keyboard.  Nor are they doing very well with the mouse.  Now while I say that anyone who watches me will believe that in fact I'm doing fantastic.  But the reality is that the problem isn't so much that my hands are just completely used to being around the keyboard and the mouse because I've been doing it for so many years.  The real problem is that it causes muscular and nerve stress in my upper back and around my neck where it actually affects my fusion.  Meaning I get some rather significant muscle stress in my collar bone and that carrier from using the mouse and from using the keyboard, if I do so too much.

This is one of the reasons I'm doing push-ups every morning and I'm keeping my diet the way it is.  Because I'm going to try to be as original for as long as I can.  And I'm probably going to be doing a lot for a very long time.  Because I really am quite healthy, despite all the junk that's going on with my body.  But the same problem I'm having with my hands is basically the same problem I'm having with my feet.  The muscles are fine.  It's just that the bones are extremely sensitive and so as a result.  That's why everything is moving in the direction of using the things I use in my home without using hardly my hands at all.  Or trying to be as much hands-free as possible.

So with the android phone.  I've tried a number of different voice typing programs.  And none of them really are that functional.  At least on my LG Nitro which is the version of android phone.  I have.  And while I happen to like.  So, occasionally reaching over to check air quality or to check the weather in my horoscope is not really a big deal.  However, with the DNS assistant for android phones.  It makes it a lot easier because all I have to do from any of the screens on the taskbar is just access that assistant and I can just ask it what I want it to do.  And it takes care of the rest.  So basically my android phone is just like a kind of personal assistant and that's really all of this.  Because all my main work is really done on my computer system.

Politics:

I don't want anyone thinking that I'm going off half cocked or getting out of control.  Because that's not really the case.  It just makes me incredibly sad seeing what is going on in our country.  I mean, it just really makes me very sad.  While it's true that I was actually attacked when I was 12 years old viciously where I almost at that time got killed.  And it's very remarkable that my parents just didn't take any action really they were more into negotiating then really protecting me that much.  But that's my father.  The lawyer.  But at the same time I say that there was during the 1950s after the McCarthy era basically came and went which was a really embarrassing time of hysteria in this country.  But there was a time when people actually got along together and didn't really care about what religion someone was or anything like that.  Because we were all Americans.  Now it's a lot different.  Because everybody's fighting with everyone and it's not much fun.  And it's very distressing and it just breaks my heart.  Because when I looked humanity.  I don't see how we are doing.  I see what we can be how we can do things better than we are.  And I'm not talking any agenda.  I'm just talking about being friendly are to each other more caring of each other.  Not so hateful.  Not so angry.  Not so on top of each other.  And it's just very sad.  Because our children are learning from our example.

So it's like I've told you.  Part of what I've been trying to do over the years is to become as much of a target to the Republican Party into the right wing extremist as I possibly can, hoping that if I am to some degree or another, a significant target for them that they will focus less on others in this country.  Because I know how to deal with them.  I've dealt with them all my life.  And that's something that I have a lot of experience with.  And they know as well as I know that they don't have any chance whatsoever of pushing me down, so to speak.  Because they've tried for years and they have never succeeded.  Because I don't give up.  And that makes me a really good adversary.  Because people who know me know that I don't give in.  And I don't back off.  I stand my ground.  And with so many people in this country being abused and maligned and mistreated.  That's part of my psychology and my writing to try to be a target to try to take their attention of other people.  Because if they come after me.  I don't have a problem because they have never succeeded.  And they never will because I'm one of the things that they know they can't budge.  And I'm doing that.  Because I have lost a lot of friends over the years to violence being committed by right-wing religious extremists in this country and right wing political extremists.  I have been engaged in several incidences where I didn't know if I was going to survive because the right-wing extremists are really determined and if they want you dead.  They will do anything they can to achieve that.  But they never succeed with me.  Partially because I know how to deal with them.  And I'm not talking about people, ladies and gentlemen, I'm talking about behavior.  You can use any name you want.  I happen to use the name that is customary in this country.  Which is right wing religious extremists or right wing political extremists.  But you can call that behavior anything you want.  But the behavior still is the same.

Suddenly I'm extremely tired and I'm not thinking clearly.  So I'm not going to do anymore this Journal entry.  Because of I do that will be a bad mistake.  Because I will make mistakes.  And I'm not going to do that.  You all deserve for me to be on target.  You don't deserve for me to be losing control and not being able to think clearly.  But I'm tired to the point where if I don't lean back and get some sleep.  I probably won't be much good at doing anything.  So I have begun this Journal entry.  And I will continue it after I get a few hours sleep.  I just want all of you to know that everything I'm doing is for the greater good, the greater good of the people in this country.  Not for me but for you to try to take some of the heat off of you and have them point that anger at me.  I would rather have them angry at me and coming after me than any of you.  And believe me, I don't know how successful I will ever be at that.  Because these right-wing extremists know me very well, even though they may not say so they do we have a long history of engagement.  And they know full well that I'm one of the things they cannot move, and they don't like that.  And there is nothing they can do.  And that's just to add.  But that's my plan.  If I can somehow or other get them to focus more of their anger on me.  Then all of you that would be a really good thing.  Because as I said, I have a long history of dealing with this kind of really ugly behavior.  I've done so all my life.  The really intellectual right-wing extremists generally have a bit more respect for me them.  The members of the right wing extremist religious and political movements who just aren't really that intellectual they generally are just full of anger.  The ones who are a bit more intellectual don't like what I do they don't like what I represent, but because they are more cerebral they tend to have a little bit of respect for me because they know that I am just as immovable as they tried to be themselves.  So they may never say it publicly, but they do at the very least respect the fact that I am as tough as they are.  And that's part of why I do what I do.  Because like I said, I've seen people's lives completely destroyed by these people.  Well, not these people, but by the behavior.  That's what I really mean to say the behavior.

And I have lots of body aches tonight.  Because the weather is just terrible.  And I've had to do a lot of organizing or repositioning of things in the den in order to make sure everything works.  So that's always a little bit of extra effort.  But so what?  Nothing I have can compare with what millions and millions of amazing Americans men, women and children are having to deal with every day.  With many of them not even being able to survive.  Next to what they're going through.  I've gotten nothing.  Believe me, I've got nothing to complain about.  And I always remind myself of that.  Because that's absolutely the case.  There are so many amazing and wonderful men and women in our military and who are veterans who are tremendous craftsman what are they are plumbers or carpenters or electricians all sorts of different industries, teachers.  There are so many amazing and wonderful people in this country who are really struggling so very much.  They have families and they are younger than I am.  And they are either confused or in a lot of cases they are even scared and I don't think that's fair.  I just don't think that's right.  And because I am a really strong willed pacifist.  People generally think I'm a pushover until they see me.  And then they realize I'm definitely not a pushover.

So just everybody relax and realize I'm not completely out of my mind.  I'm not losing control.  I'm not disoriented or having anything like that.  Go on all I'm doing is trying to be at the same energy level with the same intensity that these right wing political and religious extremists are attempting to present themselves as an to promote and to support.  It's how you are when you are doing battle.  Because that's really what it is.  And I said before.  They don't really care about anyone except themselves.  Because everything is about them.  They think the whole world revolves around them.  And I suppose I could go into a lengthy explanation of why that is psychologically.  Because there really are very explainable psychological reasons why certain sections of people and behaving that way.  But I need to be more clear when I do that.

So I will probably write a review hours.

I did read something about how there are so many in this country who are acting completely and totally hysterically, regarding the Ebola situation and I feel so sorry that they are acting that way.  Because is no real reason to do so.  Things are moving forward.  We are getting a handle on it.  We were slow at first but we are picking up speed.  Because we are humanity.  We have the science we have the technology we have everything we need to make it work.  Everything.  All we have to do is pay attention, and I have faith.  I have a lot of faith in every one of you.  Whether I know you directly or not.  I believe in you.  Whether you are living in the Ukraine or whether you are living in Asia or Europe, England, France, Spain, it doesn't matter.  I believe in all of I believe in us.  I believe in humanity and I always will.  So as hard as it is just do your best.  If you cannot to be hysterical.  Don't let the stuff get to.  You've seen me when I rather much in conflict when I have been am battled and I go through that periodically with all the stuff I deal with.  But again, so what?  It doesn't mean a damn thing.  You are with me something to this world.  You who are out there with your families, your mother's and your fathers and your sisters in your brothers and your sons and your daughters you are the ones who are out there in the world.  And if I'm lucky enough to get some of the heat off of you and directed at me, that would be a really good thing because it would make it easier for some of you to be able to get through.  And I don't even know how successful I will be at that.  But at least I'm trying.

Anyhow.  I definitely need to get under the covers.  And I definitely need to let that heat of my own body warmth and the covers the heat in the house work on my bones.  I finally have everything position where I needed and I will definitely elaborate further when I wake up.  But right now.  Well it's been a really long long day.  And I know without fail that I'm definitely going to be up sometime during the evening.  Because I generally am.  That just goes with the territory.

If I were actually able to meet some of you.  Believe me, people tell me I give really good hugs.  You all are like family to me whether you know it or not you really are doesn't matter where you live.  I love you I love you as my family.  When I do these Journal entries I'm not doing them in some kind of formal way I'm talking to you as if we were sitting down having a cup of coffee.  I'm just talking to you.

Talking with you.

So it's already 11 o'clock in the evening.  This is just perfect.  Judging from how my energy is going tonight I will probably be up around 230 or 3 AM.  And so we will see what happens.

All I can tell you.  Please don't panic, don't get nervous.  I mean that you get nervous.  All you need to do is listen to the experts they are getting things done.  If you ever need a friend.  Just look in my direction.  Because as soon as you do you will find a friend.  In me.

Unless something really incredible happens.  Like someone shows up at my door with a shotgun I probably will write later.  Of course, if they show up at my front door with a shotgun I will probably first of course check my pulse.  And if I'm not dead.  Then I will probably presume that they either missed or they have not fired yet at which point where you just have to remember what sitting bull said on the morning of the battle of the little bighorn when he and his tribes were going to go out and confront George Armstrong Custer.  Sitting bull said to the tribes, it is a good day to die.

So everybody just relax, I'm fine.  And I'm definitely going to sleep.

I'll write later.

Air quality

Cleveland, acting, Lorain Ohio area:

7:24 pm, edt:
Particle pollution: 50
Ozone:21
Temperature: 54 degrees
Humidity: 93%
Air pressure: 29.86 rising
UV index: low 1
Wind: about southwest

Well the particle pollution level right now is at 50 which is still in the green I have a suspicion that the pollution level will be increasing as the evening goes on. So that is why I am posting this report.

And of course if the level changes to the yellow range that would mean that the particle pollution would be moderately unhealthy for those who have lung disease heart disease diabetes older adults or children. And of course anyone else with pollution.

As I have said before I will continue making air quality reports if the particle pollution goes into the yellow range or above.

I'll write later.

I'm Not Crazy

I don't want anyone thinking that I'm crazy or going off the deep end.  Because that's not it.  I am a patriotic American citizen.  That is what I am.  I always have been.  And I always will be.  But I do not take sides in this issue.  The Republicans want people to take sides.  The Republicans want to divide this country.  They want to section off liberty and freedom.  Because they are more concerned with themselves than anyone else.  I am not going off the deep end.  I'm being vehement in what I write, politically about the Republican Party and the tea party for a specific purpose.  If they are really so full of rage I want them to take their rage out on me.  Not to take it out on anyone else in this country, but to take it out on me.  I don't want them teaching their children going to school to bully other children.  I don't want them teaching their families hatred against anyone who is not exactly like them.  So they want to hate someone.  I am trying to get them to focus their hatred on me.  Because if they do that, then they will have less hatred to focus on everyone else.  And I'm doing that.  Because I don't want to see any more innocent people in this country hurt by the Republican Party agenda or the tea party agenda or their lying.  Just like I don't want to see anymore.  People hurt by the right wing Christian conservative extremist agenda that is basically strangling the life out of this country.  If they want to hurt someone.  I want them to hurt me.  Because if they do that.  And they won't be hurting any of you.  At least there is a fairly good chance that they won't.  So I want them to focus their hatred on me.  I want them to focus all their rage on me.  I want them to feel themselves up with all that rage they try to keep hidden from everyone and yet that we see very clearly in so many different ways.  I want them to understand very clearly that they need a target for their hatred.  I want to be that target.

And I'm doing it.  Because in my heart and in my mind and in my soul before the creator.  It is the greater good.  It is the best thing I can do for my fellow Americans who are being subjected to the horrible hatred of the right wing Christian conservative extremists and the Republican Party and the tea party.  It is the greatest good.  I can do for all of you to try and get them to focus their hatred on me.  What they will probably do.  Unfortunately is simply laugh at me.  But then they've done that my entire life.  But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying.  Because I'm trying my best to get them to focus is much of their hatred that they try to focus on everyone else.  Not to focus that hatred on any of you but to focus it on me.  I don't mind being the target if it will protect any of you.  It's the least I can do.  As an American in this country and as a patriot to the Constitution of these United States and liberty and freedom for all Americans and not the wealthy and just the Republicans and the white Christians or the tea party as a patriot to the Constitution and a defender of the Constitution.  I am a pacifist.  Which means I will not support any active proactive violence against anyone I will not react violently I do not support violence.  But if putting myself in the way of their hatred will protect any of you the hatred they are demonstrating to you.  I am more than willing to do that.

That is why I am so vehement.  Because I want them to take me seriously.  I want them to go ahead and come to my home with a gun and kill me.  Let them take their hatred out on me.  And as they are killing me inside of my mind and inside of my soul.  I will be saying this.  May God bless you and may God have mercy on you and give you goodness and greatness and happiness and peace and may Jesus Christ come to you and celebrate your life with love and all of the mercy and goodness you could ever wish for.  I wish you nothing but happiness and peace.  God bless you.

No matter what they do to me if they ever do.  Which I don't think they will.  But if they do those will be the very last thoughts on my brain.  Because that's how solid I am in what I believe.  I don't have to defend what I believe to anyone.  God knows my soul and God knows my heart and God knows my mind and I am satisfied with that.

So expect more vehemence out of me because I'm not going to stop.  The more strident they are the more strident I will be.  The more bombastic they are the more bombastic I will be.  I will meet them at every single level they try to go to.  I will be the mirror that they do not want to look into.  But that they will have to look into whether they like it or not.  And if the best they can do is come to my home and kill me.  Then what they will get is me blessing them and wishing them happiness and peace.  Because they will not crush me.  They will not destroy my will.  They will not destroy my faith in the Almighty they will not bend my will.  They will not break my will because there is no man or woman.  No animal on this planet who can break my will.  Because my will is inside my soul.  And it comes not from humans it comes from God.

I have mental illness.  That is true, but nothing I have written today is a reflection of my PTSD.  Not one single word.

So just hang on to your shorts, so to speak.  Because if they want to be vehement then I will be just as vehement.  Because I believe in the Constitution.  I am prepared to die for the Constitution.  I am prepared to die defending this country.  The only difference between me and any other patriot is that I will simply not pick up a gun to do so.

I am a pacifist.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be.

The mind is like a book.  Opened and much is learned.  Closed and nothing is learned.  (Nicole Maschke, 1994)

GOP, don't set up government to fail (Opinion) - CNN.com

 

GOP, don't set up government to fail (Opinion) - CNN.com

 

It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who sees that all of this austerity frenzy that the Republicans have been very concerned about has actually put public health at risk.  I've been saying that ever since 2010.  But it's not going to do any good.  The Republicans didn't care about my wife and they don't care about whether or not.  People suffer.  They will never take the blame for anything they have done.  And as far as they are concerned they are the only ones that are important.  Just like the right wing Christian conservative extremists.  Everything is about them.  No one else matters.  That's exactly how they behave.  It's how they vote.  It's how they present themselves.  And that is an extremely selfish, self-centered egomaniacal and egocentric form of behavior.

And it's not helping anything.

But you can't talk to these people.  Because as far as they are concerned they will not listen to anyone who does not agree with what they are saying.  Nobody else matters.  They are the only ones who matter, and all they care about is getting what they want.  They don't care what anyone else wants.  It's what they want.  And that's not a free nation that is a dictatorship.

But that's okay.  At least for me.  It is.  Because I don't give a damn if I wake up tomorrow.  If I die during the night.  I really don't.  And the reason I don't is because I've lost my wife.  I've lost about everything in this world.  I can possibly lose.  So I don't have any real vested interests in the world anymore.

So the Republicans want to turn themselves into nothing but monsters and destroy everything and hurt as many people as they can no problem.  I hope they start with me.  First..  But I will say this.  As long as I am breathing.  And as long as I have the presence of mind, I will be one of the millions of voices in this country speaking out against the theocratic fascist agenda of the Republican Party.  Because that's exactly what it is.  It is theocratic fascism and that's the only thing you can call it.  Because that's what they support.  And it's really sad to see that our founding fathers gave their lives defending this.  What would be a new nation and to predicate that nation on liberty and justice for all, only to have the modern Republican Party and the modern tea party and the right wing Christian conservative extremists do everything they can to destroy this country and to destroy the freedoms of this country, and they will never admit to what they are doing.  They will never accept any responsibility for what they are doing.  Because everything is about them.  No one else matters.  They don't care about anyone else.  They just care about themselves and it is the me.  Gimme gimme I want I want I want.  Give me what I want.  I don't care about you give me what I want.  Give me what I want.  Gimme what I want.  That's all the Republicans and the tea party and the right wing Christian conservative extremists are doing.  They don't care about anyone else.  Because everything is about them.  The entire world is about them.  The entire universe is about them.  Freedom is about them.  America is about them.  It doesn't concern anyone else.  Because they don't care about anyone else.

And that's what's really sad.  Because of their selfishness and their extremely egocentric and ugly behavior where they are ending up choosing to behave in tremendously sadistically cruel ways they are actually hurting millions and millions of people with their hatred their racism and their ugly behavior.  And it's getting them nothing.  The Republicans went ahead and wanted to practice all those austerity programs.  So they took all the money they could away from the Centers for Disease Control to the point where the Centers for Disease Control did not have the financial resources to do its job properly.  And now the Republicans are turning around and saying it's everyone else's fault.  It's everyone else's fault.  You all did this.  You all did this and they're blaming everyone else.  Because they will never take any responsibility for what they've done no because everything is about them, and they are perfect.  Everyone else is the problem.  They are perfect.  Everyone else is the problem.

Like I said, if they want to go ahead and really ruin someone's life.  I hope they start with me.  First.  Because I can't think of very many ways that would be better to die than looking up into the face of a Republican holding a Bible in one hand and holding a gun in another.  And blowing my brains out and killing me, that would be a very good image to have inside my brain is I would be dying because I would be seen the Republicans for exactly what they are holding their Bibles telling God that they are killing me.  Because that's what they do is good Christians.  Because that's what they believe killing is being a good Christian murdering anyone who disagrees with them is a good Christian thing to do.  That's how they act.  That's what they talk about.  That's what they do.

I feel badly tremendously terribly badly for the millions and millions of amazing men and women and children in this country brave veterans brave men and women in the military police officers, firefighters, doctors, lawyers, carpenters, plumbers musicians, teachers people of every walk of life in this country who are being victimized by the propagandized news that the Republicans are attempting to brainwash people with.  They will stop at nothing.  Because they don't care.  Everything is about them.  No one else matters.  I would rather be dead than ever to support anything the Republicans are proposing.  I would rather be shot to death, publicly than to ever support anything that the Republicans are putting forward.  And if the Republicans want to test that all they have to do is knock on my door.  Believe me, I would have no problem dying in defense of the Constitution and liberty and freedom for all Americans and not just Republicans or the tea party and their wealthy friends or white Christians.  Because that's not America.

But it is very nice to see that I am not the only one who sees exactly what the Republicans are doing.  But it's not going to do any good because they don't care.  Everything is about them.  They don't care about anyone else.  They don't care what anyone else wants.  It's all about them.  And if they don't get their way they will blame everyone else for what they themselves are doing.  Because they will never take responsibility for any because they are perfect.  They are the only ones in the world who are perfect.  Everyone else is the problem.  They are perfect.  Everyone else at the problem in a perfect world everyone would be dead, except for white Christians and Republicans.  That's the world that the white Christian conservative extremists and the Republicans want.  They want everyone dead, except for those who are white and Christian, or who will act like a white Christian.  And those who are Republicans and those who have lots of money.  They don't need anyone else.  They don't want anyone else.  They don't care about anyone else.  And in a perfect world.  The rest of us would simply be starving or we would die in the Republicans would get everything and they would be happy.  And then they would then start have to go and attack each other because they wouldn't be able to attack us because they will already taken everything away from my so then they would have to attack each other and that wouldn't really go very well.  Because their hatred would not be able to be contained.  So then they would probably just come out and start killing us.

And if they do that.  Like I said, I really hope they start with me.  First.  Believe me, that would be just a perfect way to end my life with a Christian holding a Bible in one hand and a gun and another.  And killing me.  And then setting my body on fire and it kicking my body down the Street screaming and yelling about how he's a Christian for Jesus Christ any killing me.  Because the only people that should live in this world should be white Christians and everyone else should die because we are Christians, and we are white and we worship Jesus Christ and Jesus Christ made only white Christians and everyone else in the world is nothing but garbage and Satan and should die.

I hope they come and do that to me.  I've been waiting for them to do that they never want to take me up on my offer and the reason they don't is because of my cameras because they don't want anyone to see them acting that ugly they like to do it.  Where they can do what they are doing without anyone seeing them so that they can pretend to the entire world that they are loving and kind, when in reality they have no problem killing a child murdering a baby killing women and killing anyone who gets in their way.  They just don't want anyone to know about they want everyone to think that they are just people and loving people.  And that they are victims of terrible religious injustice and at the entire world doesn't understand.

So in a perfect world.  The only real people that would ever be allowed to even live would be Republicans and those who have lots of money.  And those who are white and Christian, or those who know how to act and look like and behave like a white Christian as much is possible.

No problem.  I dare any of the Republicans in Cleveland or anything Republicans in a while, or any of you Republicans anywhere in this country to come to my home with a gun and have it loaded and knock on my door.  Because I will step out on the front porch.  And I will stand there and I will let you murder me.  Send me to guide send me to hell I don't care.  Because I would rather be dead than ever to support anything that you are proposing I would rather die than ever to support you or any of your theocratic fascist agendas.  I've lived 63 years of life and I've lost my wife and if you think you can hurt me, you don't even know me.  Because if you kill me, you will simply send me back to God.  Because even you Republicans are not above God.  So you can't tell God where I'm going to go.  Because God is the one you will decide where I go not you Republicans.  Because you are not better than God.

But see, they actually think they are better than God.  They think they have the right to tell anyone where they are going to go.  That's what you hear them on TV saying that you will do this you will burn in hell if you do this you will end up here.  If you do this because they are trying to tell you that they know the mind of God.  They know more about what point is happen to you and God knows they know everything about what's going to happen to your soul.  Because they know more about what's going to happen to your soul that God does.  Because they are better than God.  They are bigger than God, and they will tell God what you are supposed to go.  Because they give orders to God.  Because that's how they act.

And what's really insane and stupid is they are not the only ones who behave that way, even though they think they are they are not.

So all you right wing Christian conservative extremists and all you tea party members and all you Republicans either here in Cleveland Ohio or anywhere in Ohio or anywhere in the country.  I'm tearing you.  I calling you out.  Go ahead, get your gun and come to my porch.  I dare you.  Because you don't have the guts to do it.  Because in 1968.  I died for five minutes and it wasn't any of you Republicans, or any of you, tea party monsters, or any of you right wing Christian conservative extremists who brought me back to life.  It was the very God.  You claim to worship.  So if you kill me, then you will be telling God what to do.  And you will be telling God that you are not going to allow God to create anything in this world that you don't want because it's all about you.  So go ahead.  Bring a gun and knock on my door.  I dare any of you.  Because none of you Republicans in Cleveland.  None of you Republicans in Ohio.  None of you Republicans in this country and none of you right wing Christian conservative extremists anywhere in Cleveland or Ohio or this country.  None of you have the guts to come to my home with a gun and murder me because I'm calling you out for the cowards you are if you want to go ahead and show people exactly how much they care.  You are than God.  And how important you are for God.  And that you want to go ahead and kill anyone do it with me come to my home and you don't even have to step on my porch.  All you have to do is drive by my house and spread with a machine gun and you can kill everything on the first floor.  So go ahead and do it.  Send me to God sent me to hell I don't care.  Because I would rather be burned alive than ever to support any of you Republicans.  I will never support any of the Republicans never as long as I live I will die before I ever support anything that you bring forward ever never I will never support you never you will have to kill me.  And you don't have the guts to do that.

Because if you kill me, you will be killing something that God specifically gave life back to which means you will be shaking your fist at the Almighty and I dare any of you Krista conservative extremists to do that.  Go ahead and shake your fist at God and see then what God has to say about it.  Because you might kill the body that I'm in but you have no idea what God is going to do to you for doing that.  So go ahead, hate me because that's all you ever do is you preach hatred and racism and bigotry and ugliness and prejudice and it's not about people, ladies and gentlemen, because people is what the creator made.  But these people that the Republicans and the tea party and the right wing Christian conservative extremists are are as a result of their personal choices and the behavior they have chosen to support and to demonstrate and to promote.  And their behavior is not from God.  Their behavior is a result of their own personal choices.  So I love what God has created.  Which means all the life in this world, including all people I do not like nor will I support various forms of behavior that we humans have created.  And there is no man or woman in this world who will ever be able to get me to support any of the ugly behavior that is going on and being demonstrated by the Republican Party and the tea party and the right wing Christian conservative extremists of these United States, or any other religious extremist group in this world.  There is no one big enough or tough enough to make me bend to their will.  It will not happen.

So for my part, as a spiritualist which is exactly what I am.  I will pray for the immortal souls of the Republican Party and the tea party and the right wing Christian conservative extremists.  Because I know they are infected with bloodlust that they have this bloodlust that is so addictive that they have to see blood spilling on the ground or they don't feel close to God.  And that is a bastardization of worshiping God.  That's exactly what it is.  Because it is not in fact truly worshiping the Almighty.  Because if you worship the Almighty the thought of violence would never come to your mind.  And yet they sit there and smile at us and then they lie and they try to hurt us in any way possible.  They are getting all the money they're getting everything they want.  While they are taking everything away from us.  And they will never accept responsibility for it.

So like I said I'm gearing any of you Republicans anywhere in this city or anywhere in this state or this country.  I dare you to bring a gun and bring your Bible and drive by my house and kill me, you don't even have to stop I'm on the first floor.  You can do so and be off the street within a matter of seconds.  So go ahead, you hate everything in this world.  You hate anyone who's not just exactly like you are so go ahead and start with me kill me.  I dare you.

Because I am a patriot to these United States.  And I will die defending the Constitution of these United States and the freedoms and liberties upon which that Constitution is based whereby freedom and liberty and the United States is a nation of liberty and justice for all and not liberty and justice for only Republicans tea party members white Christians the wealthy.  America is an supposed to be.  And as long as I'm breathing will remain a nation of freedom and liberty for all Americans, regardless of any of the spurious criteria that the Republican Party tea party or the right wing Christian conservative extremists might apply.

And so I pray now.  I pray for your souls you Republicans and you, tea party members and you right wing Christian conservative extremists.  I pray for your immortal souls before God Almighty.

And I send you good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always.  May Jesus Christ and God been low to you and give you the enlightenment and the illumination you need to see how you have distorted your choices and become selfish and unclean before God, and how you are in fact committing murder and hatred against the very creations of God.  I send you good energy for happiness, and all good things always.  And I shall continue praying for your immortal souls to my dying breath.

Blessed be.

The mind is like a book.  Opened and much is learned.  Closed and nothing is learned.  (Nicole Maschke, 1994)

Daily Life: Time Log

04:30, getting up for the day.

04:35, morning exercises….  10 deep knee bends, 10 diagnosed in the lifts, 10 toe touches, 10 push-ups.  I did notice a slight bit of strain on the upper inner left thigh.  Which makes me believe that what I should try to do with tomorrow's exercises is to start off with the diagonal knee lifts rather than the toe touches.  Because that's how I normally start is by first doing the toe touches and then the deep knee bends and then the diagonal knee lifts.  But I'm thinking because of how my inner thigh was slightly reactive this morning, which may in fact be associated with my hernia.  That actually the first exercise should actually be the diagonal knee lift in order to gradually stretch out that muscle or those muscles on my inner upper left by so that doing the subsequent to exercises will then be easier with less potential negative impact to the muscles.

04:45, breakfast, and vitamins.  I started off the day.  As I normally do with a container of yogurt.  And then took my vitamins.

05:11, updated my personal calendar with all pending appointments and tasks that have been needed to be done and in preparation for next month.

05:35, took my face down, shaved, did the dishes.  Cleaned up the house for the morning and put on my clothes for the day.

05:36, starting to work on the petitions.

07:09, sugar level is slipping slightly.  Having a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a cup of milk.  Then meditating for 90 minutes.

07:50, finished, vacuuming the kitchen, started to make a loaf of bread. Got the incredients wrong by mistake, had to throw it out. Made a second batch which will be ready in 3 hours. Now having a pb&j sandwich and a cup of milk. Then meditating for 90 minutes.

07:54, giving Aileen her morning kiss and setting security system for daytime monitoring.

08:02, discovered dingle berries that Bilbo had left in the chair and on the living room floor. So mopped the living room floor. Gave clean towel for bilbo to sleep on. Then checked the bread to make sure it's going okay. Now taking 90 minutes to meditate.

09:30, continuing with petitions and news and email.

09:40, installing voice program for android phone.

09:45, installing and training speech assistant on my android phone.

10:00, downloaded Dragon NaturallySpeaking assistant for my android phone.

10:15, training and calibrating Dragon NaturallySpeaking assistant for my android phone.

11:15, taking the bread out of the bread baking machine.  And letting it cool.

11:22, getting back to email and petitions.

11:36, taking the bread out and separating it for storage.  And then continuing with petitions.

11:45, had been a butter and jelly sandwich to bring my sugar levels up.

11:50, checking my AT&T online account for current purchases.

12:00, continuing with petitions and email in the news

13:30, had a cup of milk to balance my sugar

14:30, a friend in the neighborhood came over and we watched a movie together.

17:12, giving the cats a can of cat food.  Having something to eat.  And then going to sleep.