Are We There Yet?

Are We There Yet?
This is the sign that is over the front door of Aileen's and my house, our home, going OUT. Meaning that when someone leaves our house they are going into the ACTUAL Mental Ward.

I've always felt that way. When it is considered how much ugliness and killing and hatred there is in the world today, it actually makes perfect sense that this sign is over the door going out of the house.

Because that's where the real mental ward is.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Petition on the elimination of horsecars on the way to Morskie Oko

Petition on the elimination of horsecars on the way to Morskie Oko

if you love horses and you support the rights of other animals to be treated in a humane way, then there really should be no problem with supporting this petition.

Please support and sign this measure.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be. 

The mind is like a book. Opened and much is learned. Closed and nothing is learned. (N. Maschke – 1994)

Air quality

10:12 AM, EDT:

Particle pollution: 68
Ozone: 29
Temperature: 73°
Humidity: 85%
Air pressure: 30.04, steady.
UV index, very high, (8)
Wind: South, Southeast

So what we are saying is that the particle pollution level has in fact gone down, but is still in the yellow range.  Meaning that it is in the range of being moderately unhealthy.  Whereby, those who have heart disease, lung disease, diabetes, older adults, smaller children, and anyone else who is sensitive to pollution, are being advised to cut back or reschedule outdoor activities.  And not to do anything outside.  That requires heavy exertion.

And of course, the workaround to that is to wear a breathing mask with a regulator, or some other breathing apparatus so that you are not in fact affected by the pollution.

And what we are also saying is that again.  There's no real indication as to whether or not the changing temperature or barometric pressure or even the wind or humidity is actually affecting the level of pollution.  There's no real concrete information to support that is the case.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be. 

The mind is like a book. Opened and much is learned. Closed and nothing is learned. (N. Maschke – 1994)

Elephant poaching soars as Sumatran forests turn into plantations

Elephant poaching soars as Sumatran forests turn into plantations

10:05 AM, EDT:

Just another example of how we as humanity are allowing business interests and economic interests to supersede not only the safety of our own species but the safety of other animal species.  And as a result, we are actually accelerating negative environmental changes which are going to affect all animal species.

You do we stop doing this kind of thing or the environment in which we all live in depend upon is just going to get more difficult for us to survive in.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be. 

The mind is like a book. Opened and much is learned. Closed and nothing is learned. (N. Maschke – 1994)

Tell the Army Corps: Don't Help Industry Dump Even More Fracking Waste in Ohio

Tell the Army Corps: Don't Help Industry Dump Even More Fracking Waste in Ohio

9:46 AM, EDT:

This is a very clear example that when the Republican Party in Ohio tells the citizens of Ohio that they are concerned with their safety.  Meaning public safety.  They are basically lying.  Because if they were really concerned with public safety, then they would not in fact be supporting putting these poisons into our water.

Actions, ladies and gentlemen.  Actions always speak louder than words.  And if you think that I'm not telling you the truth, then you need to ask yourselves why this petition even exists.  And you need to also check the voting record of your members in the state legislature of Ohio and you will see by their voting record that they are clearly supporting putting poisons into our water.  Just like they are supporting putting poisons into our air.  The matter what they say to you when they are standing in front of you.  Because anyone can say anything.  But their voting record doesn't lie.  That's where you find the truth behind whatever they are saying when they are in front of you.

So you really don't mind having poisons put into your drinking water, or poisons put into Lake Erie, where it's really unsafe for your children to go swimming, then you probably won't really care about this petition.  But if you are like me and the many many other advocates in Ohio who actually do care about our children and we do not want our water being poisoned, then you will probably want to support this petition.

Please support and sign this measure.  Thank you.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be. 

The mind is like a book. Opened and much is learned. Closed and nothing is learned. (N. Maschke – 1994)

No to Walmart-Style Classrooms

No to Walmart-Style Classrooms

9:22 AM, EDT:

This is a very clear example of the right wing Christian conservative extremists, and the tea party and the Republican Party.  Meaning the new Republican Party, showing very clearly that they hate public education, and they hate educated people.  And the reason for that is because the right wing Christian conservative extremists and the new Republican Party and the tea party realize very clearly that people who are overly intelligent are much harder to control.  So they really do prefer people who are reasonably stupid and they like to keep people somewhat reasonably stupid.  Which is why they have continually attacked public education.

What they favor instead is education that they will in fact design that is not based on any of the educative standards throughout the world or this country, but is in fact based upon their version, meaning their specific rewritten version of the Christian Bible.  So that they will then maintain a certain level of stability and control over the people.  Meaning the children that they are raising so that the children will have a certain degree of stupidity and thereby be easier to control.

It's all part of this eugenics-based philosophy that the right wing Christian conservative extremists and the Republican Party.  Meaning the new Republican Party and the tea party are in fact supporting and promoting.  They don't talk about it.  But the reality is that they are in fact supporting a form of eugenics.  While at the same time, they are also supporting a form of theocratic fascism.

And what's interesting is that these three elements or groups in American society are supporting the very same kind of ugly tyranny that our founding fathers and their families fled Europe to escape from.  Which means that when the Republican Party and the tea party and the right wing Christian conservative extremists are saying to you that they are patriots to this nation.  They are basically lying.  Because they can't be patriots of this country or to this country when they are in fact supporting the principles or the philosophies that our founding fathers, actually fled Europe to escape from.  You can't be in support of freedom and liberty.  When you are in fact supporting the very elements that attack freedom and liberty.

And as I've said before, when my grandfather ran the Republican Party for northern Ohio and his contemporaries were actually in control of the Republican Party.  They supported an absolutely promoted in every way the government of Abraham Lincoln, which was in fact and should be in fact or should at least remain as, a government of the people by the people and for the people.

But that's not what the right wing Christian conservative extremists and Republican Party.  Meaning the new Republican Party, and the tea party are in fact promoting or supporting.  And this is a very clear example of how they are using Walmart to do that.

Which then of course makes it very obvious that anyone who really cares about the United States and cares about the educative status.  And the educative quality of our children will probably not want to have anything to do with Walmart.  I for one will never do business with them.  I will never do business with asinine unscrupulous liars like the people at Walmart are.  They don't treat their employees at all.  Well.  They have been shown that they were initially going to take billions and billions of dollars of tax money out of this country and that they had the support of doing that from the Republican Party and the tea party were going on TV telling everyone that the government is going broke.  But if the government is going broke.  And why does the voting record of the Republican Party and the tea party very clearly show that they have been in support of Walmart taking all these billions of dollars out of this country much and Mark if the tea party and the Republican Party are trying to make the case that the government is actually going broke.  Then why are they allowing a right wing extremist company like Walmart to take billions of tax dollars out of the American economy?

Because it very clearly shows that the tea party and the Republican Party.  Meaning the new Republican Party are nothing but liars when they say that they are concerned about the economics of this country.  Because if they were concerned about the economics of this country than they would not be allowing right wing extremist companies like Walmart to be taking billions of tax dollars out of this country, which they are in fact doing and can be clearly seen in their voting record

And for the record, the only reason Walmart did not choose to do that was because there was such a public outcry for their unscrupulous and extremely anti-American behavior that Walmart decided not to do that.  But there are other companies right now that are taking billions of dollars out of this country, and they are having the full support of the tea party and the new Republican Party to do exactly that.  Because the tea party and the Republican Party don't give it damn about actually saving this government any money what they are trying to do is to victimized the poor and to attack the poor and the middle class, blaming the poor and the middle class for all of the economic problems in this country while in fact the tea party and the Republican Party are doing everything they can to steal as much money from the American people and the American government as possible.  Because of their hatred for the Constitution and their hatred for liberty and freedom for the American people.  Their voting record very clearly shows that the new Republican Party and the tea party are in full support of corporations stealing money from the American people.  While the Republican Party, then turns around along with the tea party and says that the government's going broke.  But they are not telling you that one of the reasons that the government is going broke is because the new Republican Party and the tea party are conspiring with these companies to steal money from the American people and the American government to sabotage the American government and to make the middle class and the poor people in this country victimized by their unscrupulous criminal activity of stealing money from the American people by allowing corporations to take billions of dollars out of this country when they then turn around and say that the reason we are running out of money is because of the poor people in the middle class, when in reality the reason we are running out of monies because the tea party and the Republican Party are doing everything they can to allow companies to take as much money away from the United States as possible so that the Republican Party the tea party will have an easier time of blaming the middle and lower classes for being the problems of the economic issues in this country.

Which is why in October the tea party is already planning on shutting down the government once again and putting millions of Americans out of work while they the tea party members will keep their expenses, salaries and while they will continue to allow corporations to take billions of dollars out of this country so that they can lie to the American people and they can laugh at the American people.  While they victimize the poor and they victimized the middle class and steal as much money from us as they possibly can.  And they will shut down the government to do so.  Because they are not in Congress to promote legislation they are not in Congress to support the Constitution.  They are not in Congress do in fact help this country.  They are in Congress to do as much damage to this country as they possibly can.

Which is why I am asking you that if you do agree with the millions of advocates and activists throughout the United States and you do support the Constitution of these United States and you do support liberty and freedom, and you do believe that companies who operate in this country should in fact be honest and not criminals trying to steal money from us in this government and the people of this nation that you will in fact join me and the millions of other advocates and activists who are standing up and telling Walmart which is a truly right wing extremist company who hates the American way they hate the American people.  They miss treat their workers, and they are basically trying to steal money from this country, and they are now trying to co-opt our schools so that they can basically literally co-opt the educative process of our students to maintain a certain level of stupidity.  So that as a result of doing that.  The unstated philosophy of eugenics that is being supported by the Republican Party and the tea party and the right wing Christian conservative extremists can be more successful in being promoted in this country.

Please support and sign this petition.  Thank you.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be. 

The mind is like a book. Opened and much is learned. Closed and nothing is learned. (N. Maschke – 1994)

Daily life: schedule

9:10 AM, EDT:

Okay.  At last count I have just a little bit less than 1000 pieces of email to go through in my activism folder alone.  But a lot of that is not answerable or email.  That does not require an answer or any action.  Some of that of course is resource information for potential articles which I'm planning to begin doing, sometime tomorrow.

And I have already begun setting up this different procedure for generating news articles from the new services.  So that will be another aspect of what will go into the Journal.

But for today I'm definitely just going to concentrate on getting the activism email caught up regarding petitions and human rights reports in sorting through the different types of emails that I would like to use for resource information and also those that I want to actually put in the Journal as news items.

So let's see how we do.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be. 

The mind is like a book. Opened and much is learned. Closed and nothing is learned. (N. Maschke – 1994)

Air quality

8:31 AM, EDT:

For the Cleveland, Akron, Lorain, Ohio area:

Particle pollution: 81
Ozone: 30
Temperature: 72°
Humidity: 88%
Air pressure: 30.05, steady.
UV index, level high, (6)
Wind: East Northeast.

So the temperature really isn't that substantial.  And yet, the particle pollution is definitely in the high-end of the yellow range which is actually only about 20 points below the orange range which is of course unhealthy for sensitive groups.  The yellow range is of course moderately unhealthy.  Which is as the EPA recommends.  Anyone who has heart disease, lung disease, diabetes, older adults, young children or anyone else who is sensitive to pollution, should cut back on, or reschedule outdoor activities.  And should refrain from doing any outdoor activities that require heavy exertion.

And of course, the workaround to that, as I've explained before, is that if you are wearing a breathing mask with a regulator or other breathing apparatus, then you really don't have to worry because none of the pollution will actually affect you because you won't be breathing any of it in.

As I've also explained I'm very curious as to see why these levels are exactly as high as they are in it is something I'm definitely going to be looking at.  Because I'm just not sure that the amount of shale and sleep that are basically the bedrock of the northern Ohio area, which does in fact produce radon gas.  I just don't believe that would be substantial enough to kick these levels up the way they are.

I'm really thinking that what we are looking at is potentially an ongoing process of electromagnetic field degeneration, which may in fact be due to a whole number of factors, including but not limited to, the proximity of Lake Erie and the degree of toxins in Lake Erie.  Because as water evaporates those toxins are actually being evaporated into the air with the water that is being evaporated are going into the air.

So it's highly possible that some of those toxins in for example, the Cuyahoga River and portions of Lake Erie are actually getting into the air and that electromagnetically those particles are, at a subatomic level, potentially causing chain reactions within the electromagnetic field that is part of what is known as, the living fields, which runs along the surface of the earth and goes up approximately as high as the highest flying planes.  That would in that field these toxins may in fact because the chain reactions, whereby a certain degradation of the field is taking place.  Which in fact been causes the toxins to have more of an effect on the quality of the air.  Because we have seen these levels elevating regardless of what direction the wind is coming from, regardless of the temperature and even regardless of the barometric pressure.

So, somehow or other those toxins are getting into the air.  Or somehow or other, if that's not the case, then the level of particle pollution is being elevated in the area over Cleveland, which is happening devoid of the direction of the wind or other weather conditions.  And that's why I don't believe that even though the amount of shale and Slate bedrock in the Cleveland area, even though it is absolutely substantial I don't believe that the release of radon gas, which is also highly substantial in this area of the country would be the contributing factor or actually not the contributing factor.  But the major factor in the elevation of the pollution levels.  And from what I've been able to ascertain there just isn't any real major pollution oriented industry or company in the northern Ohio area that might actually be responsible for elevating these levels.

But as I also said, this is something that just isn't like taking a picture.  It's something really have to look not only at what seems to be obvious, but you have to look at the other parts of what actually is taking place.  And a lot of that has to do with things that are as visible as might otherwise be.  Such as electromagnetic field integrity and also the type of electromagnetic sub particle interaction going on within the fields.  Plus, it also might be interesting to take a look at the level of neutrionic action going on in this part of the country.

Since there really is no scientific equipment at this point to measure neutrionic action or the rate of neutrino collisions in any portion of the world versus another.  The other way that you can actually ascertain that is by looking at the density levels of the electromagnetic fields in certain areas of the country.  For example, the dead zones are electromagnetic fields where the wavelength is incredibly short the particles are moving slower.  And of course, the density is higher to the point where the amount of neutrino explosions becomes incredibly much higher and basically ends up cooking that portion of the water.  Where there's just so much neutrionic action taking place that the normalized chain reactions within the electromagnetic field of the water or fields of the water is changed in such a way so that virtually no life in any way actually ends up the existing.

And we know that those changes in these electromagnetic fields in different sections of the water throughout the world are in fact fluctuating meaning some are getting smaller and others are getting more intense.

But as I said, that's something that I'm slowly working on.  As I continue to take these readings because as any of you who have been following these reports can see these levels are elevating just about independently of almost all of the visible, weather conditional changes.

And as I've said, I will continue making air-quality reports as long as the levels are in the yellow range or above.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be. 

The mind is like a book. Opened and much is learned. Closed and nothing is learned. (N. Maschke – 1994)

Medical Administration And the Mentally Ill Community

6:27 AM, EDT:

It's important understand my relationship with Dr. Gottesman, pursuant to my spinal fusion actually was much more viable and interactive years and years ago, when not only my darling, Aileen was alive.  But when medical administration in the United States looked at the mentally ill quite a bit differently.  At least quite a bit differently in a few different ways.  And that, as a result of changes Republican Party and the tea party have made the medical administration of MetroHealth medical center in Cleveland, Ohio and a number of other medical administration throughout Cleveland and throughout the entire country has basically taken the attitude toward the mentally ill that they want us to take whatever pills they give us and they want us to shut up and go away.  Because the medical administration throughout the United States basically hate the mentally ill.  They don't like us because they can't make any money from us.  So they don't really like giving us any kind of care and they want us to simply take whatever pills they throw at us and if we don't do that, then they want to put us inside mental institutions and lockers way.  Because they just hate us.  They don't like giving us the care we need they don't want to give us to care.  We need because they can't make any money off of us.  And so as far as the medical administration of the United States is concerned.  They don't give a damn if those of us in the mentally ill community kill ourselves.  Because they are really hoping that will happen.  Because the more of us to take their own lives, the less people that the medical administration of the United States has to even deal with.  With regard to the mentally ill.

And I'm not the only one who is saying this.  Most of if not the vast majority of the mentally ill in Cleveland know very well that the medical administration of MetroHealth medical center basically hates the mentally ill that the medical administration of MetroHealth medical center doesn't give a damn about those of us who are mentally ill, and all they want to do is push pills honest and intelligent to go the hell away because they don't like us.

One point of example is clearly seen in the fact that I'm only now allowed to see Dr. Gottesman once every month and then once for only 30 minutes.  During that 30 day timeframe.  So in 30 minutes.  One of the questions that is always asked by Dr. Gottesman.  Because that is what the medical administration for Metro once Dr. Gottesman to ask is whether I need any medications.  Dr. Gottesman never asks whether or not I need any kind of interactive therapy because the medical administration of MetroHealth medical center takes the same line that the medical administration for other hospitals in Cleveland also take which is as far as they are concerned.  If you are mentally ill.  They don't give a damn about you at all.  They don't care about your health.  They don't care about you.  Because all they want you to do is take their pills take their crap and then they want to go away because they don't like you because they can't make any money off of you.

And of course, if that's not true, then all of these news stories about the mentally ill not getting the kind of care they need.  All over the United States as a result of medical administration would also not be true.  And yet those news stories are true.  Where the mentally ill all of the United States is being victimized by these extremely selfish asinine bastards who are controlling medical care in this country and that they are actually being helped in every possible way by the Republican Party and the tea party will go on TV and they will lie to the American people.  They are nothing but liars.  They lied to the American people saying about how much they care about us, when in reality they don't give a damn about us at all.  And it's very easy to see by looking at the voting record of these despicable pieces of crap who are the members of the new Republican Party and especially that dirty sadistically cruel bastards of the tea party.  Because when you look at their voting record you see very clearly that whenever they have a chance to vote in favor of protecting the people of this country or protecting big business.  They will always vote to protect big business basically telling the people of the United States to go to hell.

So Dr. Gottesman and I hardly ever talk about my spinal fusion anymore.  We hardly talk about anything anymore because we don't have the opportunity to do so.  Because MetroHealth medical center's administration.  Meaning there medical administration doesn't care because they can't make money off of the mentally ill.  And that's all the extremely selfish asinine pieces of crap*who live in very fancy homes in Cleveland want.  They live in these really rich neighborhoods in Cleveland, and they live like bloodsuckers like vampires feeding off of the expenses of the people who go to their hospital they drain their bank accounts.  They suck the life out of their money.  They do everything they can to ruin knees people's lives because all these wealthy people who are living in these rich neighborhoods of Cleveland who are the medical administration administrative people.  The CEOs and the other decision-makers all they want is to get that money and they don't give a damn who they have to put into the ground or how many people they have to beat to death.  They just want that money and they are being supported totally and completely by the Republican Party of Cleveland, Ohio in the state of Ohio, where nothing but dirty, vampire bloodsuckers who don't give a damn about equal rights.  They don't give a damn about cleaning up the air.  They don't give a damn about cleaning up the water.  They don't give a damn about cleaning up the food chain them don't give a damn about the mentally ill and the proof is everywhere.

And what's unfortunate is that this problem will never get any better.  Because the Republican Party has a lot of money and they have a lot of power in a don't give a damn who they kill they don't give a damn who's life.  They ruined as long as they get what they want, and they will do exactly that.

So in Cleveland people may really like the medical care at MetroHealth medical center, and I am one who does.  But when you talk about the medical administration at MetroHealth medical center, nobody, not anyone I have ever talk to in all the years I have lived in Cleveland likes the medical administration of MetroHealth medical center.  At one point the medical administration of MetroHealth medical center was not allowing any psychiatric patient to have more than 15 minutes with any psychiatric professional at MetroHealth medical center.  And that was actually the medical administrative decision until it actually blew up in their face.  Because they were getting such an outcry from the entire city of Cleveland that these wealthy extremely asinine bastards who live in these fancy neighborhoods of Cleveland who are the medical administration of MetroHealth medical center, then realized that they are going to have to at least give some kind of access to the mentally ill and privately.  They hate that.  Because they go to their fancy golf clubs and they make jokes about the mentally ill how would be much better to just simply put us all in cages for that we wouldn't have to be able to see any doctors that were nothing more than disgusting pieces of garbage.  We are like animals and that's exactly how they want to treat us, and they are being supported by the Republican Party of Cleveland, Ohio.  They are being supported by the Republican Party and the tea party of Ohio.  Because they hate the mentally ill as well.  And I don't know any part of the Republican Party in Cleveland, Ohio right now who gives a damn about the mentally ill.  Because they never talk about the mentally ill.  They never do anything for the mentally ill and they say they do that I've got lots of news stories showing they don't.

So as long as the medical administration.  Meaning these wealthy stupid acyl bastards at MetroHealth medical center, and the other hospitals in Cleveland and the other hospitals throughout this country and the Republican Party and the tea party are all working together to screw the mentally ill as long as that is going to be the case, then we are going to see more people dying as a result of mental illness in these wealthy families in this country don't care.  They go to their country clubs they play golf, and they laugh about the mentally ill and they laugh.  I many of their mentally ill patients that there medical facilities died.  Because then they brag about how much money they saved by those people dying because it's all about saving money making money being more rich being more privileged and screwing the mentally ill.

And it's important to note that I'm not talking about the practitioners.  I am not talking about the nurses or doctors the practitioners in the mentally ill community or the mental facilities throughout this country, the practitioners are some of the kindest and most caring people in the world medical administration they are nothing like anything except vultures they are vultures and bloodsuckers and the Republican Party doesn't give a damn.  And if they dare say they do.  I dare them to go ahead and bring any of their crap and out.  Bring all of my notes and all of my articles in all of my research and I'll go to any venue they want.  And when I'm finished talking.  Not one of them anywhere in this country who is a Republican will be able to say a single word.  Because they will be seen for the bloodsucking asinine bastard monsters.  They have made themselves into.  And everyone will know what a bunch of filthy dirty bastard murderer's they have become how they are killing the mentally ill.  Because they hate us and the tea party will be seen the same way.  I dare any of them to go ahead and challenge me in any venue they want.  Because I've got the research and so do a lot of other people and they don't want that because they want to continue going on TV and lying to everyone about how they are patriotic Americans when they are nothing but a bunch of cold-blooded killers.

So Dr. Gottesman and I don't hardly ever talk about my fusion we don't talk about any of the psychological issues I'm having because we don't have the time.  We don't even hardly see each other anymore because medical administration in the city of Cleveland and at MetroHealth medical center doesn't want the mentally ill to have any real or meaningful access to mental health professionals, other than to simply take the pills they throw at us were to be put into a mental institution where we will then be told to put up and shut up and then die.

And as long as this kind of ugly asinine extremely vampire oriented bloodsucking behavior continues on the part of the Republican Party and the tea party and the medical administration for all of the various hospitals in this country supported by the Republican Party supported by the tea party because they all love to kill and hurt people.  They love causing as much pain and suffering as possible.  That's what drives the Republican Party.  The new Republican Party and the tea party are driven by causing as much pain and suffering in hurting people.  They love to hurt people.  They love to cause pain and suffering.  They love seeing women being beaten to death.  They love seeing people kill themselves.  They love seeing people have to eat dog food in order to buy medication.  They love seeing children starve to death and dying on the street that is what drives and fuels the Republican Party.  That's what feels the tea party that's what fuels medical administration in this country.  They love seeing women being beaten and abused.  Because the more women that are beaten and abused.  The more customers they have at their hospitals.  So medical administration supports totally and completely the beating and murdering and killing of women.  They support the abuse of women because the more women that are abused, the more customers they have.  Which means the more money they get which means the more rounds of golf they can play at their fancy golf clubs

So.  Unfortunately, ladies and gentlemen, these things are not going to get any better.  Because the wealthy have become like nothing more than an elitist class that stands so far above the rest of humanity that they are literally like the old days of Rome where they live in such luxury and was so much money that the rest of us are being turned into slaves.  Because that's exactly what the Republican Party wants that's exactly what the tea party wants that's exactly what medical administration in this country want.  And that's exactly what the majority of the wealthy want.  They want slaves, and they don't care how they get them, and they will lie to your face about being caring and kind people.  While at the same time.  They'll grab any poor person they want or can get and turn them into a slave.

And what's really sad is it every 15 minutes.  Another child or adult becomes so confused or lost within their own mind where they don't have any access to mental health professionals they don't have any access where they can actually save their life or have any assistance.  Thanks to the medical administration in the United States that these people are ending up taking their own life and the wealthy don't care.  The Republicans don't care.  The tea party doesn't care medical administration doesn't care.  Because they look at the mentally ill as nothing more than a cost factor that they can't make very much money from the profitability of treating the mentally ill just is not really very high.  Which is why in most hospitals that section of the hospital administration doesn't get very much time or money and they don't get very many funds allocated to that department.  Because medical administration doesn't give a damn about the mentally ill.  Because most of these families who are actually part of the medical administration live in these extremely fancy and very expensive neighborhoods where they have all the money they want with a go to the polo fields they go and belonged to fancy country clubs and they don't give a damn about the mentally ill.  Because it's not their problem, and they can't make any money from us.  So basically they want us to take their pills and then to go and die.

It's all about money, ladies and gentlemen, that's what drives medical administration in this country, how the hospitals can make the most money off of whatever disease or whatever condition that they possibly can.  So when it comes to domestic violence medical administration supports the beating and the abuse of women because the more women that are beaten and abused.  The more customers they have.  Which means the more money they make, and they are extremely that kind of vampire

And what's really sad is that the stupid bastard families living in these wealthy neighborhoods not only in Cleveland, but everywhere else don't really understand that the environment is changing the air is getting dirtier the water is getting dirtier in a matter how many expensive pieces of equipment.  They can buy the air is still going to get dirtier the water is going to get more poisonous.  Which means they will end up dying like anyone else, but they don't care.  Because as far as they are concerned.  If they are going to die their gun and die holding their money in their hand and they don't care how many people, or how many of us.  They have to kill to get that money.

And I know what I'm talking about because I used to be part of that type of life.  Not that I behaved the same way that the contemporaries in that life when I was living that life were behaving.  Because I did not that's why I walked away from that kind of life.  The arrogance the elitism the item give a damn attitude about anyone who isn't wealthy.  That's why I walked away from that life.  Because I saw them is nothing more than cold-blooded killers willing to kill anyone they could to get the money they want.

And as I said, it's really a very sad situation.  Because the environment in the world is changing.  Which means that unless these wealthy have a special kind of mechanism to step from their car to the offices.  They are going to their going to end up at one point or another breathing the air.  And unless they have really unbelievably sophisticated water filtration systems they are going to and up getting some of the poison they are putting into the water into their own water.  Because these diseases that are taking place as a result of the environment changing here on the planet.  These diseases don't care how much money someone has a what political party they belong to what color they are, what religion they are these diseases will kill a human being.  Whether it is poison from our water, or in the air, or in our food chain.  It doesn't matter.

And at that point, the wealthy will end up.  If they don't wise up and put up and shut up and start acting like human beings instead of a bunch of spoiled brats.  They will end up without having enough people who are poor that they can turn into slaves.  And then they won't have anyone being able to do the work for them.  And then they, the wealthy will have to do the work themselves, which they can't do because they have become fat, lazy and so elitist that they don't even know how to do the work anymore because they're just basically stupid, selfish, bloodsucking spoiled brats.

And of course I'm not talking about all the wealthy.  I'm just talking about most of the wealthy.  And as far as the Republican Party and the tea party.  More and more evidence is coming to the service every day showing what a truly fascist and anti-American group political entity the Republican Party and tea party really are.  Which then presents all of us as Americans.  The choice of whether we are going to support that kind of anti-American economic and political tyranny, which is the same tyranny that our founding fathers and their families fled Europe to escape from.  Which is exactly what the Republican Party and the tea party are fully in support of.  So when they claim to be patriotic Americans.  They are lying.  Because they are supporting the same kind of economic tyranny and political tyranny and religious oppression that our founding fathers were fleeing Europe to escape from.  Which means that since they are supporting that kind of thing they can't be supporting freedom and liberty.  Because they are in fact with all of their voting record supporting exactly the opposite.

And so consequently this entire article is not about me.  It's about the millions and millions of mentally ill people throughout this country who are not getting the care they need.  Thanks to the medical administration in this country.  Which is turned into being nothing more than a bunch of vampires.  Just remember every 15 minutes in the United States.  Another person who is not able to get help they need ends up taking their own life in these wealthy people and their families who are running the medical administration throughout this country don't give one single bit of concern.  They'll care.  Because all they care about is making the most money they can offer anyone who walks into any one of their hospitals.  Which is why they don't really care about certain diseases why they don't care about certain social conditions and why they actually promote other social conditions as a violent and as horrible as they are, which is why medical administration in this country actually loves domestic violence.  Because the more domestic violence cases who walk through their door.  The more money they make.

As long as that's the case domestic violence in the evil and horrible treatment that is going on in this country against women will never stop.  And history will in fact show very clearly that what I'm saying is the case.  If in fact there is going to be any history left.  Because either we stop acting like a bunch of selfish, spoiled brats.  And start working together as humanity to fix the problems we are facing or we are going to fragment to such an extent where there won't be much humanity left.  And I'm not the only one again who is saying this their experts all over this world.  And there have been experts for the last hundred and 50 years to a been saying the same thing.  But the wealthy don't want to listen and political acetyl groups like the Republican Party and the tea party which exist all over this world.  They don't want to listen either because they don't care.  All they care about is getting their money and they don't care who they have to kill or what countries they have to destroy what governments they have to overturn they don't care about anything as long as they get their money.

And so it's not just the people in need of medical care who are actually caught in the cross wires of this kind of ugly behavior the medical health professionals are also caught in the cross wires of this extremely ugly anti-life behavior because their hands are tied.  A young resident will go and train at a hospital only to find that most of what they have learned they will never be able to use because medical administration wants them only doing certain things and only under certain conditions where the medical administration can then squeeze every single dollar they can out of anyone who walks through their doors because they are more concerned about getting the money than they are with providing the care.

And that's fine.  Because in my case, it doesn't matter.  Because I am not important in this entire discussion not at my age with the things that I have as part of my physiology or any of the other aspects of what I am.  That's not why I'm writing this I'm writing this because there are millions and millions of people who have connections lots of connections family, friends, sons and daughters, mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, so that when any of those lives are destroyed by the medical administration or the Republican Party or the tea party it's not just the individual life that is being destroyed.  It's every single life that is connected to that life.  And that's exactly how the medical administration in the United States and the Republican Party looks at it along with the tea party.  They all looked at that way.  Because they realize that when they destroy one life.  They are actually destroying lots more and thereby increasing their customer base.  The amount of customers who will need their services, and who will pay them money.  And that's what it's all about profitability and marketing.

So we as Americans are allowing this condition to continue and so we as Americans are failing when we claim to be pro-life.  Because in so many ways.  We are demonstrating that we are not in any way.  Pro-life.

So ask yourselves.  I mean that ask yourselves this question.  How many people do you know in your circle of connections who have either been or are a victim or a survivor of domestic violence or who in fact has one form or another of mental illness.  Just ask yourself that question.  Then ask yourself of they are actually getting the care they need.  Because when you ask yourself those questions, you will understand exactly why wrote this article.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be. 

The mind is like a book. Opened and much is learned. Closed and nothing is learned. (N. Maschke – 1994)

Air quality

For the Cleveland, Akron, Lorain, Ohio area:

Particle pollution: 88
Ozone: 28
Temperature: 72
Humidity: 89%
Air pressure: 30.02, falling
UV index:, level high, (6)
Wind: Southeast

It was so unbearably hot.  That when I was doing the last Journal entry where was about 84° outside.  It was almost 80° inside.  But in all fairness I had the door open for a while while I was bringing in the shopping cart after my rather long walk.

But now that actually 2 AM.  The temperature is finally down to 72°.  Which is of course just good Jew cooler.  But the humidity is still close to 90%.  And the pollution level is at 88 absolutely less than 20 points off being unhealthy for sensitive groups.

But one thing is for certain.  These breathing masks actually work.  Because I absolutely had no problem when I was out yesterday in extremely high particle pollution.  Not only that, like I said in my walk yesterday I met five different people I believe five who were absolutely completely interested in not only the breathing masks.  But in the application state of the air.  They thought it was really great.  And these are long time residents of Cleveland, and they really just couldn't understand.  Just like I've been saying why the hell the numbers are always so high.  Because there's really no pollution generating factories.  Businesses in the area that would account for those numbers being that high.

And the more I think about it the more I just don't believe that radon is the cause.  That just doesn't seem like it would makes sense.  But at the same time I just don't know.

So I am definitely going to look at that as soon as I get some of these things caught up.  Meaning my email and petitions.  Which I am determined to do later this morning.

Because what I wrote in the previous message.  I am telling you is absolutely remarkable.  Because the way that I was able to give therapeutic relief to my muscles is having a truly lasting effect.  Because it's a lot easier to move around in the house as a result of the way I therapeutic to was able to give relief to my muscles by this extended shower.  Where I was using the hot water to expand or to cause the muscles to expand thereby relieving the strain.  And then slowly making the water cooler to then of course contract the muscles back to being comfortably in a more natural state in relation to my skeletal frame.

Because getting up from my chair is just a lot easier.  But the hardest part of the walk yesterday.  Other than the emotions and they were really difficult.  I mean pay were just difficult.  But then it's always hard to go to Metro.  But the heat was just unbelievable.  And in reality I probably needed in that kind of intense sunlight to have been wearing the embryo I have.  Because one side of the umbrella hat is of course green.  But the point is that it would provide tremendous shape to my head, whereby there would nothing be resting on my head and at the same time, thus giving ventilation to my head while preventing the intense sunlight from affecting anything on my upper body.  Because of the size of the umbrella hat.

So during these next few days.  I have decided that if I'm going to do any outside work that I'm definitely going to where the umbrella hat.  Because I was reading some of the reviews online at Amazon about the umbrella hat.  And there were two different reviews by people who have said that the umbrella hat, for them, was not only tremendously functional, of course, during the rain.  But that was also extremely functional and beneficial during intense sunlight.  And I definitely think that is something I'm going to investigate by using it when I go outside.

Because the heat was just extremely oppressive.  And an indication of that is that I actually consumed 316 ounce bottles of water.  Of course, some of that is because I was going through heavy exertion.  And I was doing that, not only at a time when the particle pollution levels were elevated rather significantly into the yellow range of particle pollution.  But also because of course I was doing so in extremely oppressive heat, which was where the temperature was 85 breeze with high humidity.  So naturally the perspiration was just pouring off of me.

But as for today.  Meaning later this morning.  And today.  I'm definitely not going to go outside and I'm not going to open the door.  And I'm definitely increasing the airflow in the house with the ceiling fans.  Because the heat was just extremely uncomfortable.

So it was really an incredible day.  I mean, it was just an amazing day because there was so much discovery in so many accomplishments.  And the amazing thing is that by not breathing the pollution every part of me feels so much better.  That's just incredible.

The heat this summer has absolutely been unbearable.  And not because of the temperature alone.  Because the temperatures have actually been very slightly lower than them.  They were last summer.  But the humidity and the pollution are what has made the heat just much more intense.  So that at this point in August.  Which is really the second portion of the summer where Cleveland has rather intense and high heat.  That this section of August is becoming incredibly oppressive with regard to the heat.

And I have absolutely decided that this next week.  Well, actually, the week after this next week on Wednesday is when the third of the month is.  And I have absolutely decided that the one thing I am buying from Amazon.  In September is going to be a better pair of walking shoes.  That is an has to be my main priority.  As far as buying anything in September.  Because I absolutely have to have a better cushion under my feet when I'm out walking.  Because the shoes I'm wearing just don't have the kind of support for my feet for the kind of walking I'm doing.  The other shoes can actually be used around the house for yard work.  But for the walking where I'm out doing anywhere from 3 to 4 miles I absolutely have to have a better walking shoe.  And I'm also completely convinced that when I'm out doing those kinds of walks I absolutely have to start wearing my corset.  Once again.  Because the steel ribs will definitely give my lumbar region of my spine.  The support that I need while on manipulating that Kurt.

Know this coming Thursday.  It's actually supposed to be raining.  So I am absolutely going to be wearing the umbrella hat when I go to see Dr. Gottesman.  And the protection is that the temperatures will be slightly cooler where the upper-level temperature on Thursday will only be at 80°.  But of course we are also talking about increased humidity.  But it won't be anything like it was yesterday.

So my plan is to increase the airflow here in the house with the ceiling fans.  That's the first thing.  Then I will get a few more hours of sleep.  And then I'm just going to dive into the email.  What an amazing day.  Absolutely incredible.  I did end up watching a shot in the dark with Peter Sellers again, of course.  Because the music is done by Henry Mancini.  And my horoscope is extremely positive, which is just exactly what I need.  So I don't know what I'm going to watch.  I think I may watch.  It's a mad mad mad mad world.  It seems to be just about appropriate.

I haven't felt this physically good in a number of weeks.  This is great.  I can definitely do this.  Now I'm going to as I said make sure that the stool in the shower is exactly where I want by going in their later this morning and then making sure it's level of and testing it out by sitting down to make sure it's just exactly where I want.  And then I'm going to take another picture of the bathroom so that you can see what I've done.

Then on Monday and Tuesday, which is supposed to have again significantly high heat.  I will be doing the outside yard work, but it's really not going to take me that long because there are only two Windows on the east side of the house that I need to paint and trimming the front and backyard will be very easy.  So I might do that on Monday and then on Tuesday I will go upstairs and do the painting on the upstairs Windows.  But from inside the house cleaning out the window.

But for right now I'm just going to try and get some more rest.  And I'm going to put on that movie.  It's a mad mad mad mad world.  And then I will get up and hit the ground running.

What a day.  That he was just.  I can't even even though I've been trying to I just can't even really describe it.  It makes me laugh because it was just unbelievable.  And I know if I would've been out there without wearing a breathing mask, there would've been no way.  I would've had a terribly hard time doing that walk.  And as I've said, my lungs are really strong.  I just can't imagine how people with heart disease, lung disease, diabetes or any other breathing problem are able to even go outside when the pollution is where it was yesterday.  And at the same time would be oppressive heat and humidity.  I just can't imagine.

So I will of course write later.

Thanks for listening.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be. 

The mind is like a book. Opened and much is learned. Closed and nothing is learned. (N. Maschke – 1994)

Friday, August 22, 2014

Back on planet Earth, too incredibly amazing things

9:40 PM, EDT:

I just discovered two incredibly amazing things.

The first thing I discovered was that the seat in my shower was actually at the wrong height.  Because sitting on the seat was actually aggravating my sciatic nerve.  So while I was sitting in the shower.  I began to lower the seat by lowering the legs, which I'm able to do.  And I got it somewhat even but I definitely got it lower and I got it to the point where when I lowered it to a certain level.  The pain in my knee from my static nerve completely disappeared.

And while I did that.  I also turned the seat around so that it faced the shower.  Instead of being faced away from the shower.  This gave me more room to slightly stretch out my left leg in the shower, which then increased the degree of relief to my left knee.  So tomorrow sometime.  I will actually go into the shower without the water running.  And I will then position the seat.  So it's a little bit more level in more positioned correctly, so that when I stretch out my leg in the shower.  And by having it at a different level.  It will be at the optimum level to relieve any of the potential sciatic nerve pain.

That was absolutely one of the most incredible things that I've discovered about taking a shower in the submarine over the past few years.  So right off the bat the increased heat of the shower was having a tremendously beneficial effect.  Because it wasn't hitting my back right at about where the fusion is it was actually rolling down my back, or hitting my neck and my shoulders, which in reality is where a lot of the tightening of the muscles actually takes place.

This was discovered purely by accident.  At one point during the 18 years.  Aileen's drinking got to a point.  One night where while at the same time I was struggling with Windows Vista and I was having such a hard time at this one point with Windows Vista that no matter what I did it Continuing to crash.  And this didn't go on for just two or three hours.  It went on for almost 20 hours.  And there is even a Journal entry I believe.  No, there's not.  It was in a previous Journal.  I was keeping when Aileen was alive.  But I was doing all sorts of technical notations about my experience with Windows Vista and this one on for like 20 hours at the same time, Aileen was going through a really difficult time where she was getting flashbacks from a number of different things from her own difficulty she had and so the two circumstances sort of collided.  And I actually had a miniature psychotic break.  True story.  And I ran from the house and part of the list her flashbacks were coming out in increased drinking and she was becoming very aggressive without her realizing it.  And at the same time, Windows Vista was just after 20 hours exhausting me.  And so I was so exhausted psychologically and then at the same time, emotionally trying to keep Aileen, which was practically impossible.

So I literally ran from the house and by the time I got to the corner I didn't even know where I was and I didn't recognize, Aileen.  I didn't recognize her at all.  And then all I remember is that I ended up somewhere downtown wandering in this very kind Driver literally rescued me and took me to Lutheran meaning Lutheran Hospital.  So I checked myself in to the psych ward for about a week.  Not more than 30 hours later, of course, Aileen showed up at the Ward.  And at that point they were administering some temporary stabilizing medications.  But one of the things they did was they gave me a muscle relaxers.  So anyhow, of course, Aileen shows up and we talked and everything was back to normal.  And she realized that it wasn't just her aggressiveness in her flashbacks with the drinking.  It was also this whole thing was Windows Vista.

So the incredible thing was that when I was talking to one of the psychologists who were by that time in touch with Dr. Gottesman and he was involved in the care and he and I talked and we discovered of course that it wasn't really Aileen's drinking or the aggressiveness it was the two things together and then I had a flood of flashbacks just literally broke my orientation.  So the speak to myself and everything else.  So again.  Like I said he got involved with the care that was being given to me at Lutheran.  And so after Aileen and I talked.  I think it was on the third day Gottesman and I spoke again.  And I explained to him that I was feeling a tremendous amount of relief in my spine above the fusion.

It's important understand the Dr. Gottesman first started out, literally and I mean this as an orthopedic surgeon.  That was really what his field and expertise was.  And what happened was that after a number of years of him doing orthopedic surgeries like spinal fusions.  He began to see tremendous debilitation in patients who were going through spinal fusions and because he is a really cool Dr. and I mean very humane extremely intelligent and so forth.  He then changed his expertise and then went into psychiatry, but he did so specifically to be able to deal with spinal fusion patients.  So it's important that you understand that.

Because the moment I said that above the fusion I was noticing a significant decrease in the pain level and that's significant above the fusion my fusion is that the thoracic which means that it's like just three vertebrae from the base of my neck.  So above the fusion means everything, just below my collar bones and to the base of my skull.  Meaning throughout my neck.  And he thought that was incredible.  So we then had a conference call with the other doctors and it was discovered that of course they were giving me a muscle relaxers.  And during the conference call Gottesman said well this can only be temporary, but it's just perfect.  That's exactly what he said because if I were to take muscle relaxers on an ongoing basis, I wouldn't even be able to hold my neck up.  But for some reason the muscle relaxers interacted with the broken nerves in my spine.  Plus, of course, with the muscles, whereby the tremendous and extremely erratic constant pain throughout my spine was actually reduced partially because the muscles were actually relaxing.

So of course the week went by and I got out, and they took me off of the muscle relaxers probably during that week.  They only kept me on them for like three days.  Because then Dr. Gottesman was getting nervous because he didn't want my muscles to atrophy, especially above the fusion that would just be not a very good thing.

And then what happened was that by the time I got out a friend of mine in another state who would been reading everything that was going on with Windows Vista because I'd been keeping extremely detailed notations of timing how long the boot time was how long the whole time was the cycle, and all of the various error conditions were.  He communicated with me a temporary fix, which then stabilized certain environmental conditions of Windows Vista where it became a lot more manageable.  So that got resolved and then at the same time Gottesman I started talking about these muscle relaxers or this muscle relaxers medication.  And so we of course agreed.  This is not something that should ever be used on a constant basis.  Because it could actually cause certain muscles around my collar bone to completely atrophy because I don't have hardly any muscle on my back at all.  I mean, since the operation.  It's just impossible for me to build any muscle hardly at all on my back.  It's just part of the damage.  So then we began to look at how I had been using the showers and we decided that the really hot water for a great length of time was probably and asked little idea.  Because it really does push the muscles so the speak to get them to heat up enough where they will basically relax.

Or at least relax a little.  So then we decided that after we got the muscles to relax that what we wanted to do was to apply very slowly.  Which is what I've done ever since that time very slowly cooling the water down to just about not really frigid but as cool as possible.  Which then would cause the muscles then to basically sort of fall back into place.  Because they were no longer being really heated.  And that has pretty much worked ever since.

So okay now, when I was doing that I did not have or let's say my sciatic nerve damage was not anywhere near as pronounced as it has been since that time.  So the position of my seat was always facing away from the shower to try to concentrate the pulsating special showerhead that I have so that the pulsating water would definitely be getting the muscles right above my fusion right around my collar bone and thereby cause those muscles above my fusion and in my neck to expand and thereby to relax to a certain extent.

But because of the sciatic nerve damage.  And because of got so many broken nerves all through my spine.  I noticed today.  As a result of this really long walk and it wasn't so much the length of the walk is much as it was the rather extreme heat.  That my sciatic nerve in my knee was just literally going bonkers it.  So that where before the position of the showerhead hitting the muscles above the fusion directly with the seat facing away from the shower was now becoming less effective only because again, there's so many broken and torn nerves that for some reason the direct pulsating of the water on the muscles above my fusion was actually having some kind of an adverse effect on.  I sciatic nerve, not the knee.  But at the base of my spine, where it's actually tensed it's tensed not really where they can get to it.  It's actually tensed inside the hip that was broken when they did my fusion so they can't really do anything about it at all.

So when I noticed that that was where my instincts turned the seat around and as soon as I did that I noticed a slight decrease in the amount of pain in the top of my sciatic nerve at the base of my spine, where it's going really right through the hip that was broken, which is where the nerve is pinched.  At the same time I noticed that the pulsating effect.  Now was not getting the muscles right below the collarbone, but actually getting the muscles on top of the collarbone and actually having the same effect.  So that was the first thing that I noticed.  And then I realized that now the pain was being localized right behind my left knee.  So I began to position myself in the seat.  And as I did I could then feel the nerve pain behind my knee decreasing.  Which then led me to lowering the seat.

So by doing those two things simply turning the seat around and then lowering the seat I was able to manipulate the pulsating water on my collar bones, whereby as a result.  Because of all these nerves that are just basically insane.  I noticed this decrease in sciatic nerve reaction, whereby the nerve became quieter and less painful.  So that was like an incredible thing.  It just was perfect.  Just by changing the seat in changing where that pulsating water is hitting my collar bones.  And from everything that I know from talking with Dr. Gottesman all these years about this all I can think of is that my increased activity.  Meaning walking the distance as I am has changed slightly the way that my sciatic nerve is reacting at the base of my spine in my hip because of course I can't bend and walking is a problem because my hips are actually fused to my spine.  So I'm out walking all these distances I'm actually agitating and even aggravating the top of my hips at the base of my spine, especially where that sciatic nerve is pinched inside the hip.

So that changing the direction of the seat and thereby changing the direction or the place where the pulsating water is hitting my collar bones in order to relieve the muscle stress actually is at the same time.  Changing the way that those nerves at the top of my spine are interacting with the nerves at the base of my spine.  Because of all the short-circuiting that there is such that as a result, the sciatic nerve.  That's pinched inside my hip is actually or was actually becoming less reactive and thereby less pain.

So that believe me, that is just unbelievable.  See, I will be seeing Dr. Gottesman on Thursday when I tell about this.  I'm sure it will just crack him up.  I mean that.  Because what they did to me and 68.  They never repeated.  They never did on any other fusion patient what they did to me only because the conditions of my fusion and the life-threatening situation as a result of my curvature were so severe that they literally had to create a number of the different procedures in order to be able to do the fusion.  Plus, there were all these problems that took place during the surgery, which is why it lasted 13 hours.  Gottesman actually knew Dr. Herndon and he knew about the surgery when it was taking place.  Even though he wasn't connected to it.  He also knew to the other doctors who were on the team, meaning the two or two of the other doctors who were on the team in the surgery, during those 13 hours.  So he's known a very good bit about what they actually did.

And when he hears the just changing the seat in changing the position of the pulsating water on my collar bone or my collar bones is having this effect on that nerve pinched inside my left hip.  Like I said, this will crack him up.  Because he and I are always both really very surprised that what we fine actually works at even getting my pain level to go down even a little bit because there's so much nerve damage.  So that is like I said that was absolutely one of the most incredible things that happened in the shower.  It was just like off the charts.

And the other thing is that when I change the position of the seat so that the pulsating water was again on the top of my collar bones in the muscles, however slight because there's virtually no muscle and you can see in the picture of my back, which is on the right side of this Journal page you can look at the fusion.  And if you look at my back.  You will see there's virtually no muscle anywhere from my collar bones, all the way down to my tailbone on my back.  The little bit of muscle that is their was or is as a result of five years of sports medicine therapy that I went through after the fusion in order to do special exercises in order to build that muscle.  Because conventional exercises just don't work.  And the reason why it's virtually impossible for my back to build any muscle at all is because both the autonomic in the central nervous system were completely severed for all those 13 hours and they literally had my entire back open.  I mean, it was just completely opened wide because they did the fusion not like it's done today.  They actually reached inside of my body and manipulated by grabbing my rib cage to literally twist the rib cage around and they were using a light grid in order to be able to measure the degree that they were changing when they were moving my rib cage around.  So as a result of that rather extreme physical trauma to my skeleton and to the muscles in my back.  My back has never been able to build hardly any muscle at all.  So that is where Gottesman and I worked out this procedure to have the pulsating water above the fusion at the very little bit of muscle I have below my collar bones in my back around my shoulders and that was working for a long time.  But as I began to do more of this walking that walking.  Meaning the forward movement of my left leg as I'm walking to and from the store is actually aggravating that top portion of my left hip, which is exactly where the sciatic nerve is pinched inside the hip.  And because the nerve damage is so screwed in my back that agitation is actually having an effect on the top of my spine above the fusion where my collar bones are so that when I was pointed away from the shower and the pulsating was at the bottom of my collarbone on either side and those muscles it was becoming less effective because I've been out doing the walking in agitating the top portion of my left hip so soon as I turned that seat around and put the pulsating water on the top of the muscles on my collar bones.  Which should are those muscles right on either side of my neck the nerves evidently responded in such a way so that the nerves down at the base of my spine, right where my left hip is where that sciatic nerve is pinched suddenly then caused the inflammation of the nerve inside the hip and believe me, I don't even understand how that is working.  But that's exactly what's happening.  It's causing that to be less reactive.

So that what I said is just an absolutely amazing thing.  And the other amazing thing was that by doing what I've just said above and then at the same time cooling down the water very slowly.  That's why I showers aren't just 20 minutes.  They are sometimes almost an hour or just a little more.  Because I don't cool the water down quickly.  I cool the water down very, very slowly in order to not have the reaction known as, silent heart attacks.  Because silent heart attacks or shock heart attacks can actually happened when you are in the shower.  And you've got really hot water and then you immediately turned to cold.  And yes, that feels invigorating but in actuality that actually causes a condition known as shock heart attack or silent heart attack.  Whereby, after you've done that you get out of the shower.  About two or three hours later, the person ends up dropping dead as a result of a heart attack.  Because of the shock to the heart going from hot water immediately to cold.  This is a very ongoing condition.  There are number of these heart attacks every year.  Just because of people doing that thing.

So the medical procedure that the medical community has always advised is that when you are in a really hot shower and you want to cool the water down that you do it in very slow increments and that way your heart isn't getting a shock.  And it's cooling down slowly.  And the reason for doing that is because when you've got that hot water in your muscles your muscles are expanding like crazy.  Well that's also getting the muscles to relax.  So that he strained you've been through with your muscles, then actually calms down in the muscles aren't as strained then when you begin to cool the water down it then has the muscles contracting again, but without the strain.  But you just have to do it very, very slowly.  Because if you do it correctly.  Believe me, it's a very dangerous thing to do more dangerous than people realize.

So the second incredible thing is that when I did that well, first of all the sciatic nerve has been quieted because not only of the change the seat position, but also by changing the seat level and thereby everything in the shower is reacting differently with the top portion of my spine and so forth.  But the other thing was that by cooling the water down slowly, like I did was of course closing the pores causing the muscles to contract slightly as they're going from real hot to cooler.  But what was happening is that as a result of the direction of the pulsating water and the water getting cooler slowly all this other pain in my ankle and my feet my arm my wrist just about everywhere else all these muscles were contracting again.  But most of the strain was completely gone.

Now the punchline.

Which means basically that when I went in the shower.  I was probably at about a 9.8.  As far as the pain level when I came out where I am right now the pain level is probably I believe somewhere around a 7.5.  And you better believe I could live with that.  Gottesman will love it.  Because we do we are about the same age and he knows my fusion better than anyone else who's alive because everyone else who did the fusion is dead.  And there are no medical records.  Nobody can find them.  So Gottesman actually knew the doctors who did the fusion and new basically what happened.  So he and I these last over 20 years have been coming up with all sorts of techniques to try and help to decrease the pain in certain ways, whenever possible.  And he'll love it.  And crackup.  Because this is one of the least likely us things we would ever think of.  In order to decrease the pain at the base of my spine, or in fact above my fusion.  Because the only other thing that he and I ever found that did that were muscle relaxers which absolutely all know that's the worst thing in the world.  Because if you use those things for more than a week your muscles start to atrophy and that would just be disastrous because my fusion is only three vertebrae from the base of my neck.  So if my muscles began to atrophy I wouldn't be able to hold my head up.

So he definitely will find this amazing.  Because I find it amazing.

And I realize the foregoing is a lot of real technical stuff but stated in a non-technical way.  But that's really how sensitive the nerves and the muscles of my back really are.  Nobody gets it okay.  You have to actually see it.  That's why it put the picture up in my Journal.  Because it's not just the scar it's that there is no muscle and not only is there no muscle my collar bones basically coming out of my body or basically almost coming out of my body.  Because of how the fusion was done.  If you look at the very top of my body at the top of the fusion you see the fusion right below my collar bones or the base of my neck and if you look above that you can see that my collar bones are almost like pushing out of my body and you can see on my back.  There is hardly any muscle.  That's one of the reasons nobody touches my back.  Because there's hardly anything there to protect my back from the shock of someone touching my back with their finger.  If they touch my back with the palm of their hand.  The nerves are less reactive are almost totally nonreactive.  But if they touch my back with their finger the nerves basically go ballistic and short-circuit everywhere.  Which is like I said, that's why nobody touches my back.

So this is absolutely this is a very cool thing.  And it is because with upper fusions are thoracic fusion's more than lumbar or lower back fusions with the upper fusions the tendency of the back.  Not to be able to build muscle.  If the fusion is done in what they call an open fusion manner where they actually open the back.  If it's done that way.  The tendency of the back is with the upper fusions to have a hard time building muscle.  And the degree of pain or the potential of pain as a result of the nerve damage that takes place can in fact be somewhat significant.  So what I've described right here can actually or might actually be able to help other upper fusion patients who are experiencing certain pain above their fusion in their collarbone region based on where they are actually going to interact with the muscles of the collarbone in order to relax those muscles so that they then will have less strain at the base of their neck.  That's the benefit.

And if I had to try to write this with a keyboard.  Believe me, it would take me hours.  Because it's that complicated.  This is the amount of control I have to live with 24 hours a day.  And I always have to notice every single detail.  Because any detail might actually either alleviate pain or cause pain to get worse.  Which is why I have a really huge sense of humor.  Because if I didn't I really would be in a very nice little padded room somewhere.

So he will just definitely find this interest.  Plus, it's amazing.  I mean, I went into the shower and I mean, I was almost a solid 9.8.  And she's I'm just basically halfway over.  7 at this point.  Which is just that's just really cool.  I mean, that's just okay.  I can deal with this.  I like this.  Yes, this will.  This will be just fine.

See you have to understand.  I've never been out of pain I've been out of significant terrible pain since I was 17 my pain level is normally between a solid seven in about an 8.6 all the time 24 hours a day.  And when I'm out walking by the time.  I'd been walking for 30 minutes.  My pain level is already up to a solid nine and by the time I get to where I'm actually going.  Which is little over a mile away.  I'm probably at about a 9.5.  And then on the way back, well, that's where it gets really interesting because then I'm totally close to about a 9.7 or 9.8.  So that lie get back to the house year.  I have a sense of humor or out try to find some kind of a window to jump out of.  So I have a sense of humor.

And then when I actually discovered something that actually decreases the pain.  Well, man.  That's better than just about anything I could ever think of.  Absolutely.  That's that's just great.  I can deal with that.  I can absolutely deal with that.  And it also means that I then have a certain amount of increased functionality with my life.  Because it means.  For example, would tomorrow being a nice day with my pain level having been reduced now to a 7.5 or about a 7.4.  That by tomorrow if I need to go out and perhaps cut the backyard grass or to cut the front yard that I can actually do so.  Because my pain level has been brought down far enough.  So that when I go out to do that in my pain level then increases it actually won't increased above where it is.  Which is now lower.

If I had come out of the shower.  Normally my pain level would actually only be down from a 9.8 to perhaps a 9.1 or perhaps an 8.7 or 8.8.  Which is not really a lot so that if I went out tomorrow or to try to do the grass.  I'd be right back up at a 9.8 or higher.

But now that I've got my level down to about a 7.5.  And I go out to do the grass tomorrow when I'm done doing the grass tomorrow or whatever else I'm doing.  I probably won't be above 9.3 and even though that's just a small distance.  Believe me, in my world of pain that's a huge distance.

He's going to love this.  I can just see it now.  And every time I come up with something like this are we come up with something like this.  He's making all these notes because he's got so many different spinal fusion patients that he treats.  So anytime we discovered something he just busy making notes.  Because we really are more than Dr. and patient.  We've actually gone to lectures together.  He and his wife.  And, Aileen and I.  We've going to lectures together and Dr. Gottesman and I are just more than just Dr. and patient we are like friends.  Because he's the only one in the world at this point in those anything about my fusion.  Because everyone else is dead.  And there aren't any records.  So that if I ever had to go to Metro, which I have had to.  When Aileen was alive.  The very first when they call is Gottesman.  Because he's the only one that knows what was actually done.  Besides me.

So like I said, I can just see this coming.  He will flip.  Because it's not something that is obvious.  It's not something that you would think.  Actually would work.  And yet it works perfectly.  And it really works significantly that's the really cool thing.  I mean, if Aileen were alive.  I would be talking to her exactly the way I'm talking right here with this level of exuberance and excitement because it really is that kind of thing.  And the only reason I'm not going to call Gottesman before I see them on Thursday is because I'm going to see him on Thursday and he swamped so I generally don't do that no one I will see him on Thursday I'm telling you he is just going to flip because it's not anything that he and I would actually expect actually would work.  And yet it works perfectly.  And if it works with me.  The chances are that to some degree or another.  It will work with other upper fusion patients.  And that.  Like I said I'm telling you, that is really an amazingly cool thing.

I mean, you have to know someone personally in your life who's had an upper fusion and upper spinal fusion.  Like in the thoracic portion of the spine.  You have to know someone personally.  And if you don't you should meet someone because when you do you will understand exactly everything.  I'm talking about.  Lumbar patients.  Meaning lumbar fusion patients have a certain type of pain thoracic fusion patients have a completely different kind of pain completely different.  And in many ways a lot more severe.  Because the fusion is more difficult to do in the thoracic than it is in the lumbar.  That's part of it.  So when you have an upper fusion.  It's just human instinct.  It's human nature that if you find something that works for you and help you to feel better.  You just know there are others with over fusion's.  And you know how hard it is for them in the kind of pain.  They are having.  And if you discover something that works for you to decrease that pain in any way.  However, slightly.  You definitely get a little excited because you think this is great if it works for me, then there's just all these other people of these upper fusion is in it might work for them.

Which is why said that is a really cool thing.  Aileen is just perfect.  I'm you.  I can't even believe that the pain level went down that much.  It hardly ever does, that it hardly ever does that unless I've been basically confined or not moving for at least 36 to 72 hours.  But that Windows been reduced because I can go out tomorrow and do work around the house.  Meaning outside the house and my pain level will not significantly increase.  That's just.  I mean, that's just great.  That's just the best.

And the reason I say that is again.  You have to know someone who has an upper fusion.  Because we end up getting fairly incapacitated and extremely limited as to what we can do in how frequently we can do things because of not only the pain.  But the nerve damage and the trauma to the bones.  And since I've been able to reduce all of that down to where I have just by this change in the shower.  Well, this is really great.  I mean, this is very cool.  I mean, this is really really very cool.  And like I said Gottesman will just flip.  I should take a picture of his reaction when I tell him this.  Because I have met three of his other spinal fusion patients all who have upper fusion's.  And we did that a couple of times when Aileen was alive not for any benefit psychologically, but because Gottesman and I had discovered certain exercises that I was doing and he wanted me to show these two or three other people.  Why actually three people who had upper fusion is how to do these exercises.

Like I said, if you don't know someone who has an upper fusion.  It'll probably be hard for you to understand how grateful you end up being when you are actually able to decrease.  However, slightly the normal level of your extreme pain.  You just feel like you're on top of the world.

That's why I'm documenting it here in my Journal.  Because it is any people who are reading my Journal.  With regard to spinal fusions, and they read this.  Believe me, they will know exactly what to do.  I'm not kidding.  They will know exactly what to do because we all go through the same thing.  And it's so far beyond crazy that if we don't have a sense of humor.  Like I said, we will end up in a very pretty and very nice little room.  That's padded forever.  They'll put's away in his little nice padded room because if you don't develop a sense of humor the pain and all the stuff absolutely pushes you right to the outer edge of complete nuts.  So now.  Scratch that

So now I actually feel probably about 300% better than I did before I went into the shower.  And that's just perfect.  And another reason it is is because now that my pain level has been reduced to about 7.5.  And I take a couple of aspirin that will actually have more of an effect to decrease some of the inflammation in my joints and thereby decrease the overall pain level even less.  Although the pain level.  Pursuant to my fusion will always be generally where it is in other words, I've reduced it down to 7.5.  But my overall pain level is probably more around and 8.4.  But that's low enough where if I take some aspirin.  I can actually reduce it from 8.4 down to about either 8.0 or 7.8 or 7.9.

So it's really a very good thing.

And that being said, what I'm going to do now is have opinion butter and jelly sandwich with some milk.  And I probably won't watch the Time Machine because I'm in a completely different place.  I think what I will watch instead is flower drum song.  With Nancy Kwan.  The music is just unbelievably fantastic.  Or I might watch another Henry Mancini film like a shot in the dark.  Or charade.  Because I have a lot of films were Henry Mancini did the music because I love every Mancini or I mean, I love Henry Mancini's music.  I always have.

So I will probably either right later tonight, which I don't think I will do.  I will probably write some time tomorrow.  Perhaps around 3 AM somewhere around then scroll down.

Plus.  Other side effects of all of this is that my sugar level didn't drop.  Boy this is great.  This is just what I need.

So I will of course write later.

Thanks for listening..

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be. 

The mind is like a book. Opened and much is learned. Closed and nothing is learned. (N. Maschke – 1994)

Turning my house upside down because it ends up looking closer to reality

6:27 PM, EDT:

Will first of all, I took some aspirin.  Then I had some coffee.  Then I repositioned the chair that I used for the bottom portion of this kind of bed in my den.  Which is really of course my chair.  So now my left knee has stopped acting like some deranged lunatic strapped with 200 pounds of dynamite wanting to test the theory of gravity by driving one of the local buses off a 5000 foot cliff.  So my knee is starting to feel better.  And that's a good thing.  I took off the hernia belt.  I've taken off the ankle brace, I've taken off the knee brace.  I've taken off my wrist brace.  And I am no longer wearing my shoes with a steel supports.  So I think that my feet actually feel like someone cut off my feet and then replace them with someone that they actually dropped off a 300 story building barefoot.  I mean, let's just say the muscles are tight.  That's a good word.  The muscles are tight sort of similar to a rubber band that has been just one round that one extra twist too much.

And I'm not sure about the health plan.  But it looks like may be they might cover it.  Might cover Dr. Gottesman.  If they don't, that's no big deal because I'm still on the discount for MetroHealth.  So I still will be able to go and see Dr. Gottesman once a month.  And of course during the winter.  It will be just absolutely a completely enjoyable time walking all that distance through the smell that's going to be just probably a real slice.

It's okay.  As I always say.  What doesn't kill you, does not make you stronger.  What doesn't kill you, drives you running through the streets screaming hysterically.  Only in this point I probably couldn't run across the room, let alone down the Street.  But that's okay.  I don't have to.  And it is a sure that I won't be going outside to do any yard work tomorrow absolutely not, it's probably got it.  Take at least a day for my muscles to finally settle down.  Even if I do take a shower.  So it's just going to be a load of fun and start.  I know there's a plan.  And all this because I met a lot of really unbelievable and amazing people.  I'm not kidding.  I mean, I met so many unbelievably amazing people today and had so many unbelievable conversations, well, I'll tell you people can say all they want about religion, but I'll tell you what happened today had nothing to do with religion.  Because I just met some of the most incredible people I could ever have imagined.  But that's what always happens.  And every time I go out I meet some of the most amazing people in the world.  Of course I'm looking for them.  And I absolutely no that I walked further than 3 miles.  It actually feels more like 20 but I know I didn't do that.  And as I said it had to be one of the most or one of the hottest days of the year.  That's just sublime.  Like I really needed that.  No, I didn't I definitely did not need that but it's okay.  God and I have an agreement.  He built me so he knows pretty much how much load I can carry.  So if he wants to load me up like some pack mule that's okay.  I can do that.  But providing that the tea party doesn't totally screwup the economics of our country what they try to always do.  Providing they don't screw everything up in October I very well may get a new pair of shoes ones that have a good deal more support.  In a more comfortable.  But I can't really plan on that.  Because the tea party is just that kind of group of people that if they can do anything to hurt anyone.  They will always choose to do that.  Because they love hurting people.  They love hurting anyone they can actually live for that.

So we will see.  And it's actually a lot cooler in the house than it is outside the house.  It's just that I've been outside the house for several hours to the point where I just feel like 20 miles of bad road.  And I always get nervous having to go to Metro.  I just hate it.  I can't go anywhere without seeing Aileen and it's just always embarrassing.  Because I end up.  Sometimes being a little bit verbose.  And some people don't.  Not a take it.  And I of course, then feel embarrassed.  It's just hard going to Metro.  Everywhere I look I see my darling, Aileen and it's just very hard.  But that's okay.  Next week I get to do it all over again.  That's just wonderful.  If the weather next week is anything like today.  Meaning really blistering hot.  I probably him just going to reschedule the appointment because I am not going to do this kind of walking in this kind of heat again.  There's just no way.

To give you an example along the way.  There were younger people who I met a few who were actually a little concerned because it was so hot.  Then they saw I had water.  And I actually started out with three full 16 ounce bottles of water.  And by the time I got home I had finished all of them.  My left leg just feels interesting.  I mean, it's just on the other side of crazy.

That's why I put on the movie, big trouble in Little China.  I mean, it's perfect.  Here I am sharing my thoughts after this really amazing several our trip.  And my body basically feels like I'm on the front of someone's car like I was out in the woods and I was one of the animals that they actually shot in order to bring home.  Sort of like I think I feel a little bit like roadkill.  But I did take some aspirin.

Now the amazing thing is aspirin really is an inflammatory.  So it will reduce a certain amount of inflammation in the joints.  And it's really the joints that are hurting and not the muscles.  My muscles are strong.  If my bones were not frantically 30 years older than the rest of my body as a result of my fusion.  I feel great.  It's the bones that are just completely going bonkers.  That's why I wear these steel supports in my shoes.  Because they are specifically designed to reduce pain to the hips and lower back.  It's just that the shoe that I'm wearing these steel supports in are probably not the most comfortable shoes to wear.  So I definitely have to get a new pair of shoes.  Now I did see some specifically designed walking shoes.  And they were about $40.  So I might be able to do that next month.  Because I have the water bill in the sewer bill which basically throws a little bit of a wrench into things.  But I actually might be able to do that.  Where I can get the shoes next month rather than some of the other things I was planning on purchasing because the shoes.  I definitely need to walk around.  At least for any distance.  And for that reason I'm also going to take a look at orthopedic shoes as well.  But they are generally more expensive.

Now I can feel the aspirin starting to kick in.  See, that's the thing and I've known this for many many years.  Because I've known this as a result of being a caregiver to somebody different types of cancer.  Over the years.  As I've said I was actually a caregiver to eight different types of cancers who were friends and acquaintances.  And then, Aileen was number nine.  The only problem is of course that Aileen was the toughest and she was the toughest because all the others were either simply friends or acquaintances.  And, Aileen was my wife.  So, I've known for many years about the immediate chemical timeline when you take medication.  Most medications take approximately 20 minutes to actually get into the bloodstream effectively or to the level, whereby they are able to actually begin to work on what they are supposed to do in the system.

There are some medications.  Of course, that will take longer and some of course that will take shorter amounts of time.  But with aspirin.  It's generally about 20 minutes.  And it really feels good when it starts to work.  Because the joints begin to actually settle down.

There is no way I am going outside tomorrow absolutely not.  I am not leaving the house tomorrow.  Even if I see a mushroom cloud about a mile in front of the house.  I am not walking out of that door.  I am staying where I am.  I'm not going to move.  The laundry is done, I have a full loaf of bread and all I have to do is make it through another week and a half and then it's the third of the month and I do it all over again.

I may start wearing my corset again.  Because it actually does provide a certain amount of structure to my lower spine.  And that was the one weak point I was noticing when I was out today.  So I actually may start doing that again.  Because it was really rather intense as far as the pain in my lower spine.  Just partially because I was either pushing or pulling a shopping cart.  Which I definitely need to use because none of the orthopedic doctors that I've ever talked to want me using a cane.  Because I cane is putting pressure on one side of my fusion instead of on both sides at the same time.  And they don't like me doing that.  So, since the shopping cart is the best way to do things I am definitely thinking of starting to where my corset.  It's just one of those things.  The pain in my lower spine was actually just a little bit about admit level in the lumbar region.  And it was partially muscular.  But there seemed to be another aspect to it.  Which I'm thinking maybe because some of the rheumatoid I have in my hands and elsewhere.  I probably have some of that in my spine.  At least below the fusion.  So the corset is definitely starting to make sense.

I need another cup of coffee.  I'll be right back.

6:55 PM, EDT:

So the corset definitely seems a good idea.  And what's really dumb is that I was putting on some sunscreen and I forgot to put my wrist brace back on.  So my right arm feels like someone slammed it in a car door.  Which means I can't forget to do that anymore.

See these problems with my bones are only peculiar in that my bones are approximately 90 years old.  Well, my physical age is 63.  Where I Maxi turning 64 about three months.  Which means my bones are not fragile but they are prone to have a lot more inflammation or aches and pains.  Because I don't have osteoarthritis that's something I don't have.  I have rheumatoid arthritis.  But that's only because I got lucky.

I mean that.  So I feel.  I got all this stuff because I got lucky.  I think I won the door prize.  I'm just kidding you who are my faithful readers.  You know I don't have to say anything.  You know that nothing I have can compare with anything anyone else's going through.  You know that's how I always feel it's how I have always felt it's just right now I feel like to speed trains put a brick on their accelerator and the engineer jumped out of the engine car in the trains just kept going at each other.  And I was strapped to the track where they crashed into each other.

Sort of like going to this movie really wanted to see.  I mean, not just some shoot them up violent movie, but something that has you know acting and dialogue.  So you really wanted to go and see this movie and you get to the theater.  And you're all set to listen to the movie, and you sitting in front of someone or you sitting behind someone, but probably in front of someone who has evidently been vaccinated with a phonograph needle so that they are talking so much during the movie that you don't ever hear the movie.  And by the end of the movie you're hoping that when that person leaves the theater that there will be a really fast speeding bus as they are walking to their car and then they will just disappear.

If that doesn't give you an indication of where my pain as you're not paying attention.  And I'm laughing.  Okay, everybody would just relax.  I'm laughing.  It's really somewhere around a 9.6 or 9.7.  So it's just sort of interesting.  I mean, it's that interesting kind of pain.  You know the kind of pain.  Not the kind of pain.  They give us behind the counter.  The kind of pain.  The actually give the paying customers.  The ones who really get the kind of pain that you just normally don't feel and then when you actually get this kind of pain you really feel lucky.  And at the same time you're wondering.  I know I had a choice.  I mean, didn't have a choice?  I mean, I must've had a choice.  Was I just not paying attention?  I mean that I have a choice between feeling this kind of pain the rest of my life, or was the other choice.  Perhaps jumping off a 500 story building?  And if so, why did not pay attention to the choice.  I mean, why did I choose to have this kind of pain I mean nobody chooses to have this kind of pain.  Not unless they've been taken the wrong kind of medication.

I actually said that to a lady that I was talking to at the hospital.  And she began laughing so hard she almost fell out of her chair.  And then she said, you seem to manage her pain.  Well.  I said well that's just an appearance.  You don't see me running down the street in the middle of the night screaming hysterically.  At which point I actually thought she was built literally going to start tearing up in her eyes because she was laughing so hard.  So I decided to be a little bit more grounded.  And I said, in reality, after you've dealt with this kind of pain for 46 years.  A lot of times you just sort of shrug.  Because it doesn't go anywhere.  It never goes away.

And then I told her the joke about the bad relative.  I said, my pain is really like that bad relative.  And she said, bad relative?  And I said yeah.  You know the kind.  The bad relative comes over to spend the weekend.  And by the end of the weekend.  You're wishing they would just go.  And then six months later they are still staying there with you and in the middle of the night.  They are taking your last beer.  And you are wondering why the hell you ever invited them over in the first place.

Well that was a really good idea.  Because she started laughing again.  She said she'd never heard anyone put it that way.  And I said well see, that's the thing.  When you have chronic pain like this, you either develop a sense of humor where you wind up in a really very pretty little room with lots of padding all over it.  And she started laughing are you have.  I said, it's just the way it is.  So then I got serious.  And I told her I said, my darling Aileen wanted more than anything to fix my pain.  And I told her before she died that she would never be able to do that.  And she said that she wishes she could.  And I told her instead of focusing on that which you should do is focus on our favorite movie, which is the ghost and Mrs. Muir.  And that I am in that movie, Mrs. Muir.  And she is Capt. Greg.  And eventually, my body will get to that point were I will simply tell God that either he unlock that door so I can turn the handle and walked through the door.  Or I will break it down.  And at that point, Aileen being symbolically Capt. Greg she will lean down to me and just like Capt. Greg in the movie says.  Now, my darling, you will never feel pain again.  And in the two of us will simply walk off into whatever.

So she seemed to be relatively reconciled at that.  And besides my pain never changes.  It never goes anywhere.  It's always there.  Which is okay.  And I don't want to take a shower yet.  Because I mean, the temperature outside is still 84° and since this house has a southerly exposure.  The West side of the house has had all that sunlight just eating on the house.  So it's rather cool in the house and yet it is still rather warm in the den.  Which is okay.  It's not as bad as it is outside.

Like I said, if it is this hot the next Thursday.  I may end up calling Dr. Gottesman and telling him I'm just not going to see him until it gets cooler.  Because I just don't think I want to walk in this kind of heat that distance ever again.  There's just no way.  It's way beyond hard.  And then when you add to it.  All of the psychological baggage.  It's just no fun.  But so what?  When did I ever think life was meant to be a lot of fun?  That just never came up.  In all the discussions I had with God.  The word fun just never seemed to be mentioned.  The word work was mentioned all the time.  But fun.  No, I just never heard God tell me it was going to be really a lot of fun.  It's like I told you before, when I was a little boy like when I was four years old or five years old.  I remember my grandmother reading me about Monday's child in Tuesday's child and so forth.  And then she got to Saturday's child, which is the day I was born and she simply read what it said, and it simply said Saturday's child has to work hard for a living.  So that when I got to be eight years old and I was overseeing are one weekend I said to her, when I first got over to her apartment.  I said, you know, grandma, whoever that guy is the growth those days and then wrote about me.  On Saturday having to work hard for a living?  And she said yes?  I said well if I ever find that guy I'm going to grab him by the throat and throw him down the deepest mine shaft I can find.  At which point my grandmother looked at me and started laughing and said, no, you won't.  And I said why not?  And she said because you will find that you will enjoy working hard.

And I said you're kidding, right?  I'm really going to enjoy working hard for the rest of my life?  She said, well, that's not really what I mean.  She said, you will develop a rhythm.  I said Sutter like a musical instrument?  She said no.  Like a kind of rhythm to your way of doing things your life.  And then I said, well, okay.  Maybe I won't throw him down the deepest mine shaft I can find.  But I certainly might strap him to a tree and then just point a car at the tree and put a brick on the accelerator.  That which actually started laughing.  Saturday's child has to work hard for allowing.  You want to bet.  Let me show you are trick.  This is a really cool trick.  I'm going to make you disappear.

It's okay.  It's just the heat was just more than I was anticipating.  That's why the movie, big trouble in Little China is perfect.  And after I'm done watching this.  I'm going to put on the Time Machine with Rod Taylor.  Because I'm telling you.  Those are perfect for this kind of day.  And I haven't even looked at the news.  And I don't even want to until tomorrow.  There is no way.  I don't want to see any news, or any email until tomorrow.  Tonight, when it cools down a little more, I'm going to take a shower so I can feel just a little bit more normal and not like I've been rolling around in the corral with a bunch of horses.  Although I love horses.  But rolling around in the corral is definitely no way to sit down to dinner.  Because then you have this fragrance, whereby nobody can taste what they are eating.  So things just don't go very well.

So definitely the Time Machine.  And judging from this temperature.  Well let me see what the weather service this other be a real riot.  This side of the just hilarious.  I mean, it's 80° at this point, 80°.  That's great in the heat index is 83° and of course, the humidity is 71%.  No wonder I feel like someone was dragging me behind their car all in this is just perfect Saturday, Sunday and Monday and Tuesday are all clear and dry.  Now that's a good thing.  Because I can probably go outside and do the last bit of the work that I need to get done.  But the projections are that it.  This our it's supposed to be down to 78.  And it is still 80°.  So that means these perceptions are these projections rather are just not on target.  But they are talking about a getting down to 66° at that is really cool.  So those are a lot of really interesting things because it's going to be clear for the next several days.  And that's really a good thing.  Because then I can go and finish the painting on the first floor.  And I can also start painting on the second floor.  And then everything will be done for another year.  Thank God.

And of course I couldn't smoke when I was out there walking so having a cigarette.  It's just like it's a wonderful thing.  And I'm not advocating smoking.  So let's just get that straight.  I'm not advocating smoking and I don't smoke cigarettes I smoked pipe tobacco.  But I'm not advocating smoking.  I don't ever want anyone to think that I sign every petition regarding smoking that comes up every single one.  For myself.  I don't do anything else I don't drink I don't take prescription medications.  I don't take drugs.  I don't have a canister of helium in the next room that I occasionally take hits off of.  Okay, so I don't do anything.  Cigarettes are just that little bit of conceptual room to give me a little conceptual room so that I don't end up hanging from the ceiling.  So I'm probably going to get into the shower in the next 10 or 15 minutes.  And just let that steam work on my muscles and the hot water work on my muscles because that will put me back right where I need.

At least by wearing the breathing mask.  I did not have any breathing problems and I don't really feel diminished like I normally would if I were not wearing a breathing mask.  And everyone totally understood.  I mean, they were really very compassionate and very kind.  And actually met this neurologist at the hospital and when I explained to them how this whole thing with my inner ear came around they totally got it.  They said it was one of the most interesting things they had ever heard.  But that everything I said made perfect sense.  That the impetigo in 1962 ended up causing the neuralgia in 1966, which then precipitated the occipital nerve block.  And then in 1984.  The nerve block was wearing out so that when I came back to Cleveland.  I had this susceptibility in my right inner ear to the pollution.

And then as I've explained I just wasn't out there breathe in the pollution all the time.  And what ended up happening was for the most part, the pollution simply began to cause migraines until when I moved over here on the West side and the second year after Aileen died when I didn't have a car.  Then it began to go back to what it was in 84.  Why was actually losing balance.  Because of how the pollution was affecting my inner ear.  So the breathing mask is just perfect.  And out of all the people I met three people actually took down notes about where they could get them because they really thought it was a really good idea.  Because they agreed with me.  And nobody in Cleveland really knows where it's coming from.  Because there are no really major pollution producing factories are companies in the area.

In my friend out West believes and that's what we are going to start looking at.  That some of that has to come from the slate and shale under the area were Cleveland is that releases radon.  But that's what I said about a week and a half ago that after I got done with all the work outside I was going to then began looking at the various gases in the air over Cleveland to see what proportions the different gases are so that as a result of knowing the proportions I can then trace more easily where those gases are coming from.

Because it's just very interesting because these pollution levels in Cleveland are not affected by the wind.  Because the levels will elevate regardless of the wind direction, and they are not affected by the barometric pressure or the humidity.  Because with these air quality reports I've done.  We have seen the elevated pollution levels with low humidity and midrange humidity and high humidity.

For all we know it might actually be not really coming from Cleveland, but might actually be in the electromagnetic fields that are not the living fields that stretch of about as high as the planes but actually might be in the fields that surround the planet and something going on with how the carbon or greenhouse gases are actually affecting those fields.  So it might not actually be to any particle pollution that is going in the air, but actually perhaps maybe as a result of electromagnetic field instability.  And that's highly possible.

Because electromagnetic speaking with regard to the electromagnetic fields around the tectonic plates we already seeing a certain degree of degeneration of the fields pursuant to electromagnetic field instability around tectonic plates.  And that same type of electromagnetic field instability is also being seen in other aspects of the planet, such as some of the increase of methane into the atmosphere.

So it just takes looking at some of these details.  The see exactly where it's coming from.  I probably won't be able to do that right away.  But I should be able to do it or began looking at it.  Hopefully by the end of the weekend, or next week.  And as I do well.  A lot of you are in different fields of science.  So as I bring things up.  You might have the clues that you are already looking at regarding something else.  So that when I bring up what I'm finding you might be able to figure it out in a matter of minutes.  Or it might take me bringing up more things in may be doing the front and trend analysis on the pollutant levels in order for you.  What you're doing to then do the extensions.  But we will see.

In any event, I've talked long enough, but I did want to sort of make you laugh and let you know that I'm fine.  Everything's okay.  It's just it wasn't the most fun that I might have thought I could have.  I mean, I can only think of perhaps 200,000 other ways that I could have enjoyed myself.  But again, that's okay.  It's not a big deal.  I mean, it could've been worse.  I could've gotten to Metro and found that the hospital had disappeared and instead, I could've found nothing more than an alien spaceship.  And of course, if I did find something like that were MetroHealth medical center is supposed to be.  I would of course, first check my pulse.  And if I'm still alive.  Then I would probably experiment with how fast I could run.

So they could always be worse area.  Just like I could've come home and found the cats not at home but out in the neighborhood, stealing cars.  That's my cats.  Leave them alone in this house for 48 hours.  Believe me, they'll be wanted in almost every state.  Because they are that completely insane.

So I'm definitely going to the shower.  And I will write later.  And don't anyone get that out of shape with this Journal entry.  It's just a way for me to blow off steam and to unload from this really rather strenuous day.  Strenuous emotionally, psychologically and definitely rather strenuous physically.

So I will write later.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be. 

The mind is like a book. Opened and much is learned. Closed and nothing is learned. (N. Maschke – 1994)