Are We There Yet?

Are We There Yet?
This is the sign that is over the front door of Aileen's and my house, our home, going OUT. Meaning that when someone leaves our house they are going into the ACTUAL Mental Ward.

I've always felt that way. When it is considered how much ugliness and killing and hatred there is in the world today, it actually makes perfect sense that this sign is over the door going out of the house.

Because that's where the real mental ward is.

Friday, October 24, 2014

Serious consideration

I am, in light of current events considering taking my journal page down. And severing all involvement with social media. Which means separating from google+, in addition to taking my journal on blogger down.

I am not seeing any positive value, at this point in my life of continuing with either.

Current events in the world are becoming so openly violent, to the point of toxicity, not only to me. But to the spiritual journey I am on.

I plan to spend this weekend in absolute seclusion to better ascertain the direction regarding my on line involvement in on line social media services. And the continuation of my journal.

What is taking place, currently in our world is not right. That is just my view. It is not only heart wrenching to see what is happening to our world. But it is heart breaking as well. And I do not want anything I might say or write to ever be construed as being an impetus for such negative expressions.

If anyone has anything to say on these matters, concerning my journal and my google+ page... Now is the time to speak up. Since I will be in seclusion this weekend. I might suggest that if anyone has anything to say on the matter they should either email me or post to my journal sometime between Monday and Friday of next week. For, baring any request otherwise. I will most likely terminate both services. Or at the very least make them open to immediate family and personal close friends as of October 31, 2014.

Be well always....

Nicole/Mickey Maschke

Gun violence

My heart andy prayers go out to all those who have suffered as a result of gun violence. And to their families and friends. I also send my thoughts and my prayers to all victims of violence and their families and friends.

I shall send my energies out and through me with the hope that we, not as Americans, one nation with liberty with justice and freedom for all. But to all of my fellow world citizens. That we, as humanity, will find the strength of will, and/or soul, to rise above try this terrible violence that we, as humanity are collectively experiencing. And that is tearing apart the fabric of our species.

May whatever power there is beyond our world have mercy on all of us for the world we are leaving to our children.

I send good energies and high hopes for happiness, good health and all good things always to everyone.

The mind is like a book. Opened and much is learned. Closed and nothing is learned. (Nicole/Mickey Maschke, 1994)

So, Leen… Just Take My Hand, My Love….

So, Leen?

Tell me. Tell me what you thought. I mean, it’s you, isn’t it? I mean, the moment. Right? Because I get it Leen. Okay. I get it. I get the message. Loud and clear. We’ll call it a course correction. How about that? Think that’s a good idea? Me too.

Don’t worry sweetie. I’m on it. Okay. I’m truly on it. I never let you down. So, let’s just say … I’m on it. Okay?

Good.

So tell me. Did you?

Ah. I thought you would. You’ve been nudging me to watch that for the last month. And I’ve always been too… something.

Then, today. Well, that’s one of the things I love about you the best. So it’s all good darling. Okay. It’s all good. Like I said. We’ll call it a course correction. Okay?

That’s just what I’m planning on. But remember. You’re part of that. Okay? Of course I understand. I’m just saying. You’re part of it. Okay?

Good. Then, I’ll pull on my end. And you pull on yours. And we’ll sort of meet in the middle.

So I should take down the wanted poster?

You’re funny. But I get it.

Okay. No problem.

No. I can’t watch that yet. I need more time. But the others. that’s not a problem.

Fine.

Well, tonight, I thought we could  meet the way we did the night of the meteor shower, when you were outside already looking at them, and I woke up and went looking for you. Remember?

Yeah.

Okay. Let’s do that.

I’m doing that  now. Okay. Just listen.

right. Like I said. I’m on it, my love. Truly. Truly I am. Okay? And we’ll figure the rest out like in the next few days. Let’s start with what we have, Okay?

I’m doing that. Well, not yet. I will perhaps in a month or two. but for now, let’s keep doing what we’re doing. Okay? I mean, it’s working. right? And it’s going to take us along the same route. Right? Good. then, let’s just keep doing what we’re doing. And then let the other come in, like I said, in a couple of months.

Okay.

So,….  How’s Mom? And your Dad and the kids? And how’s my dad?

I see. Okay. good to hear. And mother?

Well, I’m doing that sweetie. Put Helen on it. She’ll know what to do. Besides, as I told you. It’s really sort of only temporary. Okay?

Well, if you want me to watch Mrs. Muir, then I want you to bring your box. And I want to dance. Okay?

I mean, fairs fair, right?

Good. Then bring it.

Yeah. I’ll watch it, if you’ll bring it. And then, I want to hear you. And I mean, start with with something strong. No slow stuff. Do, the Cannon.

Yeah. do that. And I’ll watch it. Then, let’s dance. Okay? I mean I want to dance with you. And I want to do it tonight. I mean if you’re up to it. hehehe….

Good. then, bring the box.

And it’ll be the canon and then we’ll dance. Okay?

Up there?

Hell Leen. I don’t care. If you want to dance up there. that’s fine by me.

the broom.

You know something… ?

You’re something. Okay?

Yeah sure. Bring it if you want.

But not in the house. Okay?

So?

Okay.

First down the road.

Then, Muir.

Then, the cannon.

And then, we’ll dance.

Right?

Good.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah… I know… then, turn. But not until at least 3 weeks out. Okay?

Because.

Because I need that much time to move over on the road. Okay?

yeah I do.

Remember… you no body. Me… body?

Right?

So fine….

Give me …

well, give me 30 or 40 to move down the road.

then, another, let’s say, 60,  on Muir.

Then, come.

No. come in quietly. Wait till you get in. then the cannon. Okay?

Mom?

tell her it’s okay. I mean, you guys see the whole thing. So what’s the problem?

Oh that.

Well, that’s not a problem. Okay.

Because.

Because it’s just not. Okay.

Because I’m on it.

Well, if can’t see the words. Look over here.

Yeah. There. Look there.

they’re right there sweetie.

See them?

Good.

Okay…

so … give me … like I said… give me about 2 in my time. Okay?

Because I want to. I mean, Leen. I need to.

Because it blindsided me … slightly. Okay?

So give me 40 first. Okay?

I want to do some cleaning first. So the extra ten will let me do that. Okay?

Because.

think about it, Leen. Right?

Good.

Then we’re jake. Right?

so in 2, my time.

No you can stay. Just give me 2 for the other. Okay?

I’m starting out in just a bit.

Yeah. That’s right.

Yeah…  yeah… take a breath okay luv? Just take a breath.

In a bit….

Okay?

Thanks, Leen.

I love you… I mean in case I haven’t said it lately, Okay?

Yeah, sure…

You’re funny.

I do love you, Leen….

In 2…

My hand to yours my darling Leen… always… my hand to yours….

Godspeed my darling Leen… Godspeed….

Space Warriors

This film is about a group of really great and very smart kids who go to NASA space camp. As you know my darling Aileen's father was a leading scientist with NASA. As I'm watching this, I just feel that Leen is watching it with me. And I have to tell you. This truly one great movie. It makes you feel proud to be an American.

In our work of today, with so many people complaining about our country, America. This film makes you feel really proud about our great country, America.

That's the point ladies and gentlemen. Feeling good.... About America.

If there is any good that can come out of my actions this day. Let it be this.

To feel truly good about our great nation.

America.

(If you want to watch a movie that will make you laugh, and cry and to feel good about our country. I highly recommend this movie.)

PS. I need to add. Whatever country you are living in, this is a film, a movie, that will, or should, make you feel really good. It's just a feeling. But, I just think in our world so full of anger and hate. That we are all moms and dads. And this about our children doing, or rather reaching not only for their highest good. But ours as well.

And Aileen? My darling Leen ....

Godspeed my love.... Godspeed.

The Sounds of My Soul

Journal note: where in the original posting I mentioned that I had a 250,000 active vocabulary. this was an error, that DNS caused. My actual ‘active’ vocabulary is 25,000 words. This correction has been made below. I beg your pardon for this circumstantial error.

I wasn't asleep.  I was actually meditating in extremely deep meditation and a tremendous amount of illumination has taken place.

I have never hated anyone in the city of Cleveland.  Regardless of who they are that would be impossible.  And it would be a logical considering the fact that the people in Cleveland came to my rescue in 1968 and gave blood so that I could survive.  So anyone who thinks I have any hatred for anyone in the city is basically a liar because that's not true.  And I never have.  I am a dedicated pacifist.  I always have been.  And if you want to understand my philosophy or you want to understand where I'm coming from the easiest way for you to do that is to watch the movie lost horizon.  Because of all the films in my life that have affected my spiritual thinking or my spiritual orientation the movie lost horizon has literally been a compass in one way or another for a lot of my spirituality.  Not to.  Most of my spirituality not the core of my spirituality.  But a great deal of my spirituality.

And every single thing in my soul is telling me that what is happening right now in this country that this is wrong.  This is the wrong direction to take this country.  This is the wrong direction for us as Americans to go into this is the wrong thing for me to be part of in any way, shape, or form.  And I'm not going to do that.  This was one of the reasons I never really got along with my own family.  They were all about infighting they were all about fighting with each other.  They were all about fighting and competing with each other and with everyone else.  And I wanted no part of it.  It's one of the reasons that I fled from my life when I was 16 to get out of the city with all of the fighting with all of the competition with all of the file expressions of ego.  No way.  I'm just not going to be part of this.  I can't.

When I express things like I have over the past two days about the Republican families here in Cleveland.  I am not talking about what the creator or the creative energies made them as human beings I'm talking about what they themselves have made themselves into as far as the behavior they have supported the behavior they are supporting and how they have prioritized their values.  I am not talking about them as human beings.  Every single thing I have done since the operation has been designed and deadly attempting to cause humanity to realize that this, I'm better than you, mentality is one of the most dangerous and negative things that we can do with the life energies we are given to live with.  It has also been one of the things that has alienated me from most of the people in this world.  This is what humanity is coming to then I'm not going to be part of this.  I can't.  There's no way that I can do just no way that I will everything in my soul is telling me that this is wrong.  Jesus Christ and Mohammed and Buddha and Moses were all pacifists.  They did not support violence of any kind.  That is more than a documented fact.  And every single religious document in the world.  The King James Bible, the Baptists American Bible or the American Baptist Bible.  The Christian Bible.  The Torah.  The Koran.  All of these documents talk very clearly and show very clearly that Mohammed and that Jesus and Moses were all pacifists.  They did not under any circumstances support violence.

I have allowed myself to be drawn into this extremely negative back and forth battle of energies and that is not why I'm here.  That is not what I was given my life back.  That's not when my mother died giving birth to me.  That's not what I promised I would do for my grandmother, Minnie, the wife of of course my grandfather the very prominent Republican politician.  These are not the promises that I made meaning to be drawn into this kind of negative violence energy and I am not going to do that.  I do not regret under any circumstances anything I said or written.  Ever.  But I cannot be a part of this.  There's just no way.  And I won't.  As I said everything in my soul is telling me this is the wrong thing to do.  And one of the reasons I've been is healthy as I have all these years is more than anything else I listen to my soul.  I always have.  And I always will.  My darling Aileen knows my soul.  And so does God.  And I call it God.  But it is just as easy for me to call God, the goddess or the gods.  And it's just as easy for me to call God Allah or Buddha, or energy.  The name doesn't mean anything.  Meaning the nomenclature doesn't change what that energy is simply changes our view.

I've had more than enough signals inside my soul telling me over the last 18 months that this direction was exactly the wrong thing for me to be doing.  Now I'm convinced it is the wrong thing for me to be doing.

I know how to keep this energy positive in this home.  I know how to keep energy positive within my soul.  I have done it all my life in every area of this country where I have lived.  It has been my internal clock and my synchronization to the energy in my soul that has kept my life as positive as it is.  And not buying into or being drawn into the negative reactions or negative behavior of other people.

So when we start using religion in this country the way it is being used in other parts of the world to justify open violence and hatred.  When this country was predicated on the differences we have between each other, whereby on that basis, we declared as a United nation that we would love each other in spite of our differences and then we would love each other enough to stand by each other and this nation.  The matter what.  For us to be as divided as we are right now, tearing at each other threatening to murder each other in this country.  That's where I get off.  I'm sorry.  In any life.  The prerequisite that any life has is to be true to themselves.  Meaning the old adage, be true to yourself, is absolutely true.  And being true to myself means remaining a pacifist.  And rising above this kind of extremely primitive and unenlightened very linear and flat minded thinking which is resulting in this horrible expression of negative emotions negative energy and negative violence.  And I will not be part of this.  I can't.  Anyone who understands what happened or has any awareness or sensitivity to what happened to me when I died for those five minutes will absolutely understand what I'm saying.  People who do not never will.  No matter what anyone says.  But that's their issue.  Not mine.  I am not going to go to God when that kind of negative conflict in my soul I'm just not going to do that.  I can't do that.  It's not going to happen.

So I'm not going to do any more petitions.  My website will remain exactly the way it is.  And I will update does human rights links on those political links in whatever way I can, but I'm not going to doing more petitions.  I'm not going to be involved in this.  I spent 46 years of my life trying to convince humanity in the very small sphere of influence I had wherever I was.  And I mean, it was a very small sphere of influence I'm not an influential person.  I'm not some great leader and when I came back to life.  I was not here to fix anything.  That's not the basis I was given my life back.  It's not the basis on which I was given my life back.  That creative energy that we all called by so many different names as God gave me my life back.  Because I argued with that energy and demanded the opportunity to come back in the basis on which I was given my life back was simply to be an example.  Not the example.  Just an example.  An example of the least of all, there is in this world.  And merely on the basis.  The see whether humanity had the strength of soul to embrace and to love the least of all, there is in the world.  That was it.  Obviously, humanity has had a problem with that.  You can see it every day.  You can see it in the numbers.  It's not my issue.  It's not my issue.  To fix anything, I'm not even allowed to do that.  Because that would be breaking the agreement that I have with that which gave me back my life.  And I used the word God or use the word energy.  But it doesn't matter.  You can call whatever it was that I was in front of my any name you want.  But that is the thing.  We all pray to or that we all believe in, one way or another, that created everything here.  And that runs everything here.  Whether you are an atheist, agnostic, or any different theological belief in this world that is exactly what I stood in front of.  And I didn't do it because I wanted to.  It just happened.

So this is where I get off.  This is one.  And I mean, one very small reason of them any reasons why it is difficult for me to go outside and walk long distances to go to the store.  It's not my job to go out and rescue someone.  It's my job that if they come to me and ask for help that I always give that help.  But they have to come to me and ask me for help.  I'm not supposed to, nor am I really allowed to go out and rescue humanity.  That's not what I promised that's not what is part of the agreement or the agreement that I made.  That's not my reason for being alive.  And it's certainly not what I promised my darling, Aileen.  No way.

And the distressing thing is that I actually have a lot of very close friends in Iowa.  Just like I have a lot of close friends in Texas.  Just like I have a lot of close friends in every state in this country.  People I have met from every single state.  And I have existed throughout this country by not being part of this running gunbattle between families between ideologies between economic interests or economic parties.  I celebrate life.  I cannot be in the position where I present in any way shape or form or advocate.  In any way shape or form, the cessation of life.  It is just no way.  Everything in my soul is taught me.  Absolutely.  This is where I have to draw the line.  Because I cannot allow and I will not allow any human being to predetermine the direction or the destination of my soul.  That is not going to happen.  So everything that took place in meditation is telling me absolutely that the best thing I can do for humanity is to generate as much positive energy.  As I possibly can in whatever way I'm able to.

In the neighborhood where I live.  The mass majority of people in one way or another are literally blowing their lives up every single day.  Either with eco-or with pain killers prescription medication.  Drugs, alcohol various addictions obesity it doesn't matter.  It is one of the most negative environments.  You could ever imagine.  And that's not universally true in this neighborhood.  But it is mostly true.

When Aileen was alive.  I did not have to be out.  I did not have to be confronted with this.  She knew that.  And it doesn't matter whether anyone believes me or not.  Because I was told in 1969 that most people would not believe me, that most people would laugh at me and call me stupid for what I am doing right now.  I was told this many years before.  Now.  I've known it all my life.  And everyone who has ever known me in every part of this country knows that what I'm saying right now is absolutely true.  And anyone who wants to ask any of those people can feel free to do so.  Because they will tell you, under no circumstances do I involved myself with this kind of negative expression ever I never have.  And I never will.  It's just not going to happen.  And as I said, I've been feeling this way more and more over the last 18 months.  Where I just realized this was absolutely not right.  And for those who are extremely adept at reading you can look over my past general entries.  And you can see exactly what I'm talking about right now in most of what I have written.  This conflict between wanting to be part of the world.  And at the same time maintaining absolute solidarity with my soul.

And for the purposes of explanation because I realize everyone is so concerned about terms.  When I talk about my soul.  I mean that energy inside of me.  I'm extremely sensitive to various types of energy.  I always have been even before the operation in 1968.  And people who know me know that's true.  So if you look over my Journal entries for the past.  At least two years you will see this real back and forth struggle inside of myself regarding what my soul is telling me to do.  And basically what my consciousness is telling me to do.  And if I allow my consciousness to run my life that would be a mistake.  So it's not going to happen.

And when I say pray again, if you read my Journal entries and you read my Journal entries in any way, that can be considered stereotypical or linear you are not going to understand what I am saying or what I am writing.  When I use the word pray, I'm talking about meditation.  I am not talking about conventional prayer.  So that's one word right there.  That I'm sure a lot of people are misinterpreting.  Or misunderstanding.

To my dying breath.  I will be grateful to every single person in the city of Cleveland, whether I know them or not.  For the kindness not only they showed my darling, Aileen was she was dying.  But for the kindness they showed me when I was dying in 1968.  That will never change.  But to expect me to be part of all of this negative energetic expression that is a bad mistake.  Because I cannot do that.  And I will not do that.

There is no delusion here.  There is no expression of me being misguided.  Continuation of the human rights effort that Aileen and I did shoulder to shoulder for 18 years is absolutely and still totally and completely one of the main principles of this Journal.  But that expression does not have to be in the form of debate or entering into the running gunbattle.

And in meditation.  It wasn't just the core energy.  I was in touch with.  It wasn't just my soul or the inner core of my inner energy that I was having a dialogue with.  I was having a dialogue with a number of different types of energy including but not limited to my darling beloved Aileen.  And my birth mother.  And my adoptive father.  And my adoptive grandmother.  And others.

Using any kind of established euphemisms regarding trying to explain my position at this time would be an absolute mistake.  Because there is too much potential for misunderstanding.  So I'm not going to do that.  Instead, I'm going to state things as carefully as I possibly can.  Which is what I'm doing right now.  To my dying breath.  As I said, I will be grateful to every single man, woman and child in the city of Cleveland and in the entire state of I'll for everything they have ever done for me in my life.  That goes without saying.  And I have never stopped loving the people of the Republican families of Cleveland, Ohio.  It's their behavior that was among many many factors that in 1968 literally drove me from this city.  Their behavior.  Not who they were inside of themselves.

So I wish the tea party.  All the best I hope they go in peace.  I wish the Republicans all the best.  I hope they go in peace.  I wish the Democrats and independents and every human being here in the world.  I wish you peace.  I wish you happiness.  Go in peace.  Live your lives.  However, you want to whatever you want.  If the best you can do is poison the air and poison the water and destroy this world, that's your choice.  I'm not here to fix anything.  That's not what I'm here for.  That's not why was given back my life.  And for me to engage in that kind of energetic expression is a very serious mistake.  Not for anyone else.  From me.  And I'm not going to do that.  I can't do that.

And I don't even know how many people will even understand or even appreciate what I'm trying to explain.

You can mark this date and time.  Because you will never see me for the rest of my life do another verbalization regarding political commentary or human rights.  That will be done on the face of my Journal page.  With news article being presented and so forth.  If you want to know what's going on.  As far as human rights or politics.  There are copious news sources on my Journal page that will show you everything.  And if there is any lacking in that regard, I will make changes to my Journal page so that there is all the information needed or wanted along those lines.  And I will do that over the coming months.  But I will not under any circumstances involve myself in this kind of extremely negative, anti-humanity oriented behavior is just no way.  It's anti-life.  It's anti-human.  And I'm not going to be part of it.  And if someone wants to call me a coward on that basis.  That's up to them.  You can call me anything you want.  The words mean nothing.  It was God who brought me back to life.  The fourth time.  Not any human being.  The amazing people of Cleveland, Ohio, literally used everything they could to bring me back to life.  And it was the first of the three times I almost died.  That is absolutely true.  Without them helping me that first time I would never have survived.  And I have never forgotten that my entire life and I have never stopped being grateful for it.  Not ever.  Not once.  And they did not give me that blood for me to ruin my life, or make my life into a train wreck they gave me that blood because they wanted me to survive.  No one was giving me that blood because they wanted me to be famous or make lots of money.  That's not on the basis of why they gave me that blood they came to the hospital.  Because I was dying.  And they gave me that blood because they wanted me to survive.  That was the concept.  To survive.  And that is exactly what I have done all these years.  And in that I have done them proud.  Exactly what they wanted me to do.  Survive.  The fourth time where I was close to death is the one time I actually died.  At that time.  Nobody was involved.  It was me.  I was alone in the hospital room where I was in.  It is actually the intensive care unit that energy cannot because I'm not allowed to.  I cannot under any circumstances identify or talk about the specifics of what actually took place during those five measured minutes.  Meaning the five measured minutes that I was measured to have been dead at 12:02 AM on September 2, 1968.  As I've said before.  I actually stood in front of that energy for approximately 45 minutes.  That's the truth.  But on earth.  The amount of time that elapsed was basically just five minutes.  And of that I can't talk about the real specifics.  Partially because there aren't any real linguistic terms to express what actually took place and partially because it was part of the agreement that I would not talk about the specifics so I've only talked around the specifics in somewhat vague terms.  And that's all I've done.

So again, if humanity wants to blow itself up.  That's humanity's choice.  Don't expect me to come to the rescue because I'm not that important to this world.  I wasn't supposed to be that's not part of the deal.  And for any group or any individual to attempt to position me along those lines would be a bad mistake.  Not because of any action I might take because I won't.  But because of energetic ramifications that actually might occur if someone tries to do that.  It has to do with the principle, the principle known as the highest good.  In other words, raising yourself to your highest good.  Raising someone to their highest good.  Raising groups to their highest good.  Raising humanity to its highest good.  And if you don't understand what I'm talking about.  I suggest you do the research and learn what I'm talking about.  Because I can't explain it any further than I have.

And this is not some psychological breakdown on their anything stupid like that.  Not by any means.  I have mental illnesses I've had them since I was four years old.  But I'm not crazy.  And for anyone to think that that would simply be a mistake on their part.  Not one that's going to cause the many problems except that they will be misunderstanding.  They won't be paying attention.  They won't understand.

I'm not like most people in this world.  I can't be.  There's no way I should be.  And there is no way I will be.  I am not special.  I have never been special, under any circumstances.  But I am different.  I'm different than what most people think I'm different than most of the people in this world.  Partially because of those five minutes.  And that doesn't make me better than anyone I have never in my entire life ever made myself out to be better than anyone.  The kids from southern Arizona school back in 1966 know this is true my fellow students at Fort Lewis college also know this is true.  The young men and women who I was going to college with at Case Western Reserve University also know that this is true.  Everyone who has known me through my life knows that what I'm saying is true that I have never ever made myself out to be better than anyone.  And that if anyone thought I was doing that they very quickly learned that was a mistake.  Because I don't do that.  I never have.  And I never will.

There were a lot of really huge mitigating factors besides what I've already talked about for why Aileen and I finally got together in 1993.  And again, I've alluded to some of that.  Regarding past lives.  But if you don't comprehend past lives.  And if you don't put any credence in the potentiality of the re-assimilation of energy or the transmigration of souls.  If you don't put any credence in those concepts, then you will never understand what I'm talking about.

So this is where I get off the bus.  This is wrong.  I mean, what's happening right now this is very very wrong.

And I'm sorry if any of the families in Cleveland don't understand my position.  I'm sorry if they don't understand my writing.  I'm sorry if they have misinterpreted my writing.  I'm sorry if they have misunderstood the intention of my writing.  I am sorry if they have misunderstood the meaning of my life.  But that's not my fault.  That 12 hour conversation I had with God, or that energy at the top of the saddle Ridge on September 1, 1969 was a real event.  It happened.  People who know me know that it did.  People in Cleveland don't know that it took place.  Because they weren't there.  Most of the people in Cleveland know nothing of my life in Boston.  They know nothing of my life in New York they know nothing of my life in the southeastern United States.  They know nothing of my life in Houston they know nothing of my life.  All through Arizona, and they know absolutely nothing about my life in Colorado.

There were specific reasons why I ended up in those specific locations of this country.  Reasons I have not ever talked about.  They were reasons why I was visible to certain people in these different locations.  There were reasons and are reasons why the people in Colorado have one view of me.  The people in Arizona have another the people in Boston have another the people in New York have another the people in the southeastern United States have even a different view.  And the people in Houston, Texas have even a different view.  There are reasons for that.  Reasons that I can explain.  Not because I'm not able to.  But because it's absolutely the wrong thing to do.  And again, the psychologist will have a field day with this.  Because that's what they love to do.  They love the pigeonhole anything they can't understand.  I've had that all my life.  So they will pigeonhole my behavior anyway they can because they are so insecure about not being able to explain everything.  Because they have to explain everything they can't accept anything they can't explain.  That's ridiculous.  Because there are so many things in the universe that we don't even have words for.  So for any type of human or any industry in this world to have to explain everything is beyond being completely ridiculous.  Because there's so much of knowledge we can't even put into human language, let alone so many aspects of the universe.  We can't even explain in human language.  So for any industry or any type of person in this world to take the attitude that they have to be able to explain everything is the height of being ridiculous.

So no.  I'm not deluded.  I'm not crazy.  And I'm definitely not special.  And I'm not into girl in any way to what's going on.  And one of the keys to my survival over the years has been my ability to acquiesce to constant change.  That's how I have been able to survive.  It's how I have to survive.  My Native American brothers and sisters understand this very clearly.  And so will others.  Like I said, if you really want to understand the delineation of my soul, then you need to watch the movie, lost horizon.  Or read that book.  And I use that word, delineation, very specifically because that's exactly what I'm talking about.  I'm not talking about direction.  I'm talking about, delineation.

And that's something you also have to understand about what you are reading when you read my Journal.  My active vocabulary is over 25,000 words.  That's my active vocabulary.  I took six years of Latin.  And that is the amount of words that I actively have within my brain that I can use.  Cognitively and intelligently at any given moment.  I didn't learn other languages.  Because I never really thought I would ever need to learn other languages.  And that's the only reason.  I can learn languages very easily.  I just chose not to because it was not germane or pertinent to the delineation of my soul.

So what's happening now this is very wrong.  And I can't be part of this.

So what will happen is that over the next few days.  I will get rid of most of the newsfeeds in my RSS news reader which I'm using.  Which is FeedDemon.  I will then probably go back to using the newsreader on Firefox.  And the Journal entries that will take place now will be more along the lines of dreams.  I have nightmares.  I have perceptions I have.  I will also be doing air-quality reports.  But without any of the political or human rights rhetoric.  It will be just the facts.

I will be doing articles where I am talking to and talking with my darling, Aileen.  There will be articles where I will absolutely be engaged in automatic writing.  There will be articles where I will be presenting remote viewing.  But so what?  You have to keep everything in context.  The basis of my life is that I a.m. to be an example of the least of all, there is in this world to live my life that way.  To see whether or not.  Humanity has the strength of soul to embrace and to support and to celebrate the least of all, there is in this world.  That is the basis of why I came back to life in 1968.  That is part of or at least one of the most important parts of that deal.  That I made in order to come back to life.  And if the psychologist want to go ahead and start making all sorts of assumptions or anything they want regarding that.  That's up to them.  But if they want to know anything.  All they have to do is go ahead and talk to Dr. Gottesman.  I've already given him permission to discuss my mental illnesses, within the confines of legality, with other doctors and with members of my family.  Meaning members of the Maschke family.  So there's no excuse on anyone's part, if they have questions about what's going on with me.  And they have not spoken to Dr. Gottesman.  Because he is more than willing to explain, within the confines of legality, the conditions of my mental illnesses.

And as I've said before.  And I don't know many people really understand this or not, but I don't have any memory of anyone I went to school with at Fort Lewis college.  Just like I don't have any memory of anyone I went to school with at southern Arizona school from 1968 through 1973.  I don't remember any human being.  I interacted with.  I don't remember their names I don't remember their faces.  And yet I remember every single thing I wrote during that time I remember every single thing I read during that time.  It's just the events and the people that have been locked out by this hysterical amnesia.  And if you think that doesn't embarrass me if you think that doesn't bother me.  Sometimes, emotionally, then you don't know anything.  Because it does.  But as I said, I cannot be part of this.  Absolutely not.  That would be the worst thing in the world.  So of anyone thinks they are going to draw me into some kind of competition or anything like that.  They are sadly mistaken.  Because that will never happen.  Because it can't happen.

Again.  Like I say.  If you are really curious, or have any curiosity whatsoever what I'm talking about you need to read the book, lost horizon.  And you need to read the book called, Siddhartha.  And you also need to read Krishnamurthy.  You really have to.  If you want to understand me, you have to read those things.  I read over 500,000 books in my life.  Believe it or not, which is one of the reasons I don't read books anymore.  But that's only one of the reasons.  Don't make preclusions.  Because you'll end up misunderstanding.  If you do.  The last thing in the world you want to do about me is to make preclusions.  That would be a very bad mistake.  Because all that will happen is that you will end up.  So understanding almost everything.  And that's all that will happen.  There are specific reasons why I am is healthy as I am.  And I've only shared some of those reasons online.  I'm not about to share some of the other things.  Because they wouldn't make sense.  Humanity just doesn't have the expanded thinking to be able to understand some of the other reasons why I'm as healthy as I am.  When humanity demonstrates certain amounts of enlightenment or extended thinking that humanity will probably understand a lot more of why I am as healthy as I am.  But until humanity is going to do that.  There's nothing I can do.  Which is why during that argument in 1969, on September 1 at the top of the cell Ridge in Tucson, Arizona.  One of the last things I said to what I call God, was that I would be his whipping boy.  But I would not really enjoy that.  Which is why I said, I'll be your whipping boy.  But don't expect me to like it.  And those were my exact words.  And people who know me from that time know that's true.

There are specific reasons why I can't be around lots of drunkenness.  And that doesn't mean I never got drunk in my life.  Because I most certainly did.  I'm human.  Let's just keep remembering that.  I'm just a different kind of human.  But I'm still human.  I stopped drinking literally when during the first week, Aileen and I were together.  I saw the reasons why she was having so much difficulty with alcohol.  Why she was having so much difficulty getting drunk.  And I've already explained that.  Part of it was because she had a certain amount of Native American blood in her, whereby her tolerance to alcohol was tremendously compromised.  So it's true.  And what I said.  During that first week I made the decision that someone had to be in control.  Which is what I was for the 18 years we were married.  Because she needed me to do that.  Just like she needs me now to do certain things.  And she's not the only one.  And they are here in the world.  And no.  Two.  All you psychologists.  I don't hear voices.  I do wish you psychologists would stop being so flat minded.  I really do you have made such a mess of mental illness in this world.  You really have.  You have treated the mentally ill like we are nothing but animals putting us in cages locking us up throwing pills at us.  Giving us electric shocks to our brain.  Cutting out sections of our brain.  All.  So that you could have all of your answers.  That's ridiculous.  You psychologists have missed treated the mentally ill far worse than you could ever imagine.  What you have done to the mentally ill is terrible.  You and the lawyers and the government.  You have maligned us you have locked us up in cages you have ostracized us you have turned us into second-class citizens.  And only because certain prominent people ended up taking their lives are you even now beginning to expand your thinking and realizing some of the mistakes you have made over the years with the mentally ill.  Only now are you doing that.  And you are doing.  So reluctantly.  And that is your failing not ours.

So I know how to fix the energy in this house.  I know what I have to do.  And the energy in this house is not going wrong.  Not by any means.  Not with the kind of work, Aileen did.  Now with the kind of work I do every day.  The energy in this house is not going wrong.  But it definitely needs to be fortified and strengthened.  The energy around this house on the property needs to be expanded and strengthened and fortified.  And it will be done.  Because, Aileen and I did that kind of thing for 18 years.  Most of it was done using the Wiccan tradition.  But there were other principles or methods that were involved.

So, may God bless everyone.  I mean that.  God bless all of you.  Because you are going to need as much positive energy as you can possibly gather to get through what is coming.  You have made your own direction.  You have determined the delineation of the cumulative souls of this planet.  And that's up to you.  But don't expect me to get on that bus.  Because I won't.  I can't.  As I said, I am not going to go to God that way.  Absolutely not.  There is more at stake here than you may realize.  And that's up to you.  You would have to be able to know the identity of the spiritual energy inside of me to understand.  And I don't know that any of you know that.  Because I have never said or identified that energy.  The only one in the entire world who knows that energy is my darling, Aileen.  Because she's the only one I ever told.  And what's rather interesting is that she had that confirmed to her, not by anyone living.  But when she herself was engaged in doing Wiccan spell work.  And that's the truth.  And there are those of you in the Wiccan community who know exactly what I'm talking about.  Enough said.

So for the next series of days.  I'm just going to be basically regrouping.  Putting things back in order.  Sort of rearranging the furniture, metaphorically speaking.

Now.  To reiterate.

The only kind of Journal articles I will be doing will be the following.

1.  Daily life….  These articles will deal with my obviously, daily life.  My personal health things that are going on in my life that I believe are pertinent and proper to share.  Pursuant to the third principle of this Journal.

2.  Time log reports….  These articles are being shared for a number of reasons, including but not limited to, demonstrating the regimentation I maintain in my life, whereby order is in fact achieved and a certain rhythm to my life.  Pursuant to the condition of my soul is also achieved.  So these reports will continue.

3.  System update….  These articles obviously have to do with any changes or modifications I have made to my system or that I am making to my computer system.  Whereby, as a result of sharing that information.  It is hoped that others who are having issues with your computer systems, whether they be similar or not, may in fact benefit from my sharing that information.

4.  My life….  These articles are strictly of a personal nature, regarding perspectives within the context of my own consciousness.  Pursuant to my life.  But they also include articles I am writing.  As a result of automatic writing and articles that are composed as a result of interaction with, in one way or another, my late beloved wife Aileen.

5.  Air quality reports….  These articles obviously, are dealing with the air quality in the northeastern Ohio area.  And they are being shared with the intention of raising the consciousness of people who are reading the reports.  Pursuant to environmental conditions with regard to the air quality, not only within the northeastern Ohio area.  But also as to various air-quality standards.  And the lack thereof, pursuant to any area where someone may in fact be living who is reading those reports.

5.  Freehand Journal entries….  These articles are more along the lines of being more lyric.  Whereby they are reflections of dreams, nightmares meditations.  Or perceptual perspectives pursuant to the delineation of my soul or my life, but not limited to that.  But including also how my life and the position of where the delineation of my soul relates to life in general here in this world.

6.  Home life….  These articles will include everything from household chores to home improvements.  How I am in fact manipulating the environment here in my home and maintaining the property that this house sits on and maintaining my house, whereby sharing that information again may in fact be beneficial to others who are trying to do similar things with their own homes.

And these are pretty much the only articles I will be doing.  Again, with these articles, there will of course be photographs from time to time.  That's just going to be part of it.  There will be different types of media presentations in some of these articles.  I can't say when or where or how much but there will be.

So now as I said, I simply need to regroup and step back.  Because what's going on.  This is just like I've said.  It's all wrong.  This is not right.  There's just no way.  So I'm hoping that humankind will somehow or other figure things out.  But as I've said before.  Believe it or not.  Humanity is running out of time.  And you are.  Meaning we are.  We are running out of time.  We are running out of resources and we are running out of room.  And if we keep fighting with each other like we are, and expressing the kind of hatred and violence that we are then our chances cumulatively speaking, of survival, will definitely decrease, rather dramatically and proportionately.  So it's up to all of us.  Individually and collectively.  We have to decide exactly how important is it for humanity to survive.  And not on what basis.  Just whether or not.  Humanity survives at all.  That's the real issue.  And if you think I'm kidding.  Just start doing some research and then you will know that I'm not kidding at all.  I wish it were a joke.  But it's not.

So with all my heart and all my soul.  And I mean this in every fiber of my being.  I wish everyone in the Maschke family nothing but happiness and goodness all the days of their life.  I wish everyone in the city of Cleveland nothing but happiness and goodness and health and peace forever.  For all their life.  I wish the same for the Republican Party the tea party and for every group in this world.  I wish them peace and health and happiness.  You will be in my prayers.  Again, meaning when I say prayer.  I mean meditation.  Meaning the delineation of my soul.  And I certainly hope that the different negative factors are the different groups in this world who are expressing various forms of negative energy, and/or behavior, will find a way to elevate themselves above such a negative expressions of behavior and energy.  We humans have to do that.  Because if we don't like I said, our chances of cumulative survival decrease not only dramatically.  But proportionately.  So it's up to all of us.  It can't be just any one group or any one person.  Because that's not going to happen.  It has to be all of us.  We have to do it together.  Because if we don't again our chances dramatically decreased.  So you have to ask yourselves where you want to be in all of this.

And for anyone reading this Journal article may be living either in my neighborhood or the city of Cleveland.  Please understand that when I have that porch light on at the front of my house.  It is either because I am meditating.  Or I'm sleeping or because I am writing.  Or doing research.  It means just exactly what the sign says.  That I can't be disturbed.  Which is true.  I'm not asking for anyone to kiss my feet.  Because that sign would be on the front of where right was living, whether I would be living in an apartment or in a home.  It doesn't matter.  As a writer and as the type of person I am.  Which is in many ways a spiritualist.  I prefer the solitude of my own thoughts rather than being around individuals who are extremely discordant or have discord or discordant energies within them that can either affect the area where I'm living, or affect me.  It's not my job to go out and rescue people.  However, if someone approaches me and needs assistance that I most certainly always do.  And I always have.  When a circumstance presents itself to me where I am presented with that circumstance, whereby I then have the opportunity to lend assistance I always do.  But I don't go looking for it.  Because that's not part of the deal.

Because it's not my job to fix anything.  It never was.  And that is a hard and fast rule that I cannot break.  Furthermore, that I will not break.

So don't make any mistake.  Because if you think I don't love each and every one of you without knowing any of you then you probably have not understood anything that I have said in this Journal entry.  Because I do.  More than you realize.  Or more than some of you may realize.  Others of you may know exactly what I'm doing, and may know a lot more.

And I talked this way.  Because I don't want to diminish anyone's potentiality of understanding when I'm writing.  Just like I don't want to, nor is it appropriate for me to diminish any of anyone's energetic potentiality.  Because that's just not the right thing to do.

So there will be discussions about films I've seen and what I think of those films my opinions, there will be pictures of my cats.  But for any of the people in this neighborhood who may be reading my Journal.  Please understand that I can't be out there in the neighborhood.  Watching so many of you blow your lives are it.  I can't do that.  If you are reading this Journal.  You are living in my neighborhood.  That means you have, to a certain degree some abilities.  Pursuant to the computer.  Which means you have the opportunity of reading what I'm writing and making choices based on what I am presenting.  Which in reality is a form of or possibly a way of me being able to offer in one way or another.  However, directly or slightly some degree of assistance.  But that's all I can do.  The conditions have not changed over the years.  The circumstances of the conditions, have changed only slightly.  The environment has really changed that much either.  Because in reality there is very little difference between the urban areas of Boston and Houston and any of the other places I lived.  The environmental conditions are of course quite different.  As I was sedated yesterday.  When I was pontificating yesterday regarding or last night regarding the potentiality of the fact that radon gas was just as present in the Maschke household in Cleveland Heights as it was in 1984.  That is absolutely true.  Which in reality those one heck of a long way of explaining why when I was a young child.  I will absolutely sick all the time.  Because there were five years.  During my early childhood when I was constantly sick to my stomach.  Constantly throwing up constantly having nosebleeds, and all sorts of missed functions.  Anyone who knows me from those years knows that's true.  And nobody knew why it was happening.  And as I said, I still actually have some of the medical records from that time to verify what I'm talking about.  And I have shared those records with a couple of friends who are in fact working with me to ascertain and to discover and to analyze the radon gas exposure in the northeastern Ohio and Northwestern Pennsylvania area of the country and why the radon gas.  Number one is elevated to the point where it is.  And number two, why in fact it is having the effect that it is having.  And I actually tried to elucidate to this fact yesterday when I was talking about some of the people who I have met over the years who were children growing up in Nevada in the area where some of the nuclear testing was going on.  There have been a number of individuals through recent modern history in America that were exposed to various different medical testing in scientific testing and governmental testing, whereby negative results in those people actually took place.

And as was conjectured to me recently by one of my friends involved in this.  They believe that the radon gas issue.  And my parents home was simply another kind of environmental anomaly that produced this kind of sensitivity to radon gas.  Which came to the surface more visibly and significantly in 1984.  And then began to become agitated again over the last two years.  And again, there are a number of reasons why the sequence of events took place in the manner they did.  And at some future point I will of course elucidate to that fact or those facts as I believe they are pertinent.

So basically I'm very sorry.  I mean, I'm sorry that I have to take the measures I'm taking.  But like I told you.  I have to be very cognizant of the way in which my soul goes to God.  That is a prime directive, so to speak.  And I have to also maintained that promises I made to God and to my darling, Aileen.  Those promises absolutely have to come first.  I am a pacifist.  I have to defend and maintain this home in every single way.  Including spiritually energetically, environmentally and every other conceivable way.  So I will do exactly that.

And using the vernacular that I have explained above.  I will definitely be holding humanity and the soul of humanity throughout this world.  In my heart and in my prayers.  You have to know that.  So the Journal entries are simply going to proceed pretty much in many ways like they already have.  Simply with the omission of the potential human rights and environmental or let's say climate change oriented rhetoric or the political rhetoric.  The rhetoric as it can in fact be defined is what will be omitted.

And as I said, and as I always do say.  Barring anything really bizarre and strange.  Like waking up and seeing my cats all brandishing firearms.  And of course of I saw that I would definitely check my pulse.  And if I saw that I would probably say something like, was it something I said?

But barring anything.  Pretty bizarre like that.  I will of course write later.  And I probably will write within the next few hours putting up a few air-quality reports.  Because I am continuing to monitor the air quality as I said, I would.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be. 

The mind is like a book. Opened and much is learned. Closed and nothing is learned. (N. Maschke – 1994)

On The Train To Nowhere…

Okay. After reading how a candidate for the United States Senate, in Iowa, said that she felt that she could fire on any police officer, or member of our armed services, if she felt her rights threatened, which was reported on CNN news. I need to remind people in this country that such action is tantamount to insurrection. Which is considered ‘treason’ under Constitutional law.

Since is this is now the attitude of the :”pro-life” Christian extremists in this country. That being pro-life means killing men an women in our own military, if one does not like the way that what they believe their rights are being delivered to them.

This is where I get off this bus.

There is no way of reasoning with this kind of treasonous behavior, in a nation that is supposed to be united and free.

And on that account. I’m taking a considerable break from signing nay more petitions. I’m taking a break from doing any more political of human rights news articles.

The only articles I’ll be doing will be Daily Life reports, regarding my own life, and my beloved late wife, Aileen. system update reports regarding my computer system and the technical aspects of my machine. Air Quality reports, regarding the air quality in the Cleveland, area. And personal journal entries.

I am going to spend the majority of my time either working on my home. Or continuing the spiritual journey I have been on since my wife died.

I shall meditate and hope that the energies that created all of us, and this world will have mercy on us for our violent ways, where we have become so filled with hatred that we would rather kill each other than to live in peace with each other.

Health Note:

I have strained my voice. so I will not be able to do anything for about 24 hours. It’s just a case of over use. Not a big deal.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed Be.

The mind is like a book. Opened and much is learned. Closed and nothing is learned. (Nicole/Mickey Maschke 1994)

Air quality

For the Cleveland, Akron, Lorain Ohio area:

10:51AM, EDT:
Particle pollution: 70
Ozone:11
Temperature: 50 degrees
Humidity: 71%
Air pressure: 3 0.09 steady
UV index: moderate numeral 3
Wind: south, south west

11:55 a.m., EDT:
Particle pollution: 73
Ozone: 14
Temperature: 53
Humidity: 66
Air pressure: 3 0.09 steady
UV index: moderate numeral 3
Wind: west southwest

So once again the air is still in the yellow range as far as being moderately unhealthy and so that basically means that anyone with lung disease heart disease diabetes or older adults or young children are recommended that they should in fact cut back or reschedule outdoor activities and refrain from doing anything outdoors that requires had the exertion.

You are wearing a breathing mask then you don't have to worry because you won't be breathing any of the pollution in.

I have said before I will continue monitoring the air quality and making reports as long as the quality is in the yellow range or above.

Air Quality

9:25 AM, EDT:

For the Cleveland, Akron, Lorain, Ohio area:

Particle pollution: 70
ozone: 9.
Temperature: 42°
humidity: 100%
air pressure: 30.11, steady.
UV index: moderate, 3.
Wind: East, Northeast.

So the pollution or the particle pollution level in Cleveland is now on a steady march upward area.  It is in the yellow range, or what is known as the moderately unhealthy range.  Meaning that it is recommended that those individuals who have lung disease, heart disease, diabetes, older adults, young children and anyone else who has sensitivity to pollution, should cut back on or reschedule outdoor activities.  And refrain from doing anything outdoors that requires heavy exertion.

If you are in fact wearing a breathing mask.  Then you don't have to worry about the pollution levels.  Because you are not breathing in any of the pollution.

And as I've said, I will continue maintaining reports, meaning multiple reports during the day, when the pollution levels are in the yellow range or above.

System Update: advanced system care professional, Windows 7, Dragon NaturallySpeaking

Advanced System Care Professional:

After testing the new version of it.  Then system care professional for the last week.  I have to say it really is probably one of the better programs, if not the best program I've ever used for system optimization.  That being said, I do need to explain that when you are using Dragon NaturallySpeaking, (DNS), that you definitely do not want to use the system optimization feature of advanced system care professional.  The reason for this is because using the system optimization feature of advanced system care professional, then actually sets up a kind of conflict between the Windows 7 master controller and advanced system care professional.  Whereby, as a result, there is a kind of tug-of-war going on between the Windows 7 master controller and advanced system care professional.  The result of that, of course, is that DNS then has more of a problem in order to execute either some of the command calls it needs or to perform with maximum efficiency.

So that's the first thing.  If you're running DNS you need to give it the control of the system.  Because that is what DNS is designed to do.  And when I say control of the system.  I mean basically control of the file folding or the file folders of the system.  In addition to the execution of programs.  Because again, that is what DNS is designed to do.

Advanced system care professional works very well at streamlining the system and protecting the system and basically manipulating some of the services of the system to improve performance.  Additionally, it's also very excellent at protecting the system with its antivirus and anti-spyware program.

But as far as optimization there's nothing wrong with setting the optimization level inside advanced system care professional for, example, top performance.  Because that's what I've done and it's working fine.  But as to the automatic optimization.  You really need to give control back to the Windows 7 master controller.  Because that is the aspect of Windows 7 that interfaces directly with DNS.  DNS is not designed to interface with or were conjunct of ugly with pursuant to giving control to, advanced system care professional.  It is designed to do that with the Windows 7 master controller.

So that's basically the main issue I have found.  That does not mean that automatic optimization, inside advanced system care professional, is a bad feature.  Because it's not.  There are many people who do not use DNS on their system.  In which case advanced optimization or automatic optimization as it's called, is really an excellent feature under those circumstances.  But if you are running DNS it's definitely not would you want to have enabled.

Now the other thing I have found is that when you are allowing advanced system care professional to clean the system, you don't want it cleaning the windows log files or the error reports and you don't want it cleaning the MRUs.  Because doing so can actually cause some of your memory resident utilities and to either stall out or not load properly.  It's just a very minor little thing that sometimes a lot of people won't think of.  But that I have discovered from using the product for as long as I have.

Other than that everything is solid and the system is going forward with no problem.  But as I have done before.  I have of course, updated the hot links for various types of general entries I do so.  At the end of this Journal article, I am providing source notes.  Pursuant to the hardware profile of my system.  And of course various hyperlinks to the different programs I have used in the past, that I know to be solid and reliable programs.  And that contain no spyware, and they are very good at optimizing your system or cleaning your system or supporting your system.

I of course will write later.

My Dell Computer System Profile:
  • Rating: 3.5 Windows Experience Index
  • Processor: Intel(R) Core(TM)2 CPU 6600 @ 2.40 GHz
  • Installed Memory (RAM) 4.00 GB (3.00 GB usable
  • System Type: 32-bit Operating System

Computer Further Reading:

  1. Windows Live Writer
  2. Hulu
  3. Netflix
  4. FastStone editor
  5. Logitech
  6. Windows 8
  7. Windows 7
  8. IE 9
  9. IE 11
  10. Firefox
  11. Opera
  12. Google Chrome
  13. Safari
  14. Thunderbird
  15. Incredimail
  16. FeedReader
  17. FeedDemon
  18. Pidgin
  19. Yahoo Messenger
  20. ICQ
  21. Active Desktop Calendar
  22. Trillian
  23. ITunes
  24. QuickTime
  25. CCleaner
  26. WiseCleaner
  27. Roboform
  28. Avast AntiVirus
  29. AVG
  30. MS Office
  31. MS Outlook
  32. Microsoft Security Essentials
  33. Advanced System Care Professional
  34. Atomic Alarm Clock
  35. Digsby
  36. MailStore
  37. JustCloud
  38. winamp
  39. Screamer Radio
  40. Radio Tuna
  41. Meebo
  42. KeyScrambler
  43. Facebook
  44. Blogger
  45. Jango Radio
  46. Picasa
  47. WOT
  48. Zemanta
  49. Prio-Priority Saver
  50. ISpy Free Surveillance Camera Software
  51. VLC Media Player
  52. PC World
  53. My Computer System
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Air Quality

For the Cleveland, Akron, Lorain, Ohio area:

8:40 AM, EDT:
particle pollution: 68
ozone: 10
temperature: 45°
humidity: 77%.
Air pressure: 30.09, steady.
UV index: moderate, 3
wind: South.

So here we are again, it's now going on toward nine a clock and the air pollution is still very much in the yellow range which means, that the EPA is recommending that anyone who has lung disease, heart disease, diabetes, older adults and small children, should cut back on or reschedule outdoor activities and should not do anything outside.  That requires heavy exertion.

And of course, the workaround to that is that if you are wearing a breathing mask.  Then you don't have to be concerned because with the breathing mask.  You will not be breathing in any of the pollution.

And as I said, I will continue making air-quality reports as long as the levels are in the yellow range or above.

I'll write later.

Air Quality

For the Cleveland, Akron, Lorain, Ohio area:

5:47 AM, EDT:
particle pollution: 68
ozone: 13
temperature: 38°
humidity: 100%
air pressure: 30.11, rising.
UV index: moderate, 3.
Wind: North, East.

7:01 AM, EDT:
particle pollution: 69
ozone: 11
temperature: 38°
humidity: 100%
air pressure: 30.12, rising.
UV index: moderate, 3.
Wind: East

So it's just one of those days.  This of course is rather strange.  I mean, we're looking at relatively cool temperatures in the upper 30s yet with 100% humidity.  Which is sort of weird.  But in addition to that the pollution levels are in the high 60s.  Meaning of course that the air is classified as being moderately unhealthy.  Whereby it is recommended that anyone who has lung disease, heart disease, diabetes or older adults or small children are advised to cut back on or reschedule outdoor activities and not to do anything outdoors that requires heavy exertion.

And of course, the workaround to that is if you are wearing a breathing mask because if you are then you do not have to worry because you are not breathing the pollution in.  Which is why I support the use of breathing masks.  I mean, if the Republican Party refuses to take any action.  And if all the people are supporting the Republican Party don't really care about the poison in our air.  I mean, that's really what's happening.  The Republican Party doesn't care about the air quality you can see that in the voting.  They do not vote, under any circumstances to protect the air quality in this country.  Which means all of their supporters, including your neighbors, or anyone you're watching on TV any of the newscasters any of the musical artists anyone you think you may enjoy their music or think they do good work in their personal lives.  It doesn't matter if they are supporting the Republican Party than they are basically saying with their political activism that they don't care about the air quality and they don't care if you get sick or your family get sick and they die.  That's what they are saying.

And we as human beings here in this country as Americans, we have to understand.  That is not just about casting a vote.  The people who are supporting the Republican Party are saying to the rest of us.  They don't care if our children get sick.  They don't care for children die they don't care.  Because they are voting for the Republicans, which means they are supporting keeping are as poisonous as possible.  That means all these people who are supporting Republicans are saying they want the air to be dirty they want the air to have poison in it.  Because they want children to die they want you to get sick.  Because that's why they are supporting the Republican Party.  And the Republican Party has no record publicly in Congress effort of supporting reducing the pollution in the air.  Meaning all of the supporters of the Republican Party are solidly behind that political position.  Meaning they want the air to be poisonous they want you to get sick.  They want your children to get sick.  Because they are supporting the Republican Party and what they are doing.  Because they are voting for them.

Which means we have people who are supporting the Republican Party or honest American citizens, and they may live right next door to.  And they are basically saying with their political stance that they your children and they want your children to die they want you to die because they want you to breathe dirty air.  They don't care about the air you breathe.  They don't care about the water having poison in it.  Because they want you to get sick.  Because they you.  Because that's what they are doing with their political activism.

So that basically means that Bruce Willis who is a really fine actor and Tom Selleck who also is an excellent actor.  They are both Republicans.  So while they may be very good actors.  They are also saying with their political position that they your children.  They don't care if your children drop dead.  They don't care of your husband or your wife drops dead.  They don't care of your partner dies they don't care if your mother and father get sick and drop dead.  They don't care because they don't care about the air quality they don't want the air in the United States to be clean.  They want United States to have dirty, filthy air.  They want the United States to have dirty, filthy water with poison in the water.  That's what they want.  Because that's what they are supporting.  And if groups Willis comes out on TV and says he's not supporting that, then he is a dirty, filthy liar because he has made many statements some of which I have recorded on my computer where he is solidly claiming his support for the Republican Party.  So logically speaking, if he is supporting the Republican Party.  He is supporting poisoning the air we breathe.  He is supporting poisoning the water we drink, which means he doesn't care if your children die from drinking poisoned water.

And as one American I would like to know why Bruce Willis who is a really good actor supports keeping poisons in our water so that our children die.  I want to know why he supports poisoning our water?  I want to know why he supports putting poison in our air.  Because I don't think that's fair.  I don't think that our children deserve to have to drink water that has poisons in the water.  I don't think our children should have to breathe dirty air.  Because Bruce Willis wants us to breathe dirty air.  I don't think that we should have to breathe dirty air.  Because these ass holes like Mitch McConnell and these ass holes in Cleveland who are Republicans don't have the guts to put up and shut up and clean up the air we breathe.  I don't think we deserve to have to breathe this kind of dirty, filthy air.  Because these Republicans are such ass holes they don't want to clean up the air we breathe and I want to know why.  I want to know why they are trying to make the air is dirty as possible.  I want to know what their explanation is.  And I don't want to hear any doubletalk I want to know why they think it's okay for us to breathe dirty air.

And I certainly want to know why these movie stars who are supporting the Republican Party want us to breathe dirty air and to have poison in our water I want to know why.  If they are good Christians, or they are good people of any religion.  And if they are good Americans.  I want to know why they want me and other people to breathe dirty air why do they want.  Our children breathing dirty air?  Why do they want our children breathing dirty air and drinking poison in our water?  Why?  Why will the Republicans not clean up the air we breathe?  Why are they doing this to us Western Mark, why won't they clean up the air we breathe?  Why are they not voting to protect us?  Why are they not doing their job as members of Congress to protect our lives?  Why are they doing this?  Why won't they vote to clean up the air we breathe?  Why are they not doing anything to protect us from the dirty air and the poisons in our water?  And why are these movie stars in Hollywood supporting putting poisons in our air and poisoning our water?

And you can bet your bottom dollar that none of these actors or actresses in Hollywood will ever give you a straight answer.  Because if they are supporting the Republican Party, then believe me, they are just as much or just as deceitful and they are liars.  Just like the Republican Party.  Because Republican Party will never tell us why they are poisoning our air.  Just listen.  The Mitch McConnell.  He's one of the biggest liars I've ever seen in politics he is a disgusting embarrassment to this country.  The behavior he is showing politically and socially is absolutely an embarrassment to the United States of America.  Which means that Bruce Willis and Tom Selleck who support the Republican Party think that Mitch McConnell is a really wonderful person, and they think he's really great because they support the Republican Party, which means they admire him lying to his people in his own state.  Which means Bruce Willis fully supports Mitch McConnell being a liar and I want to know why.  That is.  Why does Bruce Willis support lying?  Why does Tom Selleck support people lying?  Does that mean that Bruce Willis and Tom Selleck, and all the other actors and actresses who are supporting the Republican Party actually support lying?  And if that's so why is that?

These are questions, ladies and gentlemen.  And we as Americans deserve answers to these questions, not doubletalk.  I want to know why the Republicans are refusing to clean up the air we breathe?  Why?  Why won't they do anything to clean up the air clean up the water?  Why had they allowed themselves to become racists and liars?  Why are they doing everything they can to behave like nothing but lying ass holes?  Why do we have a section of people in this country.  They don't give a damn about how dirty the areas where the kind of poisons they are putting in our food and how poisonous our water is?  Why is this the case?  And why won't the Republican Party take any action whatsoever to protect our food or to protect the air we breathe or the water we drink?  Why won't they do anything?  Their voting record shows they are not doing anything.  Why is that the case?  Why are they trying to hurt us?  And why is Bruce Willis and Tom Selleck, and all these other actors and actresses in Hollywood who support the Republican Party, why are they taking the attitude that they don't care about the air we breathe.  They don't care about the water we drink, and they don't care if we get sick and they don't care if we die?  Why are they being so cruel and hateful?

I mean, I have lots of questions, ladies and gentlemen.  And I don't think I'm alone.  I think all of us need to ask these questions.  Because these numbers are not a joke.  They affect me only in one very single way.  But there are a lot of people in this country would breathing problems and I'm very curious why these movie stars in these actors making all this money who support the Republican Party don't give a damn about the air we breathe or the water we drink, why is that the case Western Mark and why doesn't the Republican Party do something to clean up the air we are breathing and the water we a drinking?

The Republicans in Cleveland.  Like I said.  I grew up with a lot of these families and the children I grew up with of course are now old.  Like I am.  And I am telling you, when they were growing up.  They were some of the most selfish, hateful, racist spoiled brats.  I had ever met.  And they haven't changed.  As adults they are just the same, spoiled, self-centered, racist, hateful lying, deceitful doing anything they can to get whatever they want, and they don't care who they hurt and they don't believe in doing charity unless they get something from it like being in the paper or getting some notification or being publicized they don't believe in doing charity.  Not unless they get something from doing so because they are that selfish.  They are.  That's spoiled they are just like spoiled brats, self-centered, hateful extremely racist.  They are not the kind of people you would ever want to have around you.  Because they are so ugly.  Because they think they are better than everyone with all their dirty, filthy money.  It makes you want to puke.  Because they are so damn selfish and self-centered.  That's one of the reasons I don't even live on the side of Cleveland.  Because I don't want to be around those racist selfish, spoiled brat rich families that I grew up with.  Because they are selfish.  They don't care about anyone unless they get their name in the paper unless they get some recognition.  Because they are much more concerned with the social register than they are with being human beings.

So I'm telling you, I have questions as an American citizen.  I want to know why.  I want to know what the excuses of these Republican ass holes for not doing anything to clean up the air we are breathing.  When the water we are drinking.  Because I'm showing right here in this morning that the pollution level in Cleveland is in the moderately unhealthy range.  And I wonder how many TV stations in Cleveland are actually reporting that fact realizing that a lot of people in Cleveland don't have access to computers or to the Internet?  And if they are not reporting those numbers then I want to know why.  Because these numbers are dangerous.  They are moderately dangerous as regulated by the EPA.  And why is it that the Republican Party wants to do away with the EPA Western Mark, I have put up a number of stories showing the Republican Party wants to do exactly that.  Why is that?  Why does the Republican Party want to do away with the EPA, when in reality the air is so filthy right now that if someone has lung disease or heart disease or diabetes the air can actually be harmful to them?  Why is the Republican Party not doing anything to clean up the air?  And if they claim they are, then what the hell are they really doing?  Because their voting record shows they are doing nothing.  So what are they doing?  And if they are not doing anything, then why should they be allowed to serve in public office?  I mean that they are not doing anything to clean up the air we breathe clean up the water we are drinking, then why should they be allowed to serve in public office that they are not willing to protect us?

I'm losing a lot of respect for these movie stars in Hollywood.  If they support the Republican Party.  I'm losing one hell of a lot of respect for them.  Because these numbers are dangerous.  Whether you like it or not they are dangerous.  These are real numbers.  This is not a joke.  And it's not about me.  It's about a lot of people in this country who have various types of breathing problems and when the air pollution level is at the level it is right now in Cleveland or higher.  That means the air is unhealthy for those people to breathe and I want to know why the Republicans are refusing to take any action whatsoever to clean up the air we breathe?

Air Quality

For the Cleveland, Akron, Lorain, Ohio area:

Thursday, October 23, 2014:
11:58 PM, EDT:
particle pollution: 55
ozone: 23
temperature: 40°
humidity: 100%
air pressure: 30.12, rising.
UV index: moderate, 3
wind: East

Friday, October 24, 2014:
3:34 AM, EDT:
particle pollution: 62
ozone: 18
temperature: 38°
humidity: 100%
air pressure: 30.11, rising.
UV index: moderate, 3.
Wind: East

So we are seeing that since last night and into this morning, the particle pollution level is in the yellow range.  Meaning that it is moderately unhealthy.  Where it is advised that anyone who has lung disease, heart disease, diabetes, older adults and young children, cut back on or reschedule outdoor activities.  And refrain from doing anything outdoors that requires heavy exertion.

And as I've said before, if you are wearing a breathing mask.  Then you don't really have to worry about these levels.  Because you won't be breathing any of the pollution in.

And as I always say.  As long as these levels are in the yellow range or above.  I will continue making multiple reports during the day.

I'll write later.

Time Log, Thursday, October 23, 2014

04:55, woke up, having my first cup of coffee.

05:28, exercises….  10 toe touches, 10 diagonal knee lifts, 10 deep knee bends, 10 push-ups, 10 front curls with a 20 pound barbell.

05:53, shaved and washed up.

06:05, breakfast…. a bowl of oatmeal with 1 teaspoon of sugar, and milk. Vitamins.

06:08, Meditation.

07:10, installing auto-linking into windows live writer.

08:39, finished re-installing the source notes and/or auto-linking to windows live writer.

08:40, beginning production leg for the day, (email, news and petitions).

09:57, having some peanut butter on bread, and making a new pot of coffee.

11:51, had two slices of bread with peanut butter.

12:15, having a PETA butter and jelly sandwich, and 1 cup of milk.  Then meditating for 90 minutes.

13:43, continuing production leg.

14:05, reconfiguring started for Windows 7 session.  Giving more control to DNS 12.

14:30, continuing with the daily production leg.

16:00, generated personal journal entry on the journal, corrected broken hyperlinks.

16:55, continuing the production leg.

17:53, generated journal entry on broken links. Now continuing with production leg.

18:41, having a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to balance sugar levels.

19:24, closing the production leg for the day. Mopping the floor, Vacuuming the house, having dinner, doing the dishes, and then meditating for 60 minutes, followed by sleep.

Lifting My Head off the Pillow

This is just a small section of time where I feel like rambling.  So don't expect anything fantastic or anything like that for all I know my mind will do nothing more than produce a little bit of disorganized thinking because I'm not totally awake.  Which is okay.  I don't really want to be totally awake.

I did check the air quality conditions and while it is no surprise the air quality in Cleveland is again in the yellow and the humidity outside is 100%, which is not surprising.  But definitely a little distressing not so much for me but for anyone who might be thinking that it's a nice night to open the Windows is that's probably not true.  However, I find it really quite interesting.  I mean in the middle of the night literally.  In the middle of the night when you would least expect it.  The air quality level goes right up into the yellow.  That really speaks volumes.  It actually explains so much.

But the really expensive cleaning I did last month in the living room with the air vent from where the potbelly stove was.  And spending those two hours cleaning the heating vent.  That was definitely time well spent.  Because the air in here is so much cleaner.  And if it were not for the bones in my feet and this really, what I consider stupid, allergy I have two radon gas.  I would very much love being outside going to and from the store.  But that's not how things are.  My feet are that sensitive.  At least the bones of my feet.  And I do have this really what I consider, such as that.  And I do mean really stupid, allergy to radon gas.  It is so hard for people to understand.  It's hard for me to understand.  But everything that I and some of my friends of found out almost literally certify that to be the actual thing that's causing the issue with my inner ears.  And as I said I'm telling you, that is one of the dumbest and stupidest things I have ever discovered about myself.  I mean, it is just so stupid.  But this is not something by personal choice.  And yet it is something I would have never expected.  But at the same time.  It makes so much sense.  Considering everything that happened way back in 1984 when I first came back to Cleveland.  It actually makes so much sense.  And there is no denying that by not breathing in the air, which I have not done now for over a month that I actually do feel incredibly better.  People have been working on this with me who are of course in different parts of the country have reminded me that I should not feel that it's stupid.  My response is always been, yeah.  Sure.  Like that'll work.  And then we generally just laugh because everything that we are discovering shows that to be exactly the case.  And of all the areas.  I mean, of all the areas in the whole country.  This is so far beyond coincidence.  It's just crazy.  I mean, I've lived all over this country.  I really have that one point or another.  I've spent a serious amount of time in just about every area of the country.  I've never had a reaction until I moved back to Cleveland.  Which, as my friends are explaining makes a rather significant amount of sense as to certain things that were going on with me prior to 1966.  When there were times while I was living with my parents in Cleveland Heights where there were certain reactions I was having.  One of the friends that has been working on this actually knows me all the way back to the time I was about seven years old.  And they brought a rather interesting series of facts which just literally stopped me in my tracks.  And they aren't certain, which is why one of the other friends who is working on this with me is actually investigating with this other friend basically suggested.  That some of the childhood illnesses that I had prior to 1966 very well could have been brought on by the level of radon gas, not only in Cleveland Heights.  But that was in my parents home.

When this one friend of mine said that my response was really quite clear.  I said, are you just like completely absolutely crazy?  And they said, think about it.  Mickey.  I mean I'm telling you think about it.  At which point I chuckled I said, you know that's what I like about you, and they said what's that?  And I said, it's not just your sense of humor.  It's completely out of control.  But of all the people around today, you have a lot more of the details about me than most people are aware of, including myself.  At which point they said, well, that's sort of what friends are for.

Because it is so damn strange.  They might actually be right.  I mean, the meningitis.  And a lot of the other things that were going on.  Like the nosebleeds.  That's where this other friend of mine sort of got involved and provided some of the medical reactions to prolonged exposure of radon gas.  So as I'm discovering all this information and hearing it.  I'm thinking this is great.  So I said, this one friend who came up with this whole idea.  I said well, of course, you're not suggesting my fusion, and they immediately said absolutely not.  But then they said truly, Mickey.  Think about it.  Think about that time or five years when you are constantly sick to your stomach.  No matter what.  And I said so in other words, it wasn't my mother's cooking right?  And they said I'm just telling you this.  Think about.  And I said fine.  I'll let so-and-so know and we will see.  And the damnable thing is, it looks like this person who has known me for so long actually might be right.  And of course at that point.  Nobody was at fault.  Because of that point.  Nobody even knew that radon gas actually even existed.  At least from what I have been able to ascertain.  I mean, there are indications historically of certain scientific individuals or groups in the US being aware of radon gas.  But there weren't any measurements are studies being done on specific areas of the country to the extent that there are now.  Whereby there was any real data to certify whether or not northeastern Ohio and Northwestern Pennsylvania had any real significant amounts of radon gas, at that time.  And yet what this one friend is saying makes so much sense.  Because it's true.  There was a time for about five years when I was very young when I was constantly sick to my stomach.  No matter what.  And I was constantly having nosebleeds.  There were a lot of really strange physical things going on.  And none of us have any idea why my body was so reactive.  Because at that time when I was so young, it was before any of the physical damage of my body had actually even materialized.  Which at the very least suggests that at a very early age.  I must ahead some kind of chemistry in my body that literally made me so very reactive to the radon gas, not only in the area.  But in my parents home.

Now in my travels in this country, I actually have met adults who were children during the 50s who were exposed to different medical tests or different environmental conditions, whereby now as adults they have certain slight physical abnormalities or physical peculiarities as a result of some of the medical testing that was going on during the 1950s.  But I was never part of that.  But I can't deny with this one friend of mine is saying it's just very strange.  I mean, it was the same friend who basically suggested that I was sort of like the Canary in the mine shaft.  Because of my sensitivity to radon gas.  And the other friend totally believes that statistically I'm definitely not the only one that there are probably millions of people throughout the world who have physical sensitivities, whereby they actually physically react or experience physical abnormalities or changes in their chemistry based on environmental conditions in the areas where they are living.  At which point my response to both of these really cool old friends was they are definitely a cure for a good mood.  And of course at that point we just basically laughed.  I mean, is nothing you can do about it at this point.  Meaning there's nothing I can do about it.  But it sure the hell explains one hell a lot about what was going on with me when I was very small.  I was very young.  I mean to tell you I had more illnesses.  It was just like one train wreck after another.  And yet, each of the illnesses separately looked like nothing more than what was normally going on with other children.  But, for example, in my own home.  It wasn't really much fun.  Because I kept getting sick.  And you don't even want to know how my mother and father reacted to that kind of thing.  It certainly didn't make growing up any easier.  But it's just the way it was.  And the really strange thing is that I probably would not have even started thinking about this had I not lived around the country for all those years where I was not exposed to the environmental conditions of northeastern Ohio.  So that when I came back to northeastern Ohio in 1984.  After years and years and years living out of the area, the contrast of where I had been living to coming back to northeastern Ohio was made extremely stark.  Which is why it basically hit me like a ton of bricks in 1984.  I mean, it just knocked me right off of my feet.  And it's not the medical community's fault.  Because in 1984.  The United States was just beginning to get a grip on the variations in the levels of radon gas in the United States.  So at that time the medical community wasn't completely up to speed regarding radon gas and its effects on the human chemistry.  So that is one of the explanations that has been presented as to why the initial diagnosis was sinusitis and not more of an exacting or explanatory explanation of what might actually be taking place.

Which, as I said, makes me feel that this is really one of the dumbest things I have ever confronted in my own life.  I mean, it is just so basically stupid beyond words.  But that's just a gut emotional reaction.  That's all that is.  Because it's generally how I react when I am confronted with physiological peculiarities in myself.  My initial response is that it's just basically really stupid.  Not on my part, it's just that it's really stupid.  It doesn't mean anyone is stupid.  It doesn't mean I'm stupid, it just means that the idea of this be the single element that might have been causing all those issues when I was very small that are now causing the same issues when I'm rather old.  That absolutely to my way of thinking that is completely stupid.  And yet it makes me chuckle.  It's just hard to believe but everything I've been looking at for the last few months.  With the help of these two friends basically points in exactly that direction.  And that's just beyond stupid.  I mean, it's just beyond stupid to the point right or even have any words to explain how I really feel.  Because it's just that stupid.

But again, it makes a hell of a lot of sense.  I mean, there's no denying it.  If you knew my life when I was from the age of perhaps 10 years old, or 12 years old and younger.  If you knew my life.  Physically in those years prior to my being 10 or 12 years old in those very early years I'm telling you it makes so much sense that it just literally stops me in my tracks.  Because I was constantly sick.  I mean, all the time.  And like I said, nobody could have known.  Because you're talking the 1950s.  If you look at radon gas for an example.  During the 1950s.  The amount of knowledge about radon gas was far, far more limited than it is today.  So there's just no way anyone really was completely cognizant of any of the effects of radon gas to the 1950s.  There was just no way.  And yet, like I said, it explains so much.  Which like I've said, makes me chuckle.  Makes me laugh.  Because to my way of thinking that is just absolutely one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.  And yet it looks like it's true.  Because I was constantly sick.  I mean, I have health records actually from that time.  It's like a train wreck.  And of course my parents had no idea.  Nobody had any idea.  And as I just said, you don't even want to know what it was like being a small child living with my parents being as sick as I constantly was.  You just don't even want to know.  People.  The matter of the country have said who actually lived in Cleveland Heights at the time.  Not a lot of people just a few.  How they always thought I had a really cool life as a child growing up with my father and that big old house in Cleveland Heights.  And I never really know what to say to them when they say that.  Because they had no idea.  They had no idea what was really like.  And I can tell you that while there was a certain amount of fun.  You just can't even imagine it was a very strenuous time in my life.  Absolutely without any question.  It was an extremely difficult time in my life.  For example, my parents thought I was basically crazy.  To the point where I began seeing psychiatrist when I was just about six years old.  Where at one point I was given Ritalin and that was just a huge laugh riot.  That was probably one of the worst ideas that I was ever subjected to.  Because it was the Ritalin in my system that basically caused me on the rifle range when I was going to this one summer camp to without my even really being aware of it constantly missing the target where I actually shot a chipmunk near the target by mistake.  Which was of course, well, let's just say that at that point my father basically took the attitude that he did not want me taking that junk anymore.  And then of course there was a huge argument between him and my mother about it.  So you don't really even want to know.  Believe me, it's not worth it.  Anyhow.  It's just not worth it.  But it sure the hell explains a lot.  I mean, it explains so damn much.  I mean, there was a lot of stuff going on during the 50s.  There was a tremendous thing going on in the country, regarding polio.  This is true.  And I can't even remember all the details.  I probably could if I did research.  But I'm definitely not interested in doing that.  But is true.  During the 1950s there was a huge thing going on with polio where we were all being given sugar cubes at school with polio vaccine and other types of vaccines.  So it was a very interesting time in American history.  Believe me, it was just a really strange time to grow up.  And then when you throw into all that kind of strange stuff going on that I might've actually then reacting to radon gas well, like I said, my reaction is that it's the dumbest thing I have ever heard of.  And then I just can't help laughing.  Not uncontrollably.  It's just I'm laughing because it's so damn stupid.  I mean, I've actually met kids who are now adults who were living in Nevada during the time of the nuclear testing.  They are truly very, very interesting people, I mean as adults.  Because the stories of some of them have during the 1950s with all that testing that was going on in Nevada with the different types of nuclear bombs.  I am telling you, it's just really spooky.  And when I was confronted with, or had the occasion to meet, some of these adults who were children like me during the 1950s.  But living in Nevada during those times of the nuclear testing I am telling you, it's just spooky.  Because when one of them you could actually see very slight physical anomalies as a result of them growing up in that area during the 1950s with all that testing.  Which is what one of my friends brought to my attention when they were talking about the radon gas issue.  I think one of the remarks I made was well then I guess we are all sort of like lab rats.  Right?  They just left.  And then we both laughed.

I mean, most people don't really have any idea as to how strange or bizarre my life really has been.  They just don't even have a clue.  My life has literally and I mean this.  So sincerely.  My life has been absolutely amazing.  And I don't mean amazing like it's noteworthy not by any means.  Haven't smell.  But my life is absolutely been incredible.  I am the first one to say that.  There's just no way in the world.  I could ever explain how amazing my life has actually been.  I mean there's just no way.  People in the area where I'm living right now have no clue.  They don't even have any idea.  Because most people here in Cleveland today have no idea of what my life was like living around the country growing up.  They just don't even have a clue.  Nor should they.  It's not their life.  It's mine.

But I'm sure there are people who I have met who I probably can't remember some who actually may be reading my Journal who may be thinking exactly the same thing that these two friends of mine or think.  That these things actually makes so much sense.  Like I said, it certainly fills in a lot of the blanks.  But like I said people in this area today.  People who have known me since I came back here in 1984.  They don't even have a clue as to how unbelievably incredible my life was and is and has been.  And the people in the area where I'm living.  Absolutely.  They don't even have any idea.  Because their experience of me was nothing more.  The last 20 years.  So they don't even have any idea as to what my life was before the last 20 years.  Because that's all they know of me.

It's only certain people who've known me before.  They are the ones who actually know or have an idea of how unbelievably incredible my life actually has been.  Because it actually has been unbelievably amazing.  And in one conversation with one of these friends.  They were laughing slightly and said.  Yeah.  It's amazing.  You survived.  At which point I said sure.  That's right, state the obvious.

So I know I probably appear like a whole number of things to a whole lot of people.  But that's because they don't really know people don't really understand how unbelievable and truly incredible my life actually has been.  It's just the truth.  It's beyond comprehension, let alone explanation.

Because most of the kids who knew me in Cleveland Heights that I was going to school with well.  In today's world.  Most of them pretty much hate me and think the same thing that they thought of me when I was here going to school in Cleveland Heights that I was just basically a jerk.  But then of course they didn't really know what it was like growing up in my house.  How could they?  It wasn't their life.  So I don't really blame them for thinking what they do not by any means.  That was my feeling.  When I left Cleveland in 1966.  I didn't blame anyone for the way they felt about me are, how they treated me or what they thought really didn't care.  I was just glad.  I was glad as hell that I was getting out of this city.  Because those kids.  And I hardly ever got along.  They hated me more than anything in the world.  And if they didn't hate me then I was just basically something to laugh at.  So that's why I always say I never did really well when I lived here in Cleveland.  Because those kids are now adults and they still think I'm stupid and something to laugh at.  Which is okay.  Everybody's entitled to think whatever they want about anything.  Which is why the really cool friends I have the ones who actually know about my life are the ones who I've met around the country.  Not here in Cleveland.  Here in Cleveland.  Most people think that I'm just a jerk.  A harmless jerk.  Because that's all they know of me.  They don't know of me in any of the other areas of the country where I live.  They don't know a thing.  And as I said how good day.  It's not their life.  It's mine.  So there's no way that could ever know, much less care.  Which is why I don't blame any of them for feeling the way they do.  It's perfectly natural.  Because all they can do is make judgments on what they see.  And all they've ever seen is what they saw me when I was growing up.  So they don't really have any idea as to what my life was like in other areas of the country because they were not part of my life, which is why they just don't have any clue and that's okay.  Because now I'm an old man, and I'm actually a lot healthier than most other people, but only because of how absolutely incredible my life is actually been all these years.  I haven't had a choice.

And that's why I'm never really surprised when people have lots of resentment or hatred of me.  That doesn't surprise me one bit nor does it bother me that much.  Because it's actually quite expected.  That's one of the discussions.  My father and I had in 1984 to my coming back to Cleveland in the first place.  When it was suggested that I come back to Cleveland in order to be more of a physical presence for my daughter.  I was of course very interested and happy at the opportunity.  But I definitely thought it was one of the worst ideas in the world.  Because I knew full well that where and if I came back to Cleveland in 1984.  That socially, it was just going to be one of the worst ideas in the world.  And isn't it interesting that I was absolutely right.  Of course, except for my darling daughter.  And my darling, Aileen.  But the rest of it.  Well, it was just like one of those really strange experiences you have been a really bad fun house at a really bad carnival.

And that's why like I say people in the area where I'm living right now.  They don't have any clue.  There's no way they could.  All they have ever known of me was or has been the last 20 years, which is nothing.  I mean, it's just one slice.  It's one slice out of a whole huge sections of years of life that were absolutely beyond description.  I mean there's just no way I could ever explain how unbelievably incredible my life is been.  This just no way.  To do that.  I mean to actually explain how incredible my life has been.  I would need absolutely without any question the help of other friends from around the country who actually have known me in other areas of the country.

But a lot has happened over the years.  So that's probably just never going to happen.  And that's fine.  It's enough that I know.  And it's enough that some of these other people know that's enough.  Because see growing up in Cleveland Heights during the 1950s and 1960s.  Nobody could ever figure out why I was always so sick.  Let alone the fact that I was so incredibly short.  That certainly made me a very easy target.  And nobody had any idea.  And of course needed did I.  But in retrospect you can bet your bottom dollar it makes so much sense that it's just spooky.  But it doesn't matter.  Because now I'm an old man.  And that's far.  Because you are born.  And then you learn.  And then you do.  And if you're lucky as you are learning in doing you sometimes get the chance to use a little of what you have learned to help other people.  And then.  You die.

So it really doesn't matter.  Not in the scheme of things.  It just doesn't matter.  And why should it?  It's just not that important.  It's only important to me and perhaps a few others.  And it sure was important to my darling, Aileen, but it's not really important anyone else.  Not unless they actually knew me in these other areas of the country.  And the damnable thing is that from my nervous breakdown.  I can't remember hardly anyone.  No matter how hard I try from 1968 through 1973.  I can't remember hardly anyone.  I can look at their names or their faces 1000 times and I won't even recognize them even if I knew them very well.  I don't recognize their names.  It's all just a huge blank.  Because of that stupid hysterical amnesia of the is part of what happened when I had my nervous breakdown.  I lost all those years.  And it's never a good idea to try and look at the names.  Because all it does is confounded me and confuse me because I can't remember who any of the names are.  I can't remember who they are.  I don't have any memory.  It's gone.  And the crazy thing is that I remember every thing I ever wrote or ever read during those years.  I just don't remember anything else.  Now there is a cure for a good mood on wheels.

So I don't begrudge anyone for how they feel about me.  Not at all.  That would be even more stupid than this really stupid allergic reaction I have two radon gas.

As I said, this Journal article is probably nothing more than rambling.  But that is what a Journal is for.  You put your thoughts down.  And that's all you do.  You right.  And then after you have written your thoughts down you go on.  And then later you come back and look at what you have written.  And then you learn from what you have written.

So believe me, in the scheme of things as incredible as my life is been it's not really any more incredible than any life.  Not by any means.  But I definitely am having a kind of gastric thing.  So I will have a little baking soda and water, which will fix that.  And then I'm going back to sleep for about three hours and then I will get up and hit the ground running.

So there you have it.  Something have never shared with anyone.  Except of course with my darling, Aileen and, these two very close friends.  If we lived in the same city, we would probably be sitting out on some park bench together just laughing about it all.  But we don't live in the same city.  So we can't do that.  And tomorrow is another day.  So much to do so little time.  But that's okay.  Life goes on.

So unless something really unbelievable happens.  Like I wake up and find Frankie in the backyard like building a nuclear missile site or something like that.  I will probably write later.  Of course, if I saw my cat, Frankie, in the backyard building a nuclear missile site, well, the first thing I would do.  Of course would be to check my pulse.  That's always a good idea.  But if I have doing that I would definitely be on the phone, to some news organization.  Because, well, if one of your cats suddenly is in the backyard building a nuclear missile site, you either have to think that you have already died or you have just basically gone.  So far around the bend that there's just no hope or you have to think that your cats are a hell a lot smarter than they have ever been letting you know.  Which gives a whole new meaning to alternate reality.

Well, it doesn't matter.  None of it matters not in the scheme of things it just doesn't matter.  But I definitely need to have some baking soda.  And then I will feel just fine, or at least reasonably so.  And then tomorrow with it being trash day.  I will of course take out the trash do my exercises, and then just hit the ground running.  Bilbo was especially cute tonight.  He was actually talking to me.  Now I don't mean talking like people talk.  That's not what I mean.  He is Himalayan.  He's a Himalayan cat.  And they talk so to speak.  So as I was getting ready to lean over to go to sleep.  He started talking, which is nothing more than slight meowing.  So I turned it back over to face him.  And I mean, looking at his face I could actually see he felt better with me.  Facing him.  Now that's friendship.  That's real friendship.  He just loves me so much that he just feels better.  If he wakes up and he can see my face.  Real animal lovers will know exactly what I mean.  And of course anyone who has a cat who they love very much.  They will probably also know exactly what I mean.

I do love them so much I love them so very much.  So let me go and have my baking soda why Sammy not have to do their because some of it is resolving so perhaps two or three and acid tablet's will probably do the same.  And then I don't have to get up.  Because getting out will disturb Bilbo and he will feel like he has to get up.  Which is uncomfortable for him.  So instead I think I will take an acid tablet's that will probably do just about as good and then I don't have to disturb one of my very close friends.  My Bilbo

I sure do love my cats.  I love them a lot.  But that's just me.  I'm sort of like that.

So I will probably write later.  But you just never know.