Are We There Yet?

Are We There Yet?
This is the sign that is over the front door of Aileen's and my house, our home, going OUT. Meaning that when someone leaves our house they are going into the ACTUAL Mental Ward.

I've always felt that way. When it is considered how much ugliness and killing and hatred there is in the world today, it actually makes perfect sense that this sign is over the door going out of the house.

Because that's where the real mental ward is.

Monday, July 28, 2014

Air Quality


11:18 AM, EDT:

I knew it was really too good to be true.

For the Cleveland, Akron, and Lorain, Ohio area, the current particle pollution is at 51 and the ozone is 31 and the temperature is 66°.

Like I said, I knew it was too good to be true.  We were in the green this morning, but that didn't last.  Of course not not here in Cleveland.  Well, obviously the rain in the weather patterns have decided that it's probably okay for the pollution to come back and play around the city of Cleveland.  Because that's what it's doing.  Of course, a 51 numeric value is the particle pollution that puts the particle pollution in the moderately unhealthy range for those who have heart disease, lung disease, diabetes and those who are older and young children.  Where it is advised that they reschedule outdoor activities and refrain from doing anything too strenuous.

For me where I have just sort a can what I've been saying all along for the last 10 days that I'm just not going to be going out much anymore without wearing a breathing mask.  Because since I have not been breathing in that pollution I have felt great.  And you know what they say.  Bullshit walks and money talks.  And I sure know that's true because if it weren't I would be feeling so good.  Because the fact is that the pollution is what is causing and has been causing my acute sinusitis reactions that I have been having.  And of course like Nero the Republicans and the tea party basically stand around getting drunk and making all sorts of promises without doing a damn thing to clean up the environment and we know that's true because no matter what they say they can't lie about their voting record though they would like to try.  And they're not about to make the voting record private.  Because if they do, then the big-money contributors you want to keep track of them will be able to keep track of them.  So what they might do is say to the American people that only Republicans and only white Christian men and only people with lots of money and big corporation should have access to the voting records.

But that's what the Republicans of today do best.  They claim to be defenders of the Constitution.  While they are doing everything they can to abrogate and to impeach the civil liberties of the Constitution.  Again, completely evidenced by their voting record.

So as I've said before, as long as the numbers are in the yellow or above range of particle pollution I will be doing multiple air-quality reports during the day.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be

Daily Life: Email

8:10 AM, EDT:

Okay.  Just so everyone remembers.  Please do not take it personally if I do not contribute to anything.  Because at this point I can't.  It's not that I don't want to.  But I can't.  I don't have the money.  Trying to run this house alone and get everything done is just using about everything I have.  However, when the rehab mortgage is paid off in December, God willing.  I will then have a little extra money.  And as I have said, I will begin to donate to some of these really fantastic causes.

As to politicians.  Please understand that as a human rights advocate.  I believe it is in my best interest to remain as neutral as possible regarding the political environment.  Because in my estimation, human rights actually should be even though it may not be, devoid of political orientation.  That may be an idealistic way of looking at it right.  It's what I have done all these years.  I know I am associated with a number of different non-extremist groups.  And that's fine.  But I don't want anyone feeling bad if I don't sign on with their particular candidate or another.  It's not that I don't want to.  It's that as a human rights advocate.  Which is of course different than an activist.  My neutrality becomes rather imperative.  Just like the basic rule or law of a human rights activist and advocate is that you always come last.  Because only when you come last week, will you ever come first.

Plus also, please if I don't remember who you are.  Please do not be offended.  I have tried to explain.  As candidly as I can that there is a huge section of years where I only have 20% of my memory as a result of this nervous breakdown I had in 1989.  So if I don't remember you.  It's not personal.  I've lost a great deal of my memory as a result of the nervous breakdown I had.  And I have done some general entries recently that coincidentally, I have begun to show evidence of exactly that.

So for those of you who understand I am greatly honored and gratified that you do for those who do not.  I am sorry.

It's also important to remember that as you read my writing.  It is my job as an advocate to use hyperbole to be incisive divisive confrontational even inflammatory and of course to use various types of exaggeration.  All designed for the purpose to place the reader in a position conceptually and informationally where they may have an easier time asking themselves and others.  Some of the tougher questions.

And once again.  No.  It is not the kind of writing I enjoy the most.  But it is the kind of writing that I have always felt was probably the most important type of writing.  I could do.  Needless to say, my darling, Aileen and I definitely had a lot of really interesting discussions along those lines, you can bet your bottom dollar we did.  We still do.  But that's another story.  So I am about to dive into the petitions and judging by the amount of email I have this is definitely going to be an interesting day.

And depending on how my energy goes I may have to do some meditation.  In between doing the petitions and all these other things I have to get done today.  Plus a few phone calls.  So it's just one of those really interesting busy Mondays.  But such is life.

So everyone just try to take a breath and let's just see how well we do today.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be.

Air Quality


8:03 AM, EDT:

For the Cleveland, Akron, Lorain, Ohio area.  At this time, the particle pollution is 23 and the ozone is 31.

So, from what I'm seeing on the radar from the good weather people that storm is still sort of cycling where Cleveland will be getting more rain.  It's means there is a certain degree of their current coming off of Lake Erie, which is probably why the pollution level is low.  But we will see what happens.  I'm not a climate scientist.  So just everyone understand that I'm just good at analyzing things.  That's one of my best talents.  I can analyze anything.  That's how I made my money or how I made my living.

So we will see what happens.  But this for example is a day when people with lung disease or heart disease or diabetes and some of us older folks and the children can actually go outside and not have to worry about what they are breathing in.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be.

Daily Life: The Works


1:06 AM, EDT:

Air quality:

Politically, when, Akron, Lorain, Ohio area, the particle pollution is now 23 and the ozone is 41.  The temperature is currently 65°.

This of course makes very much sense.  And it does.  Because the storms over Lake Erie earlier.  Like last night were significant.  Storms were so big that they stretched all the way up above London, Ontario.  So that is an interesting element.  Because it's just my hunch from having lived on the shores of Lake Erie for most of my life, or almost most of my life that storm like what were going on last night.  Had to have one hell of a lot of wind associated with it.  Especially seeing as how there was a tornado warning for Cleveland.  Although, because of the dynamics of the lake in conjunction with the dynamics of the tall buildings of downtown, a tornado in downtown Cleveland is highly unlikely.  The reason being is because whenever there is that kind of concentration of energy.  It generally happens.  Either over the lake or close to downtown, but not in downtown.  And that of course makes a lot of sense.  Because downtown Cleveland does not have a lot of sprawl.  It's rather concentrated.  So there's a lot of surrounding area directly abutting downtown where there is more than enough room for tornadoes to touch down without having to deal with the air currents in downtown.

For example, a factoid is that the corner of East ninth and superior Avenue in downtown Cleveland is actually one of the windiest corners in the entire nation.  And I know.  Because the first year, that Aileen died I had to go downtown.  Because of a traffic ticket where my car slid through a stop sign without hitting anything.  Because of the ice on the road.  So at one point while I was going downtown to pay off that traffic ticket the wind was actually so strong because of how I walk that it literally blew me.  Across the sidewalk into the building at a corner.  And the only reason I did not go through the plate glass window of the restaurant on the first floor was because an amazingly nice police detective who had seen me paying off my ticket at the Justice Center happen to be walking in the same direction and caught me.  So I can tell you firsthand that the wind is definitely strong.  Of course, my legs are a lot stronger now than they were then.

So that wind got rid of a lot of the pollution that hangs over the city.  At least for now.  It will be interesting to see how long the low level of particle pollution lasts.  But that's the thing about Lake Erie.  Lake Erie and Lake superior are the windiest of the Great Lakes.  They are the two lakes that just get most of the turbulence.  So if the old-timers that I have spoken with our right and we have a really ferocious winter.  Well, those winds across Lake Erie actually gets so bad that the point on Lake Erie that gets hit the hardest.  Believe it or not, is Buffalo, New York.  And the reason for that is because Buffalo sits at the farthest east and of Lake Erie, which puts it, smack dab in the bull's-eye of where all the winds that come across Lake Erie end up hitting the hardest.  But the huge storm has passed and now the storm has just gone by Toronto, Canada, and is on its way in a kind of cyclone swirl up toward Kingston, Canada Buffalo definitely got hit hard.  So did Central Pennsylvania, Philadelphia took a sizable hit.  New York City definitely got a rather significant smack the cyclone of the storm actually is so big that the furthest west end of the storm goes southward from central Tennessee and then cycles upward through New York City into Connecticut up through central New York through Toronto just north of Toronto all the way back to Central Michigan just above Detroit.

Now that is a really big storm Center.  So for anyone who wants to say that climate change is not happening.  Jay asked remember over the last 10 years, the storms have grown unbelievably that is because the climate is changing.  Like it or not, that's what's happening.  So there is probably a good bit of wind associated with that and to check that.  Well I'm just about right.  The general speed of the storm were looking at may be 10 or 15 miles an hour, but over New York City were looking at basically, wind so it's really more of a straight down for.  But there are definitely rather significant storm cells within the storm itself, where the rain is all the way into the red.  So it was a rather powerful cyclone of storm activity.

Like I said, it will be very interesting to see how long the particle pollution level remains low because the humidity is 97% right now with the dewpoint is 63° and the projection so far is that Tuesday has about a 40% chance of rain with partial clearing in the afternoon.  But then there is more storm activity on Wednesday, then with decreasing chances of rain through the rest of the week through Saturday, with temperatures in the 70s.  So judging from how things are in Cleveland.  How things have gone.  I would say that the pollution levels will return probably sometime tomorrow.

Personal health:

Now it's interesting because I've had no sinusitis reaction sense.  I have not exposed myself to any of the moderately unhealthy or greater particle pollution without a breathing mask.  But what is interesting is that the changing barometric pressure as the storm passed through Cleveland did in fact give me fluctuating migraines.  The last of which is just now subsiding.  That's what they discovered in 1984.  That the changing barometric pressure actually affects my head and my sinuses significantly enough where when Aileen was alive and we were driving to the city.  As we were driving to and from work, wherever she was working.  I might have a migraine headache rather significantly at one point while we were driving and then as we would continue the headache would suddenly go away, and then might reappear.

So is the barometric pressure was changing in the city.  My sinuses and my left ear or rather my left inner ear reacted in such a way where I was having fluctuating migraines.  But other than that everything has been copacetic.  When I woke up just before started this Journal entry.  I could feel the remnants of the migraine that was sort of left over right stemming from almost the exact place where they did the occipital nerve block.  And that's fine.  Because it's nothing really serious.

But with the moisture being rather significant still in the Cleveland area and tell later this afternoon around three or 4 PM I'm probably not going to be venturing out much.  Which is fine.

I did have a slight nasal congestion on the left side of my nose or my left nostril.  But that is more.  Because of my nose having been broken, then anything else.  And generally, if I just stand up and walk around for a few minutes.  It clears right up.  Which it did.  And with a temperature being low well that means for one that the city won't be building much heat.  So that is a good thing because it means it will be more comfortable in the house.  So I will probably definitely take a shower tomorrow morning.  And then we will see exactly what happens with the air quality.  With the storm cell moving up over Toronto and the eastern edge moving from New York City up through Connecticut and down through Philadelphia I would say that Boston is probably the next target of the eastern edge of the storm.  Just watching the movement.

But the storm cell itself is spreading means that the core or the central portion of the storm is having some of its energy become more diffused and under those circumstances, I would say that, depending on the dynamics of the East Coast and what's going on with the winds that will depend on the intensity or will moderate the intensity one way or the other.  But personally I definitely feel a lot better.  My hands are not as swollen, although they still are a bit.  But that's rheumatoid arthritis that's just the way it is.

There are actually exercises you can do with your hands to decrease some of the side effects with your muscles and joints in your hands with rheumatoid arthritis.  Such as a squeeze ball.  And I actually have one of those right near where I'm sitting.  They are sort of like hand exercisers which improve your grip.  But at the same time they exercise your knuckles and your fingers so that it's a way of giving your joints a little bit of exercise without being, or having too much of a negative impact.


So my plan is that my alarm goes off at 4 AM.  With that wonderful sound of a girl laughing, which I enjoy greatly.  I still might go back to the girl shooting off a 357 magnum and then saying, holy shit.  Some reason I just sort of like that.  I mean, it's just absolutely one of the funniest android phone ringing tones or notification sounds I have ever heard.  And it's definitely an interesting way to wake up.  But see, I got that way from watching the movie, the nutty Prof., with Jerry Lewis.  Because in that movie.  He has a pocket watch.  And when he opens the pocket watch the pocket watch plays the halls of Montezuma at a really, really loud volume.  So loud that it actually makes the pocket watch vibrate so violently in his hand that at one point in the film.  It leaps out of his hand and falls into the aquarium right by where behind the Dean of the College where he is a teacher.

The very first time I saw that I thought to myself.  That's the kind of pocket watch.  I want.  And I saw that when I was much younger.  So all my life I have always gone for the bizarre.  I just enjoy that.  So I probably will go back to the girl shooting off the 357 Magnum gun and then saying, holy shit.  I was actually out one-time doing the shopping when I have that as an alarm sound and I was in a store at the time.  And when it went off the road like 10 people in the aisle where I was doing some shopping and when they heard that sound almost all of them immediately just started laughing.  This one lady near me actually put her hand on my shoulder and couldn't stop laughing, and almost had tears in her eyes and looked at me and said that she heart.  She had never heard anything so funny.  And I told her I said well I wanted to get something that would get my attention.

There's so much seriousness in this world that I really do enjoy having something that really will give me a laugh.  Besides knowing my life absolutely or after is important.

So tomorrow after my shower I will do the petitions which is always just lots and lots of fun.  Please excuse my sarcasm but it's the best I can do.  And that's where Aileen comes in.  She reminds me from the other side that while they outcomes are something that everybody seems to want to know it's really the process that gives us our humanity.  Because if you know the outcome before you attempt something you don't try as hard.  So outcomes are fine and are like the reward.  But it's the process that gives us our humanity and where we learn.

So I will do the petitions tomorrow morning.  And then if I'm lucky I will be able to enjoy myself and do some Pinterest.

But for now, my plan is to finish this cup of coffee and then I will probably do some more meditation.  As I said before, I have learned over the years, 30 different types of meditation some of which I actually learned with the assistance of the medical community, such as interactive, dreaming.  So when I need to go to sleep.  I use three or four different types of meditation before I finally actually use a special kind of meditation which moves me through two different chakras where I basically move back and forth between sleep and deep meditation.

When I have said earlier that I didn't really get that involved with Aileen's spell work that's true because, Aileen would use spell work to manipulate the energies on the property are in the house and I actually use various types of meditation or meditative concentration to do essentially the same thing.  I spent almost 12 years studying far Eastern religions and meditation.  So in addition to learning meditative techniques from Catholicism and Christianity and Judaism and the Muslim religions I also learned other meditative techniques from Native Americans.  And then different far Eastern religions such as Hinduism and Buddhism.

And in reality it's all been extremely useful in so many different ways.  Because transcendental meditation.  The classical form is really only one type of meditation out of perhaps almost 50 different types.  And of those 50 different types 30 or approximately 30 of them are functionally useful in daily life.  The other 20 have to do with rather specific things spiritually.  Some of which are almost what could be considered one way forms of meditation, where if you begin one of those other forms you actually might not come back.  And at some point, probably in the future, not too far off.  I will explain some of these techniques that I've learned.  And I didn't learn them from just someone walking down the street I actually spent as I said numbers of years reading and researching and actually training with Masters in these disciplines.

That's another part of my life that most people just don't know about.  Which is okay.  What people have seen of me in my life is mostly what they should have seen but not always.  What was really going on.  And that's not me being dishonest.  It's more my being discreet in what I have always considered to be a kind of polite way so as not to display aspects of my personality that might be too easily misunderstood or that might confuse people who either knew me at the time, or were in the proximity of where I was living.  So I generally kept those things quite private.  But there are those who actually have seen some of those techniques when I actually was using them.

So like I said, I will in the not too distant future begin talking about some of those techniques because they can be very, very useful in a very positive way in life.  Because there is just a huge amount of stuff that happens when you concentrate your energies of what you are in a meditative state.  There's just a lot of really positive things that happened or have the potential of happening.  And of course anyone who meditates at all.  Definitely understands the direction I'm going in.  As I write what I am here.  I mean, once you start doing traditional or what might be called classical transcendental meditation of one form or another.  It doesn't take long before you realize how huge and how significant the potential is of the energy that you are tapping into and also interacting with and even unleashing.  And I learned all these different types of meditation for most of the same reason.  I live with constant pain and my brain moves at a rather fast speed.  Sometimes it just doesn't want to slow down.  So there were a number of reasons why I learned these different types of meditation.  But mostly having to do with improving my mental concentration, minimizing pain controlling my heart rate and my breathing rate in order to have more control over my hypoglycemia.  Or improving the flow of energy.  Where I was living at the time.

And I still have every single one of the books and reference materials that I used all through the years to learn these things.  Plus, I still have the notes that I compiled when I was studying with some of these masters in these disciplines.  So I will share those things in the not-too-distant future.


I'm hearing thunder so it means that those storms that are just about at the Lakeshore of Lake Erie are still on the move.  And, Aileen and I are still negotiating.  But those of you who know Aileen will agree that it's better to let Aileen have her way than to try and convince her of something else.  Because when she sets her mind to something like I said, it's probably easier to tunnel through the entire planet using a toothpick that it is to direct Aileen in a direction that she has already determined not to go into.  Once she sets her mind on something like I said, it's just better to walk alongside of her.

That's why when I have just a little more coffee not really an entire cup just a little more.  As I said, I probably will do for different types of meditation and then go down to a certain level where I can have a little easier time moving through two or three chakras.  Because when I finally get down to a certain level.  That's generally what ends up happening.  There's so much going on that I might be at one level in one chakra and yet almost be directed.  Because of activity happening to where I just sort of shift to another level, which is also rather deep.  And seeing as how Aileen and I still in negotiation or negotiating that's probably a really good idea.  Because that's the other thing keeping up with Aileen is probably one of the more strenuous things I've done in my life.  And again, for those of you who know her, you know that she studied Buddhism for many years.  That's one of the things we had in common.  Of the many things.

Which is one of the positions she is taking in this negotiation or as we negotiate.  From where she is.  She sees a significance to this lady.  And because, Aileen can see the outcome at the same time that she can see the initiation well.  She sees the whole stream in a different perspective so to speak.  That's where the negotiating comes in.

Like I said, I should never have taught her how to get through the obstacles.  That's okay.  I had to let someone know, sometime it was good that she was the one who figured it out.  Most people don't.  But not Aileen.  Giving me lists from the other side.  That's just what I wanted.  I'm definitely going back to the girl shooting off the gun and saying holy shit.  That's just exactly what I need.

So that being said, I'm going to have repeated butter and jelly sandwich to bring my levels up a little bit.  And perhaps some cranberry juice, not any more coffee.  Because I think I'm just about where I need to be so.  A peanut butter and jelly sandwich with some cranberry juice will bring those levels just about where they should be.  And that will give me about five hours, which should give me until about 6 AM.  That's all I need.

Billable just had an accident in the living room so I will mop that up first.  And of course now he's very content and sleeping on the towel in the chair next to me billable and I really have interesting conversations don't make any mistake.  We certainly do.  And I also have a few calls to make tomorrow business calls.  So it's another busy day in the neighborhood.  But when you own a house and you are doing so alone as busy as you think you are when you have a partner and you are owning a home, you are twice as busy.  When you are doing it alone.

So that's about how things are right now.  I think what I'm going to do is watch flower drum song.  That's get some of the most amazing music.  It's one of the most beautiful stories as far as a musical that I think I have ever seen.  Nancy Kwan in that film is absolutely spectacular.  I mean, she's amazing.  If you have never seen the movie.  I highly recommend you do so.  Because it is absolutely unbelievable.  The music is just incredible.  And for the kind of meditation, I need to do tonight.  It's absolutely appropriate.

So that being said, onward and upward.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be

Sunday, July 27, 2014

The Circle Dance


8:11 PM, EDT:

Well.  The weather is getting very interesting outside.  There are alerts in Cleveland for tornadoes and there is a rainstorm moving over Lake Erie that just about looks like Thor's hammer.  I would want to be a duck sitting out on the lake right now for all of the money in the world.  And of course, with all of this great weather we are having right now, the particle pollution level in Cleveland is 55 and the ozone is 38.  So much for the weather.

Now to be very honest with everyone for anyone to really understand how it's possible for my darling, Aileen and I to communicate they would have to be using the problematic perspective regarding their logical view of the world.  Instead of being symptomatic.  If someone is symptomatic they are going to be more linear and flat minded or reactionary rather than pervasive than multidirectional and multi dimensional which is characteristic of the problematic perspective.  So in any event.  That being said, let's cut to the chase.

Nobody wins an argument with Aileen, unless they check their brains at the door.  I keep telling Aileen.  I do not want to know the outcome of anything.  And I keep telling her that I don't really need anyone in my life that I'm perfectly happy.  But like I said anyone who thinks they can win an argument with Aileen.  Please let me know.  Because I would definitely like to sell tickets to that event.

So it seems that my beloved on the other side of the veil is determined to continue to place this one lady who I met earlier.  As a result of those rather interesting metaphysical circumstances, who suddenly appeared at my door, in my proximity.  That's a good word.  Proximity.  That's about right.  Because she and I are still negotiating.  Meaning, Aileen and I.  We are still negotiating.  She is doing as I have asked and is not telling me any outcomes.  But like I said anyone who wants to argue with Aileen.  Please let me know.  Because even though we are negotiating.  When Aileen makes her mind up about something.  It's easier to dig a hole through the earth with a toothpick than trying to change her mind.  And because, Aileen is doing exactly what I asked and not telling me any outcomes as we are negotiating her response is generally along the lines of, there is more at work here.  Then I might be seeing.

You know some people who have spouses.  Husbands and wives or significant others.  And there partner moved to the other side of the veil.  They generally get sort of lucky.  They have sort of a nice relationship with their partner, either through memories or a picture or something else.  Not me.  My partner, my darling, Aileen moved to the other side of the veil, and what do I get?  She flies around the property owner broom.  And basically is just about all over the place on the other side of the veil.  It's beginning to make sense why she really wasn't so afraid of going over.  It's really beginning to make a lot of sense.  Of all the souls that would go over there and basically be quiet and just sort of have a good time, Aileen has to be the one that goes over there and raise a ruckus.

I'm really glad I'm still on this side.  I would want to be over there right now for all the tea in China.  Hell no.  Something I may not be seeing.  That's just like her.  That's exactly just like her.  Obviously, for those of you who understand what I'm talking about Aileen is not only hovering around me.  She evidently is taking this lady and her life path sort of under her wing.  Don't ask me.  Please.  I don't have a clue.  Because I don't want to know.  See, that's it.  I don't want to know the outcomes.  And because Aileen and I do have this kind of respect.  She is of course not telling me the outcome and as far as the process.  Well that's what we are negotiating.  I've asked her why this lady had a pain in her side on the left side of her body, whenever she went near either Aileen's rosebush or any of the crystals, Aileen buried on the property.  And of course, our darling, Aileen simply smiles and says nothing.

As I've told people before.  I am a Capricorn the oldest sign on the zodiac.  Aileen is a Gemini.  And I've told many people in my life over the last 20 years.  When you marry a Gemini you don't marry one person you marry 1000 people.  Because trust me, no matter how changeable you might think.  People are the most changeable sign on the zodiac is the Gemini.  So I just know things have to be really shaking and rocking on the other side of the veil.

So it seems, Aileen is determined one way or the other to have this lady become involved, to 1° or another on this road that I'm traveling.  Like I said, we are still negotiating.  But that's just one of the most interesting aspects of our life together.  People who know both of us know exactly what I'm talking about.  She was and is Scottish and Lakota or Sioux Indian.  I'm basically Irish and German.  So naturally in some ways we are like acid and water.  Which really makes things very interesting.  And people who know both of us have often said to me that it's a good thing I'm a Capricorn because other signs would've gone stark raving mad.  After a couple of years.  And then we all laugh.  Negotiating that's a good word.  That's about right.  When Aileen sets her mind to something negotiating with her is like putting a brick on the accelerator of your car and pointing it at a wall and then trying to calculate the probability of two bodies of mass occupying the same space at the same time.

I know where she's going with this.  That I do.  And I promise before I crossover that I will absolutely share with you some of our past encounters in previous lives.  If you thought your head could spin around before way to hear some of the stories.  Some of the things she and I discovered that will give you an entirely new definition of reality.

Negotiating proximity.  I can just see that the next four or five weeks are probably going to be absolutely and incredibly interesting in a number of different ways.  That's just great.  My life is twisted around and upside down enough.  One of the big things about Aileen is that she never wanted to be bored.  Anyone who knows or can rest very easily.  Because, believe me.  She's not bored not with what she's doing.  She's anything but board.  I mean to give you a clue I can tell you with absolute certainty that the meditations I'm going to be having probably over the next four or five weeks are going to be rather incredible.  And believe it or not.  She's here in the den and she's grinning.  She's not smiling.  She's grinning like the catfish who swallowed the canary.  Negotiating that's a good word.  Proximity.  That's about right.  See, Aileen knows me really well.  She knows that when I encounter anyone who has any kind of interest at all in me for whatever reason that the first thing I do is make it as difficult as possible for them to get close because that way if they get through all the obstacles I know they really want to be there.  Which is sort of important because I live with certain physical things that make me have to know for certain whether I can count on someone or not.  That's why the obstacles.  Because that way.  Most people end up thinking any one of a number of things positive or negative, and they usually just give up and we end up simply becoming sort of friends.

Then there are others like, Aileen.  And they get a certain distance through the obstacles and they don't give out.  They just get more determined.  Negotiating Yep.  That's a good word.  See what I'm getting is that Aileen is for some reason, which of course she's not going to tell me because it has to do with the outcomes is guiding this lady through the obstacles.  This will teach me.  This will teach me a lesson.  When you give someone a map on how to get through the obstacles you set up around yourself.  You have to remember that when you give them that map they might actually give it to someone else.  So that others can get through.  That's why negotiating is really a good word.

If you could see me, you would see me smiling.  And I'm shaking my head.  And I'm actually chuckling a little.  Because that's Aileen.  So for some reason she wants this lady in the proximity of the road I'm on.  Great.  My life is an complicated enough.  Part of me wonders how long Aileen had to look on the other side from where she is to find this one lady and then put her in my proximity.  For all I know, she was doing it before she died.  Again, those of you who know her know exactly what I'm talking about.  For those who don't.  Please remember.

Aileen is a genius absolutely and certifiably.  Also, she is telekinetic and clairvoyant.  She is a white witch extremely adept.  And as those of you who know her really well, she's got a lot of other really interesting talents.  So like I said, for all I know, she was doing this before she died.  And it was all laid out without me even realizing it.  That is also one of Aileen's talents.  And for those of you who are Wiccan who know her.  The answer is no.  She never did any spell work in order to draw me to her.  But in answer to your question there was probably a lot more going on at 7 PM on November 24, 1993, which is why she called at exactly the very second I was about to draw the knife across my throat.  That's my answer to you who are Wiccan who know her, very, very well.  And I can see you smiling.

So we thought she would be quiet.  We thought she would just simply relax because what?  That ain't going to happen.  Just the opposite.  Like I said, for all I know, she was working on this before she died.  That would just be exactly like her.  Now I'm beginning to know why she was smiling.  Meaning when she died she had this smile on her face.  And it wasn't just a smile of contentment.  There was something else.  And I've never mentioned that to anyone.  Not to any soul.  But I'm talking about it now.  There was something else in her smile.  Because everyone who came into the room, including the Dr. could feel her all through the room.  So here she is four years later, having a wonderful time writing her broom all over the property.  Yup, that's our Aileen.  Never go quietly into the room.  Not Aileen.  When she went into a room.  Believe me, everything stopped.  At least for a few seconds.

Negotiating this is great.  The coming solstice should be really interesting.  I can hardly wait.  So negotiating and proximity.  You know, I really feel like I'm just suddenly standing here watching all of this taking place.  Like she had this planned all along.  When I meditate tonight.  We are definitely going to talk.  I feel like Jack Nicholson in the movie, terms of endearment.  Where he comes to the motel when Shirley McClain is sitting on the steps of the upper level just absolutely overwhelmed with grief and sadness and seeing him.  She is so relieved.  And then as he's walking away, where they have agreed to see each other a short time in the future.  She says something very in gearing to him any terms and simply says, I almost made a clean getaway.

That statement seems really appropriate right now.  Well, it seems that my stumbling in the dark days are pretty much coming to a close.  See, like I said, some people who lose their spouses or their partners they get lucky.  They get to move on with their lives and just sort of basically relax, and things are sort of up and down and that sort of thing.  Not me.  I asked her three days before she died when she was giving me this huge long list of things she wanted me to do.  And as I was finishing the list I looked at her and I said, so this is like how it's going to be right?  And she said, what you mean?  And she grinned.  And I said, well, you on the other side continuing to give me lots of lists?  And she grinned and said, well sure.  If I can.  And she grinned and I said well now isn't that just the slice of my life.  And she said, grinning, you didn't think you were going to suddenly get out from underneath it.  Did you?  And she grinned.  And I said, sweetie listen, wouldn't it be easier just to sort of like have me step out in front of traffic?  And grinning, she said, well sure.  But it wouldn't be as much fun.  And she grinned.  And I looked at her and I said, you know, Aileen, that's great.  Well, like I said you're not going far year just going home and who needs a telephone?  And she laughed.

So that's pretty much where it's at.  My cute little Aileen my darling, Aileen on the other side of the veil raising a ruckus probably making enough noise so that the planets are vibrating.  Like I said I'm glad I'm on this side.  Negotiating like I said, that's a good word that just about fits.  And proximity.  See, that's the other good word.  Because that's exactly what's happening.  I should've never shown her how to get through the obstacles.  I never did do that with anyone before.  None of them ever figured it out.  Anyhow.  But not Aileen.  She not only figured it out she made a map.  That's just great.

So tonight I'm probably going to watch something science fiction that seems just about right.  Of course, if I had a copy of the movie, I married a witch with Veronica Lake, that would be probably absolutely perfect.  But I don't have a copy of that and that's quite okay.  I don't need one.  I'm living the movie.  Like I said, for all I know my birth mother is helping her.  And from what I've learned about my birth mother.  That would probably be just about her speed.  I mean, there is some people think they have me all figured out boy delay don't have a clue.  You all who know Aileen and know me, you understand.  Those of you who are learning about me from reading my Journal and beginning to know, Aileen, you probably have a real good idea of what's going on.

See part of the work, Aileen and I did together was that because of my peculiar abilities.  I never really needed to get involved with spell work.  Because if I wanted to do something it's not really that difficult.  Because I came in through a different direction.  Ending up at about the same place.  Just from a different direction.  Definitely I am going to watch a science-fiction movie as I go to sleep and will do more of an etheric meditation.  I mean, with Aileen being as active as she is.  There's just no point in doing astral meditation.  That's just not going to work.  Etheric is definitely more appropriate.  So a science-fiction movie.  And definitely a cup of milk to put the sugar level where it should be.  Because for those who don't know.  Etheric meditation actually is a higher level of meditation, then astral meditation and it also uses a different kind of physical energy.  Because it comes from, of course, a different chakra.  But with what Aileen is carrying on with right now astral is definitely not where I want to be.

I realize that the abstractions in this Journal entry are probably going to be incredibly strenuous for some people to grasp, much less believed in or even give credence to.  That's okay.  Like I said those who know Aileen will understand those who know Aileen and I or Aileen at me rather will definitely understand and all of our Wiccan friends as I said, I can see you smiling.  If you're like me are probably laughing a little too.  Obviously, now that she has her cello back.  She's expanding her interests.  And we thought she was difficult to control of this side of the veil.  Sure.  Like I said I'm glad I'm on this side.  Because I just can't imagine how it's got to be on the other side.  Because it's probably a rocking and a rolling.

Well to those who are having a hard time understanding this Journal entry or making any sense out of it.  My suggestion is after you have read the entire Journal entry wait for about one or two days and then read it again.  You'll be amazed at how much more sense it makes.

So the only reason I did not get to do Pinterest was because I was engaged in shifting some files here on my computer that took me a long time and in the middle of that, of course there were a few of these other things going on.

So it comes down to either a journey to the center of the earth with James Mason or a Midsummer's night dream.  Of course, Aileen was heavily Shakespearean so she probably wants me to watch that.  But judging from the standpoint that I'm on this side of the veil trying to make sense out of all this.  I will probably watch journey to the center of the earth.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be.

Deep Breathing


1:57 PM, EDT:

Well it's been a really remarkable day so far.  For one discovering that the audio update to the Sigma tell audio for my sister was actually inappropriate and causing problems not only for the playback but for the recording as well.  Was really one of the best things I've done for my system in a long time.  It also makes the speech program work.  At least 70% more effectively.  So that has been a really good thing.  Plus, with the update.  One of the things that was happening was that I wasn't able to talk in a more normal volume.  Because I had to increase my volume because the microphone just was not hearing my pronunciations as clearly.  So that's really just amazing.  I never really did put much faith in these third-party driver update programs.  I mean they are okay for some things but for some reason, with the programming I have in my system.  They have just never really worked very well.  So I don't want to say that they are no good because that's not true.  But in my case they just have not been effective at all.

And the other thing that is absolutely incredible is that since I have not been outside during any kind of elevated pollution without a breathing mask I have had not one single bit of sinusitis reaction in any way.  Yet I know that when I put that mask on my go outside like during this week to either maintain the front and backyard or go shopping that people are just going to thing almost anything.  Some will think I have something contagious, which is not true and others really won't get it.  The people who are actually are closer to me, who have in their own lives various types of health issues will definitely understand.  Because it's absolutely making sense.

A little history.  When I moved to Boston in 1975.  I did initially when I moved to Boston actually get a really persistent bronchial infection.  It took me almost 5 months to get rid of the coughing the high fevers.  It was like a continual bronchial infection that I just could not get rid of.  So where I said before that I didn't have any problem living in Boston that's not true.  Because I actually did have this bronchial infection when I first moved there.  It took almost 6 months to get rid of.  Once I did.  Then I was fine.  But what's remarkable is that in Houston.  And then in Denver, even when I was going to college in Durango I never had any kind of sinusitis reaction.  And I never had one.  When I was going to school in Tucson.

I do remember, however, the first year I went to school at Fort Lewis college in Durango, Colorado I had a bronchial infection, which was the very first time I actually had something this severe that lasted for about five weeks, and it was almost like walking pneumonia.  But as I recall it was actually as a result, more of my being fooled by the air in Colorado where I did not keep my chest as warm as it needed to be.  It was actually the first year.  I learned about how easy it is for my left lung with the bottom 25% being collapsed to actually become chilled to the point where condensation can actually take place inside the lung.  Because that's what happened.  And once I find me.  Got through that.  I never had any more problems.  As long as I kept my chest wrapped.  And that sounds a little strange.  But all it means is having a couple of extra layers around my chest where my lungs are so that my left lung never gets chilled.

So, other than those couple of times when I lived in Durango or Denver or Tucson or Houston I never had a problem.  And it was in Denver that I did actually walk for a solid year 8 miles to work and then 8 miles back from work where I was walking at sometimes in the early morning hours were the standing temperature was just about I think if I remember correctly was almost 40° below zero.  And so would the wind it of course was a lot colder.  And yet because I were the proper clothing.  I never had any problem.

Then when I came back to Cleveland in 1984.  Within two weeks.  I had such a severe sinusitis and inner ear reaction that I could barely stand up.  The doctors at that time concluded after almost 10 days of testing that it was an acute sensitivity or an acute sinusitis sensitivity to the pollution in Cleveland.  But it wasn't until this last week when I had gone out shopping.  Where I was really walking with 75 pounds on my back, which was incredibly strenuous and I was doing so when the pollution levels were elevated, even though I did not know that.  It was after I got home that I not only noticed that caring 75 pounds on my back is just not going to work anymore because of my bones in my collar bones.  But because I was exerting myself so extremely while the pollution levels were elevated as my Journal shows I was sick for almost 5 days.  But never anywhere except with my hearing slightly and my balance slightly and a rather extreme sinusitis reaction.

So there's just no way.  However ridiculous I'm going to look that I can go outside to do almost any when the particle pollution levels are elevated.  Because if I do.  I'm going to have a sinusitis reaction that will in one way or another affect my inner ear.  And as my Journal entries explain everything that I've said about how I think this took place actually makes sense.  Then in 1962 when my face on the right side was rebuilt.  Because of the attack that took place in 1962.  The right side of my face got impetigo.  And that the infection actually later.  Even though it was cured caused the right side of my face to experience and come down with neuralgia in 1966 when I first got Tucson.  And at that point they gave me an acceptable nerve block.  Which is where they take a long needle of Novocain, and they literally put it into the lower back right portion of my brain so it goes in to that little hollow space on the back of your head right above your collar bones.  And they shoot the Novocain in their which basically kills the occipital nerve, which is fundamental in someone having neuralgia.  And that nerve block was supposed to last 20 years, which it did.  So that in 1984.  It was no longer effective.  And when I came back to Cleveland.  The combination of the impetigo and the neuralgia caused me to have an be susceptible to severe sinusitis, whereby one of the results is that my inner ear on the right side of my head was affected.  All because of an acute sensitivity to the pollution levels in Cleveland.

See you there is no real medical data for the medical community to use in either being able to analyze why or understanding how or even the different types of reactions my body is going to have at this age.  Because the reality is, I wasn't even supposed to live through the operation.  And I certainly wasn't expected to live this long.  Furthermore, what they did to me in 68.  Basically, is hardly ever done anymore.  I mean that doesn't mean it's not done it just means it is not done in the same way it was done to me.  But part of that is understandable.  Because in 1968.  I had a 78° lateral right shift in my thoracic section of my spine where I was not only a full hunchback but 75% of both of my lungs were completely collapsed and continuing to collapse where the consensus by Dr. Charles Herndon and the other surgeons who were working on me or going to perform the operation was that if I didn't have the operation.  I would not live beyond Christmas of 1968.  So my life literally depended on me having that operation.

So here I am 46 years later.  And where people with various types of normalized or more normal types of illnesses might have more normal physiological reactions.  I don't.  Because there are people that I see in the neighborhood right now outside and they are almost completely unaffected by the level of particle pollution.  That's in the air right now and the particle pollution level right now is at 82.  Yet I know if I go outside and I don't wear a breathing mask that when I come back in.  Meaning into the house I'm definitely going to have a reaction.  And I have to tell you, if you think that doesn't make me feel stupid.  Then you just don't know me at all.  But it also makes me have a lot more piece of mine in my own head because I'm suddenly understanding why for the last 30 years since I've lived in Cleveland.  I have felt so crummy so often.  At least as far as having migraines and breathing issues regarding my sinuses.

Aileen was a genius that is an absolute fact.  And Dr. Gottesman believe me, is either a genius or one of the smartest people in the medical field.  I've ever known since perhaps Dr. Herndon.  So I'm sort of surprised that neither one of them figured this out.  It's probably because I didn't put the pieces together myself until I was right in the throes of it.  This last week.  Plus, having this application from the American lung Association is absolutely the best thing I have done with my phone in a long time.  Because it's really showing me how these little peculiarities I've had with my body over the years are far more susceptible and sensitive to the environment here in Cleveland.  Then I have never realized before.

So I know when I go out to do the yard this week or when I go shopping.  People are just going to think just about anything in the world.  But perhaps not.  I mean in the area where I live there are just so many people who have so many different.  And really peculiar health problems that it's just amazing.  Young mothers with their children, where the children have just unbelievable and very specific health issues where you are just amazed that the child is even becoming healthy at all, but they are.  Then there's others who I know who are sort of good friends and in some cases they are battling life-threatening illnesses or diseases and doing so holistically.  Because the stuff that the medical community has come up with just doesn't work.

But it really is amazing.  I have not had any sinusitis reaction in any way since I have not gone outside without wearing a breathing mask during any of the times when the air outside had an elevated particle pollution level.  See, there was a theory in 1984 that one of the reasons I was having reoccurring migraines.  Because of changing barometric pressure was because of the accident where I had been hit in the head with that wood ax.  And there were three doctors actually involved in the only thought that was the reason for the migraines.  Because they weren't sure.  But now as I've pieced together these other elements.  It's becoming absolutely clear.  The migraines are actually coming from the sinusitis reaction where the sinusitis is actually affecting my left inner ear and aggravating or involving the occipital nerve, which was blocked when I first had neuralgia.  But that nerve block, of course, is no longer effective.  So the pollution now affects me with sinusitis that is so severe that it then affects my right inner ear to the point where it then affects the occipital nerve, whereby one of the major results is I have a migraine.  And it's not just the barometric pressure.  It's also the particle pollution level of the air.

Because the other element in all of this is that in 1970.  After in 1969 when I competed in the state swimming meet in 1970 I was training for long distance running for the long distance running state meet.  And it was also the same year.  I began smoking but as I said, all the other kids were smoking cigarettes and so I thought why not.  But it only took me two weeks to realize that cigarette tobacco and I just did not get along.  So on one of the town trips I want to a tobacco store in downtown Tucson, which is where this tobacconist showed me the very first tobacco pipe I ever smoked and as soon as I went from cigarette tobacco to pipe tobacco.  I never had a problem.  And what's incredible is that I was smoking a pipe in high school while I was at the same time training for the long distance cross-country in the spring of 1970.  Which almost sort of explains why today at age 63.  My pulmonary function is approximately 96% even with the lower 25% of my left lung still collapsed as a result of my spine.  Still being curved or twisted to the right approximately 35°

So the real enemy or the real adversary to me in all of this has actually been the pollution.  And this rather peculiar and possibly singular or rather singular reaction or sinusitis sensitivity reaction to the pollution.  Which definitely means that as I'm walking to the store where I'm walking right by all these cars going back and forth.  But I definitely have to wear that breathing mask because I'm walking right by all of their tailpipes.  And that's definitely a lot of pollution to be breathing in.

And the reason I get so vehement about this is because my reactions are nothing more than problematic.  That's it.  They are problematic.  They are not life-threatening.  And I can't help but feel that if these reactions I'm having are problematic I can imagine what people who have actual serious breathing problems with their lungs are going through or experiencing with the level of pollution not only in Cleveland, but in other places as well.  That just boggles my mind.  And it makes me really angry at the behavior of the wealthy and the large corporations and the politicians regardless what party they are from when they act in any kind of a cavalier manner about the level of pollution in the air.  Because the police and the firefighters and the EMS professionals are out there breathing this stuff all the time.  And while these are really tremendously athletic am physically fit men and women that still doesn't mean that they are impervious to the pollution.  Just like millions of our amazing and wonderful men and women in the military or who are now veterans and their children and their families.  That's what makes me angry.  Because I just don't think these people deserve that.

It's like I've said before, I read these petitions every now and then, regarding overbearing or police brutality and I know it's true that there are police who can in fact possibly be heavily over handed and I know there is a real strong degree of racism throughout the United States.  I have definitely experienced that in my life.  And yet at the same time I have to say that in every single city I have ever lived.  Whether it was Boston, Houston, Texas, or Durango, or Denver or Tucson.  The police have always been my greatest friends and actually, my greatest protectors.  And I'm not sure why.  They just have.  I've been in some really tough situations and it was always a police officer, a man or woman, regardless of what race or ethnicity.  It was always one of them who was right there.  They were always some of the kindest people, at least to me that I ever met.

So I've always had this real strong respect and admiration for the police, our firefighters, the people who are EMS professionals and especially our men and women in the military.  Because I actually tried to get into the military after I got out of the hospital in 1969.  I actually tried three times of course I was refused because of my spine.  I wanted to go in as a medic because of course I'm a pacifist.  And I'm like a lot of other Americans.  I lost a lot of friends in the Vietnam War.  I lost friends.  When I was younger, who had died in the Korean War.  Although I was very young but I also knew people from World War II were very close friends who had been severely wounded in World War II, but I lost a lot of friends in the Vietnam War.  And I also met a lot of returning veterans from Vietnam where they told me stories that to this very day.  Believe me, completely and totally impressed in every way with what they went through.

So my feeling.  Freeze public servants and our men and women in the military in my admiration and my respect for them as part of why I get angry because I don't think it's fair.  I don't think it's fair for them to have to be exposed to pollution.  Just because the wealthy and big business and politicians don't have the intestinal fortitude or the personal courage to step up to the plate and deal with the pollution that is getting worse all the time.  I just don't think that's fair.  In my neighborhood.  Like I said, we have a lot of veterans.  We have veterans from Desert Storm.  We have veterans from the Iraq war.  We have veterans from Vietnam.  We have were heroes in this neighborhood.  We have firefighters who live in this neighborhood and police officers.  We have a few EMS professionals who live in this neighborhood.  And we have a lot of nurses who live in this neighborhood.  And I don't think it's fair.  I just don't think it's fair that day and their children should have to breathe air that is dirty.  Just because the wealthy and big corporations and the politicians are more interested in money than they are in public safety or public health.

That's why get angry.  Not because of myself, but because of these other people.  I just don't think they should have to be subjected to that kind of behavior by our work politicians or big business or the wealthy.  And from talking to some of the people I know who actually have health issues that I see in the neighborhood.  They are extremely aware of these pollution numbers, which I only began to measure over the last 10 days, but these other people have always been aware of them because they have issues where their life depends on knowing those numbers.  I never thought of myself as being one of those people.  But now it appears I am.

That's why I get angry.  I know we can do better.  I know we as Americans and as humans in this world can really do a lot better.  I just know we can.  And for us to choose not to, at least in my mind just doesn't make any sense.  It doesn't make any sense.  Because by not doing better.  We are actually creating our own problems.  Just like with putting GMOs into the food.  Just like putting all these antibiotics into the food doing that has actually caused the medical condition or the medical situation, whereby we now have various diseases that are antibiotic resistant.  And I know that's true because I read the articles saying exactly that.  So we are causing our own problems.  In effect.  That's exactly what were doing.

The clouds here in Cleveland are coming overcast and as I look at one of the widgets on my android phone.  I can see, there is rain moving into the Cleveland area again.  Which is interesting because just a few moments ago I looked at the pollution level, which I'm doing right now and the particle pollution level is at 80 the ozone is at 43.  Yet when I look at the cameras of the front of my house.  I can see clouds forming, or at least moving this way.  So rain is imminent.  And yet the particle pollution level is at 80.  Which is only 20 points below the orange or unhealthy level.  Well, the oranges actually unhealthy for sensitive groups.  PLO is moderately unhealthy the oranges unhealthy for sensitive groups.  The red is unhealthy, then there is purple, which is 201 200 and that is very unhealthy.  And then from 301 to 500 is a very dark red and that is called hazardous.

So with rain moving into the area.  The pollution level in Cleveland is still at 80.  And I can see lots of people outside just enjoying themselves.  I can't do that.  That makes me feel so stupid.  But it explains so much in the way of physical discomfort that I've had over the last 30 years.  But it does make me feel really dumb.  I never thought I would be that sensitive to the junk in the air.  I've been so athletic all my life.  I really have.  I still am.  And the pollution really does not affect my lungs anywhere near as much as it affects my right inner ear and my sinuses.  And the two together that swear of the migraines come from.  I mean, if Aileen were alive right now she would just be sitting back in her chair and smiling.  And I can almost feel are doing that around me.  Because she was literally absolutely a genius that is more them documented and has been all of her life.  She was literally in every way a genius.  So I know exactly what she would say.

Always thought I talked a lot.  But, Aileen definitely talks more than I ever did.  But in this situation, all she would say would be is, now that makes perfect sense.

That's all she would say.  And then she'd smile.  Because it does.  And she wouldn't be like me thinking how dumb it is that we did not realize this before because she wasn't like that she would be grateful that we figured it out.  I am the one that feels dumb that I didn't figure this out sooner.  But now I have figured it out and that means my life will change.  Whether I like it or not.  My life has to change.  Because at my age.  It's just not a good idea to screw around with things like the inner ear.  That's not a good idea.  You might be able to get away with it.  When year, 40 or perhaps maybe in your early 50s at the very latest.  But when you get older you just don't want to screw around with your balance or your orientation that's just probably the worst thing you can do.  Because then you're talking about stuff that goes on inside the brain, not just the physical aspects of your body.

So my life will definitely change.  Whether I like it or not.  And if Aileen were sitting here in the room and for all I know she's doing that right now at this point she and I would look at each other and laugh and say, that'll teach us.  Meaning, that'll teach us to be so arrogant thinking we've got all the answers.  Because when you least expect it.  Life has a way of taking everything you know and making it look like a really badly written comic book.

So it looks like these little breathing masks and I are going to become really good friends.  That's great people of think I'm infected with something.  Some will think I'm faking some won't even get it.  But it's not a joke.  Everything I went through over the last 14 days and everything I've seen since I've started using this android application completely proves it.  It explains everything.  Now, my father, he would be interesting.  Because if he were here in the room.  He would simply say something like, that's incredible.  That's exactly what he would say.  Because he always had.  Very definitive ideas regarding man's relationship to the world.

For example, in his words.  He always believed in a supreme intelligence.  Sometimes he would call it a supreme being.  But mostly he called it a supreme intelligence.  So if you were sitting here today and would have read the last several Journal entries, including this one.  His reaction would simply be, that's incredible.  But he would nod.  And with doing that he would be admitting in his own mind that it actually makes perfect sense.

C while he was never able to outwardly tell me that he respected my opinion, or my knowledge he would show me signs that inwardly he did.

Of course all this.  Like I said changes everything.  It changes the way I'm going to have to live.  Like I said, first of all, walking along the street and there's two different streets I take going to the store where there are lots and lots of traffic so I will definitely have to wear the mask at that time.  No matter what.  Because I'm walking almost at the same level of the tailpipes of the cars.  So I definitely am going to have to be wearing the mask.  There's just no getting around it.  It also means that if I don't get the weatherization done on the home or if it's not approved by the city that I'm going to have to keep the fan in the air conditioner going during the winter.  Which, Aileen and I did periodically just to keep the air a little fresher.  And if I'm right.  These pollution levels are going to stay consistent almost throughout the entire winter.  Meaning year-round that they will be fluctuating just like they are now with more days being in the yellow range than in the green range.  That's my gut feeling.

Now to some of the people who have lived in this area longer than I have their gut feeling is that this winter is going to be brutal for the city of Cleveland.  That we are going to have one hell of a hard winter.  My gut feeling from the years I've lived in Cleveland consistently since 1984 is that this winter will definitely be a bit more severe than last winter.  But that's just almost my instincts.  The people who have lived here longer in my neighborhood longer than I have are totally convinced from what they I guess instinctively feel that this winter is just going to be brutal.  If that's true.  It's not really a big deal.  I mean, I'm walking so it's not really a big deal.  The shopping cart I have will go through the snow.  Just like it will go on pavement.  And I will do what everyone else does in their life.  You just keep going.

But definitely the breathing mask is going to be a new piece of equipment, whether I like it or not.  Truly a kind of pivotal life-changing moment.

I've actually been resting a lot today and doing some meditation, reading the news, which most of which is bad not really a lot of good news in the world anymore.  And I've been playing solitaire and watching movies.  Getting older is definitely one of the most interesting times of my entire life.  It's definitely the most challenging and absolutely the most interesting.  Like hell that hernia belt when I was wearing it while I was sitting down actually caused a similar pain on the front of my body just above my growing to the pain I was having when I was wearing my Steindler back brace in 1968.  Prior to the operation, which then triggered those hidden nightmares, which I can't remember.  And yet as a result of those hidden nightmares when I was doing that Journal entry that one single memory that I'd forgotten for almost 46 years since it happened where I actually dated this one nurse who was removing dead skin from underneath my cast over my incision on my back.  Because the dead skin was causing so much pain as it was rubbing up and down against my incision.  I had forgotten that memory and I can't remember hardly anything else about it.  It's just one single memory.  And I know we dated and the only other memory I have associated with this nurse other than her removing the skin from underneath my cast over my incision was a memory where we were standing outside of her car somewhere and it was night and that's all I remember I don't remember what we said, I don't remember anything else.

I don't even remember her name.  I remember her face.  And I don't even remember how it felt having her hands inside the upper portion of my cast removing the dead skin from my back.  But I do remember in April 1969.  I remember four different nurses all around me with me lying on my back and it taking them almost 2 hours to remove the dead skin from my body, which was almost 3 inches thick.  And it's all I remember.

And Dr. Gottesman and I have already talked about how when one of these countries comes to the surface.  The last thing I should do is to try and push to find out or to pull anymore forward.  We have decided that one one of these memories come to the surface I should simply deal with that memory and then just back off.  Which is exactly what I've done.  He and I and Aileen all talked about this and we just don't think and Dr. Gottesman, of course, being the Dr. totally agrees that it's definitely not a good idea to force anything to come forward.  That these things are hidden for some very real reason.

But that's incredible.  I had forgotten that one single memory of this nurse almost sense the very time it happened.  And I never talked about it with anyone, not even Aileen.  Because I hadn't remembered it at the time.  And I don't even remember anything.  As to my parents reaction.  Although the emotional feeling I get is that the reaction was decidedly negative.  But that's just an emotional feeling.  Because I can't remember any it's just a blank.

So that's why you who are reading this Journal should at the very least feel sort of flattered because I'm sharing a memory that I have never shared with any other human being since it happened here in my Journal.  But then that's what this is.  It's my Journal.  The third principle is probably the most important of the three principles because it goes way beyond playing the truth game.  The third principle is where I'm completely honest, no games, no shadowboxing just the truth.

So anyhow, that's about how life is right now.  And I think because I'm actually feeling fairly good right now that I will probably have a little something to eat.  And maybe do a little Pinterest, while I'm watching TV.  And whether I like it or not I'm going to have to use my speech program because with the weather I like millions and millions of other people who have rheumatoid arthritis my hands are fairly swollen.  So using the mouse is just not a good idea.

Frankie is on the carpet right by my chair.  Looking at me like he expects me to give him a can of wet cat food.  But that's not going to happen.  Because they are not supposed to get a can of wet food until tomorrow.  Sometimes when he looks at me this way.  I look back and tell him, get used to disappointment.

I undoubtedly will write later.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be.

Air Quality

12:31pm, EDT:

For the Cleveland, Akron, Lorain, Ohio area, the particle pollution ia 82. And the ozone is 41.

So the particle pollution is coming down while the ozone level is increasing. However,  the particle pollution level is still in the yellow, or the moderate range. Meaning that people who have lung or heart disease, and older adults and children should cut back or reschedule outdoor activities.

Sending good energy a.d high hopes for happiness, good health and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be.

Air Quality


12 PM, EDT:

For the Cleveland, Akron, Lorain, Ohio area.  The current level of particle pollution has now dropped down to 98 and the ozone is at 36.  The temperature currently is 83°.

So the particle pollution is no longer in the category read or unhealthy for everyone range.  It is now in the category yellow, which is the moderately unhealthy range which is from level 51 to 100.  The notes regarding this category are, older adults children or persons with heart or lung disease or diabetes should cut back or reschedule outdoor activities.

So the moderately unhealthy particle pollution category is still classified as unhealthy for people with heart disease or lung disease or diabetes and for older adults and of course children.

As I've said, as long as the particle pollution levels for the Cleveland, Akron, Lorain, Ohio area remain in the moderate or above categories for particle pollution I will be doing multiple air-quality reports during the day.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be.

Air Quality


10:51 AM, EDT:

For the Cleveland, Akron, Lorain, Ohio area, the particle pollution is now 127 and the ozone level is 34.  The temperature is currently 81°.

So the pollution in the Cleveland, Akron, Lorain, Ohio area is now in the red which means it is unhealthy and the statement is very clear.  Avoid extended activity outdoors if you have lung or heart disease or diabetes or are an older person.  Meaning, in older adult or are under age 18 and others.  Everyone else should cut cut back or reschedule strenuous outdoor activities.

The air is poisonous, ladies and gentlemen.  And when you analyze the content of the pollution you will find that hardly any of it comes from cigarettes that most of it comes from automobiles from factories from smokestacks.

So to matter what anyone tells you, these are the numbers.  This is one of the reasons why the Christian conservative movement of the United States, especially the extremists of the Christian conservatives do not want the EPA to exist.  He goes they do not want people to know how dirty the air is because they believe in killing they believe in murder.  They support killing they support murder that's exactly what the Republican Party and the tea party stand for.  They support murder and killing and we know that's true because all you have to do is look at their voting record and every time any kind of legislation has come forward that would reduce the pollution the Republican Party has fought against that legislation.  Because murder to them is nothing more than a means for them to get more money.

They will lie to you, ladies and gentlemen.  They will tell you they are good Christians, when in reality they are supporting murder.  They are supporting killing and murder, which is why they support everyone having guns.  Which is why they support all kinds of war, which is why they spend or legislate to spend most of the taxpayer money on war and munitions rather than on protecting the health of American citizens.  I've already said what I've explained in other Journal entries.  These are just the numbers.  If you want to go outside and experience that kind of pollution.  That's up to you.  The Republican Party and the tea party will stop at nothing to get the money they want.  There is no difference between them and a cold-blooded killer holding a gun on you in a dark alley no difference whatsoever.  Both want your money both what would you have both will kill you to get what they want.

And as I said before, if my grandfather, who ran the entire Republican Party for northern Ohio in the 1920s and his contemporaries were alive today, they would clean house and none of these Republican monsters of the tea party monsters and the liars they are would be in Congress.  They would not be allowed to steal our tax dollars in order to demonstrate their hatred for us.

You don't have to believe me when you look at these numbers look at the numbers yourselves.  And then ask yourselves what is the reasoning behind any Christian or any Catholic or any member of the Republican Party or tea party for wanting to dismantle the EPA when the EPA does nothing more than try to protect our safety and our health?

As I said before, this is an about me.  I dare any of these Republicans or tea party members to bring a gun to my home.  Because if they do.  I will run at that gun because I will die defending the Constitution of these United States.  I will die defending liberty and freedom for all Americans and not just those who have lots of money or who own big companies or who are white and Christian.  America is a free nation.  It was created as a free nation, not as a Christian nation.  But a free nation.  It was meant to be free for everyone, not just the wealthy not the big businesses and not just white Christians.  Every document that is historically linked to the founding of this country shows very clearly that this is so.

So for the sake of your families and the sake of your children.  I strongly suggest that if you go outside today you either wear a breathing mask or some breathing apparatus, or you don't go outside at all if you are living in an area where the pollution is the level it is in the Cleveland, Akron, Lorain, Ohio area.  If pollution is this bad not go outside without some kind of breathing protection.

I don't hate Republicans.  My grandfather was one.  It's the behavior the anti-American behavior the attempts by the right wing Christian extremists of these United States to subvert the Constitution to practice seditious or to promote seditious behavior against the Constitution against the freedoms and liberties upon which this nation was founded.  If what I'm saying is not true, then why is it that the right wing Christian extremists of these United States continued to mandate through the American Baptist Congress that women should be beaten into submission?  If what I'm saying is not true, then why have the numbers of domestic violence abuse cases against women not decreased why have those numbers not gone down and why has the Republican Party and the tea party fought against every single bit of legislation that would protect women?  If what I'm saying is not true, then why did Hobby lobby happen?

It's not about me, ladies and gentlemen.  Like I said.  I am a defender of the Constitution, even though I am a pacifist.  I am prepared to die in defense of the Constitution and do so gladly.  And if the Republican Party or any member of the right wing Christian extremists who are nothing but terrorists in this country.  If they want to test that I invite them to bring a gun to my home and I will run at that gun.  I will make sure they don't miss because I can't think of any better way at my age of dying.  Then dying defending the Constitution of these United States and protecting liberty and freedom for all Americans, not just those with lots of money or who own big businesses or who are white and Christian.

Protect yourselves.  If you are living in an area where the pollution members are this high or higher or even in the moderately unhealthy range protect yourselves protect your children.  Because you cannot trust the right wing Christian extremists to protect you.  You can't trust the NRA to protect you.  You cannot trust the Republican Party or the tea party members to protect you.  Because they are lying to you.  They are liars.  And if you don't believe me look at their voting record because they can lie.  All they want on the TV and on the radio, but they can't lie about how they voted in Congress.  They can't lie about what they actually did.

As long as the numbers regarding particle pollution are in the moderately unhealthy or above ranges I will continue doing multiple pollution reports for air quality reports during the day.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be

Air Quality


8:32 AM, EDT:

For the Cleveland, Akron, Lorain, Ohio area.  The current particle pollution is now 131 and the ozone is at 31.  The temperature is 73°.  And the humidity is 91%, with the dewpoint of 70°.

And once again the reading of 131 for a particle pollution means that it is in the unhealthy range of air quality and the explanation of that range is.

Avoid extended activity outdoors if you have lung or heart disease or diabetes or are an older adult or under age 18 and others.  Everyone else should cut back or reschedule strenuous outdoor activities.

I sincerely hope that people who are really in jeopardy with this kind of air quality, whether they read my Journal or not will hear of this reading or this air quality here in Cleveland.  If they live in this area I hope they will hear of it.  I hope they will be protected because this is not safe.

Again, this is not about me.  I don't have breathing problems.  I never have.  What I do have is an acute sensitivity, meaning an acute sinusitis reaction to pollution, whereby as a result, not only are my sinuses affected.  But my inner ear is also affected.  That's what I have.  And this kind of weather can make me extremely sick just on that basis alone.  It is not about my breathing.  This air quality report and all the reports I am doing are on the basis of our veterans.  Our police officers, firefighters, EMS professionals and our doctors and nurses people who are working outside working families, their children.  In my neighborhood.  We have a lot of veterans.  We have a lot of war heroes in my neighborhood veterans who got medals for their bravery for standing up in defense of all of us and some of them have breathing problems.  They don't deserve to have to breathe this dirty air neither do their children and there are a lot of amazingly wonderful police officers in this neighborhood and firefighters people who work at hospitals.  They have children.  They don't deserve to breathe this kind of dirty air.

If these reports will do anything I prayed to God that they will in fact raise the consciousness of anyone who is reading these reports so that all of us will be more aware.  Suffocation is no way to die.  It's just no way to die.

As long as the readings in the Cleveland, Akron and Lorain, Ohio area continue to be either in the moderately unhealthy or above areas of air pollution I will be making subsequent reports during the day, either from my desktop computer or from my android phone.  Be assured I will not be going outside without my breathing mask.

I have no problem dying in defense of the Constitution dying in defense of are very brave and courageous veterans and their children and their families.  Or are police officers and firefighters, or EMS professionals or so many of the wonderful working-class people in this country.  I have no problem dying in defense of the Constitution, but I'm not going to go out and allow the Republican Party and the tea party to sit back and laugh at us while they make our air dirty and unfit to breathe.

I also hope that any of the TV stations who may in fact be monitoring my Journal entries that they will take more seriously their responsibility as good neighbors to the people in this area to warn the people in this area don't open your windows don't go outside the air is just not safe to breathe.

It's not so hard to be honest.  It's hard to make the decision to be honest.  But once you've made that decision being honest is not really that hard.  And when you think about the ramifications of someone going outside and breathing this air and then suddenly having a heart attack.  Whether it is a young adolescent at football practice.  Whether it's a mother and father would their children in a family gathering.  It doesn't matter when someone drops dead the world stops for everyone involved.

It doesn't have to happen.  We are better than this.  We have to be better than we are.  We have to do better.  Our children don't deserve this.  Why is that so hard.  Why is it so hard to give our children something better?

Watching Aileen die changed everything inside of me.  I was determined when I got out of the Ward in 1968 to do everything I could to save any life that I found in trouble.  So that's what I did with my life.  Regardless of the ridicule, regardless of how others made small of me and laughed at me and call me stupid.  That's what I did with my life.  Watching Aileen die.  That just made me even more determined made me more dedicated to doing everything I could that if I knew a life was in trouble if there was any way I could assist or be helpful in saving that life that's what I will do.

Nobody watches someone they love die of cancer and then remains unchanged.  Not unless they have the soul made of stone.

For the sake of your children for the sake of your families for the sake of your neighbors and friends.  If you are living in the Cleveland area right now with these numbers being 131.  As far as particle pollution.  Please do not go outside unless you are wearing either a breathing mask or some other breathing apparatus.  Please protect yourselves and your children.  I'm just asking you as a friend.

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things always to everyone.

Blessed be.

Air Quality


7:32 AM, EDT:

For the Cleveland, Akron, Lorain, Ohio area.  At this time, the particle pollution is in the red category at 123.  Meaning unhealthy for sensitive groups and just about everyone else.  And the ozone is at 31.  The temperature currently at 72° with 94% humidity.

So in other words, if you look outside right now, you would never know that the air is actually dangerous for you to bury.  But that's exactly what the red category says.  And it's been at 123 particle pollution for the last hour and a half.  And that's not good.  Because for someone like myself, where as I've said before, I don't have a real breathing problem.  But I do have this really severe and sensitive reaction regarding sinusitis to the pollution in the air.  And at 123.  Believe me, there is no way I am walking out of this house without a breathing mask on.

I cannot imagine what kind of weather dynamics are coming into play, whereby with so much rain in the area that the Cleveland area is having a pollution level that is in the red at 123.  That's 23 points above the moderately unhealthy category into the red.  And that's not good.

So obviously with this kind of condition going on.  I will definitely be doing their quality reports during the day.  I will be doing them either from my desktop computer or I will be doing them from my android phone.  But at the very least this is information that we the people of this country need to know.  I realize that the Republican Party and the tea party have as a result of their public statements said that they are comparing the EPA to nothing more than the Nazi movement during World War II and that there are even members of the Republican Party believed that members of the EPA should be put on trial and murdered because they hate the EPA and I realize also that there are fundamentalist Christians throughout the southern United States who believe that the best thing that should happen with the EPA is that all of the EPA installations all over the United States should in fact be blown up and that every member of the EPA should be publicly killed because they hate the EPA because there are creationist radio broadcasters who were saying that anyone who works for the EPA is working for Satan and that anyone who listens to the EPA will go to hell.  And I've heard them say that

So that being said, I understand that the tea party and the Republican Party hate the people of this country by their own position.  Because they don't want anyone in the country to know what the air quality is.  And you can see that very clearly.  Because the Republican Party has never voted in favor of protecting the American general public from air pollution they have always by their voting record basically told the American people to go to hell that they, the Republican Party are willing to die and to lay down their lives in defense of big business and the wealthy.  No matter how filthy our air is no matter how many children die.  No matter how many people get sick and drop dead on the pavement.  Because the Republican Party doesn't care and neither does the tea party.  And the reason they don't is because you can look at their voting record they can lie anyway they want.  They can tell all the lies they ever think they could ever tell.  But the fact is their voting record shows very clearly their hatred of the American general public, their hatred for the poor their hatred for anyone who is sick and their love of making the air in the United States asked dirty and as healthy as possible because they will never vote in favor of protecting any of the American general public.  Other than those who are white and Christian.  And those who have lots of money.  And those who own big corporations and are willing to give them lots of money.

Of course, if I'm wrong.  That means that the published voting record of the Republican Party and the tea party are lies.  And of course of that's true that means the United States government is guilty of lying to the American general public about the voting records of the members of Congress.  And we know that's not true.  Which means the voting record is true.  Which means the Republican Party are a bunch of dirty liars when they say they care about the American people, because their voting record clearly shows their hatred of and their contempt for the American general public.  Because they are refusing under any circumstances to clean up the air we breathe.  They don't give a damn how dirty the air is because if they did their voting record, which show it.  Which means as far as I'm concerned I would rather burn publicly.  I would rather be burned alive than ever to trust a Republican or anyone who is a tea party member, because their voting record clearly shows that they are nothing but liars.  And these people who are liars are in our government refusing to clean up our air.

And if that doesn't make you angry.  Then I just have to wonder.  I really have to wonder why it does not make you angry.  These cool and considerate men and women of the Republican Party took a public oath to protect and defend the American people.  And yet their voting record clearly shows they will never do that.  Because their voting record clearly shows that they have sworn a secret oath to protect and defend the rights of the right wing Christian extremists and to declare to the entire American general public that they, the Republican Party and the tea party hate everyone in this country.  They see you.  They hate your children's faces your father.  They hate your mother.  They hate you will you are a veteran they hate to a few are in the medical community may hate you if you are a police officer or a firefighter I list you are a white Christian, and they hate you, and they hate your children and they will never do anything to protect any of you.  Because the you.  Because their voting record is only going to go in favor of those with lots of money and who own big businesses and if you don't own a big business are you don't have lots of money to give them.  Then they hate you.  They hate you.  They want you to die.  They don't care about your children.  They don't care if you get sick their attitude is go to hell.  We the Republican Party you we will never vote to protect you.  Because we had you.

Of course, if I'm wrong, then their voting record would show that I am wrong and their voting record does not.  The tea party are using our taxpayer money.  They are stealing our money to use in a lawsuit of racial hatred against Pres. Obama their stealing our money and the Krista conservative extremists of the United States are helping them to do that.  Because they hate everyone in this country also they hate everyone they hate anyone who's not white and Christian.  They hate their wives they hate their daughters because they don't like women because the only thing they think women are good for is to be chained in the backyard like one of the domestic animals and to be beaten into submission.  Which is written in the charter of the American Baptist Congress.

So it's no problem.  I don't give it damn what any Republican says they are liars.  And they will be judged by God by Jesus Christ for the lies they are telling they claim to be praying to Jesus Christ.  When they hate every single type of person that Jesus died protecting.  And they may be able to lie to you or a lot of you or they may be able to lie their families.  They may be able to lie in church.  But God will be the final judge.  And just as Jesus Christ said they are Lord and Savior said anything you do to the least of all that God has made God will do to you and I dare any stupid bastard creationist radio talkshow host that challenge me in any venue they want.  Because within 10 minutes after I start talking.  That's stupid bastard creationist won't have a radio program.  They will be known like the liar and the blasphemer they are because they are committing blasphemy against God.  They are lying about God.  They are lying.  Because of their hatred of the American general public.  Because the Christian conservatives who are the extremists in the United States hate science they hate technology they hate education they hate public education they hate schools.  They hate gay Americans.  They hate poor Americans.  They hate Native Americans.  They hate black Americans.  They hate Chinese-Americans they hate Asian-Americans.  They hate Mexican-Americans they hate everyone who is not white and Christian.  And again, if you think I'm kidding.  Just look at the news over the past 10 years and then realize also that in the United States every year.  6.6 million women are beaten, raped or murdered.  And at 78% of those crimes being committed against women are being committed by pro-life Christians, most of whom are Republicans and tea party members.

So the air in Cleveland is filthy the air in Cleveland is unfit to breathe don't look to the Republican Party for any salvation don't look to the tea party for any salvation because they don't give a damn.  Ryan right now in Congress is drafting a bill to take away every bit of money from anyone on Social Security who is not white and Christian, or who is not a Republican.  Because he is demonizing the poor.  He is telling everyone throughout the entire country that the poor responsible for why the country's going broke that the wealthy have no responsibility in any of this, that the members of Congress making all the money they do art costing the country anything.  The military is not costing the money anything that the only people who are costing the country anything are the poor and those who need medical care and as far as he's concerned they shouldn't get any money because they don't deserve any money.  Because this is not.  They are country.  It is a Christian nation and he and the tea party members and the Republican Party will make a Christian nation and they will hold their Bible.  No matter how much blood drips from that Bible and they will kill every American in this country to prove to America that they are pro-life.  No matter how many bodies they have to stand on in order to do that.

Of course again.  If you think I'm wrong look at their voting record.  Bullshit walks and money talks.  Actions speak louder than words these people these cool considerate men and women can lie to you all they want.  But their voting record makes them.  The monsters.  They are because they have refused to protect the American people.  They have refused to protect the safety of the American general public.  Because when it comes to cleaning up our air.  They don't give a damn.  Because all that matters is their secret binding know where they have sworn to lay down their lives to protect and defend the wealthy and large corporations and the white Christian extremists of the United States.  They don't give a damn about the oath they took because the oath they took was to protect all Americans, and they will never do that they have never done that.

And of my grandfather and his contemporaries were alive today.  These dirty, filthy traitors to the United States who are are embodied in the Republican Party and the tea party these monsters would not be in public office.  Because my grandfather was a Republican of the people and for the people.  The Republicans today are Republicans for corporations for the wealthy for white Christians and to the rest of America.  They are saying and their attitude in position is screw you go to hell.  We don't care of your babies die.  We don't care of your children get sick.  We don't care of you die.  We want your money and we want you to go to hell because we are Republicans and we control this Congress and we are tea party members and we are going to take over this government.  And then we will kill all of you.  Because we hate you.  Because we only support those who are white and Christian and those with lots of money.  And those who have big corporations.  So we don't care how dirty the areas because that just means more of you will die sooner.  And we will get more money.  And that's what we care about.

I realize the foregoing may in fact be somewhat of an exaggeration.  And yet perhaps not.  Because their voting record clearly shows they don't give a damn about anyone because if they did in Cleveland, Ohio right now the pollution would not be 123 where it is dangerous for anyone to go outside.  Exxon did that mobile did that the energy companies did that the Republican Party's did that the tea party did that they did this they did it with their votes they did it by refusing to clean up our air they did it by making our air so dirty that we can't even go outside safely.  Because it is so dirty and filled with pollution and the Republican Party has done nothing to clean up the air the tea party has done nothing to clean up the air because they don't give a damn.

And I'm not angry.  Because of me.  Because I don't care if the Republican Party comes to my house with a gun.  I will step out on the front porch and I will not move.  I will run at their gun I have no problem dying in defense of the Constitution in defense of freedom and liberty for the people of this country.  I believe in the oath of being an American citizen to protect and defend the Constitution to support and protect and defend the American people with my life I have no problem dying on that account.  So the Republican Party wants to kill me for defending the Constitution.  I hope they go ahead and just come to my home.  Because I can't think of any better way of dying in this country as an American citizen been dying to protect the Constitution and the rights of all Americans when the Republican Party and the tea party are protecting only the large corporations the wealthy and the white Christians and telling everyone else in this country to go to hell because that's what they're doing.  That's why the air is so dirty.  Because the Republican Party and the tea party are doing nothing to clean up the air we breathe.  Because they don't care.  And if they do, where is the proof?

So it's 123, ladies and gentlemen, that's how dirty the air is in Cleveland right now.  Meaning that no one in Cleveland.  No human being in Cleveland should go outside without some kind of breathing mask or breathing apparatus because the air is filthy the area.  So dirty that it is unfit to breathe.  And you can thank the Republicans and the tea party and the large corporations for screwing us into the ground and making the air so dirty we can't even go outside safely.

And like I said, I dare any of the white Christian extremists of the Republican Party to say that I'm wrong.  I dare them to bring their documentation.  And I will bring mine.  Because long before these spoiled brat stupid bastards who are the Republican Party and the tea party ever became ass holes like they are real patriots to this nation.  Like my grandfather and his contemporaries were protecting the Constitution defending the Constitution and securing the rights and liberties of all Americans, not the wealthy not large corporations and not just white Christians.

Bullshit walks and money talks.  And I am not angry about these pollution numbers for me.  Because it's going to affect me.  I don't care, as far as my own life goes.  I'm angry because there are millions of American veterans and their children living in the Cleveland area.  There are millions of wonderful, hard-working Americans in the Cleveland area right now with their children who do not know these numbers and who think it is safe to go outside and they will get sick and the Republican Party and the tea party have done nothing to clean up that air not one damn thing.  Because if they did their voting record would show it.  And it does not.

That's why I'm angry.  Our veterans don't deserve to be treated this way are police officers do not deserve to be treated this way.  Our firefighters don't deserve it.  Neither do the EMS technicians neither did the very brave and courageous doctors and nurses who go outside to different crash scenes to save people's lives.  They don't deserve to have to breathe this kind of air.

That's why I'm angry the actions of the Republican Party and the tea party and the right wing Christian conservative extremists of the United States are nothing more than tantamount to mass murder.  That's why I'm angry.

We as an American people should do better.  Not because we think we should but because we can.  Our founding fathers did not come to this country in order to embrace the kind of religious oppression the religious suppression and the political and economic tyranny that the Republican Party and tea party and right wing Christian extremists are supporting and promoting that is documented fact all over this world.  The founding fathers and their wives and their children came to North America to escape the very same kind of tyrannical oppression and ugliness that the Republican Party and the tea party and the right wing Christian conservatives of the United States are sponsoring.  I know where I stand in all of this.  I stand on the side of the Constitution and the rights of all Americans to be free.  And I am willing to die on that account.  The question is

Where do you stand?

I send good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health, and all good things to everyone.

Blessed be.