To begin with. I think it's very important people understand that what I'm saying about my sister Mary and what happened to my mother is not only true but it is documented legally. Because it took to attorneys to induce my sister to finally be honest enough to explain, legally, why she lied to me and to the people and the Maschke family at my father's funeral. And I have copies of those legal documents in my possession.
So of my sister Mary attempts to lie to anyone saying that what I am claiming did not happen. That's up to her. But the fact is I have the legal documents to prove everything I have said. Which means if she says that it did not happen she is lying. Not only do I have statements from her attorneys at the time. But I have statements from my attorney who was handling the financial aspects of my mothers and fathers will.
So for anyone who wants to take my sisters side in all this. Please understand that you are taking the side of a liar. And if that's where you want to stand before God. That's up to you.
As I said, I do not hate my sister and I never have. I don't hate anyone. I don't hate anyone in the Maschke family. But my sister is done everything she possibly could to destroy my reputation and to lie about me and has done so for a number of years. And like I said, if she wants to lie about what happened at the funeral. That's up to her. But I have the legal documents proving that everything I have said is 100% true. So she really wants to go ahead and get into a kind of tug-of-war over this. I don't have a problem with that. She can bring her proof and how bring mine. And when I'm done talking, it will be clear who the liar is. And it won't be me.
It's important to understand that what I am saying here has 'nothing' to do with my love for my sister Mary. I love her now, as I always have. What this is about is my standing my ground. Meaning, that it's one thing when someone in one's family acts out in a mean fashion to one of the other family members. It's quite a different thing, when one of the family members 'lies' with the intention of discrediting, or denigrating one of the other family members. I love my mother (my adoptive mother). I love my (adoptive father), and always have and always will. But if I let any of them, 'lie' about me, for whatever reason. Then my life simply becomes much harder, and more complicated.
My mother and my sister Mary, are the ones who chose to draw the line in the sand. Not I. And while my love for the Maschke family, including Mary, will never decrease or go away. I can't forgive her for the lying she and my mother did. Not only on the account that the lie they told kept me from being able to see my father before he died. But the lying has caused irreparable damage to my life, in a number of ways.
Fair is fair. If my sister had even said just once that she was sorry. Which she did not. Perhaps things now, would be different. But, as I said, she has never said she was sorry. And consequently my life has become far more challenging and difficult as a result. I have never wanted anything 'from' the Maschke family other than to have the same feeling of pride and inclusion that any son would want from their family. And, for most of my life, be able to feel that pride has always either been complicated, and/or difficult, if not impossible.
In my daily prayers I always pray for my mother and father, my sister, and all the Maschkes, as my family. For whether or not I die from this earth, measuring up to their expectations. That does not means that I have not tried to do so. I have always tried to be a good person. Straight and true. I am not perfect. But I have always at the very least, tried my best. I pray to God that one day, the Maschke family will finally feel that I am good enough. As of yet, that also, has not happened.
And now, with my beloved Aileen on the other side of the veil. My promises and goals in life, are centered on my dedication to her, and to what we lived as, and what we did with out lives. So, as I have always said. My promises to my darling Aileen and to God come first. They have to. I am certain that those who understand will need no further clarification on this matter. Those who do not. Nothing I might ever say, will suffice.
I'm not responsible for the decisions that other people make in their lives about how they choose to present themselves or what they wish to say to others. I can only be responsible for my own life. And I take full responsibility for my life. I always have.
And I think that's just about all that needs to be said on this matter. However, I will be including this Journal entry and the changing of the guard, the previous Journal entry, on my page entitled, my inner self. Simply because I believe these pages are germane and pertinent to the concept of my inner self.
As I said earlier I was going to begin to get back to doing petitions. Which I have begun to do today. And I will continue doing that on a daily basis, spending 60 minutes per day on email. I'm not going to spend any more time than that. Because there are a number of things that I'm really trying to accomplish. And my priorities are clear. The first promise I made to my darling, Aileen was to protect and maintain our home. And that I am doing. My darling Aileen died protecting and defending this house. Our home. And in all likelihood I will do the same.
Currently, I am engaged in completing one of the projects that I have had to work on these last four years and it is slowly beginning to be completed. I also have other things that need to be done on the house, which I will be doing all during the summer. It's not only my responsibility as a good neighbor and as a homeowner. It's my responsibility to my darling, Aileen. And of course to God as well.
Tomorrow is going to be somewhat of a busy day because I have outside work that needs to be done so again, I will be spending 60 minutes on doing my email and that's all I will spend. As I work through the grief I am feeling for losing my wife. I am slowly making my way through that kind of darkness that so many millions and millions of others, are dealing with every single day. And I will never do any dishonor to anyone who is suffering the loss of someone they love by comparing what I'm going through to them. Because it would not only be unfair and truly an insult. But I don't believe under any circumstances that anything I have ever experienced in any way that could be considered negative can in any way compare with anything that millions and millions of amazing children and brilliant men and women are dealing with every single day. There's just no way I can compare myself to that. There is no way. I will compare myself to any of what they are dealing with. And I will as I've already said do my best every day at being simply, me
As I said I'm moving into that chapter of my life where I am as everyone in life is, on a spiritual journey. My spiritual journey is simply taking me into what I might consider to be new territory. And that's what I'm doing. I will be putting up my yearly Journal entry. When the first rose blooms, on Aileen's rose bush. I expect that to happen sometime during May. The rose bushes already getting to show signs of the awakening that happens during spring. So that Journal entry is definitely coming.
My decision to go off of white sugar has been probably one of the best decisions I have made in perhaps the last 15 years. Maybe more. For example, I read an article today in the news. Where was talking about the dangers of overuse of antibiotics. And that is why really believe the hand of God is involved in my life. Because since my operation in 1968. I haven't taken hardly any or very many antibiotics at all. And because no pain medication really works on me. I don't take any form of medication except aspirin. So that is yet another peculiarity of my physiology, whereby what many people in the world are actually dealing with because of overuse of antibiotics, does not apply to me. And I can only hope that the world population will take notice of that article. And what the medical community is beginning to understand regarding the overuse of antibiotics. Because the article is very clear in the dangers that continued overuse of antibiotics closes to human health.
Is not much else to report. I don't really feel that my voice, so my perspective is that important to the world, regarding human rights or politics. I don't believe very many people are paying attention to what I write. I don't really know why people read my Journal. Because nobody comments communicates I can only hope that most of the people who are reading my journal are supported. But I really don't have any idea of whether they are or not. Just like I don't have any idea whether I am acceptable to the Maschke family. All I know is that my grandmother always felt I was a member of the family and always treated me so just like my hand. Helen did. And of course when I die, it's not going to matter. Because at that point, the only thing that will matter is the disposition of my soul before God. And I don't have any problem going to God. I don't have any problem going before God. I've tried my best in this life to be a good person. People will judge me. However, they want. Because that's what people do. For my part, all I know is that God knows my heart and God knows my soul. And I am comfortable with that. I don't have any problem going to God. It doesn't matter. In all probability I have been a failure in the eyes of the Maschke family and for any of those failures are disappointments I can say with absolute certainty that I will be eternally sorry. But I can only do the best I can. I can't do any more than that. So if I am acceptable to the Maschke family. That is a good thing if I'm not then I will only hope that I am acceptable, at least to God. And I will believe in my heart and in my mind that when I die see my father. Meaning my adopted father and my adoptive mother just as I'm hoping I will see my darling, Aileen and I birth mother. That's what these years of my life are for. Nobody knows how long they are going to live unless they have some kind of terminal illness where they have been told, basically how long they have to live.
And so it will be. I shall live my life in accordance with promises to God, and my darling Aileen. And I will continue to support and write in this journal as one of the two "main" promises I made to my darling Aileen. With the first promise of course having been that I would maintain and protect our home.
I will have to continue this discussion, at a more convenient time. I have some things here at home that need my attention. I send all those who are reading this journal entry, good energy and high hopes for happiness, good health and all good things always.....
As I said, I have a busy day tomorrow. But I will write later....
Thanks for listening....